My lack of exercise and my refusal to care for my health has caused my DH to request that we go for Councilling

[QuintessentialShadow]

Ok,
I dont exercise, I am size 16 (borderline 18) and overweight. I sometimes treat myself to cake and ice cream, but usually eat quite healthily.

My posture is changing, it is an effort to get up from when I am sitting, I pant on the starecase, my knees hurt, as do my back and pelvis (had bad spd).

My lack of willingnes to do something about this, like go to the gym or swimming pool 3 times a week has caused my dh to request we go to councilling after nagging me weekly for 2 years.

He cannot understand I am not taking care of myself. He says he doesn't understand how it is possible to not love myself and life enough to exercise so that I ensure a long and healthy life for our family.

He imagines us being 50 and trekking in the alps, but at the rate I am going, I will not be fit for anything when I reach that age, and he fear I will have a stroke or a heart attack and instead of having a happy and healthy life, I turn him into my carer.

I dont know what to think.

Is my outlook really that bad?

I feel that if I now start exercising I am giving into his nagging. If I dont, he will be upset. But really, should I just bite the bullet and join the gym???

yes.

sorry -pressed post too soon. is there something else going on here? not sure why you have a block against some exercise, just to make your own quality of life better.

I think what you are describing in your outlook is pretty normal for a woman with children - very few of us have the time or enery to exercise 3 times a week - its not like you are obese, just normal size.

I dont think its very far for your dh to nag you like this, any lifestyle choices that you make should be your own choices - you shouldnt be made to feel guilty.

Are you happy with your weight/fitness?

Could you join a local salsa class or similar - some form of exercise that you would enjoy?

Why don't you try something like Curves, it is a lot more gentle but it gets the blood pumping.

I no longer have time to go to the gym, but I can find the time to do this.

I feel too unfit to go. I hate gyms. Everybody looks so perfect.

I get enough exercise in the summer, as we cycle a lot as a family.

I did go to the gym twice a week for a couple of weeks recently in an effort to try turn things around.
But it is so uncomfortable and scary, since I was little I get "hold" in my heart region when I start running, or exercising, it is not a new thing, I had it even as a teenager. Now I feel I am so unfit my heart is going to just pop. I am too scared to talk to my doctor.

Your weight is making you ill and it will only get worse

He is thinking of your health

Why NOT just go out for a 20 minute walk 3 times a week, in the morning or evening? You sound like you have his full support?

Is there a reason you want to make yourself ill?

Go to GP, explain problem, get some tests

Get all clear

Take up walking

'Giving in'?

It sounds like there's loads more to this than 'giving in' to 'nagging'. He sounds genuinely concerned for your wellbeing and the impact that has on your family.

If it was merely an issue of your size and shape, and you felt comfortable with yourself, I'd be the first to suggest you tell him to piss off. But since you say yourself that you have physical difficulties and your mobility is being affected then I can see his point. It sounds like he's suggesting couselling as a desperate measure, and I think from what you've said you've got nothing to lose by going along.

I don't necessarily think your outlook is that bad but if you're struggling to even get up from sitting then I do think you're at a stage where you need to take it seriously. What about a visit to the GP, together, to get an MOT and discuss where to start?

Your very lucky to have a dh who cares for enough to worry about your health. If it's an effort to get up and you are out of breath climbing stairs, then, yes, you have a problem.

Why are you so reluctant to help yourself? You don't need to join a gym. Perhaps incorporate daily walking into your lifestyle, healthy eating, etc.

I can understand his worries about your future together. What is your outlook?

you might feel like it is 'giving' in, but you will benefit ! i have noticed the weight creeping on and i hate it . but i know with a few small changes, it will start to come off and i will feel better

no booze during the week, black coffee with sweetex instead of tea with 2 sugars, no carbs after 6 pm, walk round the park with DD 3 times a week..

none of these are big deals

i won;t feel like i am depriving myself

and ultimately i will feel better

adn then i will feel more like going to teh gym again!

it is a vicious circle that is hard to get out of

I find this DVD really good - ten minute chunks of low-impact, gentle exercise. As one of the planet's least motivated individuals, even I can manage a section of this once a day, and it's gentle on my SPD.

I am not happy with my weight and fitness.

I did go for salsa classes last year, I was even cycling to and from. (without any "hold"), but DH said it was not enough, I should add 3 more sessions of cardiovascular exercise to that.

But it is not easy, as I am knackered in the evenings. Also, when I went for salsa classes, dh stayed with the kids, but he did not put them to sleep, so when I came home exhausted from cycling to and from 2 hours of dancing, they would still be up, and I had to start getting them to bed, and by the time I got them to sleep it was already nearly 10 pm, and it was a nightmare getting them up next day.

Yes, I think he may have a point. I am a size 28 (but over 6ft tall) and at least 5 stone overweight. For years I have suffered with sore knees, struggled to get up stairs, refused offers of weekend away because of my fear of not fitting in an airplane seat, refused offers of weekends away becuase of fear of being the fattest mum there, and basically did not want to do anything.

I was suffering from depression. Had some counselling but it made no real difference.
It took a good friend of mine to buy me a voucher for 11 sessions at our local pool for my birthday, with the agreement we would go together once a week and then have a cappucino in the cafe afterwards. (this friend is fit and a runner and likes exercise)
After Christmas I decided to swim twice or three times a week. My friend and I are hoping to take part in the Marie Curie Swimathon in our local pool.
In the meantime however, we have signed up to do the Playtex Breastcancer Moonwalk (half marathon powerwalk) because one of our friends has breastcancer. So now I do a 45 minute powerwalk 3 times a week and swim twice a week.
And I feel so much better I feel alive and it is the most wonderful feeling. I don't think I have lost any weight yet as I have only been this active for 2 weeks, and my knees and pelvis hurt, my back aches, and I still get out of puf when going up two flights of stairs to my ds's loft bedroom, but I don't care. I feel great, I feel healthier, and we have even booked two holidays, one for the may halfterm and one for the summer, during both of which I will for the first time ever do activities with the kids and go swimming with them instead of watching dh do it all.

Don't go to the gym if it does not appeal, but a walk at a nearby beautyspot, or swimming, or a gentle game of badminton witha friend could be a great way to start exercising.
Do what you enjoy, that way it is easy to stick to!

I don't think you should join the gym. Not yet. Unless you are motivated and keen and really, really want to do it.

If, like me, you aren't ready then it becomes a 'failure', something else to do but which you don't quite get round to.

Try to find some alternatives for now, just getting out every day for a walk helps - or if you can get out in your lunch hour if you work.

You sound very much lie where I'm at right now, but I've just frozen my gym membership as 6 months after having a baby I just can't be doing with it. It is also entangled with self-esteem issues. So am getting fat, and am painfully conscious of it. Like you, I need to find my motivation to do it for myself.

A weekly class at your local council's leisure centre might be a good place to start rather then forking out a fortune in gym fees. Don't look at it as 'giving in' to DH's nagging, but doing something positive for yourself. You'll feel better for it, for sure.

well done hipi, what a great example

Why doesn't he put them to bed?

It is not about giving in, or refusing exercisee, I have tried, I want to do an exercise regime that I want to do, at my own pace, so that I can enjoy it.

Like: one sessions swimming per week, one salsa class, one yoga class, and in addition maybe some time on the cross trainer prior to the yoga. But he says that is not good enough. I should do minimum of three session of hard cardiovascular exercise every week. And at the same time he is not willing to be with the kids so I can do it.

The result is, that as we cannot agree to let me do the type of exercise I want, I do nothign, and I feel bitter and upset.

get a dog and walk it before you eat in the morning

he sounds like a wonderful caring dh to me, listen to him

I think you're outlook may well be pretty dire if you can't walk up the stairs without panting to be honest but your size isn't extraordinary

your joints are probably hurting because of the lack of exercise

do it, take care of yourself- it's worth it in the long run

it doesn't have to be the gym there's loads out there, I have suffer from chronic pain in all my joints, arthritis and a spine which is stress fractured, missing bones but manage pilates, taichi and walking the dog.

Not everyone in a gym is super fit and healthy. I'm overweight and I trot along to mine 3 times a week. I hate all forms of organised sport, but I have found, to my amazement, that a 30 minute work out sets me up for the day. I have more energy and I'm far less stressed.

Go along to a local gym and have a look around, I swaer to you that not everyone there looks like a model!

Oh gosh, thread moved so fast, there were no replies when I started typing...

It sounds like you already do a bit of exercise anyway. Cycling sounds great.

If dh is so keen for you to exercise, tell him he has to put the dc to bed as it is a nightmare for you to deal with after you come in. If he is keen for you to exercise then he should be willing to help in this way

Hmm, saying that you feel that if you start exercising now you will be giving into his nagging sounds a bit like you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

By starting exercising you will be the one to benefit, but there are other ways of going about it than the gym (I hate the gym too!). Maybe just start encorporating some form of gentle exercise into every day, like walking or joining a class of yoga or dance or sometihng similar that you will enjoy.

You say you cycle a lot as a family in the summer, couldn't you do this all year round instead of just the summer? Go for bike rides at the weekend wither on your own or with the family, if you wrap up warm it really isn't that bad!

"I am too scared to talk to my doctor."

Frankly whether or not you exercise wouldn't bother me, but this statement does. There is a fear here which needs to be addressed, and counselling could help.

I think you and your husband need counselling for other reasons.

Ah, well, there is your trade-off! If DH pulls his fingers out and gets the kids to bed, you can have an evening to do your thing. Surely he can't honestly think he can get away with nagging but not supporting? . Chances are you'll enjoy it a whole lot more too.