My lack of exercise and my refusal to care for my health has caused my DH to request that we go for Councilling

[QuintessentialShadow]

Ok,
I dont exercise, I am size 16 (borderline 18) and overweight. I sometimes treat myself to cake and ice cream, but usually eat quite healthily.

My posture is changing, it is an effort to get up from when I am sitting, I pant on the starecase, my knees hurt, as do my back and pelvis (had bad spd).

My lack of willingnes to do something about this, like go to the gym or swimming pool 3 times a week has caused my dh to request we go to councilling after nagging me weekly for 2 years.

He cannot understand I am not taking care of myself. He says he doesn't understand how it is possible to not love myself and life enough to exercise so that I ensure a long and healthy life for our family.

He imagines us being 50 and trekking in the alps, but at the rate I am going, I will not be fit for anything when I reach that age, and he fear I will have a stroke or a heart attack and instead of having a happy and healthy life, I turn him into my carer.

I dont know what to think.

Is my outlook really that bad?

I feel that if I now start exercising I am giving into his nagging. If I dont, he will be upset. But really, should I just bite the bullet and join the gym???

aargh. must preview.

(And Zippi is svelte and energetic (even when bouncing off bus stops ) and bloody doesn't look 50! WOW!)

yesbut fgs sometiems caring means being tough

my h has lost 21 lbs since jan1.
he is a big guy( rugby phyaique) and has a chronic knee robelm that will requ=uire a knew replacemtns soon

BUT he has taken up the gym depite that and has gone form being able to do 3mins on the rower to half an hour he LOVES it and went out on sat and looks about 10 years younger( no exagg)
YET he had to decide to do it
i coudlnt have nagged him

caring doesn't equal bullying and nagging and being totally unsupportive. it also doesn't equal shooting down every suggestion qs made herself as "not good enough" and then undermining further by not having the kids asleep when she does try to do the exercise.

tough is one thing, advocating inappropriately rigorous exercise is another,

ah only read fist few posts

Bad fishie!

dh has a jaw line

in fact he looks realy good
even a drunk mate of his we passed (who was wearing a pink swimming hat and carrying flippers) shouted after him

" oi cods dh you haev lost weight"
dh i getting slightly boring ont he topic

[Ellbell I need to sponsor you re Moonwhalk can you email me a link? And what's with the blue stocking? Is it a kinky fetish??]

QuintessentialShadow - despite what some other posters have said, I don't think that your DH is trying to control you. I think he is genuinely concerned about you and, quite legitately, doesn't like the fact that you are obviously unfit.

However, he may not have tackled the issue in quite as tactful a way as you would have liked.

I would suggest that you bite the bullet, see your GP and ask him/her for advice on the best way to lose weight and regain fitness.

FWIW, I also work part-time from home and I make sure I do all school drop-offs and pick-ups on foot (or public transport, if the weather is bad) and I do all our shopping on foot (except for internet deliveries) and, believe me, with that I walk up to 10km a day. Keeps me very fit . I hate gyms and exercise programmes but I love walking.

I agree with Anna. I scanned back through the thread to try to find evidence of QS's DH being beastly enough to warrent some of the comments about him but I couldn't find any.

He may not be saying all the right things, giving all the right advice but none of us are pefect and he doesn't sound like the type of partner to refuse to compromise his routine so that QS can exercise, too, especially in view of fact that he wants her too so much.

i do look a lot younger than i did...thank you shiny

well sort of thanks yes i am so fit i bounce haha

my kids think i am fantastic i actually share my dds clothes barf

and the council gym is not intimidating at all most people are average or over weight or some indeed even use wheelchairs..it is a complete mixture

i am a bit boring on this topic

largely because i thought it was unachoevable given my old age

Shiny, I think it's stuff like "it is so hard to get started when the suggestions I have that I know I can stick with is turned down as "not good enough" or "but thats so little it is hardly a point"!"

But QS's post of Mon 04-Feb-08 08:36:03 sounds MUCH more positive .

I suppose so lapin. Agree those are unhelpful but not bullying. Mners do so adore to shriek about bullying don't they!

i hardly think anyone has "been" shrieking... mnetters do love to accuse others of stridency when they disagree...

fhs what is up with my blimmin typing today?

They do "shriek" about bullying though Bossykate. In general.

..but bk doesnt

Hi

Your first post makes me really sad - your husband sounds like he is just in love with you and wants the best for you and for him in your old age and for your kids now which is the most important thing.

Why can't you get a treadmill and walk on that whilst working - if I work at home I often take calls whilst sitting on a swiss ball - people think I am crazy but I have 4 grandparents - or rather don;t anymore as they all died young from strokes - so to me being fit is fighting against what is preprogrammed for me.

I work in the city 3 days a week and am on call the other 2 days, have 2 kids, DD is 7 and DS is 3 and I have to look after a reasonable sized house, do all the ironing, washing, cooking & cleaning as well as managing to go to the gym three or four times a week.

I could just about walk for 20 minutes without wanting to die when I started and now I regularly run 5 miles 3 times a week.

It is up to you to take control of this and start something and stick to it. Join a slimming club maybe and a local gym - they are far less scarey than private ones - full of all kinds of people - and to be honest I could probably fit in at a posh gym with the fit crowd but I look at people just starting - overweight or unfit people - and think how great they are for committing the time and the effort and starting a regime.

Whilst you are exercising think - I am going to be bloody fit and healthy, I am going to lead a full and active life and be around to enjoy my kids and their kids and my twilight years with DH!

Good Luck

Message withdrawn

I would agree with Anna - going to the gym is boring, and I think it is far more effective to incorporate exercise into your everyday life - I know it is difficult when you are time pressed, but if your DH is useless at looking after children if you are out in the evening, could he help more with household stuff so that you weren't so time pressed during the day so that you could do more walking?

Could you try one of those pedometer things where you work up to doing 10,000 steps a day?

get an ipod and listen to books

Hi QS - Haven't had time to read all the posts but just wanted to let you know my story as in same ways it's quite similar to yours. Sorry - this is very long!

At university I was a size 12, very healthy, rowed 6 days a week, cycled everywhere and ate loads, but the exercise kept the weight off. Then after university I stopped that level of exercise but kept eating the same amount of food, plus I worked a job with longs hours which meant I was tired and never up for any exercise. The weight kept creeping on and 4 years later I found that I was a size 18. Not only that, but I badly twisted my ankle and realised that the extra weight I was carrying prevented it from healing properly and I kept twisting it. And I had no energy so just sat on the sofa eating icecream and getting fatter.

In the new year, I realised that I needed to try something to fix it as I was miserable. I summoned up the courage to go to Weightwatchers, and also set myself a goal of doing a Race for Life 5km in June. I told my flatmate, so she could support me when it got tough, but didn't tell anyone else in case I failed!

Weightwatchers was great because there were other people there like me and I found it fairly easy to eat according to their plan. If I needed a snack I just made sure there were lots of cherry tomatoes, raw carrots and other things I liked in the fridge, but equally I didn't deny myself the occasional bit of choc etc. The thing I found was that I lost 6lbs in the first 3 weeks, and my chubby cheeks started to recede - it meant people noticed really quickly and commented on how well I was looking. That spurred me on to keep going - so in just 3 weeks I started to feel tonnes more confident and happy in myself.

The Race for Life has a training plan for novices which started with things like 1 min running, 2 mins walking for 20 mins 3x per week and then gradually built up over the weeks to be more running and for longer. I followed that programme and found that gradually my stamina built up and I enjoyed the challenge of just pushing myself that little bit further each time I went running.

The upshot was that in 6 months, I lost 2 stone, dropped to a size 14, and ended up completing 3 (!) 5km runs. I still don't know quite how I did it, other than by taking every day at a time and not beating myself up if I had a bad day. I don't generally have a lot of will power but I felt so rotten that I knew I needed to try. Having small goals like seeing if I could run for slightly longer than the previous session, ticking off the pounds each week at Weightwatchers etc. really helped. I would have failed if I had set too big a target straight off.

That was 6 years ago. I kept most of the weight off in all that time (put about half a stone back on gradually as I came off the diet and stopped worrying about food so much) and have ended up a size 14/16. The main difference for me is that I feel tonnes better in myself than I ever did, largely because of the sense of achievement that losing the weight and getting fitter gave me. I wear bikinis now, which I never did when I was a sporty size 12, because I'm comfortable in my skin!

Unfortunately I've now put all the weight back on, but that's cos I'm 7 months pregnant! I know after the baby that I will want to get back to where I was, and I know I'll be going back to Weightwatchers to help me with that.

My top tips are:

1. set a goal that you can bear in mind when you have a bad day but be realistic - don't say you'll do the marathon, pick a 5km run instead
2. start each day afresh, so if you've had a bad day just forget it and start again
3. start gradually and build up so that you can achieve small things quickly and see your progress. So don't start with the intention of doing 3 x 50 min hard CV exercise; start with 2 x 15 min runs and then gradullay add to that each week.
4. even a few pounds lost, and a few extra minutes running/swimming/walking makes a difference to how you feel, so celebrate and be proud of the small achievements!

Good luck!