Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Morning teasletinsel (cool name). I'm good thanks, a bit tired after getting up a bit earlier than normal but I am going to be productive today as we have lots to organise in the studio before christmas.

My lovely pal texted me this morning and asked if I was OK. I've been finding it quite hard to settle back in after our time away in Oz and I guess I've been avoiding company. SHe's so intuitive, she said I didn't "sound" like myself, even though we've only sent each other a few texts.

She is a psychiatrist though so I guess she's just very good at this sort of thing. She's also a member of AA and has a hearing loss so is the perfect kinda pal for just these sorts of situations. It's a bit spooky when someone appears to read your thoughts!

Nothing majorly wrong, just low grade annoyances (the weather and lack of bloody daylight!) that I know if I don't address will build up in my head. Oh there you go, I feel better already .

How are you doing teasletinsel?

oh I'm ok, getting on, you know.

Enjoyed the vit.B info- i take vit.B complex- have done for months. It is really important for heavy or habitual drinkers isn't it?
When I was drinking I went through a stage of taking milkthistle- as if it could actually offset the damage from a daily bottle of vodka. I suppose it was a token gesture of acknowledgement at the time.

Weather is crap here too. Dull and drizzly.

Not going to get yourself a Christmas name then Kokeshi?!

Thanks for everyone's welcomes - sorry, I really didn't mean to sound like I expected everyone to say hello to me! From what I've read on this thread everyone here seems so supportive and lovely and I feel very lucky to have found you!

HI Cindycat. Nice to have you posting. I often worry about how my posts are perceived, as I don't want to offend anyone.

teasletinsel - I feel the same, always worried about what people think of me and if I have offended anyone!It seems though that even after 2 nights of no booze I am still shouting at the kids as much, maybe that is just my personality, or maybe I will mellow in time (I hope!)

Glad you all enjoyed the marmite on toast. Hope everyone is having a good day.

I made it through last night.

Well done PurpleOne - we will all get there together I am sure!

Well done Purplone!

CL- I still lose my rag too, get down, get sad, and the rest of it, but I cope a hell of a lot better with everything in general, and I can think clearly now (well, nearly).

Shit still happens when I'm sober. It IS very up and down emotionally when you first stop though, just be gentle on yourself. Concentrate on all the positive stuff you're doing and be proud!

OOh, I'm all pepped up now

Brilliant PurpleOne! You're a legend. CL, the stressy feelings are quite normal when you first abstain from drinking as your nervous system go used to trying to function normally on a depressant. It adapts to the amount of alcohol (tolerance), as it's constantly striving to overcome these effects and function at optimum levels. When we take alcohol away, the compensatory effect is still there so instead of depressed we become hyper. Agitated, anxious and stressed. That 'jangly nerve' feeling will calm down after a while as your Central nervous system gets back to functioning how it should be. I've tried to de-jargon that as much as possible so I hope it makes a bit of sense!

Teasletinsel. I had a Christmas name last year, and then I later tried to find some posts I'd written in the middle of December and it irritated the hell out of me when I couldn't find them! MAybe I will, if anyone can suggest inspired?

Christmas-koke?
Or is it a bit too drug ref?!
Koke-mas?

Would it help if I told you that it was pronounce ko-kesh-i? On a similar drinking thread before one poster thought that it was pronounced coke-shy, and was a reference to the fact that I preferred the hard stuff. LOLOL.

For those who don't know what a kokeshi is, have a look on my profile

I remember my friend being given vit B horse pills to help a bit when she was trying to stop drinking.

I spoke to the breast care nurse this morning who said it may be worth giving the Vit B complex a go. It's supposed to be good for bc and for gut problems. Oh yes,and the booze!It's worth a try. I told the nurse a bit about my history and general abuse of alcohol, and she said that now was no time to be making lifestyle changes. So... if I feel like drinking gin in the morning, so be it. (I don't, and I don't think that will change!)

I recognise patterns about my drinking, that are just plain stupid and defy reason. My dad is and in my experience always has been, a control freak around food and drink, as though there is not going to be enough. It led to me eating what I didn't want to eat, and still I drink what I don't really want to drink. I find it so much easier when I let it go.

Anyway, on the drink front, I am pleased to say that I haven't been hammered for nearly 2 months! That for me is a record, apart from being pg! In fact, I haven't even been drunk.

I'm so impressed, it must be so hard to actively decide not to each day - it makes me want to quit right now.

The trouble with that is that straight after that feeling of "yes, tomorrow i won't drink" i start to panic. In fact on the days i have no alcohol in the house by about 5pm I'm more likely to get drunk as I'll have to go out to the offy or new tesco express & get something then drink it all far too quickly. If I have some wine in the fridge then at least sometimes I think "well, I could if I want to" but don't. It doesn't always work, but it does more often than trying not to have any temptation around. I was going to ask if anyone had any brilliant suggestions but then thought of a better question for me ... Do they sell willpower online these days?? As I seem to have misplaced mine. How do you do it???

Hi all, am annoyed with myself as I drank bottle and half of wine after work last night. Thats twice this week and I am supposed to be going to a xmas party on friday as well. Am really gutted, have also wasted my 'me' time this morning by sleeping. I should have been wrapping xmas presents while I had the chance. Kids both got to school on time and fed etc but I look a state!. Shall I let it ride over xmas and put the effort in for 2008?. I have put the wheels in motion for some big chances elsewhere in my life so it might be the best time.

Am going to start taking the vit b everyday, I have taken milkthistle for ten years now - my lfts have always been fine and even my ultrasound scan was clear. Google livercheck - they sell online blood tests for liver damage for £99. I just fessed up to doc though and it was free! Still waiting for counsellors appointment - will be new year I think.

mb, sorry that you are beating yourself up over this. Try to accept it as a set back and start today as a new day, with new goals.

Hello to everyone else, and I hope you're all doing OK

I had a couple of bottles of wine over the weekend, and again a whole bottle last night. Am wine free tonight though as I have blood tests in the morning, including glucose tolerance. I'm so bloody run down (the alcohol probably isn't helping) that I keep getting infections and thrush and I'm tired all the time.

cindycat...I'm sorry your DS has coeliac disease, it must be so hard to deal with it at that age. Do you go to your local Coeliac UK group. Ours do some lovely kids events. I was only diagnosed three years ago in Feb, and don't find it too bad. I did go on a gluten bender when I was in Belgium in October (it was either eat bread or starve over there), so that probably isn't helping my overall health. I think it will get harder for your DS when he is older and you have less inout into what he eats. Still, there are some good GF alternatives out there these days, and Sainsbury's even do a passable frozen GF pizza (made by dietary specials I think)

feels strange to be clear headed at this time of night.

I must to bed...I was told no food after 10pm. I don't usually eat this late, but because I've been told I can't have anything, I'm naturally ravenous

I'm off to see my mum on Friday, so will catch up with you ladies soon.

I'm a fine one to preach but I'll pass on a little bit of 'mantra' that a mate said to me tonight...(she's a bottle of voddie a day kinda girl)

Her words....'Caz, if you fancy a beer, then have a beer....just make it your little goal for today NOT TO GET PISSED'

'Just set yourself little goals, little baby step ACHIEVABLE goals that you can do on a daily basis and you will get there. Drink to enjoy it, don't abuse it and certainly do not get pissed'

Maybe I have one of those addictive personality type things...I really don't know, but I agree and I won't beat around...it is bloody hard. It's gone halfway through week two. I have partaken in a bottle of beer tonight, and enjoyed it immensely. It's just made me even more tired for now though!
The lack of beer has made me so much more productive though. I get up, get DD to school, housework, job...EVERYTHING, I have more energy. Even DD1 said tonight that I'm in a far better mood and the house is more organised. (and there's no empties around in the morning to piss her off either!)

Hope you all had a great day ladies...don't get too wet tomorrow. Going to be a grueller of a day weather wise. I'm off to bed now, am bushed. x x x

Thats not bad advice your friend gave - I assume I am an al or nothing girl but maybe to try to have 'just the one'??? I have never tried that. I always drink with the intention of getting drunk. Always. Had a bottle wine last night too and didnt even touch the sides! Went to bed to avoid hitting the baileys. Fine good today but a bit bloated.

Morning folks.

Ugh, have had a horrible D&V bug for the past two days. I just realised that I take for granted feeling well these days. I used to feel like shite all the time when I was drinking, I don't know how I managed it.

Cindycat, the thing about not having drink in the day is something I think you have to be ready for. I remember the feelings of sheer panic as it was getting closer to 10pm and I have no drink. It's all totally psychological though. I think it's that irrational fear that something terrible will happen if you remain sober. Honestly, this only really is a problem in the very early days. Once you've gone a few nights without drinking in a row, you'll see that in fact the world doesn't implode and you don't die etc etc. It's quite a sense of achievement to get to get there, and relatively speaking soesn't take that much time. Think of how many months or years you've beem feeling really ashamed and guilty the next morning when you've 'failed' again.

It is so much easier when you have support, though or some sort of distraction for the times when you would normally settle down for a drink. Many of us use AA meetings for both of these requirements.

I can't stress how important it is make changes to your routine, or else it will always be really difficult. The first part of it is stopping/controlling your drinking. The secone part (and believe the one that presents the biggest challenges) is staying stopped/in control.

It does a bit of hard work and honesty and don't be afraid to try some things and come back and say, you know what, that changing drink/times I drink/place I drink/amount I drink didn't work. It's a learning process and we can only do the best with what we've got at the time.

PurpleOne, glad you're feeling more productive, it's amazing isn't it. Oh and LOL at you taking advice about drinking sensibly from someone who drinks a bottle of vodka a night! Physician heal thyself!

Daisy, how did you get on at the doctors?

Monkeybutler, give yourself a break and just work on the day in hand. Like I said above, all these things we do are part of that journey, and if it brings you closer to a solution faster then it's no bad thing

Thanks K, the day is hand is working out well. Just finished xmas shopping. Only a minor glitch when DS weed in the lift at the toy shop. A nice glass sided lift which now has dribbles down it. He screamed all way home as its cold and he was getting chapped nuts bless him. Boring cleaning and present wrapping to do before 3pm, get DD from school, shower, make chilli for tea and then go to work till ten. There are 5 cans of beer in the fridge - not having them today.

morning all...just anyway.

mb, I hope you can avoid those beers.

I've now had two nights off in the last week, an like kokeshi says, i haven't imploded. and I feel so much better this morning; narky children not as difficult to deal with.

docs was fine kokeshi. I have a bacterial infection in my nose so have some squirty cream. I'm very run down as well, so some time off the booze will do me good. Went for blood test this morning for anaemia, diabetes, thyroid plus full blood count, and.....lft . Will find out next week.

I have had lots of lfts and ultrasounds on liver (as part of a general check ups for work/insurance etc) and everything been OK so far - you really have to batter yourself for a long time to develop any irreversable damage to your liver. Fatty liver is reversible and caused by lots more than booze. Good luck!

DHphoned to say he having a bad day at work - whats the betting those 5 beers wont even be there when I get home tonight!!

Hi everyone

I've been offline for a few days waiting for a router to turn up as my old modem wasn't compatible with Vista (in fact not much is compatible with Vista full stop).

I've only got 5 minutes before I need to dash off for the school run. I've only been away for 2 days but I have missed this thread soooo much.

Glad to see so many of us are still doing well. Good luck to everyone for another booze free day.

Kokeshi - hope you feel better soon. Poor you

Daisy - Hope all your tests go well. Sorry to hear you're still not feeling well either. Hopefully 1 more night without booze and you'll start to feel a bit better.

BaubleMOnkey! I missed you! Bloody Vista, it's shite. YOu know it's uses up 500mb of RAM just to sit there open!!!??? My laptop practically grinds to a halt when I have more than two tabs open. Welcome back!

I'm a bit pissed off by Vista Kokeshi. I had heard about compatibility issues, but I didn't expect 50% of my software to be affected. 500MB RAM, bloody hell!! I'd better tell EX-P that as he was thinking of upgrading to it, but I'm sure his PC only has 500MB installed.

Got to try and sort out my printer now. Fingers crossed there will be some kind of driver that I can download from HP to configure it.