Rock of 'gages cleft for me, let me hide my fruit in thee - 10/10 club, all welcome :o)

[TooTicky]

For anyone who wants a boost to their general health. The suggested goals are:

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Sorry, that came across as a bit strident Avi. I've just read it back.

I think all I'm trying to say is that as parents we control our children's lives to a lesser or greater degree, depending on our preference, and it is okay to say 'I am in control of this, and I am making up the rules.'

Just as you are completely entitled to do vis a vis your child's education. I sounded more critical than I meant to, and more personal.

Just catching up with you all. The sword thing sounds like pain in the arse game playing. We have a little of this with mil, but not to that extent. DD1 got dd a barbie for her 4th birthday when dp said no. He seems to be the one who has more rules about toys - he hates all the cheapo plastic tat, but mil says that's what children love - so xmas is always a bit tense.

Lionheart your full body armour suggestion made me lolol.

DDs are both ill. DD2 has overtaken dd1 though. The doctor says dd1 has scarletina, which is a milder form of scarlet fever - and she's much better now, just a bit grumpy and spotty - she's off school but hopefully will go back tomorrow. DD2 saw emergency doctor yesterday though with her croup again - but this time with high temp and floppy and wheezy. Had to go back again this morning - she has horrible chest infection now and is asleep. Got antibiotics but haven't been able to give her first dose as i'm slightly panicked after last time with the anaphyactic reaction. They've made sure it's a different type but it's still only the second time she's had medication so i'm nervous.

Poor DDs, Boco.

Haven't dared to switch computer on for a few days- too much I've been neglecting!
Am ROFL at the latent filth in the thread title- I pride myself on my revolting mind but that interpretation didn't even occur - must be slipping!
Boco, sorry to hear about ill dcs again. Does the scarlatina need antibiotics?
F&Z, I was very glad to read that the sword episode was sorted out. I love the relationship that's so evident between you and your ds, and I'm glad there's no longer a cloud over it.
And hello everyone else!
Sore tummy today as a result of massive indulgence yesterday, so have had banana, then gruel with cinnamon, cloves, apple and pear in an effort to get back on track.

Blimey, huge sympathies Boco! I find ill children very wearing.

I am grumpy and unpleasant. And busy with my dalek.

Now, the real test of reasoning/controlling principles is when they have their own money to spend. Does one allow them to spend as they choose? I sort of feel they should learn to make choices but I cannot stop myself intervening if they are looking at utter tat or hideously coloured sweets (ds1 bought one of those sweet guns on holiday and then so did dd1 and ds2. I wasn't quite happy until I had snuck the last one into the bin).
I find it all rather challenging. In fact, everything is challenging today. I am planning a smile or two later.

That's a hard one. We initially made ourselves unpopular by saying no sweets, and now they save to buy toys they really want, or paintboxes and suchlike.
Save me from having to google and tell me what a dalek is, and I'll think of a really rude joke to make you smile in exchange,TT...

I was meaning to ask you about that, Avi, but the thread moved on. What choices do you have for schooling?

Well is it Avi? Or should we just let them make informed choices about alcohol and class a drugs for themselves?

I'd go for control everytime, but probably by that time and age we just have to sit and hope.

What's your number 1, ideal world choice, Avi?

Well I think they can make a rational decision, they just in all probablility won't make the decision you want them to. There lies the rub. They will rationally decide, 'this is great fun, I can hit things with it and I feel very powerful and strong with this sword in my hand, I want to play with it.'

So therefore you control it because you want things to be a certain way.

This is going round in circles. You said it wasn't controlling behaviour to say no swords, I said yes it was, and that everyone is entitled to be controlling about it if they want to be that's all.

But you might as well accept that you are being controlling.

Sorry. Back to work, I must be annoying you, I know I'm annoying myself.

You may have to move house to get it, I imagine.
Do you know anyone locally who home educates?

My mother let me make up my mind about drugs and alcohol and boys from a pretty early age. So i lived in a caravan with my alcoholic drug taking schizophrenic boyfriend when i was 16. And at no point did she say come home now. But she said if you don't like it then you don't have to do it. And then i came home. It was a brave and risky approach and i will never be able to do that - i would do dragging. It kind of worked because i was always fairly sensible though.

I also think that parents who don't think they're controlling often can be but in less obvious ways, - they've adapted other techniques. My mum says 'do whatever you want. I just hope you don't die from it though.'

lol Boco. I have no idea what kind of a parent I'll be when it comes to those life and death scenarios.

Maybe the kind whose imagination goes into overdrive and wanders around looking perpetually white faced and stricken.

I think having others around doing a similar thing would make a huge difference, avi.

Yep, there are hundreds of points of contact.

I was thinking more about you, than your DS.

I don't know. I am a bit confused by a lot of this as it is very personal and immediate to me. And I had (have) an uber controlling mother and I just want to say that Avi, you are so not one. I felt that you had got things completely about face there 100. Otherwise I can accept all the different points of view (including all the other things you said 100) and I think they are very interesting and helpful, even if I don't agree with all of them.

Having had a very very controlling mother, I went completely berserk as soon as I had any possibility of freedom. Have spent the majority of my life drinking to anaesthetise the discomfort of being manipulated and not accepted. There is a middle ground. Yes I absolutely think one should let a young adult make an informed choice about drugs and alcohol - otherwise they will just make an uninformed one, whether you like it or not.

I know this has been discussed on here before, but I am already worrying about how to deal with drinking/smoking/drugs etc. without
a) making them all the more determined to have a go at these dreadful, forbidden and therefore exciting things
b) coming across as a complete hypocrite.

I have to say, my father was extremely cuntrolling and strict and my mother is very dominating - so the temptation was always to do exactly the opposite of what they prescribed.
However, I seem to have a Susan streak of basic sensibleness running through me like a stick of rock which has not prevented me from trying all manner of things but has protected me from doing anything to extremes and kept me from any harm.

Perhaps the boys will inherit the sensibleness