Rock of 'gages cleft for me, let me hide my fruit in thee - 10/10 club, all welcome :o)

[TooTicky]

For anyone who wants a boost to their general health. The suggested goals are:

EAT 10 PORTIONS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES EVERY DAY - if you don't usually eat much fruit and veg I would build up gradually or you could upset your digestion.

DO (AT LEAST) 10 MINUTES OF EXERCISE EVERY DAY - can be yoga, stretching or something more energetic. The plan is that the idea of doing 10 minutes is not too daunting, and having started you may well find you want to do more.

There are no restrictions on what you eat so long as you get your 10 fruit and veg as well. The focus is not on weight loss but on improving our energy levels and hopefully our general mood and well-being. Sign up below and post here to tell us how you're getting on and how you are feeling.

Basic guidance on what constitutes a portion of fruit and veg here and you can download more detailed information by following the link at the very bottom of the page.

Ach, you've all gone. I am alone again.

avi

no TooT I was going upstairs. I must go to bed though dp is trying to sleep and I am tapping

Hello. I am awake. Obviously. This is not the right time of day to be awake .

Neither is this. Well it would be if I had only just woken up.

Morning, Idris, do you usually get up so early?

I had no idea incogneato was HC.

Not normally as early as today...

It makes for a very long day, this early rising lark.

Are you alright Idris?

I am sorry for all that emotional purging last night. It was incredibly helpful and you are all so superbly supportive etc etc. Thank you. 100 I know exactly what you mean, it wasn't about the sword itself, it was about the fact she was going against what she knew I wanted. Just like your sweets thing.

Anyway, this morning ds came into my bed and said "I do love that sword" so I said " I know and I am happy Grandma bought you a present. You can play with it here, but you know me and Daddy don't feel happy having weapons, even pretend ones, in our house, so we are going to leave it at Grandma's so you can play with it when you come here. But I think it is nice for you to have new toys, and I know you are disappointed to have to leave this one behind, so when we get home I am going to buy you something else that you want, so you can have something new to play with at home as well."

Smiles all round. He has been after this for ages so I have agreed we can get it now instead of at Christmas. Hoorah.

still smiling at:

"I want some booby mummy, just a little bit, NOW"

this is why people teach their children to ask for num nums or minky or whatever

Hello again .

I am all right I think - have moved into feeling I have been up a bit too long, but feel OK.

I woke up just before DD (at 3am ) and then after she had settled at about 3:45 went back to bed and tossed and turned before getting up. Had the odd work thing on my mind. Did work related stuff between about 5:30 and 7. Am very fed up with work - not really its fualt but it is not helping my state of well being. Will do something about it.

Everything in this house keeps breaking down. Dishwasher, washing machine so far. What will be next? Washing machine is at least under guarantee.

Franny, I am glad you have smiles all round this morning. From what I have seen you post about her, your mother sounds determined to try and do things that are not what you want. I would also be horrified if a sword were bought for DS. I am lucky in that my mum wouldn't, but if anyone else did I would be .

OOH Franny,

What is it with manipulative controlling mothers? I am not sure why they want to interfere with your choices. I am so hoping I can follow your example and not be sucked into the same pattern with my DC's.

Boco,

any news on DD? Hope things are ok, and she is better.

Wombling oh god I DO get sucked into the same pattern - I have to battle against it a lot of the time with limited success.

This was one of the reasons why this pushes all my flipping buttons at once - when ds cries because I don't want him to have the sword, it makes me feel I am being the nasty controlling parent again It always feels exquisitely uncomfortable for me to have to stand firm on something like this - am I being reasonable parent setting boundaries? Or am I being mad controlling person?

Franny you also need to take a deep breath for the day ahead. I think it is all much more upsetting because it is your own mother, whereas I can look at my MIL claiming not to know that chocolate buttons are sweets and think she is a nutter, without it seeming so personal ifyswim. In that I don't care one little bit what she thinks of my parenting choices.

However, it is also okay. Your decision not to have weapons isn't part of the norm is it, so she's just banging up against that because she finds it annoying. She hasn't driven a wedge between you and ds AT ALL. He's your son and he knows you have The Say in all these things - I spend my entire life denying my dcs things, it is a perfectly normal thing to do, and I know perfectly well that they don't hate me for it. It is expected and all part of the tedium of their lives.

Be calm, be polite and the tiniest bit patronising. Be Big. You have the last word - which is always nice I find.

listen to the wise 100x Franny, she speaks sense

Oh golly thank you.

I was just thinking that you are being controlling, yes, but that is what this parenting lark is all about isn't it? I used to feel bad and question myself about the fact that we didn't have any Play Stations etc because ds1 doesn't have many friends and any we managed to get into our house, always seemed a bit bored. But then I thought, we all draw a line somewhere based on what we feel is right don't we? So I'd rather my children played imaginatively for as long as possible, and made up plays and read books etc rather than looking at screens.

And for his last birthday we bought one, which seemed about right to me.

I have fought off my MIL with her x-boxes for years.

Also, the sword thing requires a partner and your mother will rue the day when all she has to defend herself with

against an exurberant four year old, is a plastic dagger (unless she invests in full body armour).

And you can sit back with an "I told you so" look because those sword things really sting.

"But then I thought, we all draw a line somewhere based on what we feel is right don't we? So I'd rather my children played imaginatively for as long as possible, and made up plays and read books etc rather than looking at screens."

hear hear I completely appreciate what you are saying 100

This morning she has given him a belt to put the dagger and sword in and she is taking photos and saying "look how straight he is standing like a soldier". So tbh I think she is taking the piss again. She said "you are being very kind to me about this" and I said "Yes I AM, but I would not like anything like this to EVER happen again". She said "oh no no no I will never ever definitely never do it again" and I said "I don't mean buying him another sword, I mean anything like this happening again,

and LOL dp said this morning "last night I dreamt you had brought the computer into the bedroom while I was asleep and I could hear you going on MN. How funny."

F&Z would it be entirely inappropriate for me to say ''you stick to your guns, mate ''

I have had similar battles with my mum (who generally I adore) over sweets.

Now we are a sweetie-eating household - they are allowed some sweets sometimes or on a weekend.
But my mum turns up every week with enough sweeties to turn a class of 30 kids into sugar junkies. Every week she gives them straight to the children and says to me in a faux-guilty-arne't-I-naughty way ''oh, I hope you don't mind, I've brought them a little treat. That's grandma's perogative''.

Every week I say ''we still have 15lbs of crap left over from last week mum. Please will you not buy any more, the children don't need any more sweeties. please. There are not hours in the day enough for anyone to consume this much crap, let alone 2 boys who are not allowed sweets every day... Please do not buy anymore. ''

And every week she turns up again with the sweets....

I have actually been throwing sweets out!

And I wouldn't mind so much if it was nice chocolate but they are usually utterly crap market stall sweets and one of my children has serious tooth enamel problems!

Oh, you just reminded me, the latest joy was a plastic gun which 'fired' sweetie pellets out into your mouth

My children were a bit shame-faced about that one, as they had chosen it in my absence but handed it over when they got home....

Avi it is probably a question of semantics. But yes, of course it is controlling, absolutely, she is controlling what her ds plays with and how she wants him to play, and how she wants him to think about the world around him. She is filtering out things she thinks are unsuitable, I think that is controlling. He isn't being left to work it out for himself, which is fair enough.

Just as I have been controlling about play stations etc. You can dress it up in reasonable languge, but ultimately you are laying down a law because you are in charge and you wish to control certain things.
What she is saying is actually a conflation of both your arguments. She is saying
'I don't want you to have them because they are representations of weapons that people use to kill each other and that not something that should be reduced to the level of a game' (non-controlling reasoned argument). AND I AM YOUR MOTHER AND I SAY SO and we are leaving the sword at grandma' house.' controlling.

I don't see the virtue in pretending it isn't controlling behaviour. I don't get mothers who say 'I'm not controlling, I am reasoning'. It's rubbish. You Avi are being uber controlling of your ds by saying you are going to HE 'by default' apparantly, before you've even given school a crack. That is controlling behaviour too, in my opinion.

I don't think you shouldn't do it, but I think you should accept that all of this stuff is an effort to control your ds's life in a way that best suits your philosophies. Otherwise you'd throw him out into the world and work out what to do with what came home each day.