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Original poster

Do you ever feel like ending it all?

322 replies

ohdear · 05/09/2004 00:39

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KateandtheGirls · 07/09/2004 21:15

Ohdear, Mummytosteven said it perfectly, better than I could have dooe.

"part of the depression is a feeling of utter hopelessness - that doesn't mean the reality is utter hopelessness."

That is the point. Once your doctor starts helping you overcome the depression, that feeling will lift. It doesn't mean all the bad things in your life will go away, but you will be able to deal with them better.

funkydiva · 07/09/2004 21:18

Ohdear, I hope you are ok,please listen to the excellent advice you have been given here xxx

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 21:24

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spook · 07/09/2004 21:28

Ohdear.When you are depressed as you so obviously are you can't take anything on.Everything seems so utterly desperate because you haven't got the strength to face it. You are poorly in exactly the same way as if you had flu. You would go to the doctors and get help for that-depression is EXACTLY the same. No stigma,no shame. Just poorly-pure and simple. When I was finally diagnosed AD's my GP said it would be easier to put them in the drinking water. It is NOTHING to be ashamed of but you need help to get better. And when you do, all these daily uphill struggles you have-you are barely treading water at the moment-will still be hard but you will be strong enough and hopeful enough to face them head on and deal with one thing at a time. You'll be ticking them off your list. And realising that actually,you ARE a gorgeous loving mother and you CAN get through life without being pulled under. Sweetheart you must realise that life is not hopeless-it's how you're dealing with it that is hard and you need some help. I can't do things on my own. Never could. I have used up every ounce of friendship and help on offer over the last few months. Thank God I did. Because I wouldn't be here now and that would be a crying shame. I've just have the biggest warmest most loving hug off my 7 year old. What would he do if I wasn't there for that hug?? He would wonder for the rest of his life where he went wrong. The very fact that you are posting on mumsnet proves what a wonderful person you are. You done the hardest bit by acknowledging how desperate you are. Now start looking for some allies. BIG HUGS {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 21:38

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MummyToSteven · 07/09/2004 21:42

easiest way for you to get MN allies, is I am afraid, for you to unmask yourself. Think about it.

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 21:45

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Chinchilla · 07/09/2004 21:45

The main thing about depression is that you cannot see it ever being better. The thing is that it DOES get better, it just takes time. I know that is not much help now, but hang on in there. Where do you live?

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 21:47

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Chinchilla · 07/09/2004 21:47

'I'm not worth it' - another depression comment. Did you see my earlier post where I said that I always thought that no-one liked me? Classic comment...of course you ARE worth worrying about. You have children who love you totally.

Chinchilla · 07/09/2004 21:48

The reason I asked is that there must be a MNer who is local to you, and maybe you could get together with one/some of them?

MummyToSteven · 07/09/2004 21:48

of course you blimming well are! forget what your parents/people at school/ex have said to you that make you think you are not worth it. They had their own agenda - be it selfishness, or their own way of dealing with their inadequacies. Would we have read and continued posting on this thread if we didn't think you were worth it, and just wanted to stick our heads in the sand. (Whilst feelings of worthlessness are also part of depression, I would be very surprised if these hadn't been sparked off by negative life experiences).

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 21:56

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Chinchilla · 07/09/2004 22:03

The thing (I have discovered) is not to let new friends see that side of you. I always put a face on my insecurities, and try to be myself without the 'please like me' t-shirt. I have found that people are attracted to self-confidence (however acted this might be). I have made many Mother & Toddler friends this way, who have gone on to be better friends and who I hope to still see when ds starts school. When I said to my sister, 'I feel very lucky to have people who want to spend time with me (and ds)', she actually said, 'No, you worked hard to get those friends, you deserve them.'

What I am trying to say is that I would be surprised if all the people you know feel the same as you deep down, and are putting on a face. Not many people are as confident as they seem. Many are lonely, as was I. I am not putting you down, as depression is a massive thing to overcome. Just believe in yourself a little, or if you can't appear to. I am SURE that many many people like you, you just cannot see it at the moment.

Chinchilla · 07/09/2004 22:04

'Would NOT be surprised'

MummyToSteven · 07/09/2004 22:04

the reason you don't think anyone will want to be your friend is for whatever reason I suspect you came out of childhood/school without confidence in yourself that you were wonderful and lovable as you are. A CBT therapist would get you to talk through why you feel you don't deserve any friends, and get you to realise why this just isn't true. It's so easy to fall into the trap of defining yourself by the way others relate to you, and being desperate for others' approval.

MummyToSteven · 07/09/2004 22:08

another part of depression/low self-esteem is thinking that everyone else has this wonderful happy family and loads of friends and is happy and it is only you that feels like this, and this is due to some defect in your character or personality. Look how many people on this thread alone have been depressed and scared what people think of them. E.g. I went to the MN Summer Party and was absolutely overwhelmed by meeting so many new people at once that I sort of shut down a bit, and only really had proper conversations with a few people.

I think you really would benefit from seeing a very good CBT therapist to get you to learn how to value and think for yourself, as well as taking ADs.

Chinchilla · 07/09/2004 22:11

God yes, the 'Why is so and so so pretty/attractive/happily married' syndrome. That woman is probably at home crying too because someone else is clever and well-paid.

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 22:18

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Branster · 07/09/2004 22:26

ohdear, I've meant to post earlier but felt there was no more I could add to all this wonderful advice and support you have received on this thread.

I wish I could make it all good for you in an instant...

You really need to talk to someone about all these issues you are coming accross. Face to face I mean, someone who would listen and perhaps give practical advice or moral support. A memeber of your family, a neighbour, a coleague at work, a priest, local CAB. You need to seek help for things that need doing and you can't get around to doing them. You're not superman, you cannot possibly deal with everything on your own. I don't know what the exact nature of your problems is, but you need to re-energise, need a positive input from someone you feel open towards. Life goes up and down, it can only get so low then it has to go up again and it will deffinetly do so in your case too.

Do try and ask for help from other people you know, or organisations (have you phoned homestart to see if they know of any similar organisations local to you?)who can help.

First of all you need to re-gain the will to carry on. Maybe a professional approach on this would help.

Set a goal for yourself (however small, like I'll soleve a puzzle every evening or I'll run 15min every morning, or in 12 months I'd have learned the basics of a new language etc. whatever it is, but make it achievable and enjoyable and it has to be for your own fullfilment)

Ask for help whilst solving your problems, even if you don't feel like it because you're too shy or to proud. A group victory is better than a personal failure.

It will get better, I promise you. I want you to wake up in the morning because there is something you can do to make a difference (however small, even watering a plant is making a difference just as is looking after your children or saving lives) Enjoy the small things and you'll grow to find there is much more to be happy about. There is so much around us to make you happy. Please do not feel defeated. We're here for you and want you to be happy.

XXX

MummyToSteven · 07/09/2004 22:26

we all need to hide it to a greater or lesser extent in RL. but there is a time and place not to hide it - the doctor/counsellor/therapist etc. Sometimes you just have to sit there and let it flood out. Ideally if you have one or two good RL friends/family members that see most of the unhappy side of you and accept you as you are that can balance off the pretence to the rest of the world

lou33 · 07/09/2004 22:27

You infer that relations between you and your h are not good, and he rarely sees the children. They would end up living with him if you did anything rash, most likely. Do you think their life would be better or worse as a result? I'm not attacking you at all, I am just curious to hear your response.

Original poster
ohdear · 07/09/2004 22:28

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lou33 · 07/09/2004 22:29

Wrt why people want to be friends with you, because we like you, and care about you!

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ohdear · 07/09/2004 22:30

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