Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Purple..

I've emailed you..

No-one is dissapointed with you (apart from yourself maybe)you slipped,but that was yesterday and today is a brand new day..dust yourself off and see this as day 1..and no-one at your meeting with think bad of you-hell you know that.

THIS IS BLOODY HARD-I know,I'm there with you.I'm taking it hour by hour and the evenings minute by minute (my drinking time).

I've got a meeting tonight and I'm glad as I can feel that little voice saying "just have a few tonight-it will be ok"

Strength Purple and don't be beating yourself today.

Hope everyone else is OK.

Lovely post, gfc.
Hope you have a good meeting tonight.
How is everyone else?

Hi Purple,dont beat yourself up. You have still made the biggest step og your drinking 'career' by admitting you have a problem. No amount of 'slips' will take that away from you. I dont often quote my mother but she did once tell me that everything that is worthwhile is hard to do. Getting drunk is so easy to do but staying sober if horrendously hard and SO worthwhile. I hope you get to a meeting, maybe get a contact you can speak to when things are too much for you.

I drank on Friday night but have not even thought of it this week. Maybe I can commit to weekends only, who kknows, its a learning curve but I am painfully aware I may be kidding myself. xx

Oh Purple, first of all thanks for being honest. No-one on here will be disappointed, nor at the meeting. I prefer to think of my relapses as instrumental to my acceptance that I am an alcoholic, rather than slip ups that put me back to square 1.

Just get back to a meeting as soon as possible and tell someone there what has happened. Could you phone someone from AA today.

Kokeshi had some wise words for me when I relapsed so hopefully she'll be on soon to share them with you too.

I'll add you to my MSN and drop you a line so you've got mine as well. I don't use it to chat in real time anymore though.

MonkeyButler, let us know how you get on. I think you're right, it is a learning curve and you won't know if you're kidding yourself or not unless you try. If it doesn't work out though, don't be too proud to admit it.

GFC and everyone else ? good luck for a sober day today

Hi folks, it's true that no one will feel as bad about your replase as you do yourself, so don't be ashamed to come on here.

It was good to talk with PurpleOne on msn last night and I think between us we worked out how we could really "beef up" her recovery. I think the biggest mistake we all make at the beginning is minimising the problem, seeing it as a "weakness", rather than an illness and trying to "beat it".

BrassicMonkey is right, each relapse helps you to better understand the enormity of the problem. We are told to go to many meetings, keep sober company, don't lift the first drink, take it a day at a time, stay out of pubs and clubs and pick up the phone if we're struggling because thousands of men and women before us have tried all the other ways. These are tried and tested suggestion which will get you through the difficult days.

We all have to be prepared to make significant changes to our lives in recovery. "Have measures availed us nothing". There are two outcomes with Alcoholism if left untreated : insanity or death. I know people who didn't give recovery their best shot and this is what will happen. It's not scaremongering, it's reality.

I believe that you had to learn something last night, even admitting to yourself that you may not be able to go back to "social drinking", that you are indeed like those of us who're a wee bit further along in our recovery. I know this is hard. The last thing I wanted to do at 25 was spend my evenings with a bunch of alkies. I can laugh at myself now, because I was deluded, ashamed and fearful that I couldn't cope without my crutch. The insanity was it was slowly taking everything away from me and I still couldn't see it.

I'm glad we had a chat last night PurpleOne and it seemed like you were a bit more willing to give this thing a go. If you really want it, it's there for the taking.

HI all,
I think one of my mistakes when I was initially coming to terms with my drink problem was that I wouldn't tell anyone, or post on here when I was struggling or relapsing, I would relapse back into secrecy and isolation.

What I should have done is contact others, communicate about it.
So...what I suppose I am trying to say is, well done anyone who is able to post honestly about struggling. Keeping it to yourself is unhealthy, and is characteristic of alcoholism anyway.

Sometimes when I am having a bad day I just want to stay in and hide from everyone, but nowadays I know that isn't good for me.

hope you are all having a good night

VEry true teasle, and I also know the times that I don't want to go to meetings or talk to people are the very times i should.

Where is everyone tonight? PurpleOne, how are you doing? Are you going to get to that meeting tomorrow?

just got back from a meeting-was a bit different to my last one,but came away with a few numbers and had some nice chats.

Hope you are ok Purple...really do

Hi everyone.

Should've posted earlier but in truth, I was hiding for a while. Got away from the PC association and went and read a book. Going to have a bath and go to bed soon.

I will be going to the Barking meeting tomorrow. Glad your meeting went well gfc and thanks for the chat last night kokeshi...it was nice to meet you!

Sleep well everyone and have a good day tomorrow x x

Hi gfc, all meetings are different: some will appeal to you more than others, so it's important to keep going to diferent ones to see for yourself. It's fine if one isn't for you though. How are you in yourself today?

PurpleOne, well done for being pro-active, I was worried you were hiding for another reason! I hope the meeting goes well for you tomorrow. How are you feeling today with the physical stuff?

Hi, sorry for only posting randomly, and when I do it's all about me me me.
My drinking seems to be getting worse, but it's strange in the fact that it's not when I'm feeling down or depressed, I don't drink so much in those times. As far as I can see my drinking is in place of a social life, I hardly ever talk to anyone, my partner isn't a great talker, he never talks about anything important. I have my sis but we just tend to go over old ground. What I think I am really desperate for is friends, does anyone have any ideas? I just feel so alone all the time, if I had a social life and friends, I am honestly sure that I wouldn't drink so much (alone anyway).
I am just so far into my head that I can't see a way of remedying this.

I am just so lonely and feel apart from other Mums I see, like they are perfect and I am just some kind of complete fuck up who doesn't deserve or want her kids.

Hi Havalina and welcome!. dont worry about just posting, its what most of us did in the first place anyway. You sound very sad. I have felt the exact same way sometimes. I often used to feel 'different' to the other mums, like they had been given a rule book and I hadnt received my copy. I took every comment everyone made so personally and felt it was a judgement on my mothering skills. I have since found out that this is a classice symptom of PND but on reflection I have always felt that about myself. That I am different and a 'lesser' person than everybody else. I have had some therapy to sort this out and the understanding that my self esteem is quite low has helped. Women tend to beat themselves up over there own perceived inadequacies. We are too fat too thin too strict too undisciplined too blonde too dark too ugly too nice too horrid etc etc. Give a woman a compliment and she can turn it into a negative. For some of us the only way to calm a troubled mind is self medication.

Maybe a further understanding of your underlying 'issues' would help you?. We all have these thoughts and all of us deal with them in different ways, you have just stumbled upon the same crutch we all use on this thread!. All of us are trying to find other coping methods that dont destroy us at the same time. Good luck. XX

HI havalina, sorry you're having a rough time. I know it's easy to withdraw into yourself and isolate, especially when you don't have people to talk to. How about asking one of the mums you meet in the playground for a coffee?

I think we all get into ruts like this and sometimes it just takes a wee bit of courage to speak to someone, maybe a friendly face you've seen around?

How often do you drink? Do you feel like it's becoming a bigger problem for you than you can manage? Keep talking on here though.

Monkeybutler's advice was spot on too.

How's everyone else doing today?

Hi Havalina

Your post has really struck a chord with me. I have the same need for company and I'm really crap at making friends. I see the other mums chatting in the playground and think 'how do they do that?'. It's as if they've known one another for years and they are chatting about their husbands, Christmas, holidays etc...as if they really are mates. All I can ever manage is 'hello, how are you? I'm fine, thanks. See you tomorrow'. It's a mystery to me how people get beyond the formalities and aquaintances turn into friends. Sorry, I'm not being very helpful, am I?

It might feel like you're filling a hole with drink, but you're not - you're creating an even bigger hole if anything. At the end of my drinking I used to sit at my computer, completely pissed, having conversations with pics of people. I was so desperately lonely and the drink amplified that feeling.

My DS's dad is a crap conversationalist as well. If we do chat it will be about what happened on a TV show that I didn't even watch, or he'll talk about work which is very boring for me. I haven't picked up the phone to a mate in months and am worried about how to explain why I was so busy.

Sorry, I'm waffling now, but wanted you to know that I feel the same way.

Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself? I know it's not the same as having real life mates, but I think of the people on this thread as being my friends now. They certainly know more about me than anyone in my real life does anyway.

Don't worry about only posting occasionally and about your posts being all about you. I think we all post primarily because it helps us. If you're being selfish then so am I.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Hi to everyone else. Off for a bath now as I'm still in pyjamas. DS is off of school again with a really bad cold and we've spent the day curled up under a blanket on the sofa. I suppose I should be doing something a bit more productive now that his dad is home and has taken my position on the sofa.

How is everyone else?

Hi all tonight!

Havalina - can ditto what BM said about the friends thing. I'm a very solitary person (not by choice) and thought that drink would make me feel better. It didn't. oh, and BTW, welcome! ) Hope your okay tonight?

Kokeshi - yes I went to my meeting today and I grabbed a little resolve from them today. Just a little bit more strength to keep going... I may slip up from time to time, But I have to recognise this for what it is. It isn't enjoyable anymore-it's an addiction. I'm going to another meeting on Thursday.

gfc - where are you? How's your day been? To keep a little focus from 'alcohol' tonight, I picked up an old cross stitch that had been sat in my drawer for 4 YEARS! That did keep me busy, until the dc's started yelling at each other and scattered my cottons everywhere! ;o)

Hi to all the rest of you on the board too - hope you all had a good day? Rest well everyone.
I'm not feeling as cold as I did at the weekend, am just taking it each day at a time, every minute is precious x x

PurpleOne, have been thinking about you today. I'm so pleased you got to your meeting and got the wee bit of resolve you needed. Well done!!

I'm going to bite the bullet here and jump in with my usual (sort of) posting name.

It's CalaLily here

I've been lurking, but usually when logged on as me, and haven't logged out then logged back in again; easier to say nothing.

so, I've come out of the woodwork as it were and this is me. and I promise I'll post regularly as me from now on. Since my first posts on here I think I've managed one sober night, and maybe a couple where I've had just the one glass of wine.

I promised my DH I wouldn't drink any more after my Sunday night bottle was finished (early last night so I moved on to his Jameson's .

I was determined to be sober tonight, but the thought of an evening without alcohol scares the pants off me, so I bundled the DCs into the car at 6:30 and drove to the local shop, on the pretext of getting some cheese for DSs lunch tmorrow, but actually for a bottle of wine.

I know this has to stop, but I don't know how to do it. DH isn't here through the week, although he is at the end of the phone.

Going through some horrible stuff at the moment as well, as my dear mum is in end stage lung cancer and I'm 250 miles removed from her and the rest of my family. I was up there for a week and a half, but came home last Wednesday an since then she has gotten much much worse.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be seeing the psychiatrist about my PND, but he told me last time I was there I needed to stop drinking in order to get the full effect of the tablets, so I'm going to phone in the morning and cancel as I can't face telling him the truth.

I've nearly finished the bottle of wine, and am feeling drunk (I didn't have any dinner) and feeling quite disgusted with myself.

I know it will be hard to deal with the kids in the morning, but I can't stop this; I don't kow how to stop this. Well I suppose I do, but like lots on here the thought of never havoing a drink EVER again is quite scary; it's my crutch and is central to most events in my life.

I do have some really supportive friends around here though, in the (weekday) absence of my lovely DH. Not sure I could share this with them though.

Shite, sorry to rant...I'm off to pour the last half glass away so it isn't there tomorrow.

Hi havelina....where are you in the world? I'd talk to you if you were in my playground ; I've only been doing the pick up since April and felt that all the other mums knew each other really well. I've got a few that I talk to now though and one who is becoming a friend as my DS and hers are really friendly, but it is bloody hard.

Kokeshi, your posts are truly inspiring. You have so much ggod advice for everyone on here, and BM good for you for getting this far. Purpleone, I hope you are doing OK.

hi DaisyNightingale, welcome back to the thread. What a horrible time you're having. I don't think you should beat yourself up for drinking at the moment, you're obviously going through so much. I'm so sorry about your mother, I can't even imagine how hard that would be.

Is there anyway you could go to the psych tomorrow and tell him how difficult you're finding it to give up drinking, and that you think it may be a problem in itself? I do think it is worthwhile being honest instead of cancelling, because he may be able to get you some specific help for your drink problem. I don't know how easy he is to talk to but any decent psychiatrist should know that once drinking has reached this level, it's not as simple as the patient just stopping by themselves.

You said you don't know how to stop, well the first stage in dealing with our drink problem is to be honest about it. As long as it's a secret then you can continue to minimise it to yourself. I know it's scary to admit to it, and you'll be scared of losing your crutch, but believe me, once you've reached the stage you're at, it's unlikely you will return to normal drinking.

All of us have been in your place, some more recently than others so please stay with us and keep talking about it. Know that we won't judge, but hopefully we'll be able to help you find a solution. It's so worth it to meet this head on. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and will take everything from you if you let it.

Well done for posting on here and using your normal name. That must have been a big deal for you. Keep posting.

HI Daisynightingale. What an awful time you are having. I do rely on Kokeshi to come along say stuff to people, and she always does! Sorry for the pressure Kokeshi!
Its hard to be honest, but recovery needs it in order to happen. I found it much easier to carry on in denial! You are really brave to post how you feel. We all know how hard it is.

Hi Purpleone- you sounded positive last night, which is really nice! You are absolutely right about taking it a day at a time, sometimes minutes.

Hi BM and Kokeshi.
I hope everyone else is keeping well.

I hate the school runs too, by the way. I think quite a lot of people do! It is horrible when you think everyone else knows each other though.

teasle, glad I didn't disappoint! Oooh the pressure

How is everyone doing today? Where are our newcomers?

We're almost up at 1000 posts. I've started another one here.

Let's keep it going.

not brave at all teasle......It's easy to talk about this to a bunch of faceless names, iyswim, it is far far more difficult to talk about things on this level in RL.

Kokeshi, you always seem to know exactly what to say, and for that I'm very greatful. My appointment today has been taken out of my hands though, as the hospital called to reschedule. I will definately talk to him about it when I see him next. Hopefully then I'll have got things under control somewhat

Feeling a bit hungover this morning, but I've been out for a walk with the buggy after dropping DS at school, so feeling much better. I was at baby clinic this morning and had a brief chat with the MH nurse. she is going to get some information together for me.

thanks for the support

Can I join in please ... have been lurking for some time but have only just found the courage to post. I've had a really crap year which has taken my always dodgy alcohol consumption to something that has begun to worry me .

I was struck by a combination of things havalina & daisyn. said - i'm probably one of those mums on the school run who looks like they know loads of people. My mum is staying with me this week & she happened to say how pleased she was for me that i know loads of the other mums at school. But while i might be able to chat with a few of them i feel that i'm a fake and am just waiting for them to find me out & never speak to me again.

I could never confess to them that i'm worried because i don't want to talk to anyone "professionally" (gp etc) about my drinking as i don't think at the moment that i could bear to give it up, but here i am telling a whole load of people who i've never met before - i've not even posted here before! So chatting to people on the school run for me is just a cover-up, i'm pretending to be a good mum, whereas actually on the way home from school i'm planning what excuse to make to my children to go to the shop & buy a bottle of wine. So don't feel intimidated by other mums at school - they're probably just as messed up as the rest of us!