Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Hi all, love to IWSL I echo everyones comments on this and the other drinkers thread we post on. If you reckon ou have aproblem then you probably have. Its about finding the way to 'manage' (is that the right word?) your problem. All too often alcohol starts to 'manage' us.

If I dont get the chance to come back on line later (am dealing with a big wine urge at the moment) then good luck to you PO. Try to post after meeting if you can, go on chuck us all a lifeline!. Love xxx

can i join?...Today I finally called AA and I have a meeting tonight *gulp...

dont know how I feel at the moment

Just about to start dinner but wanted to post to wish Purple good luck for her meeting tonight.

GFC, of course you can join in. It's good to have you here. I hope you enjoy your meeting too. Post and let us know how it goes, won't you.

Wow, this is like our own little meeting now. It's great!

Kokeshi - Sorry, can't help laughing a bit at you having to chop your old sofa up. Good job it wasn't the new one that didn't fit though, eh? We've been lurking around DFS a bit lately too. Mostly window shopping really, but I can't wait until Christmas is over now and we can try and get a bit of money together.

We've been in this flat 3 years this Christmas and weren't allowed to decorate for the first 12 months, and by then we'd got used to none of our stuff matching. I'm really eager to change it now though. I've just got back in from PC World and I've got ideas about having one of those PC systems that work through your TV in the living room.

...money money money...

GFC good luck with your 1st meeting....it's my turn also.

How do I feel?

Terrified

Well, I'm not sure if it's a eureka moment, or whether it's just all the drugs I'm on, but despite a lot of excitement around my getting home and the house being awash with wine and spirits, I have failed to get drunk, and have managed to exercise a fairly reasonable control over my alcohol intake. I have signed up to Down Your Drink so I can keep tabs on how things go. I hope this adds up to a bit of positive action.

The pain from the operation is pretty unpleasant at times especially in the evening. Paracetemol doesn't work, so it's either put up with it and have a drink, or have some cocodemol and lay off the booze for a bit longer. Tonight, it's the drugs and I'll have a glass of wine later.

It feels so different feeling a bit more under control. Whether it lasts is another matter. Will keep you all posted!!

GFC, of course you can join, the more the merrier . That's great news about the meeting. Just go with an open mind, and look for similarities to your own story in what people share. Remember every AA meeting is different, and it may take you a wee while to settle down into one you like. Let us know how you go.

PurpleOne, you've gone all quiet on us, don't stay away too long. By the way if your DD was interested in Alateen, the minimum age is 12 yo, so she'd be fine.

BrassicMonkey, it was actually quite funny. I was going to take pics to post on here but I actually got through it quite quickly. DP had left all the tools in the studio so I dismantled the hole thing with a pair of scissors, a tiny screwdriver and a hammer. Oh and a good dose of brute force. It was quite cathartic actually to bash the hell out of something!

The thing about buying new stuff is that all your other furniture starts to look old and worn. We just sat on sofas (leather recliners - fab!)and decided we could really do with a plasma TV on the wall to go with it. Bank balance says nae .

Good to see you too monkeybutler -and all the other who lurk on the thread - please post if you have any insights to add. It's good to have a range of experiences.

Ooops, I thought I'd posted that before I went out to the supermarket. Looks like it was just on preview. All the best PurpleOne, you'll be fine. We're all thinking of you.

Just got back from my first meeting.

Going to go for a bath and gather my thoughts. I'll be back in a few ticks...

Everything alright PurpleOne? Going to head to bed soon but I'll hang off for awhile if you want to post. If not, no worries, I'll catch you tomorrow.

Hi K
Just got back on the pc. Really tired right now and battling with tons of stuff in my head.
Met some really nice people tonight. My mentor held my hand all the way through chair time. Lots of stuff I could really relate too, some of the stories were harrowing....I'm lucky and humble.
Swapped numbers with a lady about my age. They kept on about the 'black book', which I never saw.

But all in all I felt quite enlightened...until someone came up to me said goodnight and that I was really brave...then I cried like a fucking baby. Humility is now something completely different, when a complete stranger is hugging you and letting you weep into their coat....

Now the hard work starts. It's not going to be easy...but I am sober tonight and that's only a good thing.
(and the meeting finished late so the offy was shut) which is also another good thing.

How's that sofa of yours k? x x

Just to add that I haven't been sober on the weekend for god knows how long. I cannot remember.

When people started talking about the haze, the fog, tired of it all, avoiding debt collectors, the anger, ruining families and making amends, the total chaos that alcohol can bring...I related to all of it. Hiding under the bedcovers all day when I don't work cos a/ I felt like shite and b/ it was the safest place I felt I could be.

Oh well done PurpleOne!!! It's normal to feel a bit overwhelmed,especially as we're used to feeling so worthless.It's unimaginable that total strangers should care about us eh?

They may have been talking about the "Big Book", which is the textbook of AA. It has a blue cover and it titled "Alcoholics Anonymous". Might be a good idea if you could ask someone (mentor?) where you can borrow a copy?

The full version is online here. You can read through from the front, or dip in and out. Maybe have a look at the "personal Stories". It's people sharing experience strength and hope - just like the AA meeting.

You've done really well. We'll be right here with you on the journey. HAve a good nights sleep and try to be kind to yourself.

I was gonna post about my first meeting but purple you have said it all for me....

Gutwrenching but enlightening sums it up for me

all lovely lovely people

joins you for a first sober friday night in a very long time!

Wow, sounds like it was a really great meeting for you

oh go on gfc your turn...I've stayed up especially to read all about it!

oh ok..twisted my arm kokeshi

Got picked up by some fab ppl and was terribly nevous-gosh thats a understatement but throughout the 20mile drive they were very kind and I almost at once felt I belonged sadly other newcomer we went to pick up on the way was too pissed to come

quite a big group I was told 30 people gulp
but I saw myself in eveyone that spoke...the caring and kindness that I felt tonight was very very special,its quite unexpected and like purple said its very enlightening

yeah sober night and 4 meetingslined up for next week and contact numbers in my fone

HEY GFC well done kid!!!

holds gfc hands for a comforting sober Friday night

Did you drink lots of tea tonight? I drank 2 cups and haven't touched the stuff in almost 5 years...

Hope you are planning on going back?

The meeting we'd arranged orginally, we discovered was a 'steppers' meeting, so the mentor, Ill call her Margaret, she drove us all the way to Whipps Cross Hospital for a diff one. The strength I saw in those people tnight were amazing. And when they talked about alcoholism and self self self...Too true. No disrespect meant, but when I heard those people talking, I felt so gluttonous and selfish. (4 grand in debt, debt collectors knocking, my kids know how to avoid the gasman at the door, and it's all me me me)
It took me back about 6 months to something DD1 said to me. It hurt, but looking back, she was right.

I was moaning about not having money for this bill and no money to go out. DD1 being 11 at the time, word for word said 'well mum, you always have your fucking beer money don't you'. Ouch, that hurt, but she was right.

Sorry for waffling lol. Over to you GFC if your still here. How are you? x x

k lol took the words out of my mouth!

I dont think i've ever had some many cigerettes (I know ,I know) or coffee in my life

gives purple a big a squeezy hug and goes off to make another coffee-my brain is whizzing!

cigarettes? I was a bit bummed that our meeting was held in a hospital so we couldn't smoke. Personal thought, I felt it was quite ironic really...

Bless you for going. Glad you got some meetings lined up.
Being a single mum, kids, work etc, I can manage a meeting next Thurs lunchtime (not at the same place) Total lack of support means I don't have a babysitter either. DD2 was at her dads and DD1 was here with a mate. Felt guilty for leaving them at home alone for a couple of hrs, but DD1 was virtually pushing me out the door earlier. With a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and said good luck mum. I'll fit in meetings as and when I can, I have numbers I can text when I falter and stumble (and I will) I'd like to go back to the place I was tonight though.

Nice big meeting like yours, people were sitting on the floor, they'd run out of chairs!
Ease off on that coffe though gfc. I'm a total coffee hound but if I had a cup right now, I'm shattered enough lol
Stocked up on cartons of economy juices from Sainsburys yesterday...it's helping tonight.
Sleep safe and sleep well...all of you x x

I'm really glad you both had such a good experience. If there's anything in the meetings you don't understand then just ask someone, or come and post on here. Do have a read at the personal stories though on the link I provided in my previous post. There's a section titled "to help you decide if you're an alcoholic". Worth a read, especially when you're struggling at times.

Well done guys, you're on your way.

PS PurpleONe, I'm sitting on my lovely new leather recliner sofa, surrounded by plump new cushions and on my laptop. That would have been unthinkable if I was still drinking. ALL my money went on booze.

leather

recliner

plump cushions

laptop

Can I join you for tea? lol well done you.

In all honesty k...those things are unthinkable for me. I had to borrow a loan to get out and see the DP at new year (he lives in america) Lifetime hliday, loved it...yet still paying it off!
Debt collectors keep knocking and calling. Have lived here 18 months and not paid a penny towards my gas bill....it's now £400.
Credit card people keep calling, letters. Have had letter off a solicitor from one credit card cause Im not paying enough.

If I stopped paying out £40 a week on booze, I could afford it, and maybe treat myself to a drink on the weekend just like how it used to be....but it's gone too far for all that. TMI for now. I'm going to bed now. Going to write in my journal and put my head down and sleep.
All these years of slef medicating....and an early rise can make me feel so tired when sober.

You've had a long day PurpleOne, go and have a rest. You'll be amazed at how things turn around for you when you're in recovery. I wasn't saying that to be boastful, by the way. I'm really grateful that there were people there for me when I was first coming around AA. I was in debt up to my eyeballs too.

night night

You don't need to be boastful k. I heard it all tonight in the meetings.
People turning their lives around. And thats what gave me hope.

Will post tomorrow. Too much in my head right now but going to lay down x x
Rest well x x

Purple one and gfc- what you have both written is pretty much how I found my first experience of AA. When people talk there is so much to identify with isn't there?
I was stunned that anyone could talk so calmly and honestly about their drinking.

Remember drinking tea late at night keeps you awake mind!( does me, anyway)

I am really pleased for both of you.

Hi to everyone else!