Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Hi, could I join you? I don't know if I have a problem with alcohol...well, I must do to want to join the thread! it's more I feel I have the potential to have a problem as I am finding it increasingly difficult not to rush my drinks, drink too much, more than I plan to and if I go out I always seem to drink too much and end up being sick when I get home

I just want to be able to enjoy a glass of wine and stopping at that but I think I may have gone past that point.

hi guys, come on over gulp, all welcome! Do you drink every day, or is it just that when you do drink, you are drinking more than you want to? Spill on here, it really helps.

So, rather had the wind put up me regarding not just stopping immediately due to scary sounding side effects. Must admit when i thought about it, apart from when pg 2 years ago, and one alcohol free month about 5 years ago, I've drunk heavily non-stop for about 15 years. Tried to cut down lots of times, but not actually stopped. But how do I go about cutting down - how long for etc? Is it really that dangerous to just stop? Must admit that this last week has been worse than ever units wise, more of a farewell to all my favourites, in huge quantities of course! How are you doing bm?

thanks Cubby

I always have 3 alcohol-free days a week - unless away on holiday. it's just if I feel I am always battling the URGE to drink and if start, I find it hard to stop.

just don't know whether to try and abstain or just drink within safe limits when I do drink....

I'm really worried about going on holiday, that I'll just go 'fuck it' and drink too much.

OK, I too must start to realise I drink too much. It's Monday tonight which is usually drink free in my house, as is Tues & WEds, sometimes it's Thurs but v.rarely. Fri, Sat & Sun are a must! Well, am now best part of way through bottle of red. Today has been mega stressful though, is this an excuse or not? I only normally works on a Wednesday but have just increased to a Monday as well. Was well stressed out this morning in getting 3 girls ready to go to childminder, normally mum looks after them but has put her foot down at one day. So there I am at 6.30am mega stressed trying to prepare bags for childminder, swimming, pre-school & school. Youngest dd cried non-stop when left (18mths), others seemed ok. Day really went from bad to worse, as I said earlier is this an exciuse to drink on a Mon, or do I have a problem festering?

It was stupid to mess around and experiment with it, but really I know it was an excuse just to get drunk again. I'm back to the 'new me' again and I can hopefully just chalk it up and get back on with staying sober.

Gulp, of course you can join in . I don't know if there's a transition phase where you go from sensible drinking/occasional heavy nights to dependent drinking/alcoholism and it's something I've thought about a lot lately. I prefer to think that my drink problem is part of my personality and not something that I caused by abusing drink, but perhaps I could have stopped the inevitable from happening if I'd have dealt with it when I was at your stage. Keep posting.

Hi, Cubby. At my worst point I was drinking 20-40 units per night, and I was told that I could cut down by half straight away and then lose another 4 units at the end of each week. It would have taken about 5 weeks to do that, so I took a risk and did it over 2. Have you tried calling Drinkline? They might be able to tell you how to do it safely.

Cubby I agree you need to phone someone to get informed guidance on this. You shouldn't be entrusting your health to a load of laypeople on a website

Brassic we've all got faith in you

Thanks Franny

Cubby, I forgot to add the disclaimer that the reduction advice was specific to the quantities and type of alcohol I was drinking. It also might have been different if I'd been drinking for a longer period of time. I'd hate for you to follow what I did and end up hurting yourself. I didn't really believe it was that dangerous but I've done more reading on it lately and cold turkey is not advised.

I think I know what you mean about whether or not there's a transition phase between drinking heavily and becoming dependent. I think it can creep up on you and drop you in, like falling off a cliff, except you don't notice the fall. I'm going to have to change my name back!

cubby, how much are you drinking each day at the moment? Would it be worth doing what BM did and halving the amount to begin with, then cut down further from there?

Did anybody watch that Dispatches programme called something like 'drinking ourselves to death'? It was on last week but I had to watch it at work today and it gave all kinds of interesting information.

Often the people who develop severe liver disease aren't 'alcoholics' but are 'heavy drinkers' for a long period of time. There was one guy who had worked in the steel mills all his life and they used to give them cold beer to refresh them as they worked. He now has cirrhosis of the liver. He never drank a drop outside of work! A very sad tale.

Who are you nonickers?!

Hi BM and all other posters !

Glad that there is a new thread for us all, especially those that need it the most.

Really pleased to hear you being so positive BM, once again an inspiration to us all. Also really pleased that your experimenting has taught you well and turned out to me much more succesful than mine.

It's me. I drop in and out of here quite a lot

how is everyone - what sort of evening did you all have?

I went to a friend who is a beauty therapist for a facial last night so wasn't tempted to drink, came home and had a peppermint tea. she and were talking about alcohol and she was saying it is THE worst thing along with smoking for ageing the skin. I know it's shallow when compared with the damage drinking can do internally but it is a more tangible aspect to focus on, for me (vain cow that I am)

I think I am starting to worry now as my father is probably alcohol dependent at least and I feel it could be in my genetic make-up to be the same if I don't get a grip now.

Cubby, Brassic and anyone else - would you mind giving a potted history of your drnking and when you started to feel out of control>

thanks

ps - IF, yes saw the Dispatches programme and it was TERRIFYING.

I didn't see the programme IF, but I do think that too much emphasis is placed on alcoholism rather than heavy drinking in general. I wish I'd have started to worry about the effects on my health before I became dependant on drink.

Good idea about posting our drinking history Gulp.

I've been an irresponsible drinker from my early teens. I used to get drunk very easily though so probably didn't drink more than anyone else. In my early 20's I definitely was drinking more than my female friends and was still getting really, really drunk everytime I went out, whereas everyone else was using/enjoying a few drinks. I abstained almost completely when I was pregnant (probably had 10 units during the whole 9 months) but was drinking regularly again by the time DS was 12 months. It got totally out of control when he was going through asmts to DX SN and then when we were told he had ASD I lost it completely. That was 2 years ago. Before I started the last thread on here I was drinking on average 4 litres of vodka a week (sometimes much more, sometimes a bit less).

Gulp, I didn't know about the effects of drinking on the skin. I'm a smoker too so if I was to carry on drinking as I was I'd age dreadfully. I know my thread veins on my cheek and psoriasis look much worse after a binge. Premature aging worries me more than the effects on my liver tbh (vain, or what?) - I suppose that might change if I could actually see my liver though.

I really fancy a drink tonight. I wouldn't call it a craving, but I feel really 'arrrrghhhhh' at the moment.

How is everyone else doing?

Brassic - thanks for posting.

The Dispatches prog was amazing as it WAS about the dangers of drinking socially - people drinking 5-6 units over the weekend showed signs of liver damage, believe it or not!

Interesting reading your history - I also have drunk too much since I was probably at university - stopped with both pregnancies no prob and didn't go OTT wile bfing but it is starting to creep up again (or trying to!)

Thing is, I suppose if you are a habitual drinker , then any traumatic times (like your ds's ASD diagnosis) could see alcohol looming into the foreground as a coping mechanism.

maybe have an early bath followed by a hot chocolate and book to avoid a drink?

take care

Really Gulp? I know 6 units is considered a binge for women, but my God, I don't even see the point of having a drink if I can only have 5 or 6. I thought the advice was overly cautious because of a lack of information (I've possibly just wanted to believe that). I really think I should go for a liver function test and see if I have done any damage.

I think I was at more risk of becoming an alcoholic because of family history (dad and sister are both alcoholics too) and that it was always there in my genetic make-up waiting for something to trigger it. Obviously, I could have avoided it by not drinking at all but maybe I'd have developed other compulsive behaviours instead. It's not something you see coming though and even when you do think you might have a problem you spend years convincing yourself that you don't. I'm feeling a bit pissed off tonight

Please try not to BM you have achieved so much.The fact that is a feeling (aaaagh) that is making you want to drink really shows that something therapy based could give you the tools to tackle those feelings in other ways.Remember why you stopped in the first place Keep going xx

Thanks Noddy. I'm not going to drink tonight, I just feel so totally wound up and unable to get rid of any emotions. I'm really lonely tonight and I'm looking forward to DS coming home at 9pm, but at the same time dreading another bloody showdown about bedtime or whatever else might be bothering him. I want to phone people, but find it really hard to chat now without having a drink first - so pathetic. I feel like I'm boring everone. I must give AA another go. I wasn't keen the last time but it wasn't unpleasant or anything like that.

I think I'll do some housework.

Brassic, do something nice for you - go and have relaxing soak to get rid of stress...sod the housework!
yes, you can drink scarily little to stay inside the guidelines...but I think when you are drinking sparingly your tolerance is much lower, so it's much the same as drinking loads regularly, if you know what mean

AA is hard to start with as they tell you the things you don't want to hear.My dp always used to say that deep down every alcoholic is fantasising that someone is going to say they conquered it and now drink socially but of course that is neever going to happen and the finality of it scares people (not surprisingly).No amount of cocoa or hot baths are going to give you the tools to tackle this That is all inside you you just need help to see it (although doing nice things is a good distraction) It is a long road but so worth it.I wish you lived near me and could meet dp he is so non typical AA and a real good example All of his family are alcoholics too

BM have you got any fitness dvds or videos? I've found that jumping around for 20 minutes gets rid of the argy-bargy feeling for quite a while.

Ha ha. I do have some fitness DVD's but I'm in a 2nd floor flat and I don't have any curtains - I don't want to 'entertain' the neighbours

Noddy that's really nice of you to say that about your DP. I've sort of resisted talking about the AA meeting as I feel ashamed of what I was thinking during and after the meeting, and also I wasn't sure if talking (even vaguely) about what was said was breaking the anonymity code.

The bloke that chaired the meeting had led a really colourful life and I don't know if he was reliving his experiences through that meeting or is genuinely happy to now be sober. I couldn't relate to his old or new life (he's male and not a parent) but I couldn't help thinking 'you're life must be really dull now'. I know that isn't rational as the drink is what makes you live a false life and gives you a false identity, but it kind of made me crave for a different life to what I've got. These are really selfish feelings and I haven't really spoke about them before.

Noddy, I'd love to think that some clever dick could come along and prove that AA's firm abstinance rule was a myth, and that alcoholics could return to safe drinking in time. I do fantasise about that and it was part of my 'experiment' last week. I know that clever dick isn't going to be along though as I don't want to drink sensibly. Even if I lowered my tolerance right down, 5 or 6 units is just pointless when you want to get drunk.

Anyway, I'm off for my bath now. EX-P and DS have just turned up and they've forgotten DS's school shoes, so I've got another 30 minutes to fill before they get back.

The interesting thing about the Dispatches programme was their running a free liver testing service from a van in London, Birmingham and Liverpool I think, and just inviting people in to have a test so they could get an average idea of how people's drinking habits were affecting their livers. It was shocking, 50% of those tested showed abnormal liver changes in their test which looked at the structure of the liver. I don't know if they'd all have shown up on a standard liver function test though. Someone posted somewhere before on a MN drinking thread that you can have a normal liver function blood test even if only one third of your liver is working! That freaked me out a bit. But I don't know if it was accurate information as I haven't come across it myself.

I don't know if it's helpful to write my drinking story down as I don't think it applies to BM or those in the midst of a real drinking compulsion. I had a very short spell of drinking very heavily just before I got pregnant with dd. It was over, I think, about 6 months although I suspect the 6 months beforehand it had been creeping up. Prior to that I'd been virtually teetotal as I hated the feeling of being drunk and I just never thought about alcohol unless I was out socialising when I would have maybe 1 or 2 drinks tops. I'd never got drunk in my entire life. Anyway I was going through an extremely traumatic point in my life which had been building up for years. I was also writing up my PhD thesis (which was inadvertently dealing with some of the most traumatic issues I was working through personally) so spending hours stuck in front of a computer chain-smoking, drinking coffee and getting in a right state. I was also seeing a CBT professional to help me deal with my other problems. It's very complicated but one of my problems was an inability to eat, not anorexia at all, it was more an OCD type thing to do with food, fears of choking and vomiting, and he suggested that I take a small drink of brandy before eating as it would relax my nerves and my stomach. Believe it or not that small brandy turned into vast quantities as I realised it made me feel better and better and helped me 'escape' from the issues i was dealing with. Fortunately for me my drinking was cut short when I got pregnant totally unexpectedly (I'd been told I'd never have children). I was so delighted that I immediately stopped drinking, didn't drink once during the pregnancy or for 2 years after giving birth. Now I can drink a little and it never has become a problem. I can drink a can or two of lager a few times a week. Or not. It's totally different.

The reason I'm slightly reluctant to post that story is because I don't think many people can begin to drink again. My father was a full-blown alcoholic who abstained between when I was 4 and 16 then started again between when I was 16 and 19. I saw what he went through. He told me so much about it and about AA which really helped him to quit during his second phase of drinking. He literally couldn't ever have one drink.

I think my drinking was completely attached to that moment in my life. But I don't kid myself. I never have anything stronger than 4% beer in the flat and I never drink anything other than that if I go out for a drink which is rare. If I ever got that feeling again of needing a drink I would stop immediately. So far so good but I don't think one's ever completely free once it's been a problem.

Hope I haven't bored you!

IF, I can't believe he recommended brandy to relax you????!!!!!

thank goodness you managed to regan control - well done to you

the Dispatches prog- think they expected 5% of people to ahev damage and, as you say, it was over 50%!

I know gulp, it was an extraordinary piece of advice that totally backfired! I think he thought that as I was such a non-drinker it might help. He was a professor too! I don't actually like to slate him as he was a really lovely man. And I did have a tendency to take everything he suggested rather literally...