Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

I DO understand, and I didn't know how to stop either.
Other alcoholics Do understand. You've posted on here. You CAN talk to a real life person- call a helpline- they won't laugh at you, they WILL understand, honest. I really do know how hard it is, but its worth it.

Your partner probably doesn't know what else to do or how to support you, but he can learn

I have to go now, will check back later.
Hope you are ok. You aren't alone. you know

monkeybutler, please don't worry, we've all reached a stage like this. Your husband doesn't have a clear understanding of your problem, and I don't think you are able to explain it to him?. That's why we need support with stopping drinking because willpower alone is never enough for the problem drinker. If your DH is angry at you, it's because he doesn't understand why you can't just stop like him. No one really understands problem drinking like others who have been in the situation.

It's not a failure on your part at all, but you need to now got that step further and give AA a phone. You will be in the company of men and women who can support you through this, and your husband will have to understand that this issue is much more complicated for you than just stopping. It's not such a bad thing to admit that you can't control your drinking is it? I found it was actually a relief, after years of trying to battle against it, telling myself I was stronger that drink. I'm not, it wins every time.

Please give AA a call, they can advise you of meetings nearby and arrange for someone to meet you there. Please keep posting on here, and let us know how you are.

I might sound harsh but its not you can't tell anyone its you won't.Moderation doesn't exist with addiction You need to go to AA but need the support of your dh.Why wouldn't he support you in getting your life back?Do it for yourself.

Ach noddy, this is a hard time for anyone at this stage. It does take a lot of courage to admit it to oneself first, and then other people. It's not so easy to do in practice.

You'll get there monkeybutler. Try what we've suggested. It's a big step, but I promise you it's so worth it. It beats sitting on your own sobbing eh?

Kokeshi - sorry to but in on this thread, I saw your name and hadn't seen you around in ages, i wanted to ask how you are doing with the CI. I'll start a thread in Health, i hope this is OK.

Hi Cristina, will have a look now. Good to see you!

Hi fio, long time no see. Quite true, it's quite usual for partners of problem drinkers to resent them getting sober, in as much as they have to look at their own drinking. Denial works both ways.

ps. loved your post on another thread the other day...

hth,

regards,

kokeshi x

Made me howl!

Hi MB. I think you would benefit so much from an AA meeting today, if you can make it.

You?re right about it being far too early to be around alcohol. The trigger last night was probably just having the opportunity to drink. The urge does lesson, and for me that happened quite quickly. At first I craved all the time, but after 2 or 3 weeks I found that I was going whole days without thinking about it.

I couldn?t tell anyone about my first AA meeting. I was actually embarrassed that I was making such a fuss over myself. I did call the helpline though and I met a female member outside ? I couldn?t have walked in alone.

Take care, keep posting and please don?t be too hard on yourself. It?s only when we try to address our drinking that we discover how big the problem is, and it?s frightening to find that you?re not in control.

xx

Hi to everyone else too

Hey BM

HI BM, no chance of making an AA meeting nless they have creches!. However, have been really productive (in avoiding ringing AA mainly!). I have sorted a childminder for DS so I can have some time to myself for AA or counselling or whatever I decide to do. Am going to speak to boss tonight about changing m night shifts so am not as tired. Booked appointment with doc for referral to counsellor. I emailed AA and a lovely resonse came back from a man called Barry. He researched meetings for me and attached some files to look at. He said to ring the helpline and give my details which would be passed to someone who I could talk to and would accompany me to a meeting.

Rang DH to tell him all this and his response was 'you dont need AA'. GGGRRRRR!

Oh well done for being so pro-active. What a shame that your DH isn't being supportive though. Why do you think he's so sure that you don't need AA? Is it like Fio asked and he is reluctant to face his own drinking habits?

You've done lots of positive things today and you've made a great start.

I suspect Fio is bang on there. He does drink too much but I am hardly in a position to comment as I drink twice as much!. His Dad was an alcoholic and died at 47 so I think he compares me to him and I look like a lightweight!

I think I need some specific alcohol counseling or whatever from somewhere like AA but Ialso have other issues I would like to get to the bottom of which is why I am going to docs. Kids being buggers today and I am very tired and hungover - gotta g to work at 6pm!!

Monkeybutler, it's a good start! Can I ask what are the reasons for you not wanting to call AA? I'm glad you've emailed them, and I'm sure they'll do their best to accommodate you. Are you a SAHM? Do you have the DCs all the time?

Interesting about your DH. Quite contradictory really, he writes you a letter to tell you you have to stop but when you try and sort it out he says "you don't need AA?". What's up with that?

Anyway, it's nothing to do with him. You need to do what's right for you, whatever it takes to get your life back on track. I hope you find the meeting that suits you. You can go to AA and still be unsure of whether you're an alcoholic, I think most of us started in that position.

Wishing you well, monkey butler.

I'm gonna give AA a shot next week. Can't make it tomorrow as I have to work.
Me thinks I've been permanently drunk in the evening for the past 2 years and it has to stop.
I didn't drink last night though!! yay! Only because I got so engrossed in cleaning this place up and sorting thru DD1 and 2's wardrobes and chucking stuff out...lost track of time. Was dustbin day yesterday and already have 4 bags of rubbish

Hope everybody is well tonight?

x x x

Hi purple. Should be in bed really, but I've not done much while DS has been off school and I'm wide awake.

I need to tackle DS's room as well. We haven't chucked any of his toys for about 3 years and it's packed in there - making the bed involves sort of getting in it

Well done for staying sober last night and for making a commitment to go to AA next week. In the early days you'll probably find it helpful to have some appealing things to do in the evening, where you'll appreciate having a clear head. You might find that your sleeping habits change as well - I was in a kind of permanent state of sub-conciousness when I first got sober, and then I needed about 10 hours a night to feel rested in the morning.

I know it might seem daunting and maybe even a bit boring, but once you get going you really start to appreciate how nice it is to want to do something - like tidy up your DDs rooms and be able to follow through and do it. It's so much better than that feeling that you're just managing to function at the lowest level - that's how I was anyway.

Keep posting in the meantime. It's really good for all of us that are a bit further along to be reminded of how we felt when we first set off, and I hope you get something out of sharing with us too.

Good luck xx

I get an awful lot out of sharing with you, even just reading.
No offence meant, but I now realise how low I am.

I felt good clearing out last night. We've only lived here for 18 months...but took great relish in giving dd2 an old lamp I had, an old bedside cabinet of mine and a rug. Her room is tiny, so put one thing down and you'll fall over it lol. No room for a wardrobe and she's had her clothes under the bed. Last night I wedged up a broom handle behind her door on the lintel....and she has a hanging rail!

Sleeping habits hmmm, now that's a great worry. I can't sleep at night. I find that I'll have about 4 hrs at night, get up get kids ready for school and if I don't work, I'll go back to bed and stay there until 2pm.

I got so much done last night, I am ashamed that I spent so much time on the internet drinking at night.

I remember having some of my first blissful sober sleep and thinking it amazing that I didn't wake up sweating, shaking, anxious and with that fear of impending doom which coloured my whole existence. That's what it was really, I couldn't have called it "living" by any stretch of the imagination.

I do have some issues with sleep now (more so as I'm still re-adjusting from being in Australia), but it's the simple - and necessary - pleasures, like getting a good nights undisturbed sleep that makes life without drink so worth it.

Well done in getting your DDs room sorted, I think it's important to try and achieve something everyday, no matter how small, to gradualy build up your self esteem. It helps with re-establishing routines, especially at times where you know you're more likely to drink. Think about things you can do in the evenings that you enjoy, possibly any hobbies you used to have, and have another go.

Your DDs sound so important to you, and they'll be delighted to have their happy mum back.

Morning everyone

DS has gone back to school today - he's only been off for 2 days, but it realy dragged. As a treat last night, and to help him fall asleep, we drove around the West End . So today his teacher is going to hear all about the big screen at Leicester Square, the big house where the Queen Lives and the big (millenium) wheel - I just hope he also remembers to tell her that he WAS actually ill and he saw all these things from the car when he was starting to get better

I'm tired again this morning, as DS didn't drop off as I expected him too and it was well past midnight by the time he was in bed, and by the time I'd tidied up it was gone 3am . So, I'm going to catch up on some sleep after posting here.

Is everyone else ok this morning?

Hi Folks.

BM, that sounds like a fantastic trip for ds, are you very close to the centre of London then? I have to admit I find it quite exciting being there, it seems so much bigger than anywhere up here, and I was doing my landmark spotting as the plane was coming down to land at Heathrow last week.

I'm going back to my home group (my own AA meeting) tonight and I'm quite excited about it. I haven't see my pals for 8 weeks and I've missed them. You can't help building up relationships with people you spend on e evening a week with talking about all the things that affect your sobriety. I love all my group members -even though we're wildly different and have known to have our wee disagreements

I hope everyone is well today, let us know how it's going.

It took about 20 minutes to get into town last night (thanks to Congestion charges - £8 a day now ).

We were talking about this at one of my regular meetings the other day - about how you can recall all these personal things about fellow members but...not necessarily what they do for a living, and sometimes I struggle to even recall first names. I tend to think of people as 'the woman who's son has just gone to uni', and 'the man who's sponsor is his next door neighbour'

I don't know if this is a particularly Glaswegian thing, but do you have identifiers when you're referring to an AA member? For exapmple, I've heard of "Anne the Nun", "Concrete Jim", "Boxer Robert", "Tailor Frank" "Biker John", "Suit John", I have a feeling I may have been referred to as "deaf x". LOL.

Do yo have to pay a congestion charge at night?

No, congestion charging ends at 7pm I think, but the fewer cars that go in during the day, the fewer there will be still milling about at night.

There's only one person that I can think of that people refer to like that. It's xxx B@ll@cks {ha ha). PC told me that he's referred to as that, because he used to go to meetings and say 'this is a load of...'

I suppose I do say 'you know xxx, the estate agent/hairdresser' but I haven't come across any other examples. If I hear anyone say use those names I'll be on a mission to find out what they refer to me as.