Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Thanks Noddy, but I'll order myself a copy. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I know exactly what you mean about being a dry drunk. As far as DS and my health are concerned I'm doing better, but I don't feel like I've made any progress. If I wasn't a mum I'd still be drinking heavily and wouldn't care about my liver.

I have begged my db to go to NA but he won't and he is still living the same life but without the drugs.still the same behaviour and miser ybut he won't listen

What a shame! Why won't he go Noddy?

He says its not for him.He says it is a pub with no drink or a party without drugs.He also says he is still young although he is nearly 40 and life is passing him by.I think he would have to face a lot of things and take responsiblity for his behaviour If he doesn't go he can be the victim and keep blaming other people.He is a real example of 'poor me' He needs it more than he knows.He has decided that the reason dp is so well is because alcohol is easy compared to heroin but deep down he knows its because dp put the work in and really took it on and he didn't.You seem v smart and capable it will come to you.

I knew someone like that, NoddyHolder. Exactly the same but without the booze. I met a druid who was a druid with strangely catholic beliefs. It's hard to change something so hard-wired, but I do think it is possible, even if we have relapses, even in small ways. These days, although my eating is fine, I can still binge on an apple and the feelings are the same. It's just something I didn't really want.

Thank you for saying hello to me, BM. I appreciate that.

Anyway, I'm feeling pissed on a glass of wine, and I don't want to feel awful tomorrow. At the moment I can pretty much take it or leave it but it's close.

Yes IF, 8 is very young to start getting drunk, but sadly it's more common than we think. I do miss my friend, but I loathed her ghastly illness.

So, how is everyone?

I've been back on the wagon for 3 days now and it's getting easier again. I was really wound up for the first few nights but I've gone back to accepting that I have to stay sober. I'm going to try another AA meeting at the weekend as I know I'll need some support. DS is staying at his dad's, so I'll be alone from Friday morning until Monday afternoon. I've not had one of these long, lonely weekends since I stopped drinking and I used to binge and pester people throughout them.

Hi All hope you are all ok. Did not drink again last night and feeling fab today. DH home tonight and know that he will suggest we crack open a bottle of red. Think the problem is he does not see it as a 'problem'. Will just have to be strong.
BM well done for your three days!

Hi everyone!

I've been kind of following this thread.

I have a strange problem with drinking - I don't drink much, one or two beers every evening - but I really NEED those beers and that bothers me.

I suffer from terrible anxiety, mostly to do with eating and food, and the only way I can get through an evening is with the sedating effect of beer.

Otherwise I go to bed at 8 or 9 o'clock to escape the anxiety. It's no way to live

Well done Flowertop and good luck for tonight. I'm not sure how I'd tackle it if I was encouraged to drink by someone else. As if they would though!

Hi Footprints. That must be difficult to deal with. Have you had any therapy for the anxiety/eating disorder? Do you find that having a drink relaxes you enough to eat or do you drink instead of eating?

Bloody hell, I am craving big time right now. I can almost taste vodka and if I had a bottle I would gulp it down and get b@ll@xed. I've had a row with my ex-p about the Royal Mail strike tomorrow (he's a postman). It's absolutely none of my business as we're not financially dependant on one another and I wouldn't expect him to cross a picket line even if I was affected. I think I just wanted to pick a fight.

I am also stressed about the school run. I take DS's scooter to school in the afternoon so that he can ride home. If I don't take it he has a meltdown and I can't deal with it with everyone looking. If I do take it he has to share it with the little girl we walk home with. I'm getting pissed off with the constant fights over who's had the longest turn and this little girls tantrums when it's DS's turn.

I know both things are really stupid but I don't know how to deal with stress anymore. Before I would just let it go right over my head and be fixated on getting home and having a few drinks before getting totally drunk later on.

I am ranting and it's stupid. Neither of these things are actually problems. Ex-p isn't bothered about me moaning about the strike and I've got 4 days off from the afternoon school run now.

I wish I could stop thinking about drink all the time, or just be able to indulge in it.

footprints, what is your anxiety about food and eating? I'm sure one or two beers per night cn't be too terrible?

Hi all well DH came home last night and was feeling poorly so did not want to crack open a bottle of wine. So what did I do I cracked one open anyway. So much for me blaming DH for my weakness.
Hope you all did better.
XX

And how much of the bottle is left now flowertop?

BM, that inability to think outside of your addiction really does fade until you suddenly wake up one day and can't remember what the big deal was.

Thanks Dino

IF - I've really tried but nothing feels better. I'm so bloody lonely all the time. I just sit here thinking 'what now', 'what's there to look forward to', 'what's the bloody point'. I feel like I've got raging PMT at the moment, but I haven't. Well, I don't think I have. My periods are still all over the place. I don't know if that's been caused by the alcohol abuse or it's stress or something else.

Flowers - we 'met' once before on a thread I started about social anxiety. I used to be ChelseaDagger/MiserableCow. I know there was a bit of talk on that thread about alcohol abuse and growing up with alcoholic parents. Maybe it's connected. I'm sort of relieved that you can still drink with the meds that you are on - although I know I shouldn't be thinking like that. I think if I poured everything out to my GP at the moment he would want me to deal with the alcohol problem first. Thing is I can't see a time when it will be dealt with.

Cubby and Hidesit, how are you both doing. I'm not at all confident about this weekend. I can't think of any reasons to stay sober. I don't care about my liver at the moment and I don't care about the hangover tomorrow. I just want to get drunk.

I think it means you're doing well. With all addictions people use the substance to avoid dealing with the issue - whether it's anger, sadness etc. As soon as you remove that prop assuming you don't replace it with another addictive substance you suddenly for the first time have to deal with the problem rather than mask it with alcohol or drugs.

So the next step is how to deal with the problems, learning to live with the fact everyone is sad sometimes in an average day, happy, frustrated, angry, knowing that is how people are and I suppose things like counting to ten, trying to turn negative thoughts into positive ones etc can help.

I suppose there is stuff like taking regular exericse, a good diet, plenty of rest and sleep, vitamins, seeing friends etc that people do when getting off addictive substances which can help... as long as excessive exercise doesn't just replace the alcohol.

Xenia, I will read your post again tomorrow but just wanted to say that I've got a lot of repect and admiration for you.

I feel bloody lost and lonely tonight.

Here you are! Sorry, lost the discussion for a while.

BM, it's perfectly natural how you're feeling. I realise saying that doesn't make a flying fuck of a difference, but just so you know...

I can relate to what noddyholder says completely. AA for me is therapy - well, it really is group therapy. When I first started going I so didn't want to and had to force myself to go. Now I'm starting to enjoy it. But by going, I made sure I wasn't drinking (at least for that bit of time) and also it stopped the complete craving for long enough to get through it. I didn't talk to anyone, even to chat and didn't share (still don't, tbh) but going helped. Even the ones where I left thinking "That was pointless". Looking back, none of the meetings were and I think I probably knew it somewhere in my head at the time.

I also have one to one therapy which helps me a lot. Addiction is a mental illness and it helps me to remember that- I need to be aware I need to do something about my messed up head.

When I first got sober, everything I did for myself seemed selfish. I felt like I had to make up for all the shit I've done to people, esp my family, over the past few years. Acting on that feeling (eg being a stellar mother who cheerfully plays catch in the park with her ever so gorgeously turned out children) made me want to drink. I mean it really made me want to drink.. well, you know what I mean, I think! I gave myself a break and continued on my crap muddled way, but soberly. And I think I'm doing fine. The sober part is the key. God, am babbling now.

What I'm trying to say is give yourself a break. You're at a massively difficult time in early recovery (it was for me, at least). Take it easy. Just don't drink. Eat chocolate for breakfast if you want (well, usual disclaimers apply there), buy the kids takeaway for tea and let them watch inappropriate tv shows while you mumsnet. Just don't drink.

It does get easier and the craving goes. And I did stop eating so much chocolate after a month or two... have lost quite a bit of weight not drinking, truth be told! They are watching crap tv atm though, but I'm making dinner. Ostensibly.

Oh we cross-posted! Sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely - and I'm afraid I do have to run (well, make dinner and clean my cesspit of a kitchen).

Is your son at home tonight? Could you head out to a meeting? The online "Where to find"(which people seem to shorten to "wtf" which I find hilarious) is here

Otherwise, just focus on making it through tonight. I probably won't be able to get back on tonight, but will be thinking about you.

bump for stopbeforeitstarts

Thank you

bm will keep checking in for you, sorry you feel so awful tonight. sending you {{{{hugs}}}}

Lost and lonely? That's a shame. Write on here. You can never be lonely as long as the internet exists.

Thanks PG - nice post, and I can relate to all of it, expecially the 'needing a drink' bit when you're just doing what everyone else seems to get fulfillment from.

StopBeforeItStarts - Come on and post. If your current chatname is a true reflection of your situation then you could do with some help. This keeps ringing in my head: 'if you think you've got a problem then you probably have'. what a shame I didn't care enough when I was first heard that. Tell us why you drink.

Xenia, I know the internet never sleeps and there is always someone to talk to, but I'm such a bitch when I want to drink/have drunk that I feel sorry for whoever is lonely enough to put up with me.

Are you there BM?

You know, when you quit smoking there's a well-known phase called the 'mourning period' which comes after the big dramatic few days / weeks of fighting off cravings and feeling very determined. The mourning period is the time in which most people relapse. It's like they've fought the big fight and now the drive to quit has died down. It's known as the mourning period because it's a moment in which you mourn the smoking / drinking self, you remember only the things you loved about the addiction, you feel that it's part of your character and that without it you'll be a lesser person, that you were made to be a smoker / drinker. It's like losing someone close to you because it's like losing a form of you.

What you have to do is totally refocus your mind. Remember how when you were drinking you longed to be the you that you're on the road to finding now, the non-drinking, non-self-hating you, the you who can seriously look to the future without it being marred by the image of yourself yellowed and in a hospital bed. There are so many more reasons to quit than there are to continue.

I really do know how hard this is and I know how hard it is to imagine being through the battle. But you will if you stick with it. I personally promise you that if you continue not to drink within 3 months you will find you are spending whole days not even thinking once about alcohol and only now and then when you're low or stressed will you get a craving but it'll be manageable. After 6 months even those cravings will likely have gone and you'll be spending weeks barely thinking of drinking.

Stick with it. You're so strong, so brave and such an inspiration to anyone still stuck in the drinking pit.