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Original poster

miscarriage

147 replies

Lil · 28/02/2001 16:22

Susan, I wish I could think of something to help you that doesn't sound crass! Maybe you should give your little girl a hug and remind yourself what its all about. She's there as proof you're a great mum. Have a good cry and let it all out.

We're thinking of you.

OP posts:
Sml · 28/02/2001 16:38

Fp, We are listening and thinking about you.

Tigger · 28/02/2001 17:15

I'm with the rest, thinking of you just now.

Tigermoth · 28/02/2001 17:23

I don't know what to say except so very sorry.

Cos · 28/02/2001 19:11

Thinking of you, your partner and little girl

Debsb · 28/02/2001 19:33

Susan, just to let you know that i am thinking of you and hoping all goes well. I've also lost a baby at 12 weeks and it hurts. Give your daughter lots of big hugs, and accept that if the worse does happen you have a perfect right to grieve for your little one.

Fp · 28/02/2001 20:48

Just to let you all know I have miscarried. It's actually a great releif now I know what is actually happening.
I've spoken to my GP who says to take it easy at home for the next few days. My husband is a GP as well, so he is taking very good care of me, and Katherine (13 months) chose this evening to stand up on her own for the very first time.
Thankyou so much for all you messages of love and support. It's good to know you're all out there, as right now I can't face phoning anyone (husband has phoned all our parents to let them know).
I'll let you know how I'm getting on
Thanks again
Susan

Mima · 28/02/2001 21:16

Susan, I am so very sorry to read your message. I too went through this about 5 weeks ago now. After it happened I cried for days. Nothing anyone says at this time will make you feel better, expect perhaps a hug and kiss from the child you already have. Our Son was our rock throughout that period of time. I just want to say that now 5 weeks have passed and the pain has lessened although I do still think about it now and again. A lot of my friends are pregnant just now so that is pretty difficult being around them. I got my first period after the miscarriage last Saturday and that really upset me but now that I have had it we can now start planning again for another baby. The experience has not put me off if anything it has made me more determined to be pregnant by my due date (which was August). Don't quite know if this note will make sense or not but I do sincerely hope that you feel better very soon. Take Care.

Emmam · 01/03/2001 08:41

I'm so sorry Susan. You know everyone here will support you over the coming weeks and months.

Marina · 01/03/2001 09:30

Hope this board helps you realise that even if you feel very alone at the moment, all over the UK (and down under), we're thinking of you. Do remember to take especial care of yourself, not easy when you have a newly upright little person around. Post a message any time.

Fp · 01/03/2001 19:53

Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for all you messages. We are all feeling a bit better today. I am fairly wobbly and fragile, but have spent a lot of the day in bed and am noe up and dressed and had a shower and am sittting on the sofa in frnt of thwe fire with the laptop.
My Mum phoned last night for a chat and it really helped. I live hundreds of miles from my family, but the phone and the internet have been great. I'll let you know how I get on. We were talking about something to do, and as my Dad is planting apple trees in his garden for all his Grandchildren, we decided we'll as him if we can plant an extra one for this baby too - and he said we can. SO that will be a lovely positive thing to do.
Speak to you all soon
Susan

Justiner · 01/03/2001 22:56

Hi Fp,
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I think planting a tree is a really lovely idea. I haven't had personal experience of a miscarriage, so am not much use to you right now, but like everyone else I just wanted to pass on my best wishes.
Justine.

Bells · 06/03/2001 15:22

Some good news - I am finally pregnant!. Having tried unsucessfully for a year, I went to a fertility specialist. As often turns out to be the case, I conceived before he had a chance to do anything but carry out a couple of blood tests and so on. It is very very early days and I have only told my husband but it is nice to be able to share the news here.

Mima, Susan and HMonty - I hope you are all feeling ok and I wish you the best of luck in conceiving again.

Emmy · 06/03/2001 15:52

Bells- congratulations, hope it all goes well from here on!

Bugsy · 06/03/2001 16:18

Top news Bells - I hope it will all go well for you. Just think in a few months time you'll be able to enjoy all those bump related wisecracks from your trader colleagues!

Marina · 06/03/2001 16:18

Good news Bells, fingers crossed. Have been wondering how you were getting on.

Tigger · 06/03/2001 19:53

Great news, right girl get yourself ready to get into reverse for those tiny public toilets!!!!!!
All the best Tigger and family.

Fp · 06/03/2001 21:48

congratulaqtions!!!!!
All the best and keep us updated
Susaan

Bells · 07/03/2001 07:54

Thanks a lot everyone - you are really kind!. Tee hee Bugsy, sadly I am still so fat from the last one that the bump wisecracks have never stopped....

Sml · 07/03/2001 10:18

Bells - congratulations, hope it all goes well.

Tlb · 07/03/2001 10:25

Congratulations Bells - what lovely news.

I have only just read this post from beginning to end and have found myself shocked, upset at the experiences and amazed at our resilience and the fact that this site is such a great help to us all.

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks 3 years ago (it happened on the birthday of my ex husband and at the time I thought it was some terrible punishment or revenge) I had great support from all our friends (we told everyone straight away as it was our first!) my mother though (who has never miscarried) said "it would have to happen to you wouldn't it" funny enough we don't get on.. I had a D and C and our hospital (St Georges in Tooting) were fantastic making sure I had a private room and counselling (on NHS). I had what is known as a blighted ovum which means that the placenta develops but a baby doesn't, so I was spared the other experiences described on here but I almost felt a fraud having behaved like a pregnant woman for 3 months but with no baby. I asked to go for an emergency scan as I just felt something was wrong and wanted to be sure. The worst moment of my life was looking at the scan monitor waiting to see a picture of a foetus and seeing only blackness.. It was at this point that the nurse began stroking my hand although I didn't know at the time and my husband realised there was a problem. ( sorry having a bit of a cry)

It took me ages to get over it - I had three months of counselling ( and I am not sure if it did more harm than good as I had to return to the same corridor as the room where I had the D&C) my work thought eventually that I was being overly dramatic taking an afternon off to go for counselling 3 months later. Anyway that was in May and in September our daughter was conceived and boy did I ring up at the slightest little thing - I didn't care I just went straight to the doctor if I thought there was anything wrong but in fact I had a great full term pregnancy.

I would really like another one (see my message on the other board!) but my husband doesn't, maybe he should read the messages here and realise that it cannot be taken for granted that we can if he ever changes his mind...

Bells · 07/03/2001 10:38

Tlb, I definitely think its worth pointing it out to him. After all, I had a honeymoon conception first time around and it's taken a year this time - for no apparent reason.

Ems · 07/03/2001 12:52

Yes Bells, we had that 'no apparent reason' for the conception of our baby 2. Just over 2 and a half years. Theres some reasoning for it somewhere I'm sure, but that doesnt help at the time.

Hmonty · 07/03/2001 16:49

Congratulations Bells. Hope everything goes well.

Thanks for all the good wishes from everyone else. I've been avoiding this board as I still have a tendency to start crying why I think about things...Gets a bit embarrasing at work. OK so far!

I finally had to have a D&C. Tried to loose the baby naturally but a week after the scan telling me I'd lost the baby I was still only spotting and couldn't bear waiting for the inevitable to happen. On top of that I still 'felt' pregnant so I decided to opt for the op...

I've now had a period and so would like to try again. However, like Tlb's hubbie mine isn't keen now. He's even making 'maybe we should stop at 2' noises. This upsets me as it makes me think he didn't care at all for the baby we lost - but then maybe I'm being touchy. Maybe he and Tlb's husband just can't bear the thought of going through the loss all over again. I know it scares me. Still I will get my own way on this one. I can be devious when required and by the time he holds number three he'll think it was all his idea! (Tlb: Not quite sure how to do this yet but when I know I'll pass on the secrets).

Tlb · 07/03/2001 16:59

Hmonty

I am sorry to hear of your news too.

Thanks for your encouraging comments - can you hurry up and let me in on the secret please!! I am even of thinking of resorting to having sex with my husband!!

Mima · 07/03/2001 21:29

Bells, lovely to hear your news. I trust you are feeling fine. Time is a great healer and I do not get that upset any more since my miscarriage. We have had periods again so we are trying again, infact it is my fertile days just now so we are back to having sex five nights on the trot! Hopefully I will be pregnant by my August due date or else I will find that rather painful as my sister-in-law and five of my friends are all due end July/August. Just to be on the safe side we have rented a villa for a month in Sotogrande in Southern Spain to escape from everyone. Off now for a wee jacuzzi and wee glass of wine with hubby.........