miscarriage

[Lil]

Susan, I wish I could think of something to help you that doesn't sound crass! Maybe you should give your little girl a hug and remind yourself what its all about. She's there as proof you're a great mum. Have a good cry and let it all out.

We're thinking of you.

Lil, you sound ok about it all but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It sounds like a horrible experience.

Lil, sorry to hear of your miscarraige. I've had two early miscarriages at around eight weeks (I did know I was pregnant) and I have to tell you that your description is rather like mine and the pain is indeed surprising. Of course everyone is different and if you are at all concerned go back to your GP. I would warn you that at the moment, not realising you'd been pregnant the shock may not have hit you, be prepared for those hormones to kick in! Your cycle may return to 'normal' (whatever that means for you) almost immediately but it may take some months. Although, once again everyone is different. Most of all take care of yourself. Best wishes Winnie

Winnie, you are right about the shock setting in. I just rang my GP and he said that the strength of the cramps indicate that my dates must have been muddled, and i have been pregnant longer than first thought. It suddenly seems more real. I can't believe I'd ever have to post to this board.

I know its different for everyone, but how long did it take for you to stop bleeding and the 'cramps' (please can I have gas'n air!!) to stop?

Lil, very sorry to hear this, can imagine that the shock would hit you later in this situation, am thinking of you.

Lil, so sorry to hear your news. Like everyone else, thinking of you.

Lil, sorry, thinking of you.

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Lil, depending on how pregnant you were, I think the main pain should be over within 24-48 hours, but do take nurofen or get your GP to prescribe something stronger, the last thing you need is physical as well as mental pain. From what I understand the bleeding can vary. With my first miscarriage - around six and a half weeks, I bled like a very heavy period, when I miscarried at eight and a half weeks last October - I bled unimaginably heavily for several days, and then the blood turned smelly and it turned out I had an infection - so watch out for that - then I bled again for a bit, though it would seem that the last few days of bleeding was in fact a period as I fell pregnant the next month very very unexpectedly. Please feel free to come and rant, moan, cry on us all. It's a hideous thing to happen, no matter how many weeks you are. Look after yourself and let us know how you are.

Dear Lil, I am so sorry. I miscarried our first baby at about 6 or 7 weeks. I had only just out that I was pregnant and it was a big shock, completely unplanned (we had only been married 8 weeks) and was full of mixed emotions when I started to bleed and a little embryo came out. Maybe it was seeing this eensy tiny thing made it real but I was so surprised at how upset I was. Being pregnant hadn't been top of my list of things to be at that time but I was devasted at losing our little baby. My husband didn't really get it because it was a non event for him but I went through the whole grieving process for that child. I still think about it. Many hugs.

Lil, how are you feeling today? Hope the pain has receded. Thinking of you.

Thanks so much for your words. I feel so much better today, I'm now back at work. I really felt awful last week, and you made me realise I was allowed to feel sorry for myself, even though it was an early miscarriage. I even showed your messages to my hubby, and he was really touched, as Harrysmum said they don't really get it, as its not physically happening to them.

Problem is, mentally I really can't get my head into work - kept saying to dh that I want to pack it in and spend all day doing what really matters, i.e. looking after my son! Sure this side effect will fade, but not sure if I want it to!!

Lil, glad you're feeling better. I think it is hard to get back into the swing of things, even though practicalities dictate this is what you must do.

When my mother died it reminded me how precious my time is - and how I'd like to spend it with my children. I returned to work after a few weeks but felt extremely displaced and just couldn't concentrate in the same way as before. It took me ages to admit this to myself because on first sight it looked like I was functioning fine.

In my case it took many months before I was fully up to speed.

If I can offer you any advice, it would be please treat yourself gently. Don't expect too much of yourself at work for a while. Good luck.

Lil, glad you are feeling a little better. Do take care of yourself. Best wishes Winnie

Lil, take care and we're thinking of you both, as when it happened to us, my husband did have his thoughts as well. Look after yourself, and look forward to a good discussion with you when you are back to full "Lil capacity", took me a while to get back to full Mary capacity, it does happen.

Take care.

Lil, so sorry to hear about what you have been through and I think what everyone has said about the emotional side of it and coming to terms with a loss is very true. When I had a miscarriage a friend who had experienced the same thing said that she always considered the foetus they lost as a baby and hence thinks of herself as having had three children (she has 2 lovely boys now). For some reason I found this very comforting - probably because it recognised that from the moment you know you are pregnant it is a baby inside of you no matter how early on. So I always think of myself now as having had two children - even though I only have one (gorgeous)one with me now. Hope this helps you - it did me.

Roglyn, thanks for your encouraging words. You're right I shouldn't give up hope. Deep down I know that I haven't given up ( once a month at "the right time" my husband certainly knows that I've not given up as well!!).

Lil, I felt just like that when I had a miscarriage - work just didn't feel important and I couldn't get my act together at all. It faded after a while but took longer than i had expected. Chocolate helps i find.

Roz, partners definitely benefit don't they? At least they know they're on a promise once a month! Feels like endless waiting though, I convinced myself I was pregnant last month, but I wasn't, I was just extra specially hormonal. I'm still on a progesterone supplement - what a palaver...

I've given up thinking about what's going on in my body. Since the miscarriage (15 months ago) I have convinced myself half a dozen times that I'm pregnant. I'm still convinced that some of those times I was but then lost it before it really took hold. My periods have always been bang on time - Greenwich meantime could be set by me - and since the miscarriage I have been two days early more often than not - usually when I start to analyse the various twinges, aches and pains coming from my uterus. So now I work hard at trying not to think about it.

What I hate is the influence this all has over my life. I spend my thime thinking "should I do this?, should I drink that? should I go in the jacuzzi with my daughter after swimming? etc etc. - just in case! And then when my period comes every month I feel like going overboard on all the things I've given up over the past two weeks. It seems to be a constant cycle of hope and despair. I'm getting better now, though, at looking at the positive side of not being pregnant like giving our daughter all of our attention, being able to finish my five year Osteopathy degree (currently three years in) on time etc. I'm hoping to get to the point where it really is fine either way as opposed to just telling myself its fine either way.

Roz,
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like that. I've only been trying for 4 months since my miscarriage in January, but I've started to get completely obsessed. I'm getting to the stage where I'm not sure that I even want to try and get pregnant at all as it makes me feel like I'm losing it! I was convinced I was pregnant last month but I wasn't. 5 days late though...and I never used to be late at all. I got through so many pregnancy tests you wouldn't believe it...This is costing a fortune. I've also started to get a bit bitter and twisted about friends and family who are pregnant or have just had babies. I heard a rumour about someone I don't like being pregnant and I was in floods. 'She doesn't deserve to be pregnant when I'm not' etc...I hate this. Why can't babies just be pre ordered. Maybe even over the internet....

What I find infuriating is not being able to plan certain things ahead. It affects everything, like holiday plans - particularly if you're worried (as I will be should I manage to conceive) that you'll have a miscarriage again. I'd hate to go through the whole thing abroad.

And I never quite enjoy a drink until my period comes and I know I'm safe!

Good news....It's taken 5 months but I'm finally pregnant again. A very definite blue line appeared straight away when I did a test this lunchtime! I'm so excited. i'm planning my cravings already! We already decided not to tell anyone until the 12 weeks scan is done but I had to tell someone....So feel very honoured. You've come before my Mum!

Yippee!! Hmonty - great news.

Congrats Hmonty! I'm 8 weeks pregnant and only my dh and Mumsnet know!

Well Done Hmonty. Thanks for telling us first it is always so exciting, its hard to keep it to yourself. Good luck and keep us informed.