miscarriage

[Lil]

Susan, I wish I could think of something to help you that doesn't sound crass! Maybe you should give your little girl a hug and remind yourself what its all about. She's there as proof you're a great mum. Have a good cry and let it all out.

We're thinking of you.

Mima - Hope that you have a fabulous time in Sotogrande - we have been going there for the past 15 years for summer holidays - its absolutely beautiful - have you been before? I can recommend some fantastic restuarants.

Tlb,
But I thought I just had to sit on a wet toilet seat!

Actually hubbie has threatened not to have sex for at least the next 6 months....Even in a house undergoing major refurbishment, housing two tots and two full time working adults ie extreme tiredness...I can't see that lasting long!! I have my vays....

Actually reminds me of a joke. Have you heard of the Condom family pack? They're the ones with holes in....

ooo that's bad. Blame that on Thursday mornings!

Joz - suggestions for restaurants would be very welcome. I am very similiar with the area as I have family in Gibraltar so am down that way around three times a year. We usually stay at San Roque Club and have rented in Duquesa and Puerto Banus around half a dozen times. We have gone to Sotogrande to watch polo and for lunch to one of the beach clubs but we have not actually stayed there before. Do you have kids? What do you make of the place?

Hmonty

sshhh Tom might hear you!!

Anyway it can't possibly be the toilet seat as they never put it down - I think its holding hands actually!!

what... what?!! ;)

Sitting on thr same chair or even being in the same room works for us!!
As you can tell I'm feeling a bit better. We've decided to try again just as soon as I have a period. Hubby is looking forward to this. We've never tried long before, so he's hoping for a bit longer trying this time!!!!
Susan

Hubby has said we can try again straight away! I'd like to say that I convinced him with a well reasoned arguement.....But I think I just wore him down! Also, choose the right moment - just as he was dropping off to sleep! I think he said 'oh, ok then' just to shut me up. No going back now though!

Hurrah for you Hmonty!

Hmonty

Congrats - I bet you'll love sitting on a wet loo seat for a while no wonder hubby agreed!!

I tried that one but he remembered in the morning so I was back to square one...

Joz - have your got these suggestions for good restaurants in Sotogrande??

To all you ladies that have had a miscarriage- my heart goes out to you.I miscarried my first baby at 12 weeks- a real 5o'clock in the morning ambulance job and like others I had been comparing notes with a neighbour whose baby was due about the same time. Those next 6 months were hard, watching her bloom. However i fell pregnant again, fairly quickly,. as we had been assured that it was 'just one of those things'.All was fine until about 12 weeks, and again I had some bleeding which was horrific as it was over Christmas, I was on bed rest indoors, and as we were trying to sell our house, I had people trooping round when all I really wanted was peace and quiet. I had a scan and found out that I was expecting twins. I didn't have a good pregnancy with that fear hanging over me that it would happen again, but I went on to have two healthy babies. Just over two years later the same thing happened-rotten pregnancy but another set of girls twins! I still think about that first baby[i wonder if it was a boy] and that was 19 years ago. The hardest thing the first time round was going back to work and people not realising, and having to explain.Maybe it is mostly nature's way but that is no consolation when you're going through it. Christine

Well Twinsmum2, two sets of twins, and all girls at that, so how old are they now? It makes me mad that in the 'real' world miscarriage is such a taboo. It's so common and yet noone knows how to deal with it. Following the birth of a beautiful girl in October 1997 I thought producing a sibling for her would be as much a breeze as she had been. We tried again in May 1999 and I fell pregnant immediately, the dating scan in August showed that the baby - they called it a foetus, but it was a baby to me - had died at six and a half weeks. It was such a shock, nothing could have prepared us for that news. One minute we were part of the expectant parents club, but as we left the scan room I felt like an alien to these other women. Two other miscarriages followed in the next year, the last in August last year. And the NHS are now getting round to investigating. The follow up appointment for the various bloods they took was sent through for June! And, excuse me, I had to go to the antenatal department to have the blood taken - sensitive or what! Fortunately they changed the appt to March where I was told that everything is fine, which is reassuring, but in some ways you feel you'd like something to be wrong so you can do something about it. Anyway I had another appointment yesterday with a gynae at the hospital. I didn't know what it was for and was expecting they'd made a mistake but turned up anyway. Anyway it was a pep talk to chat me through 'the next pregnancy' and what a brilliant talk it was. It occured to me that the medical profession is so scientific but a miscarriage is so emotional and while counselling is offered in some cases - well for one of my miscarriages - it's hard to find someone to really talk it through with. I will talk to anyone and everyone about my miscarriages, it's the only thing that's helped me. So meeting this woman and finding this forum is brilliant - I feel so bouyed up, I'd like to try for a baby right now. But the gynae's doing some amazing things like doing scans of my cycle to check that my eggs are developing as normal - and so on and so forth, plus I need (another) Rubella jab and the vaccine's live for three months so I can't try during that time.
Sorry, a tendancy to go on as you can see - thanks for reading if you have, I'm just feeling so positive about the outcome of the next one and I think attitude's an important thing.
Best wishes

Tlb,
I don't know if you've persuaded your other half yet but I've got another suggestion for you. Last week we were looking through and cataloguing our video collection. We've had a camcorder since I became pregnant the first time so it showed all the different stages of two pregnancies including the shots taken just after both births (not during I hasten to add! the camera would have been thrown across the room if hubbie had tried that one!) and the boys as they've got bigger. My husband got all teary eyed and said 'we really should have another one as soon as possible'. Well he didn't have to convince me! So, how about a spot of video (if you are lucky enough to have some) or photo filling. You never know!

Good luck.

I've just sat here reading all of these postings crying my eyes out. My only miscarriage happened 11 years ago, and I still think about it now, I was 11 weeks and it was the week after valentines day, my husband and I had just got engaged. I had such bad cramps and extremely heavy bleeding, I lived on my own but luckily had good friends nearby who took me to their house to rest, but next morning things got a lot worse, my friend rang the doctor who phoned for an ambulance, but they were on strike!! Just what I needed, an army ambulance was supposed to be on its way but never turned up, in the end the doc phoned the hospital and my friends took me.

Once there I was put into a side room, countless nurses and doctors were in and out with various bowls full of bloodied towels etc. In the end instead of doing a D&C they changed it to an ERPC (Evacuation of Remaining Product of Conception). They told me that it was just one of those things and obviously wasn't meant to be. Sorry to go into such graphic detail, but, that is the only bit I haven't really told anyone about.

Even with all that going on the only thought that kept going through my head was, would my fiance (now hubby) still want to marry me? Luckily he did, he took a week off work to stay with me (living at opposite ends of the country). I am happy to say that we've been married now for 10½ years and have 2 lovely kids (even though I moan about them).

Good luck to you all, keep trying.

Just to let you know that after having had the horrendous experience of miscarrying in January I am now pregnant again! I am only 5 weeks, delighted but extremely nervous and scared. I hope that it all goes okay for us this time. Have got to have an early scan in a few weeks to determine that it has a heartbeat and seems to be growing okay. We paid for private consultation in February to get genetic testing and blood tests done so everything came back okay so at least I know that the miscarriage was due to the baby not being right as opposed to me having done something wrong. Wish me luck!

Mima,
That is the best news. Congrats and good luck. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Congratulations Mima - hope all goes well, didn't you say in an earlier message that you wanted to be pregnant by August? If so you're very much on schedule!

Good luck Mima. That's great news. Fingers crossed for you!

Good luck Mima, hope you are feeling ok

That's brilliant news Mima. Fingers crossed and lots of very best wishes.

If you have suffered recurring miscarriages, I've just read an article on the online version of the Daily Telegraph about Hughes Syndrome or Antiphospholipid Syndrome. Apparently, a percentage of women who suffer recurring miscarriages have this syndrome. It is something to do with blood clotting and the placenta. However, not all GPs are aware of it and therefore don't send women to be tested. There is some degree of treatment available with blood thinning drugs.
There is a web site address for anyone who wants to find out more: www.hughes-syndrome.org

Congratulations Mima. I am really happy for you and, if I'm truthful with myself, also envious.I had a miscarriage over a year ago and am now giving up hope of ever having a second. It took me a long time to get pregnant the first time (over a year) and when I did manage it, was so thrilled that we could do it that I think I could have coped with a miscarriage. I remember saying to my husband that even if we lost the baby at least we knew that there was nothing wrong with us. The pregnancy was a breeze and resulted in the most gorgeous little girl ever to have walked this earth (I'm sure you all think that of your own!) When she was 9months old we started trying for another and were somewhat surprised that it didn't happen straight away. For some reason I thought that having had one, the mechanism had been kicked into action and the next would be easy peasy. Not so. It took 11 months the next time. I was ecstatic and thought it would be plain sailing from then on. I then miscarried at 12 weeks which, I have to say, devastated me. I still get upset about the fact that he or she just went down the pan. My husband and I stood in the bathroom for what seemed an age agonising over what to do and in the end all we could think of was pulling the chain. It didn't seem right to bury him or her in the garden along with about 5 cats! I wish there had been something else that we could have done.It is now a year later and I'm still not pregnant and I'm beginning to feel that I missed my only chance to have a brother or sister for my little girl. I am already 40 so feel that maybe my eggs are beyond their sell-by-date. An up side is that I now see my little one as even more of a miracle than I did before. I also concentrate on all the attention she gets which would be somewhat diluted by the arrival of another. So, looking at it that way, I have something to celebrate each month. When my period arrives (as it so regularly seems to) I celebrate the fact that my little girl does not have to share us (and we don't have to go back to nappies and sterilising and sleepless nights)and the day it doesn't arrive .... well we can celebrate the return of nappies, sterilising and sleepless nights!

Roz - don't know if you're still reading as it's a while since you posted. Just wanted to say that I'm 42 and miscarried this january. Still trying, but you never know once you get over 40 do you? I've been to a consultant who said that my progesterone was low and prescribed me a supplement - quite easy and cheap to do and no side effects (he says!). Of course I don't know what my eggs are like. But my consultant said as long as you're healthy and have got pregnant in the past, it's still all to play for. And look at Cherie Blair..

Reading this, I'm struck by what we all go through. Thank goodness for other women though!Support from girl friends helps more than anything - and quite a few wonen I talked to told me they'd had miscarriages and I didn't even know.

Good luck to anyone who's trying again

Has anyone had an early miscarriage, where you didn't even realise you were pregnant?

I spent the whole of tuesday night lying awake with awful cramps.Then I bled yesterday and the doctor told me nature was sorting it out etc. I wouldn't dream of comparing it to a later miscarriage as this was only a month, but I am a bit worried/surprised how painful its been. I mean there can't be much for the body to get rid of can there? yet I'm still having painful cramps today. I'm sure its OK butjust wanted you guys to tell me its normal!!