miscarriage

[Lil]

Susan, I wish I could think of something to help you that doesn't sound crass! Maybe you should give your little girl a hug and remind yourself what its all about. She's there as proof you're a great mum. Have a good cry and let it all out.

We're thinking of you.

Lil, Congratulations!!

I'm just going to burst if I don't tell someone (besides dh)! After many months of trying and a miscarriage in early July.....I'm pregnant!!! Only 4.5 weeks so I know it's really too early to get excited and start telling everyone, but I was starting to despair that I would ever fall pregnant again!

Thats great news Chelle, will keep fingers tightly crossed for you!

Good for you Chelle. Take it easy and good luck

Hi, feeling miserable and confused, dh is out at work and ds is asleep so thought I'd see if any of you were around.

A couple of weeks ago I had a really bad 'period' with cramps like labour pain and load of blood/clots (sorry if anyone squeamish is reading this). This was only my third period since the birth of ds (breastfed for quite a while) but counting days from the one before I was 2 weeks late. I had had unprotected sex that month at around the time when I should have been ovulating. So it was possible that I had been pregnant.
I was on anti-depressants for postnatal depression at the time.
I saw my GP (because I wanted to come off the anti-depressants), and whilst I was there mentioned the heavy period - She replied that it was probably my body 'readjusting', then told me that under no circumstances should I have unprotected sex whilst on these tablets since it was uncertain what they would do to a baby.

I now feel awful and keep thinking back. If it was a very early miscarriage then I feel responsible as I was taking the tablets but I hadn't been warned not to get pregnant whilst taking them (and I didn't read the instruction leaflet). It took a long time for me to get pregnant with ds (I have polycystic ovary syndrome) and I would love another child.

I know I'm being stupid as I don't even know if I was pregnant but I feel like I'm grieving for a baby that probably didn't even exist. I suppose my post natal depression isn't helping.

Just wanted to get this off my chest - can't bring myself to discuss it with people in real life as I feel too pathetic compared to people who have had 'real' miscarriages.

Bluebear, you're not pathetic. Not much to say except to offer my sympathy. Maybe it's a good thing that you didn't know whether you were pregnant or not? I suppose I'm saying could you try telling yourself that you probably weren't?

And you shouldn't blame yourself for anything IMHO, since you didn't know that the anti-depressants meant you shouldn't get pregnant (but now you do, which is a good thing for trying next time).

I hope it helped to get it off your chest. I think you're being too hard on yourself: there's nothing to berate yourself for. Good luck, sympathy...

I'm here Bluebear, and you shouldn't apologise for the way you feel. Your hormones are probably all over the place by now. I doubt the anti-depressants would have instigated a miscarriage, all they would do is possibly affect the baby's development, but I was offered them when I was pregnant so the evidence is not conclusive.

Give yourself time and a bit of pampering. It's normal to feel so low, especially if you are having PND too, do you have a close friend you can talk to? Does your dh understand how you feel? Accidents do happen but don't beat yourself up about it, it could be your body re-adjusting like the doc said, but if it was a pregnancy it was a very early one and there are lots of reasons why it might have miscarried, none of them are your fault at all.

Sorry I can't be of more help, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone out there and if you want to moan, then go ahead!

PS, I set up a website at www.unplannedpregnancies.freeservers.com which deals with ante and postnatal depression. My dd was an unplanned pregnancy and I had a awful pregnancy with her, so please feel free to visit my site and hopefully it will help to know that there are lots of us out there who have suffered from depression and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Have a glass of wine too

Thanks WWW and Rhubarb - it's helped just to be able to 'talk' to someone. Guess I'm just feeling low at the moment as I'm sort-of alone in the house. Of my real life friends, the couple that I would think could understand have both announced that they are pregnant in the last couple of weeks which is great for them but I have to say I am SO envious!
Dh knows how I feel but he has many things on his plate at the moment (and he is a lovely soppy man and the idea of losing a baby is horrific to him - normally I'm the tough one).
I know the best thing to do is to just put this behind me and carry on. My depression, in general, has been getting a lot better recently and I've stopped taking the tablets and started watching my diet (have to be careful about sugar levels or I don't ovulate), so may be I'll get lucky soon - I'm sure a real pregnancy will take my mind off this. Once again, thanks for 'listening'.

Anytime Bluebear. I know a little of how you are feeling. I am beginning to wish I could have another, even though my pregnancy was a complete disaster and the midwives told me I should get sterilised! But dd is coming up to 2 and I don't really want her to be alone, both me and dh are from big families. But I haven't told dh how I feel, he thinks I don't want any more because of what happened. Perhaps it's my hormones, but I would love to start over again, perhaps enjoy my pregnancy this time! I feel I missed out on a lot of things and I regret that and will always grieve for missing out on her whilst she was such a part of me. I find I am hoping that we will have an 'accident' as we are using condoms at the moment. Oh I know this is not relevant to this thread, sorry if I've offended anyone who has had a miscarriage. Just had to get that off my chest.

I've just been to your site Rhubarb - it's great. Wonderful that you are using what must have been a terrible experience and trying to help others.

As for trying for number 2, just remember that you're 'going into it' from a different point of view this time so maybe it'll be different.
Personally, I'm of the opinion that just because I was depressed this time it doesn't necessarily mean I will be next time and anyway if I do get depressed this time at least I already know that I can pull myself through. Hopefully I will recognise that 'feeling of despair and the belief that it will never change' and tell myself that my feelings are 'lies', that the introspection and anxiety is transient and that I will get through it because I've done it before.
Here's hoping we'll both be starting a 'new baby' thread on mumsnet in the not-too-far away future.
I'm now going to go and do some jumping jacks because they are so silly that they cheer me up (Hmm.. I have strange coping strategies).
Best of Luck, and thanks for talking.

Thanks to you too Bluebear! Now how do I tell my dh?!

I love your site, Rhubarb. I think it's really brave and thought-provoking. Good luck with deciding on whether to go for another baby.

Hi. I was 17 when I first became pregnant, just before my 18 birthday. At first it was a shock, but my boyfriend and i had no doubts about keeping the baby. we were already living together, so it didn't seem too bad. well, at eight weeks I started having cramps, and started to blead. I saw the doctor and he said I had miscarried, and would have to go to the hospital for a scan. The miscarriage was incomplete, but was advised to let it come away naturally, instead of having treatment. I bled for about 2 or three weeks.

My boyfriend and I decided a couple of months later to try for a baby, and we were quite apprehensive at the thought of another miscarriage, but all went well, and Aimée was born a year and one week after my miscarriage.

Aimée is now 1 and a half, and we're going to try for our second child later this year. we are still worried though about having another miscarriage. I don't know how either of us would cope with a second miscarriage. I have had a friend who has a miscarriage then a child, and then three or four miscarriages before her second child. Is this common? What are the chances that I will miscarry again?
Thanks xx

I am six weeks and started to bleed today with abdominal pains. I know I am miscarrying, I just want to know what I should expect. Will I see it come out? What is a D&C? I just want to be prepared. Thanks

Rhubarb, I have just posted a message to you on the other thread and am so sorry you are going through such a shitty time at the moment. At 6 weeks, you do not see a baby if you miscarry, just blood and some clotting, usually accompanied by cramping. A D&C is where you are put under a general anaesthetic (sp?), the cervix is dilated and the contents of the uterus gently removed. It is a safe procedure and the doctors are usually pretty thorough as I think the only real danger nowadays is if the womb is not completely empty as this can lead to infection.

Take care xxx

So sorry to hear that - has brought back memeries. When I miscarried the whole foetal sac came out in one go - it was just like a large blood clot - I wasn't sure what was going on and so I put it in a container and called the doctor who confirmed what had happened. I hadn't known I was pregnant. I am praying for you.

Hi Rhubarb. I am so sorry. When I bled in my last pregnancy I had a scan and the mc was confirmed as an incomplete abortion ie there was no heartbeat but the foetus remained in place. I had an op a bit like a d&c (called something like removal of retained products). It was painless under a general anasthetic and I went home next day. PLease inssit they do this asap, Barnet hospital expected me to wait a week before the op as there were no available beds. Love Bunnyxx

Rhubarb, I'm really sorry. I had the same experience as soxwasher, what appeared to be a huge clot after a week of bleeding (although I was 8/9 weeks). I didn't need a D and C, they scanned me to check everything had come out and it had. I feel for you.

Rhubarb, I'm so sorry that you have had such an awful time of it lately. I had the same experiences as tamum/soxwasher - when I had a m/c at 8/9 weeks it was just a heavy bleed and a scan to ensure no tissue was left behind. Thinking of you xxx ((( hugs )))

Rhubarb, so sorry to hear about this latest blow. I've not had an early miscarriage myself but from the literature I've seen from the Miscarriage Association I'd agree with what the others have said. If you've not checked it out already, here is their website: Miscarriage Association , I hope it provides some help at least.
Thinking of you and sending you cyberhugs, Rhubarb.
Did anyone else spotting this sad news scroll back through the whole of this long thread and wonder how some of the other contributors are faring? Cl, Hmonty? Mima, we don't hear much from you these days...and of course Bells and Lil went on to have their dds. I hope good fortune came in due course to all the others too.
Personally I've found Mumsnet more helpful long-term than any specialist website on pregnancy loss because not only is it full of kind and understanding people but there is so much else being discussed, parenting and otherwise, to divert and amuse.
And three and a half years on from Cl's original post, I think many of us would agree that decent medical support for people who suffer any pregnancy loss, however early, is still not widely enough available...

So sorry Rhubarb. My heart goes out to you.

I had a mc at 7 weeks a while back now. I had bleeding for a day or so, and then lost the whole sac in one go - just like a large softish clot really, covered in blood. There was certainly no way of telling what it was though.

I went to the doctors when I first starting belleding and was booked in for a scan 2 days later - after losing the sac in the end. The scan simply confirmed what I already knew; that there was nothing there. Fortunately this did mean no further intervention was needed.

Please allow yourself plenty of time to recover this and to grieve. I didn't at the time and was suddely hit by it all a few months later. Take some time for yourself and your partner as soon as you can.

Take care.

rhbarb- i m/carried at 7 and a hallf weeks, They wanted to d and c me, as they thought it might be ectopic and wanted to check (the scan showed something on the ovary as well as in the uterus). In the end I begged not to have a d and c (I'm a totaly wuss when it comes to GA's). They agreed to keep scanning to see if I could miscarry myself. I did- it was like a very heavy period. I didn't see any sort of baby- although I did pass one massive clot. Since then I have heard of a lot of people who have m/caried without a d and c. So if you don't want to have one you won't have to. The advantage of the d and c of course is that it is all over faster and you don't have to keep going back for scans.

The worst thing about the m/carriage for me was the hospitalisation of it all- I hate those places, The staff were all very kind though.

Thinking of you.....