Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

No, I'm not TLL

Brassic I am sorry I haven't been around on email much (I know you said not to worry but I feel I have left you in the lurch slightly)

things have moved on a long way from your first post just a few days ago? I know things seem very tough but think how far you have come (mentally accepting your problem if nothing else, and how many decisions you have made) since you started this thread.

You know I kind of half remembered the Stiller thing and I don't think you upset half so many people as you thought you did at the time. Not really relevant but there you go.

People who are advising BM to give up completely - yes she needs to do this in the long term but at the moment she has two choices - cut down gradually or undergo a medical detox in hospital using Librium. Stopping drinking when you are a heavy and habitual drinker can cause convulsions, brain damage and death.

There is not any point in talking about giving up tonight as you are already drinking. The only thing I can say is that tomorrow is really another day and maybe when you get up with the familiar dry mouth bad back thick head feeling, my guess is that you will not want to come on here again until your head starts clearing and you feel alright. That is when the feeling for a drink starts up again, am I right? This is only advice as I am a relapsed AA member. When I got that first day over with. It was okay. The next morning I got up ready to face the world.

hi mrcey/sorry I am pissssed. Shes made contaft now. I was a bit worired.l Only os I have had acrap day mseuylf

sorry thread hyjecak over

xxx

Actually talking with you BM has helped me. I am going to bed before starting on another bottle as I am starting to remember things that I felt and do not want to feel tomorrow. Stay strong. I am thinking of you.

Sobernow before I go I would like to remind you that I did suggest that BM call NHS direct if she wants to stop outright

losty, no problem, hopefully we'll speak at some stage.

Kokeshi, Franny, Sobernow and ohters that have posted on this thread, including Brassic. Thank you.

dont know if this is helpful, or not, but the pain of not saying this is terrible. For those of you who might have seen my other thread recently, my sister is currently drinking herself to death. 2 nights ago - the latest binge - she drank 2 gallons of cider followed by a bottle of gin, and that;s just what we know about. We are trying to get her into rehab, but she doesn't want to stop. She is losing her home, her job and everything else. She now sees death as the only outcome and may well be proved right. It is breaking my heart. I honestly believe that if she had got help earlier, Brassic, she would have found it easier to stop, but she was led to believe that 'cutting down' would help her towards controled drinking. That was, and is, bullshit. Alcoholic personalities shouldn't drink. Period. Sorry to be blunt, but everything else just seems to be pointless.

I was about to got to bed but- there is obviously some contradictory advice as to how to deal with alcohol problems.

I think Brassic has been given advice which is specific to her situation and she has to follow that.

Night all

This will be my final post tonight as I definetly am not sober anymore.

Franny you have not left me in the lurch. You've been a fucking fantastic support to me and you're a MNr that I've long admired (and I only recently knew that you were a drinker yourself). To get an email from you (regardless if you reply to every email I send or send me some words weekly) is a massive help. It is the re-inforcement that I can become a normal, worthwhile (and dare I say it, successful person) beyond this that I need to hear. Please don't think you're not doing enough. You're doing plenty and if you were doing anymore I'd feel guilty that I was pissing you off and taking you away from your normal life - please don't think that you have to reply to every email. Everything I've told you so far is coming out in this thread after I've had a casual response from you - I can't tell you what a massive support that has been. Just to know that you haven't gone 'woah you're a nutcase' is what I need right now, and you've been spot on with that.

Callme - I am so sad to hear about your sister. I have had very sad times with my own sister and have witness her lose everything. it is very painful indeed to see your sister be told that she is not allowed to have contact with her daughter without SS involvement - even more painful is the realisation that she doesn't even want contact and will actively avoid it.

Please understand that I'm doing my best right now. I can't go cold turkey without risking my health seriously. I'm not going to kid you or me that I want to go cold turkey because I don't and the thought of it scares the shit out of me.

I am really sorry to hear that your sister is so ill though. I know it's frustrating and guttening from personal experience with my own sister. I am not doing this because I don't care.

BM, if you can try and stick to the plan that was given to you today you will be doing brilliantly. Over the past few days you have made huge strides. You have admitted to having a problem and you have gone out and asked for help.

It's all small steps BM. Just keep on onning!

BM - the medical advice you have had is sound and it seems realistic the way you are approaching it.

You have lots of support on here.

Well done for tonight. (and I didn't use the c word!)

We all have to take our own journey to reach a place of some peace I think. I tried the cutting down, switching drinks, stopping for weeks at a time. This was the path I had to take, and everyone's is different.

Unfortunately I can't tell you or anyone else how to get sober, but I can tell you that it is achievable if you are willing to step out of denial. Somethings we will hang on to through fear, and I think this period of "permission" to drink has given you a bit of relief. That's fine, just keep taking it a day at a time.

If it doesn't work out you have alternatives like AA. Maybe in the future you will have to confront the fact that you cannot drink at all. Sobriety isn't a life sentence, having a clear mind and a hangover free morning is one of the best gifts I have received in sobriety. Not to mention my dignity, self-worth and self-esteem.

Saying you are an alcoholic is really semantics at the end of the day. You are not weak, you have an illness, and there is a solution if you really want it.

I wish everyone well who's struggling with alcohol at the moment. You're in my thoughts.

I completely second what Kokeshi said there. While still in the grip of alcohol, it is impossible to think of a drink-free day without dread. I spent my alcoholic years constantly, anxiously, obsessively counting up how much left, how much more I could have, where to get the next bottle from. There was no joy in it.

And once free of it, what you get in return is a wonderful physical well-being you had forgotten existed. Maybe you never noticed it, when you were well and before all this started. But I can tell you that waking up each day feeling the peace and good health and clear mind that I do now, is better than a million moments of transient, artificial, chemical joy of the moment when a drink goes down.

Please hold that in your mind, BM. You will feel so much better, soon, if you get it out of your system. Thinking of you.

I think you would have to be drinking an awful lot to get that ill by giving up.My dp was a heavy drinker and stopped with the help of AA.He did suffer for a few days but he has a life now.BM I think you shoild ask for a detox if it is available to you because you are still drinking and it is so bad for you.I am sure whatever limit was set to an alcoholic would be exceeded.My dp always says 1 drink is too many and 10 isn't enough.Please stop for yuor childs sake

Noddy she is drinking a litre of spirits most days and it can kill you to stop cold turkey while drinking that much. She isn't making excuses or prevaricating.

I stopped by cutting down gradually because I very much wanted to avoid a medical detox. I would have lost my job if I had had to take a week off to treat alcohol problems. I am not sure who would look after Brassic's son if she had to go into detox for a week? As Kokeshi says there is more than one way to achieve sobriety.

Brassic, I am very glad if anything I have said has helped but, as I really haven't said very much at all, I know that you deserve much more of the credit for facing up to this than you are allowing yourself

franny I didn't know she was drinking that much and I do think anything is a step forward its just that I have also seem some disasters were people have tried to moderate and the fact that they couldn't sent them further down I think coming on here and admitting this to the medical services is a huge step for brassic and she is only to be commended for that.

How are you today BM?

How ya doin' BM? Offload!

Noddy, perhaps you?re right and a medical detox would be better. I don?t know tbh. I?m not exaggerating the amount I?ve been allowed to drink ? what would be the point? I could just as easily lie about the amount I?m drinking and pretend that I?m only drinking 250mls or whatever ? what?s the point? Using this thread to be honest is helping me to unravel why I?ve go to this stage.

I could have a medical detox as an in-patient or an out-patient. It involves being given a drug similar to valium ? I?ve never taken this drug before and I don?t know what the effects would be. I?m not sure if I would be permanently high and have to do the school run like that. I?m no way prepared to do detox as an in-patient at the moment. My sister did it earlier this year and I?m trying not to follow in her footsteps. It?s a self-preservation thing. I really doubt that I could keep Social Services out of this if I was in hospital on a detox. She couldn?t keep social services out of her life and her daughter was removed. No doubt there are some people reading this who think DS should be taken into care, but maybe they haven?t seen it happen.

D?you know what? I didn?t even know how much I drank when I was asked at the very beginning of this thread. I said 4 litres per week because that?s the average amount of bottles in the recycling bin. I?ve been battling with myself for months, knowing I had a big problem, promising myself that I wouldn?t go to the off-licence, but I always did. I also put at the start of the thread that I had 2 nights off a week ? that?s true ? but only because DS stays at his dad?s 2 nights a week and I go on an all night bender, sometimes still drinking at 10am ? then I?m in bed sleeping it off all day and can?t get to the off-licence and feel so ill that I couldn?t physically lift the glass even if I had someone else go for me.

500mls of vodka made me feel uninhibited ? that?s all. I really, really wanted to get to the next stage at least ? so I had another 100 mls. I don?t know what to think this morning. I couldn?t even stick to half a bloody litre of vodka

Sorry I?ve written this as if I?m having a go at Noddy. I?m not. I just started off by addressing what you said about detox and then carried on in rant style. I?m really angry with myself this morning, no-one else.

I thought it might be hard.

600ml is fine for the first night, surely? Don't be hard on yourself. Tonight you can go for a little less and I think it will be hard for a long while.

What is your key motivator to stop drinking?

I think you are completely right to go for an approach where your ds is unlikely to be taken into care BTW.

Can you also start putting back the time that you start drinking and keep to a strict bedtime? That would narrow down the available time to drink...would that work?

Thanks Daleks. I think I will adjust the starting amount though and go down by 1 unit a night.

Good advice about starting and finishing times. I?m clock watching all the time. I think maybe I should start with singles as well and add more mixer to my glass. That should take me longer to drink it.

Going to get on with a few things now. Thanks for looking in.