Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

earlgrey, are you alright? What's up?

That's really sad dionnelorraine. There's no doubt that this illness is a killer, and everyone around the drinker suffers too. I wish you well.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I DID IT!!! It wasn?t so bad actually. I didn?t sleep well and I was a bit miserable and stressed but I didn?t really crave that much. Am I right in thinking that there is no more alcohol in my body now? (last drink was at 6pm Tuesday night).

Dimples ? that is a really sweet gesture. I?ll email you. Thank you

Dionne ? that?s tragic. I?m really sorry

Earlgrey ? you?re not hijacking. Come back and talk when you?re ready (hopefully you?re getting some sleep now).

We did end up watching football last night. EX-P?s choice of DVD didn?t really appeal ? The Fast and the Furious Tokyo drift . Very clever of him

my goodness! well done you - that is fantastic.

well done BM. I hope you are proud of yourself! Do you feel healthier?

thanks BM and Kokeshi. It is tragic, but there is nothing we can do. We, as a family have tried so hard for years to help him. You can only help someone if they want to be helped! Hope that this story is a little insentive for people that have these kind of problems, to help themselves.

Hey Earlgrey, BM, everyone,

Sobering story from Dionnelorraine. Thank you for sharing that. It's true that the families suffer which mostly is why BM's journey (for BM's journey read everyone's journey) is so important.

Where's BM today? Really want to know how yesterday went.

Brassic!

I am actually having a little weep now, I am so happy for you

Cross-posted. Hey BM! That's great!!

Thank you. I feel a bit tearful as well. It's so different to a usual night off from the booze. I stayed sober because I've made a committment rather than because I feel too ill to drink.

The weather is beautiful this morning too.

Oh, and yes dionne. I feel much, much, much healthier. I hated waking up with that dry mouth, terrible thirst, headache etc. I didn't sleep that well last night, but I did get some natural sleep and it's lovely.

Im so happy for you! Its obvious by your posts that you already seem happier! Keep the commitment up and your life will change, for the better!!

BM! WELL DONE!!!

Ruddy HELL this is so fab! What an amazing thread!

Brassic thank you so much for letting us share this with you

BM, I think you can safely say your body is totally alcohol free now. What do you have planned for tonight?

Tonight will be just a normal night. Hopefully EX-P?s car will be back on the road so he can go home to his flat. It?s been great having him here but we have to share a bed (I know it all sounds odd) and the snoring is driving me mad. Last night he had to get up and go to the sofa (which is only a 2 seater and he?s a big bloke, so it?s not fair) because I just couldn?t take the noise anymore. Obviously I can?t expect him to cycle home late at night though.

So, tonight ? cook dinner, bath DS, watch some TV, flick through some magazines. What everyone else does I suppose

Franny ? I?m really pleased that people have wanted to share and over the moon if anyone feels they?ve benefited from this thread. I?ve had so much support especially from the posters that keep coming back, as they make me feel like I?m an alright person really. I actually feel really excited at the moment.

I?ve still got stacks of washing to get through and DS?s room needs a good going-over, and plenty of other things to use some energy up on. I?ve got loads of energy at the moment. I look about 5 years older than I am ? loads of greys showing and my skin is sort of greyish and I?ve got bags under my eyes ? but I feel years younger.

Anyway, off to do some work now.

Wahey! Wahey!

Well done!!! That really is fantastic BM, you are doing so unbelievably, amazingly well.

have been following this but not posted before - well done BM I am so pleased for you, you have achieved an amazing turn-aaround in your life in an incredibly short amount of time - I'm feeling all emotional on your behalf, like franny

Sorry, I meant for support. It's an exciting time, but you're still really vulnerable...trying to say this without sounding like a total misery guts! I'm really pleased for you.

Still smiling for you BM

Kokeshi - Earlier on you mentioned that recovery is a work in progress. That's a great line. You also mentioned that eternal vigilance was needed. Do you (does anyone) have any coping strategies or any more thoughts that helped you during this period?

another lurker here feeling ridiculously happy for your achievement. Surely after this you can achieve anything you want in life. Best of luck to you, you bloody deserve it.

This is just so fantastic BM. I can't tell you enough times how impressed I am with you and your intelligence, sensitivity towards others posting on here, honesty, etc. etc. If MN was like this all the time I'd probably never do anything else ever again!

Quattro, just off to the implant centre for another mapping but will just post quickly. IME the most important thing is to keep talking about how you're feeling, because inevitably it was suppressing how I felt that took me back to drink.

Practically speaking, things to occupy yourself when you would normally reach for drink, even if it's a temporary distraction. Anything you enjoyed before drink took over? I really like reading, I try to exercise and creative stuff can also be very therapeutic. I can't stress enough how important it is to keep talking about how you are feeling...that, IME is what's helped me get (and stay) sober.

Will check in later x

Thanks to all the posters that have come in since my last post.

Kokeshi ? I do know what you mean. At the moment I?ve got something to feel good about because I?ve achieved a day of not drinking. I know that isn?t going to last and in a day or 2 (possibly sooner/later) I?ll be back to just being me without a drink, having to deal with all of the emotions and real life problems that I drowned out with drink. The reduction was a big thing to concentrate on so maybe it was still a bit like drinking heavily ? it gave me a break from the reasons why I drink. I know it won?t be enough long-term to make me want to stay sober, and even if I did manage it I?d just be a really miserable person that doesn?t drink.

EX-P will still be here for the evenings for a while yet, so I?ve got someone to talk to in real life ? and he is pretty good at just listening. I phoned the lady from AA yesterday to tell her it was going to be my first sober day and she encouraged me to go to a meeting last night. I didn?t do it as I wanted to stay with family and just see what happened. She was very clear that I could call her at any time to talk or to arrange a meeting. I?d like to think I could just be nice to myself until the weekend is over and then go to a meeting next week.

I know I?m really OTT at the moment and I?m lapping up all the attention because it?s a real achievement and I?m really proud of myself for completing the reduction stage without any serious hiccups. I do know what you?re saying though and I know there are underlying issues. I know I?ve only completed the first stage and that people wouldn?t attend AA meetings for long if it was just about physical dependency. I don?t know whether it?s true for all people who would class themselves as an alcoholic, but I didn?t do this because I like the taste, it was fun or because I slipped into it accidentally. It?s been a thoroughly miserable couple of years and I wouldn?t have let it get this far if I wasn?t getting some relief or other benefit from it.

Good luck with the mapping today. I?m not sure what that means but I hope it?s just routine. I?m really going to move now and get on with things. I can?t believe it?s lunch time already.

BM - well I really do not know what to say, I have been following this thread (one of the few threads I 'watched') and am so totally impressed and proud of what you have achieved. You are a very strong, clever, independant and focused person to have achieved so much over the last few weeks. Its good to see that you also acknowledge that there will be up and downs, so be prepared. My mum was (is, they say you always will be)an alcoholic all through my childhood and the mental scars I have are unbearable sometimes. But she beat it, and has been dry for 15 years and I absolutley unconditionally love her (btw via AA). So just good luck really, well done, have tears in my eyes typing this for you and your DS - he has a fabulous mummy.