Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

It was actually quite shocking to read quattro, it seems that some people just decide that they are right and there's no convincing them otherwise. I never thought for one minute you were lying about your job.

If it's any consolation to you there was apparently a man posing as a female barrister (?) a few years ago and she/he really took people for a ride. Posted about all sorts of really sensitive stuff and got people to open up and confess about their own traumas. She/he was "outed" in the end and the web of lies was just astonishing.

Come and join us on here ( I promise I won't tell you to go to AA ) for a true example of Mumsnet at it's best.

I hope you can get some sleep soon, take care and please don't leave.

Much love to you. x

Sorry, so sorry, Quattro. Those people were so unpleasant to you (for no reason!) it took my breath away. I did post a comment in your support but it was like dealing with a nindlessly gleeful baying rabble of teenage bullies. Well done to you for handling it with such cool. Try not to give it another thought. They disgraced themselves in my opinion but you most certainly did not.

Anyways... hope everyone's well and that, Brassic, you had a good night last night. And all the other people on here going through troubled times due to alcohol, such a false friend.

It was truly dreadful Q, I didn't know what to say or how to say it. There are some real 'bullies' on MN who have a very cruel sense of humour and the urge to pick on someone.

I think as someone else said, knowing when to leave the thread when it's going a particular way is a good thing.

There are, as this thread has proved, some lovely MNetters. Seek them out and ignore the rest.

BM - how did it go last night?

I agree IF, horrible, vindictive and completely pointless.

How are you doing today BM? We'll be out today so I may not get a chance to pop back in until later. Hope everything's OK with you.

x

@BM
How are you doing today?

@Quattro
Just read the other Thread, you were treated horribly and I can understand that you were upset by it. It is so sad that some MNetters abuse MN. I think the only thing to do in that case is to walk away. They were truly like a group of teenage bullies.

Very difficult issues. My mother stopped drinking on my wedding day when she was in her 50s and never drank again right until her death at 75. I still don't know how she was able to take that decision and stick to it but it had to be complete abstinence. We have hugely addictive genes which I see coming out all the time. I'm glad I don't much like alcohol, never smoked, never tried drugs but they come out in other ways too.

BUT people do overcome it. I don't drink at all at the moment but I could always take it or leave it and don't really like the taste. It can be socially awkward but it's very very common these days not to drink, so it won't really affect your social life. Many people though have to change the type of life they lead so it's not centred around pubs and getting drunk and friends who drink too much too. That isn't really fun anyway.

My father and brother are psychiatrists. My whole childhood there were constant tales, very very sad tales, of patients, sometimes over 20 years who kept on and on, got the shakes, all those worst symptoms but many also who came off it and kept off it.

I think a lot of addictions people indulge to avoid having to confront other issues which is why most programmes to get you well include some therapy (or AA discussions), exercise, healthy meals, new interests as well as cutting out drink.

On whether to cut out the addictive substance all at once (where it is one you can indeed live without) or gradually, I just don't know. Heroin addicts sometimes then get addicted to methadone. Most people who are alcoholics can't manage any drinks at all ever. My mother moved on to non alcoholic lager and remained addicted to cigarettes until they killed her.

(Qu, I saw that and hated it. Quite happy to debate legal issues on that thread but I never understand why people make things personal. It says more about them than anything else.)

Thanks for all your posts again.

Elibean ? I have to wait for the clinic to contact me, but I might write them a letter next week telling them that I?ve stopped drinking (touch wood I stick with the plan) if I haven?t heard from them.

WakeUpCall ? I?m really sorry to hear about your blood pressure. I hope it is just a case of white coat syndrome and it turns out to be a good thing that makes you cut down on your drinking. I?m glad you?re talking to your DH about it now.

Franny ? No, I didn?t think it would be possible to sort it out in 3 weeks. I haven?t had an alcohol free day yet, but 2 weeks of controlled, reduced drinking is so much more of an achievement than 2 days of cold turkey followed by a binge. I?m feeling really good about it.

Kokeshi ? Thanks and no-worries about not being around all the time. Hope you?ve got something nice planned for today. I?m planning on sending DS and EX-P out for an hour or so while I have my last drink, possibly to get a take-away and a DVD, so that I can really concentrate on how much I dislike the taste (sort of Allen Carr, Easy Way to Stop Smoking style [for anyone that?s read the book]). Then fill the rest of the evening with nice food and TV. Sounds a bit of a lame ceremony but I?ve never celebrated anything without alcohol before and I want do something sociable but also something that will keep my mind busy.

Xenia ? thanks for contributing. I?m Glad to hear that your mum beat her alcohol addiction.

Quattro ? I hope you?re alright today and I?m pleased to see you?ve had some support on here. Please don?t leave MN.

Last night everything went well. 250mls of vodka and no withdrawal symptoms again today. I think I could probably safely stop now, but I don?t want to be complacent and I?m getting such a kick from being in control and being able to stop at a pre-arranged amount. It?s working at the moment, so no need to change anything.

Hope you?re all enjoying your weekend

Have been following this BM and you are doing brilliant xx

Thanks Noddy. I appreciate that

Yes, a nice thread. Good luck with it.

What I've never understood is how people reach the point to change and make the decision, when they can decide the gambling addiction or whatever it is is harming them more than the pleasure they get from it and whether it's biochemical, which it presumably is with some addictions, or just a force of will thing. Some people seem to have to reach completely low points.

Anyway I hope it goes well.

How are you BM?

Xenia for me it was the recoginition that I was drinking to oblivion to self harm. I was doing it to blot the pain and anger caused by abandonment as a child. Realising it was a harming thing and not an illness or weakness made me stop abusing drink. I still have the anger tho!

Hi BM, wow! You've come a long way in a short amount of time. Keep going.

One thing I found that helped me with the physical cravings is chocolate. I kept a bag of snack size candy bars for times when the urge to have a glass of something hit hard. Talking to other people, it seems that this can take the edge off the craving... something about the sugar in it. Anyway, just thought I'd pass that on as it really helped me. I mean, in addition to meetings, talking to people and all that!

Hope tonight goes well. Keep it up, you're doing fabulously.

snap openuni - except I am still doing it....

I am sorry about that losty - its hard to move on isn't it.

Hi, BM I'm in awe and thats not the drink talking wow...3 weeks, is that all it's taken? this is inspirational, I know I should quit and I do want to but I guess I just don't want enough!!!! at least not enough to fight the cravings

(qu, just read through the thread and tbh, I have only just joined mn and it really is enough to put people off disagreeing and having a debate is one thing, I personally like a good argument, but there was no need for anyone to be personal about it. I believe they lowered themselves to that point because they had run out of any other valid arguments)

Well done BM - 250 is fab and an incredible reduction - you've kept so much in control over the whole time. xxx

BM, this is truly wonderful, you're nearly there and have so much to look forward to. This can be whole new chapter in your life. That goes for everyone, but but the key is to be absolutely ready to take that step.

Xenia, I don't think anyone knows why some people suddenly "get it" and others drink themselves to their deaths. It's the holy grail of alcoholism. By the way, I think you do very well at keeping your dignity on some threads as well. You're absolutely right, it says way more about the person doing the attacking than the target. I've lost a lot of respect for posters I previously enjoyed reading.

Openunilecturer, I know from being in AA that problems are rooted in childhood. There are many dual and multiple addicts, unable to deal with their emotions because their parents weren't able to either. I've done a bit of John Bradshaw work (in a spin-off recovery group) and it was very powerful. He talks about the "Inner Child" concept and toxic shame. It does sound very cheesy and American but I found it really helpful.

losty, I hope you find some peace soon. Everything is there for you when you are ready.

Yes, multiple addictions are very common, I think.

May be don't move to sugar/chocolate, though. It has similar "hit" feelings etc and in a lot of psychiatric clinics they look at diet too as well the cause of the addiction. But I'm not sure how similar all addictions are. The average addicted smoker who turns to food still benefits themselves so I suppose may be there's a hierarchy of what is really bad for you and not so bad although replacing one addiction with another doesn't get you into the root cause and dealing with the underlying childhood or whatever, issue.

I think that's the crux of it Xenia. I was told "Deal with your addictions in the order that they kill you". I posted something on the thread previously about research into alcoholism and sugar sensitivity. It's quite compelling, and makes a lot of sense to me personally.

kokeshi - unfortunately that is not the case, I have recetnly discovered that help is not there. This is not the place to go in to details, but believe me, as BM will testify, help has not been there for me. If we ever meet on msn again I can fill you in. I have asked, no pleaded, for it but have been left to my own devices.

Just wanted to add my support BM and admiration at how well you have done. I've dipped in and out of this thread and I'm thrilled to find tonight that you've stuck at it, it must be very very hard. Well done.

BM at your progress - cannot believe that the jug will be going soon!

It must be so nice to not have the shakes and withdrawal symptoms - that alone is enough to be proud of. Your ex and ds must be so pleased as well.

Well done - keep going - keep posting!

All the very best!

Help is not there fore lots of people. I just read the Sunday Times magazine long article today about the Labour MP who died (drinking). Very sad. Her husband even pleaded with doctors to section her. In all she had 10 minutes with a psychiatrist. You can see why some people who can afford it pay.

Yes, the sugar research is interesting but if we're saying what is most dangerous that would not be so high unless it made someone so depressed that were life threatening. My brother is a psychiatrist and he treats anorexics. A lot of them die. The most fatal of all psychiatric conditions, apparently and that's food...e xcept it isn't really food, none of these things really are the substance. It's the issues behind that probably plus a genetic propensity for addiction that seems to be the key to it all.