Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

It's very hard to tell the difference between a 'heavy drinker' and an 'alcoholic' - aren't they both as bad for your health? (not being sarcy here, just genuinely perplexed)

You're right Imaginaryfriend, I was very confused when he said that

Hello BM - I'm so sorry about last night... Glad to hear you had a good night though. Losty x

sobernow I think that's a good distinction. But the heavy drinker would also be damaging their health, no?

I'm a recovering alcoholic. Have been in recovery for a decade now. Went into rehab at 22 and haven't drunk since. I don't continue to attend AA but it helped enormously at first as one just doesn't have the will power to do it oneself.

In my experience, anyone who thinks they may have a drinking problem usually does.

I really truly believe that this is something that you can overcome, but you have to ask for help because you just can't do it on your own. You've admitted it's affecting your life and are worried it will affect your children. Ask for help - there is no shame in asking and if the result is you succeeding in not drinking then that can only be a good thing.

I have lived, and continue to live, a varied and exciting life. Drinking does not make life more exciting and you don't have to go to stupid lengths to avoid social drinking.

There is too much empahsis by people in this country that to have a good time you have to have a drink in your hand. It's rubbish.

Please ask for help. AA is anonymous and even if you only go once, at least you will know there are resources out there to help you.

i'm glad i got this disease at such a young age and was able to face it when i did. There were women in rehab with me who were 60 odd and they had wasted the last 40 years of their life being drunk and miserable. Better to face it now and be free from this addiction than wonder in 10 or 15 years time where the time went and why you didn't face it sooner.

You can get better and i really hope you do.

great post stig

Well not sure which I am now.

I drink (to excess) in the evenings, like I said sometimes it can be 3 - 4 bottles a night (between 2 of us), I haven't had a drink for 2 days it's not bothered me although I can feel a fancy for one coming on tonight. I work full time and never even give drink a second thought at work, my youngest is 3 and although I had the occasional drink whilst pregnant it was in moderation. She has never seen me drunk and we don't open the first bottle until after dinner and she has gone to bed, when we sit and relax. HOWEVER I do think I have a problem, to be able to consume that much alcohol several nights a week is scary, although some weeks it's not nearly as much. Does any of that make sense

Great post Stigaloid, I'm an AA member as well, and I'm glad too that I reached my own gutter relatively early in life.

Arrrrghhhhhh, I thought you meant you were drinking 3-4 bottles of wine yourself per night! It's really for you to decide whether or not it's becoming a problem, but I don't think there's a certain unit intake to qualify.

I actually think the labels themselves are harmful. The stereotypical image of an alcoholic is an old tramp lying in the gutter shouting at people. The problem about the word ?alcoholic? is that people assume that if they do not fit into this stereotypical image, there cannot be problem.

Here's what an NHS doctor says:

How do you know if you have an alcohol problem? If you are asking yourself that question, you probably do have one. But, if in doubt, ask yourself the four CAGE* questions.

1. Have you ever felt you needed to Cut down on your drinking?
2. Have people Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
3. Have you ever felt Guilty about drinking?
4. Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

Two positives and you are in trouble.

Brassic, hope you are feeling OK today. x

I like that CAGE thing Kokeshi, very good.

aarrrrrrghhh - I empathise a lot with what you are saying. I am a wine drinker too. I KNOW I have a problem with it. I deliberately drink to 'escape'. More recently I have started taking some new tablets (ADs) which interfere terribly with alcohol and consequenly I get drunk verty easily. Whilst on the one hand it means I dont need as much as I used to (I was a bottle a night person) I am still doing myself harm by mixing wine and meds. Trouble is, I am addicted and I get to this point in the day and long for that first glass

Thanks for your post Stig. There?s no way I could have even got this far without support and I know I?ve got a mountain to climb before I can feel like I?ve really achieved anything. I know where my nearest AA meetings are now and I?ve got the counselling sessions coming up at the substance abuse clinic. I think the real test will be when I wake up and know that there is no vodka allowance tonight. I?m eager to get to that stage now, but I?ll have to make a lot of life changes to want to stay there.

I?ve just been told that my sister has run away from the rehab centre. She left on Tuesday and no-one?s heard from her yet. She?s not a survivor so I expect she?ll be back there soon. I?m gutted that she?s been through 4 weeks of detox and 3 months of rehab and now she?s doing God knows what again.

I would be a 3.5 on the cage scale. I?ve never got up and had a drink, but I have sometimes wondered if it would help with the hangover.

Down to 300mls tonight and early to bed for me. Thank God it?s the weekend.

Brassic what news about your sister

The change in your physical symptoms sounds very encouraging - am so pleased you had a good sleep. I found after I gave up drinking that I regularly slept for 10 hours at a time. I think my body had been starved of proper rest and healing for so long and it took the opportunity to make up for it.

I am sad, but so disappointed as well. 4 bloody months of hard work and counselling, and I?m not even sure she?ll be let back in if she tries to go back now.

I feel like I could sleep for weeks and it?s lovely. I used to be up very early for water but now I?m struggling to get out of bed when the alarm goes off. I didn?t even hear it this morning.

Brassic could it be like the cycle of quit / dependency / quit that they say smokers have to go through several times before they succeed? Perhaps this period in rehab has brought your sister one step closer to being sober even though at the moment is seems like a total disaster?

Wonderful about the sleep Your body is cleaning and healing itself

sorry, should have said some smokers

I don't know Franny. She was supposed to be in court this week as a witness and she was also the housemaster (or something like that) at the rehab centre. I think she's gone because she can't handle the pressure or responsibility of anything.

Anyway dinner time now

sorry to hear about your sister BM. Good news that you have cut your amount down so much.

I'm really, really sorry about your sister Brassic, I think frannyandzooey is right, there are far more people who take years to get sober, attempt after attempt, I was one of those. All that matters is to keep trying.

I guess it depends on how low you feel you have gone, for some people reality can just be too painful, the loss of her daughter and possibly where she is in life. You're right, responsibility is just an added burden if you're not ready for it.

I have heard though (this is purely anecdotal) from someone who came to AA after he was in a 6 month residential rehab. He said it actually made him worse in the end. It institutionalised him and he became dependent on routines and people in there. After 6 months, he still hadn't made any real decisions for himself, dealt with any crises or been exposed to how to deal with real drinking situations. It was a facility way out on a peninsula on the West of Scotland run by the church so was very prescriptive.

Some people need this I know, but I found for me it was important to carry on living my life and experiencing things daily. I really hope she's found BrassicMonkey and you're able to remain strong and focussed on yourself. This is a situation where you really are powerless, (people, places and things are the major ones) and in this case may have to try to find a little bit of acceptance. Not easy I know. Wishing you peace.

This too, shall pass.

Thanks Losty and Kokeshi

I keep typing loads and it's all about my sister, so I keep deleting and starting again. All I can say about it is that it's not a big shock and it hasn't weakened my resolve. Obviously, I'm worried for her as she has nothing and no-one to come back to except the determination to recover. I don't think she has that but I know I can't make her find it. We're not close but she's my sister.

Hope the man you speak about found independence after the structure of rehab Kokeshi. Some people need to follow someone else's rules to be able to function, but it won't prepare you for real, adult life. You're not really functioning as an adult unless you're making your own rules and living by them out of choice. My sister has been given really gradual exposure and it's still too much.

Tonight I am bloody struggling. 300mls of vodka looks disgusting when I pour it out, but I'm so aware of how much is left and whether I've had 25% or 35% of my allowance. I'm really pissed off with myself 'cos I'm thinking about it all the time. The bottle is by my feet and I'm craving for more. I know that's the way it's going to be for a while and I'm not going to lapse, but it's soooo hard.

I'm not thinking about any withdrawal symptoms except cravings right now. I'm going to go to bed now as I am tired and I need the sleep.

After I have my last drink I'm going to pour any remaining vodka down the sink and bin this f*cking measuring jug, ceremonial style. I'm sick of looking at it on my desk.

BrassicMonkey: hang in there! I'm so impressed by what you've managed to achieve. Hope you have a good night tonight, and another good day tomorrow.

BM - how are you? I didnt do well last night. In fact I am not doin well at all. But you have been doing so well, I am so proud of you. Kepp talking

losty
x