Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

My sincere apologies Thelandlady, tis late and I have a big day tomorrow. I know you were here first!

As I said, the 24 hour plan is a great resource.

I found it to be absolutely riveting. I literally gave up drinking after reading it.

Good luck to you. xx

I just read some of your earlier posts. Truly, I'm sorry if I caused you any distress. I hope you stay with the thread, and thanks.

When I first came into AA I clung onto the 24 hour thing because I just couldn't see a life without alcohol. It's amazing really, I was convinced there was no hope for me.

BM, FWIW I think you've been fantastic.

Do be careful about cutting down, though. One day there won't be half a bottle of spirits availabe and you may find yourself buying a whole one pleding to drink only half of it. You may not, though, and then you'll be back to square one again.

Totally agree with koeshi about the AA, HOWEVER, it won't work for everyone, particularly for someone like me who's mildly introverted.

Your thing about 'phone numbers, I can remember in my drinking heyday listening to the radio in the middle of the night in a blind panic thinking 'but I can't see them, I'll never see what they look like. Totally irrational, of course, but it felt very real at the time.

BTW, your GP will be very sympathetic if you do decide to go down that route.

XX

Elibean ? Thanks for you post yesterday.

Kokeshi ? thanks for all the info. You?re not bombarding me. I?m enjoying reading as it calms me down. Good luck today

IF ? happy birthday. I was being unreasonable and paranoid when I felt deserted. I wish I hadn?t posted it. I did manage to sleep last night. I was waking up regularly and having the random panicky thoughts, but they were more hourly than 10 minutely like they were yesterday. I?m going back to bed in a minute to try again.

ALL ? If you?re still reading I think I should apologise. I encouraged you to keep on posting and then told you off for posting a link. I?m uncomfortable with those people profiting from their book and potentially destroying lives. There was nothing on the site though that would have tempted me to lapse.

Adorabelle ? I?m really sorry that you feel like that. I know what you mean about the feelings never being far enough away for you to feel like you?ve got rid of them. You?re making progress though ? I?m pleased to hear that.

Toady ? What a tragedy. I?m so sorry.

Earlgrey ? I?ve been buying 70cl bottles and I measure my allowance into a jug. There have been nights when I?m tempted to go back for more, but so far I haven?t. I?ve been going to bed as soon as the jug is empty. I think the biggest hurdle will be when I hit around the 30cl mark. It won?t be enough to change my feelings at all. When I was drinking more, I?d get to the drunk stage and then keep topping up so I stayed there for longer. Now I start later so I still get drunk but I go to bed because the feeling goes away quite quickly. It might be easier to go cold turkey when I get to that point, if it?s safe. If not then I?ll reduce in bigger increments.

I?m feeling ok today thanks batters. I?m going back to bed to try and get some sleep now.

"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once."

"I can do something for 24 hours that would appall me if I had to keep it up for a LIFETIME."

"There are two days in every week which we have no control over----yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the only day we can change."

There are literally hundreds of sayings. I found they really helped in my early days.

Have a good day BrassicMonkey.

HiBM

gad you are doing well - I am not posting as much as I can see the support and wonderful advice you are getting - I do not know as much about it as others on here so have just read along and been reassured at:

1. the wonderful advice and support you are getting on here

1. your own remarkeable and wonderful day-to-day coping

so all I can add is the odd throw away comment about Barney and stuff - but I am still here and I am still keeping up and I think you are doing wonderfully.

Hey BM

You mentioned yesterday that you collected DS from school with EX-P and he loved that. Will you be doing the same today?

Whatever it is, hope you have a good day.

Brassic this is ALL - sorry if you were freaked by that link, I realy posted it for the few people (Quattro)that were talking about Moderate drinking as they have a link on that site to the Moderation management site which is very interesting and helpful.

There is also a link to the Orange papers site which has a lot of info about AA. AA's own clinical trials showed that their success rate was only 5% of people that presented to them which is actually the same as the spontaneous recovery rate in the alcoholic population. The couple that have been so vilified by the mumsnetters here are trying to say that by being told by AA that you are powerless and can only be a drunk or sober was actually what nearly killed them. I thought as the thread was begining to have whole pages of AA material posted on it then perhaps some alternative material may be of interest to some, but obviously not!

I deleted my registration and parked Mumsnet yesterday as I was told by to buggeroff by the AA true believers. (I am clearly not powerless enough for them)I came back to see how you were and I will look in now and again on you but no more posting and I am deleting this registration.

If you want a light hearted look at the way the brain makes you crave drink this is a good page called The Lizard Brain addiction monster. www.orange-papers.org/orange-addmonst.html

Keep up the good work

Quattro ? yes, I?m doing both the school runs every day now and it?s nice to feel like a mum again.

ALL ? I?m sorry that you?ve left MN because of this thread. There are so many topics, threads and characters here and we?ve all been had a go at before about something we?ve said. It?s happened to me loads of times and I haven?t always been drunk either. Thanks for your contribution to the thread anyway and good luck. Maybe if you stay around for a while you?ll get the urge to re-register.

Sobernow ? I?m glad you can enjoy a drink now without over-indulging. I don?t think it?s about the level of tolerance or the amount of units that I?m drinking. My attitude to drink is all wrong. If I?m in a restaurant I choose to drink before and after eating but I?ll have a soft drink with my food because I don?t like the taste and it ruins my meal. I?ve drunk purely to get drunk for years and I think I had just as much of a drink problem as a teenager, when 5 units would make me sick, as I did when I was drinking a bottle of spirits. I don?t like the taste, I just like getting very, very pissed.

Off to start dinner now. Dimples thanks for your continued support

Tonight I am going to try a larger reduction. I?m not promising myself that I?ll manage it but I?m aiming for 350mls. EX-P?s car has broken down and we won?t have the money to repair it for a month or so. I can?t keep expecting him to be here if he?s using public transport, but he?s saying that he?ll keep it up as long as I need it. I?d like to try and be off completely within a week. If anyone?s reading and thinks that?s dangerous, please let me know. I was going to aim for a 50ml reduction each night.

great to hear you sounding more positive BM, well done. Sorry about XP's car..... But great that he has offered to keep helping out. Accept the help. you deserve it.

losty
x

hang in there. you're doing really well

your ex-p sounds like a diamond!

BM, go for it, I think the move to 350ml won't affect you terribly if you manage it. But at the same time don't beat yourself up if it turns out to be a bit too much of a reduction?

BM hwo are you doi8ng? losty x

BM, I don't know if it is safe or not - can you speak to someone who knows?

I am blown away by your determination and what you have acheived so far.

Anotherlandlady, I think it was me who told you to bugger off. I have never been to an AA meeting in my life. I just wanted to put the record straight that you were told to bugger off by the AA true believers.

Hello Losty {smile]

Franny - Thank you. I'm just so sick of the withdrawal feelings now and really worried that I'm going to put too much pressure on ex-p what with him having to use public transport. I asked at the clinic about how much I could reduce by without risking a bad reaction and I was told by half - so I think tonight's should be fine, as 70cl was my usual nightly amount, and I've been reducing for a week now. I'll see how I go tonight and if I feel really rough tomorrow then I'll call the clinic.

I'm really, really sick of it now. It feels like I'm getting terrible hangovers and the reduced amount of alcohol isn't worth the price. I'm also really worried about muscle cramps and bruising and have frightened myself a bit today by googling.

Desperate for it all to be over with now and really angry with myself that I've done this.

Don't be angry at yourself Brassic, you are doing brilliantly.

What are you worried about specifically WRT your health?

BM - you are doing so well!!!

I can't believe you are down to almost half already! Fantastic result!

The cramps will get a lot easier if you drink loads and loads of water, especially before bed. Try and drink two enormous glasses of water before bed and get around 2 litres a day down in total.

Is it possible now that you are making good progress to ask for a mild sedative from the GP to help you sleep?

Do you have another appointment at the clinic you went to coming up? I bet they will be really pleased with your progress when you go back

Take care and stay positive - there's a whole world out there that is waiting for the new sober you

Kokeshi ? I?m not really sure whether the muscle cramps and bruises are related to liver problems. I?ve got bruises everywhere (some I?ve had for 4/5 months) and often they are not painful and I?ve no idea where they?ve come from. Some are from falling over when I?ve been drunk but they are so severe. My calves are like rocks (and I?m not fit) even when I?m relaxed and I?m waking up with cramp that won?t go when I stand or massage the area. Also I took a photo of me a few weeks ago and I thought the whites of my eyes look a bit yellow. I don?t know whether the bruises and cramping are related and I could well, be being paranoid about the yellow eyes. I would have thought that I?d need to abuse drink for a lot longer. I?m worried about it now though.

Dogs ? Thank you. I drink gallons of water during the day as I?m so dehydrated. I haven?t told my GP about this yet but when I?m dry I think I might tell him and ask for a liver scan (?)

The whites of my eyes don't look yellowish in the mirror though and I think ex-p would have said it before if he'd noticed it. My mum certainly would.