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Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

1000 replies

BrassicMonkey · 08/05/2007 20:46

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 16/05/2007 20:25

hmmm that link is really all about publicising the book they've written (i.e. making lots of dosh out of vulnerable people) - it's a very odd picture, they look straight out of a sci-fi movie where they've been possessed by aliens

Mercy · 16/05/2007 20:26

oop, sorry BM, you've already said posted re your day!

pinballwizard · 16/05/2007 20:29

Hi BM

I have been following your thread and wanted to add my support too. I haven't had a drink for 6 months or thereabouts. Wishing you well.

It is anotherlandlady who has provoked me into posting...I agree with F&Z!!!

xx

BrassicMonkey · 16/05/2007 20:55

I should also add that there is nothing in ALLs posts or in her link that has encouraged me to over-indulge tonight.

I'm sticking to my allowance and have the AA helpline number on me, so I will call them if I think I'll lapse. I'm actually just praying that I'll sleep properly at last.

I'm reading all of your messages and getting so much encouragement. I'm not responding properly because I really don't want to post when I've been drinking. I did want to say that nothing posted on here would sway me though incase anyone thought I would use their words as an excuse to get bllxed tonight.

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 16/05/2007 21:00

ALL I think you're not only not being helpful, I think you're actually being counterproductive to what we're all aiming at here and to what BM is very tentatively moving towards.

There are way more negative than positive things about being an alcoholic. Being a 'functioning one' is nothing to be proud of.

imaginaryfriend · 16/05/2007 21:03

BM, I went through a very rapid detox and I felt totally bizarre for about 10 days, the first 48 were the worst. I barely slept, felt totally hyper and vaguely hallucinatory like you're describing, going over lists, names, memories. I remember lying in bed and trying to remember the names of all my primary school classmates! It did pass and honestly the sleep I got when totally off booze was so wonderful, way better than when I'd been drinking. i don't think you sleep properly when you're drinking a lot, it affects the natural sleep rhythms. Because you're going through this gradual withdrawal you may find the withdrawal symptoms are a bit milder than mine were but they may go on longer? I'm just guessing that last part, no real evidence to go on.

dinosaur · 16/05/2007 21:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Adorabelle · 16/05/2007 21:46

Just wanted to say thank you to BrassicMonkey, for taking the time to reply to my e-mail, it meant alot, especially when you have so much shit to deal with of your own at the mo.

FrannyandZooey, have always read your posts
with admiration (always perfectly punctuated and written with intellect & wit) and to discover that you have had to
overcome addiction was a huge surpise to me.
The fact that other m.netters have great respect for you and that you are willing to talk about your past addiction is a shining light for others who feel completely isolated and beyond any type of help.

Sobernow · 16/05/2007 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Adorabelle · 16/05/2007 22:01

kokeshi, i've read many of your previous posts on other 'drinking' threads and as
with F&Z can only give you much praise.

I lost my father to alcoholism, he was 36 & I was 19. I thought I would die from the sadness of his death, but I didn't.

Instead I chose to push the self distruct button for myself. Ending in a spiral of nastiness & depravity which lasted for many years, & unfortunately still rears it's
ugly head from time to time now. Now there's no nastiness or depravity just me being a pig to myself & hurting myself cos from time to time that's what I feel I deserve, to feel worthless.

I'm lucky though, I have (almost) got myself out of the cycle of self loathing, but it's still like a monkey on back, never too far away to pounce on me when i'm at my most vulnerable.

God Bless Brassic, thinking of you & sending good vibes your way xx

kokeshi · 16/05/2007 22:02

God is that link for real!? Sounds like a drunken ramblings of a pair of deluded idiots. Why would you be so vociferous about a non-profit, non-denomination, fellowship that has helped millions of alocholics achieve sobriety?

Smacks of jealousy and desperation. Now I shall go and don my hairshirt and cilice say an novena for them.

kokeshi · 16/05/2007 22:09

Unfortunately part of the illness is trying to convince yourself you are OK. The best people to ask are the family members - especially children, who are often badly damaged by a parents drinking.

There can't be much objective opinion when you surround yourself with drinkers 24/7. The active alcoholic who isn't ready to face their own problems hates to see others getting better.

kokeshi · 16/05/2007 22:10

So sorry to hear that Adorabelle. I hope you get some peace.

pinballwizard · 16/05/2007 22:14

I think alcohol is very good at deceiving you

yes you can function and do well but what a lot is going on inside

what a relief to turn that energy of living despite alcohol into living without alcohol

Toady · 16/05/2007 22:15

Just seen this thread, Brassic you sound like you doing really well.

Has made me think again, although I do not drink much (2 cans a night) by God do I need them, have only had one can tonight after reading this thread. Realise it is not much that I drink but still 35 units a week which is too much and more importantly do not want to be dependant on it.

My sister was an alcoholic, the last time she got drunk was December 22nd 2006, she went home and (long story) fell out of her window from her third floor flat straight on to her head, after 7 weeks she died of a severe brain damage, she has a 14 year old daughter. This year has been hell as you can imagine.

Alcohol is EVIL if mixed with the wrong type of person.

ADORABELLE

You are not worthless!! Sorry have not read all of this thread too long, are you getting any support.

dinosaur · 16/05/2007 22:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Elibean · 16/05/2007 22:45

pinball, well put. And true.

Ceolas · 16/05/2007 22:47

Toady

Adorabelle · 16/05/2007 23:13

Thanks kokeshi, I strive to find an innerpeace daily.

Toady, cannot go indepth (not enough typing space or time to do so) but yes help is there for me, when and if I choose to take
it.

I go weeks/months without a hitch then Bang!
I'm well aware of how disruptive my behaviour
is, not to others as I close myself off and refuse any offers of help but by refusing that help and by being so insular I realise
that I am causing pain to my nearest and dearest.

Many people who have addictions shut themselevs off completely to others, therein lies the problem. Threads like this, with people like BrasicMonkey, kokeshi & others sharing their stories will hopefully give some people a chance to share their stories without feeling the guilt and shame they undoubtable carry everyday of their lives.

Adorabelle · 16/05/2007 23:16

Toady forgot to add, both you and your niece
will be in my prayers tonight. xx

TheLandlady · 16/05/2007 23:51

In our drinking days, we often had such bad times that we swore "never again". We took pledges for as long as a year, or promised someone we would not touch the stuff for three weeks, or three months. And of course, we tried going on the waggon for various periods of time.

We were absolutely sincere when we voiced these declarations through gritted teeth. With all our hearts, we never wanted to be drunk again. We were determined. We swore off drinking altogether, intending to stay off alcohol well into some indefinite future.

Yet in spite of our intentions, the outcome was almost inevitably the same. Eventually, the memory of the vows, and of the suffering that led to them. Faded. We drank again, and we wound up in more trouble.

Our dry "forever" hadn't lasted long.

kokeshi · 17/05/2007 00:33

Anotherlandlady, the basis of the AA program is One Day at a Time, not forever.

Funny, you have actually quoted the first bit of the problem and not added the solution,m which is further down the page.

kokeshi · 17/05/2007 00:41

Further down the page on the original booklet "Living Sober". It's actually quite useful in it's original form.

~Using the 24-hour plan~

In our drinking days, we often had such bad times that we swore, "Never again." We took pledges for as long as a year, or promised someone we would not touch the stuff for three weeks, or three months. And of course, we tried going on the wagon for various periods of time.

We were absolutely sincere when we voiced these declarations through gritted teeth. With all our hearts, we wanted never to be drunk again. We were determined. We swore off drinking altogether, intending to stay off alcohol well into some indefinite future.

Yet, in spite of our intentions, the outcome was almost inevitably the same. Eventually, the memory of the vows, and of the suffering that led to them, faded. We drank again, and we wound up in more trouble. Our dry "forever" had not lasted very long.

Some of us who took such pledges had a private reservation: We told ourselves that the promise not to drink applied only to "hard stuff," not to beer or wine. In that way we learned, if we did not already know it, that beer and wine could get us drunk, too-we just had to drink more of them to get the same effects we got on distilled spirits. We wound up as stoned on beer or wine as we had been before on the hard stuff.

Yes, others of us did give up alcohol completely and did keep our pledges exactly as promised, until the time was up. . . . Then we ended the drought by drinking again, and were soon right back in trouble, with an additional load of new guilt and remorse.

With such struggles behind us now, in A.A. we try to avoid the expressions "on the wagon" and "taking the pledge." They remind us of our failures.

Although we realize that alcoholism is a permanent, irreversible condition, our experience has taught us to make no long term promises about staying sober. We have found it more realistic-and more successful-to say, "I am not taking a drink just for today."

Even if we drank yesterday, we can plan not to drink today. We may drink tomorrow-who knows whether we'll even be alive then?-but for this 24 hours, we decide not to drink. No matter what the temptation or provocation, we determine to go to any extremes necessary to avoid a drink today.

Our friends and families are understandably weary of hearing us vow, "This time I really mean it," only to see us lurch home loaded. So we do not promise them, or even each other, not to drink. Each of us promises only herself or himself. It is, after all, our own health and life at stake. We, not our family or friends, have to take the necessary steps to stay well.

If the desire to drink is really strong, many of us chop the 24 hours down into smaller parts. We decide not to drink for, say, at least one hour. We can endure the temporary discomfort of not drinking for just one more hour; then one more, and so on. Many of us began our recovery in just this way. In fact, every recovery from alcoholism began with one sober hour.

One version of this is simply postponing the (next) drink.

(How about it? Still sipping soda? Have you really postponed that drink we mentioned back on page 1? If so, this can be the beginning of your recovery.)

The next drink will be available later, but right now, we postpone taking it at least for the present day, or moment. (Say, for the rest of this page?)

The 24-hour plan is very flexible. We can start it afresh at any time, wherever we are. At home, at work, in a bar or in a hospital room, at 4:00 p.m. or at 3:00 a.m., we can decide right then not to take a drink during the forthcoming 24 hours, or five minutes.

Continually renewed, this plan avoids the weakness of such methods as going on the wagon or taking a pledge. A period on the wagon and a pledge both eventually came, as planned, to an end-so we felt free to drink again. But today is always here. Life is daily; today is all we have; and anybody can go one day without drinking.

First, we try living in the now just in order to stay sober-and it works. Once the idea has become a part of our thinking, we find that living life in 24-hour segments is an effective and satisfying way to handle many other matters as well.

TheLandlady · 17/05/2007 00:58

Kokeshi, I am not the anotherlandlady. If this carries on I am going to have to namechange. Please do not mix me up.

TheLandlady · 17/05/2007 01:11

Obviously, I have failed.

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