Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

Really? I thought we were talking about drink.

Just an aside before I go, for those who are wondering about the effects of heavy drinking in women.

-Women at Higher Risks for Serious Medical Consequences-

Women have higher risk than men for certain serious medical consequences of alcohol use, including liver, brain and heart damage, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

A recent NIAAA Alcohol Alert reports that women achieve higher concentrations of alcohol in the blood and become more impaired than men after drinking equivalent amounts of alcohol. They are more susceptible than men to alcohol-related organ damage and to trauma resulting from traffic crashes and interpersonal violence.

"We know that some of this risk is due to gender differences in metabolism; it also could quite possibly be due to gender-related differences in brain chemistry, in genetic risk factors, or to entirely different factors that are currently unknown," said NIAAA Director Enoch Gordis, M.D.

Multiple Factors
Women absorb and metabolize alcohol differently than men.

Women generally achieve higher concentrations of alcohol in the blood after drinking equivalent amounts of alcohol.

The following are some of the areas in which women experience more effects than men who drink alcohol at the same rate as women:

Liver Damage -- Compared with men, women develop alcohol-induced liver disease over a shorter period of time and after consuming less alcohol. Women are also more likely than men to develop alcoholic hepatitis and to die from cirrhosis.

Brain Damage -- Women may be more vulnerable than men to alcohol-induced brain damage. Using MRI, researchers found that a brain region involved in coordinating multiple brain functions was significantly smaller among alcoholic women compared with both nonalcoholic women and alcoholic men.

Heart Disease -- Among heavier drinkers, research shows similar rates of alcohol-associated heart muscle disease (cardiomyopathy) for both men and women, despite women's 60 percent lower lifetime alcohol use.

Breast Cancer -- Many studies report that moderate to heavy alcohol consumption increases the risk for breast cancer, although one recent study found no increased breast cancer risk associated with consumption of up to one drink per day, the maximum drinking level reported by most women.

Traffic Crashes -- Although women are less likely than men to drive after drinking and to be involved in fatal alcohol-related crashes, women have a higher relative risk of driver fatality than men at similar blood alcohol concentrations. Laboratory studies of the effects of alcohol on responding to visual cues and other tasks suggest that there may be gender differences in how alcohol affects the performance of driving tasks.

More Research Needed
Researchers are currently attempting to identify gender-specific genetic factors whose interactions might contribute to differential sensitivity to alcohol's effects.

"The alcohol research field has begun to recognize the importance of understanding gender differences in how alcohol is used, in the consequences of alcohol use, and in the development of alcohol dependence," said Dr. Gordis.

"The more science can tell us about gender-related aspects of alcohol-related problems not only what they are but why the better job we will be able to do to prevent and treat those problems in all populations" he said.

It's a long slow painful death.

How much would you have to be drinking to be considered a moderate drinker>

Most nights I will drink 1, normally 2 small glasses of wine. This has been going on for about 4 years.

Someone commented that from bitter experience 'controlled drinking' is a dangerous game to play for an alcoholic.

As the daughter of an alcoholic with an alcohol problem myself, giving up alcohol totally would be impossible.

But controlling it rigorously makes me feel brilliant. I feel like I am in control and choosing when to drink. I ALWAYS want a drink, but I get a buzz from saying no. It's not the same buzz as saying yes, but it feels empowering.

I don't disagree that it's dangerous. But it really is helping me.

Thanks for the continued support Kokeshi, I didn?t know you?d lost your hearing. I bet that is isolating and I?m sorry that?s happened.

I?m doing ok today. I was absolutely shattered this morning but did the school run. Sleep isn?t happening though. I went back to bed at about 10.30 and stayed there for 3 hours but I don?t think I actually slept. I kept getting to the stage where you are almost asleep and it?s peaceful and then I?d find that I was trying to remember all my neighbours names and recalling telephone numbers ? totally random things and it was really frustrating. I?m desperate to sleep properly just for a break from the headaches.

I collected DS from school with EX-P and he loved that. I?ve now got a guilt free evening of peace and quiet as they have both gone to a party.

ALL ? please don?t stop posting on my account. I?m finding the discussion quite interesting actually and talking about functioning as an alcoholic doesn?t tempt me to continue being dependant. I don?t know anyone that manages to do this in real life. My dad wouldn?t call himself an alcoholic but he would admit that he needs a drink rather than wants one and he thinks he still functions ok. He doesn?t do too bad actually, but comparing him to my friends dads of the same age he looks much older, has very few material items, hasn?t worked for years, and is alone most of the time. That?s what I would have thought of as a functioning alcoholic, but that?s not how you describe yourself at all, so for me it?s interesting. Also what you?ve posted about having a night off from drink indicates that you?re still in control, whereas whatever promises I make myself I always end up in the off-licence.

Earlgrey ? I?m reducing my consumption daily. Down to 400mls per night now.

Frascati ? I?ve no idea at all. I would assume moderate drinking is staying within the guidelines, but I?m probably the least qualified to answer that question.

Quattro ? whatever works for the individual. I can?t do that as I lose control with the first drink. The miserable time that I?ve had lately is making me stick to reducing, but if I beat this I don?t think I?d be able to do it in a relaxed, happy environment. That?s why I?ve isolated myself and won?t even talk on MSN at the moment. If I start associating it with socialising and fun again I?ll keep on pouring. I don?t think that will ever change. Good luck to you though.

Brassic monkey - you're doing fantastically well and will come out of this phase of your life. i posted further down about a book called The Drink Less Mind by georgia Foster which has great hypnosis CD whihc will help you to sleep or at least give your brain a rest , it's very relaxing and sends all these fantastic feel-good messages to your brain. if you're not able to get one I can send you my copy. the book is really inteersting too

Thanks very much Elliot. I'll have a look round amazon as I'm about to put a big order in. I'd pay lots of money at the moment for some peaceful, deep sleep.

BM, hats off to you...you're doing so well. And still describing, very clearly and accurately, a journey that I can relate to (in the way you think, feel etc) how I felt when I stopped drinking. It was over 20 years ago, but I remember it vividly - if I were ever tempted to drink (I'm honestly not) it would probably stop me.

In some ways, detoxing was my rock bottom experience - worse than my actual drinking/using because I felt it more acutely. I hardly slept at all for the first ten days - in fact, I remember finally, reluctantly, praying for sleep (I didn't believe in a higher power) and getting my first, unmedicated, peaceful few hours for years: bliss. It was probably the slowest couple of weeks in my life, and I never want to go through them again - at the same time, one of the most valuable and, with hindsight, incredible times in my life and I am still amazed and proud that I was able to do it. Withdrawing from any addiction is physically, mentally, and emotionally agonizing and not to be sniffed at or understimated. Everyone who has been through it is amazing to me, and I don't say that lightly.

Those obsessive, random thoughts about names or phone numbers are something I got (and can still get, if very tired/shocked/traumatized - life doesn't go away when you get sober, you just manage it better) too, and I suspect are the mind's way of trying to cope when overwhelmed, confused, or just exhuasted. All of which I would imagine you must be feeling - I certainly did.

But trust me, you are doing brilliantly - and as Kokeshi, Franny, and others have said, all of the doubts, self-criticism, shame, guilt, lack of sleep are natural for where you are and what you're doing.

Just one other thing - my partner used to be a drug and alcohol counsellor (for years - also a recovering addict himself) and is always very clear that it can be extremely dangerous to stop advanced alcohol consumption without medical supervision....I know you've talked to the advisory centre, forgive me, I can't remember what you said they said about detoxing (and haven't time to scroll down to start of thread, baby waking up) but do take good care of yourself. Maybe in a day or two, you could pop in and see your GP to ask about physical support?? Do you have a nice one? I would think they would be bound in confidence, so fairly safe from the point of view of getting anyone else involved - this isn't my area of expertise though, so I'm only guessing/making suggestions really.

Meantime, I think the emotional, mental and spiritual support you are finding for yourself, first through MN, then the centre, now AA, is very sensible - and growing all the time - again, hats off to you.

And now I must apologize for lengthy rambling post (my speciality, never can keep things simple) and rush off. Good luck tonight, you deserve it. xxx

fio - yes but she's doing something about it and that's great. I think the discussion has just widened out from there to encompass all other viewpoints- i don't thinkanyone is encouraging her to carry on drinking

Wow BS - 400 is great! I was only looking the other day and you were on 600 - you should be seriously proud of yourself.

Brilliant post Elibean

BM, well done on being down to 400mls already! Your posts really positive and I have no doubt that you can do this.

What you were talking about before not being able to sleep and having random thoughts is what's called the "racing brain", caused by removing alcohol's powerful sedative properties.

Here's something I found to help with that. Not a quick fix unfortunately, but the best things never are.

"If you are experiencing alcohol withdrawal symptoms while trying to kick your habit, making some dietary changes can also help you work through this process. These changes may sound common sense but nonetheless important so that you can be put back in good health.

Alcohol withdrawal symptoms include the following: trembling or shaking, various physical reactions anxiety, insomnia and mental disturbances. This occurs when you suddenly go cold turkey; that is you stop your habit of taking in large amounts of alcohol all of a sudden. Since your brain has already been used to the chemicals that come from your daily consumption of alcohol, withdrawing from alcohol can cause the said symptoms.

On a regular basis, day after day, your brain chemistry has already been atuned to make up for the sedative. It starts pumping out chemical relatives to adrenaline in amounts that your body is not meant to be exposed to on a regular basis. When this happens, you get a turbochargedbrain that is sedated as well. However, once you take away the sedative of a racing brain, you get a highly stimulated and excited brain.

Your highly stimulated brain will then cause you to have mental and bodily disturbances. If you do not manage your alcohol withdrawal symptoms properly, you may, on the contrary, cause harm to your body and mind. Having a professional to help you through this period is therefore important. In the meantime, you should also make some dietary changes can help reduce these effects and help put you on a stronger foothold to recovery.

First, you will need to remove the junk foods and drinks as well as, coffee and dairy related products. It is found that it is easier for many alcoholics to stay sober when they are taught to eat healthily at the same time. Wholesome foods in particular fruits and vegetables can help repair the damage wreaked by the excessive and prolonged alcohol consumption. These components in the diet also help to reduce cravings for alcohol.

Definitely, you need to drink plenty of filtered water. Water helps to flush out toxins from your body and that includes the excess alcohol stored in your body. You are rejuvenating yourself when you replace alcohol with good pure water.

It is also necessary to provide some much needed vitamin and mineral supplements for additional support. In particular, B vitamins are said to be especially helpful as alcoholics are likely to be deficient in these. You may also be suffering from internal injuries and damage as a result of alcohol abuse. Your doctor can help you identify which supplements to take to help repair tissue cells of the affected organ. If you have ulcers, you would also need to eat many small meals.

Once you begin to eat healthily, you may want to stay more at home to prepare these meals and away from the bars and pubs. Eating healthily is also good if you also have high blood pressures or cholesterol problems that you have to deal with.

By making changes to what you put into your body, you are more likely to remain alcohol free. Coping with alcohol withdrawal symptoms becomes easier when you begin to understand what constitutes healthy consumption of food and drinks. Alcohol is definitely harmful to your body and you are far better off without it."

Let me know if I'm bombarding you with too much info, I know it's hard to concentrate, but you said you were lonely at night and reading helped.

Oh, and I'm getting my cochlear implant switched on tomorrow, so the world will be a lot more noisy for me (hopefully!)

BM, I'm not at all 'scared off' the thread, sorry for absence, it was my birthday yesterday so I was out all day and evening. And I've been at work in the daytime.

Just caught up with all the new posts.

You're doing GREAT!

BTW, I seriously doubt any really strongly dependent alcoholic could have much pleasure in life while strictly controlling their intake. Plus the damage to health over the years would be enormous.

www.alcoholicscandrinksafelyagain.com

I know I shouldn't be posting because I've drunk to much now, but really ALL is my judgement so bad that, THAT link is not a step too far?

I have enjoyed the discussion so far and haven't thought that you were trying to encourage me or anyone else with alcohol problems to keep on drinking, but that link...really!!!

Associating AA with scientology, and telling alcoholics that the abstinence philosophy is outdated.

I'm not capable of knowing if I'm responging appropriately or not, but it feels like you're baiting and goading on here.

if I'm out of order then please accept my appologies as I am not 'functioning' as an alcoholic at all.

Oh dear what an odd link and not true for so many people. I have been to the funerals of alcoholics who thought they could drink safely again. I wonder why they have such an axe to grind?

BM you are doing really well, I think this thread is amazing, and so are you for sticking with what you are doing.

BM

Been following the thread in recognition and admiration.

You are being painfully honest here, and your honesty and insight make it more likely that you will succeed.

ALL - it's really important that BM receives support here for the informed choices she has made. She has been clear that she wants to reduce gradually, without focussing on the possibility of abstinence or otherwise. I don't think it's appropriate to advocate one choice over another, unless BM requests that information specifically.

BM - hope you're feeling okay tonight. You have achieved so much already.

Anotherlandlady, do bugger off, will you?

Brassic good to see you and big manly slaps on the back for what you are achieving here

F&z

Quite

BM - been following this thread and just want to say well done for all you are doing and going through. I can't offer you any advice or help but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and believe you can lead a life without alcohol ruling it.

BM

Been offline all day (grr!) will get children top bed and catch up.

Best

x

BM - well done, keep up the good work! How has your day been in general?

Frascati - your drinking sounds moderate to me. Dh is a moderate drinker imo; he has 1 or 2 bottles of beer most evenings and quite often I find he has left a half-empty (or should that be half-full!) bottle in the kitchen or somewhere, comes back for it two hours later and moans because it's gone flat!

Quattrocento - you are further on in controlling your drinking than I am, but I have to agree I'm beginning to get a real buzz from saying NO to myself. Weird innit!