Is anyone out there a heavy drinker/active alcoholic/recovering alcoholic?

[BrassicMonkey]

Ok, so I've name changed and it's taken balls to post this.

I think I might be an alcoholic or at least drifting into that domain.

I know my posting style is pretty easy to spot, at least by those that I chat to on MSN, but I don't want to be outed on here and I don't want to chat about it on MSN either.

OK, so now I've said that (quite bluntly possibly, sorry )...

I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to stay off the booze. It was bad enough last year, but I started this year with plans, and they've all been pissed away. I'm drunk/hungover more often than not. I'm suffering, the DC are suffering.

I want to stop. I don't like the idea of getting help but I'll do it if I have to.

Last time I had a drink was saturday. I'd promised myself that I'd have at least a 2 week break - tonight, I'm back on it again.

I want to have a go at stopping on my own before I go to AA or to my GP. Do I cut down gradually or just stop?

I'm probably going to be away for about an hour but any replies will be appreciated.

I come from a family of alcoholics and what scares me the most is that I'll never be able to have a sociable drink again without taking it to ridiculous levels. I'm scared of what's happening to my life and to my health but I'm more scared of being a miserable old cow that can't relax because I can't have a drink.

As I said, any responses would perk me up tonight.

TIA

Brassic

If you are out there reading then talk to us as we want to hear what you think - if you are breaking your own rules then we want to know that too and we won't judge we will just listen and care.

Brassic you have nothing to be ashamed of, human life is a mystery with no instruction book.

If you want to learn how to drink to your own criteria then you have to teach yourself and I think you know that, it's hard tho but you sound clever. Can you do spreadsheet analysis cos I need part time support over the net?

Loads of empathy

Hi BrassicMonkey, I've been thinking a lot about what you asked and my first response would be that it is obviously better to go to meetings sober. Unless you have been in a meeting yourself it's hard to describe how powerful it is (and emotional). Give the helpline a call again and see what they say. I can't imagine you being turned away at the door, it's for people who can't stop drinking. I did a wee bit of research and have been told this:

Alcoholics Anonymous is also for people who may be still drinking? and continue to drink and keep going to meetings. Drunk or sober all are welcome at meetings (although non-alcoholics are not allowed at AA Closed Meetings). The only requirement for AA membership is ?a desire to stop drinking?! Without the desire to stop drinking AA can still work for those who want to work at it. Attending meetings sober (as you can imagine) is better, because one may learn something if they are sober and not drinking. However, most newcomers to AA first have to ?learn how to listen and then they are capable of listening to learn?. The great majority of those who attend AA meetings are sober for varying lengths of time. Fortunately, AA will always work for those who want it, but rarely will it work for those who need it, and are not willing to work towards getting sober and staying sober for the long haul.

A.A.ers stay sober just ?one day at a time?, and are never cured of their alcoholism. An old saying is that; ?once you turn a cucumber into a pickle, you can never change it back to a cucumber again?. Eternal vigilance is the name of the game when it comes to staying sober. Those who want AA to work for them are those who go to meetings every day (for at least ninety days), get active and join an AA group. Before too much time passes they should ask someone, at one of the meetings they go to, to be their AA Sponsor (usually an AA ?old timer? with many years of sobriety) and call that sponsor every day, asking for help to stay away from that first drink. You see, it?s the first drink that gets you drunk? not that it makes you drunk? but it the first drink that eventually gets you drunk.

Yes, it may take a number of tries at getting sober (the AA way) but it will only be because that person refuses to take the suggestions from those who have been where he is now, if so it is an indication that he has not yet hit his bottom. Unfortunately, a bottom may be as low as a drunk can get ? plus six feet! If you go to enough meetings and still ?slip? AA will eventually spoil your drinking, because as much as you may try to deny your alcoholism you will remember what your life could have been like if he stayed with AA . If you can be honest enough to grab onto the fleeting moment of truth about yourself you will make it the first time around. If you don't get sober and stay sober his first time, keep going back until you do. As long you continue to go to meetings you will be able to compare your drinking life with those who used to be like you, and are no longer.

I hope that helps. x

Hi BM

Am guessing you are not posting tonight like you said but there is a chance that you are reading and I just was thinking that although these are only words on the screen they are coming from lots and lots of real life people sitting typing away and thinking about you. I think the distance of the computer is very helpful to you but also is worth remembering that there are lots of people who support you and have a genuine interest in your progress.

Sleep well.

Kokeshi

I appreciate your comments but BM has said repeatedly that she wants to control her drinking and I think she should be encouraged in that endeavour. That is possible. Not for everyone. I live my life as a heavy drinker by most standards but I am successful and functioning. I can reflect on my behaviour and I can take a day off, look after my body. The whole all or nothing is too intimidating for many, the middle line can be acheived, maybe not for you but I get a very overwhemling sense for Brassic that that is what she wants - to push her into total abstenation will guaratee she fails
There are some of us that can live with being a bit too excessive.
XXXX

Anotherlandlady, I totally respect your own way of dealing with your issues, but I don't think encouraging someone at this point is necessarily helpful. Some of us can't control it and have had people close to us die trying. I mean no offence to you, you sound like a very caring person.

BM, you're doing so well - only have a minute to check in, but wanted to let you know am still here and rooting for you.

As for AA supporting you with a slow withdrawal, IME they certainly won't send you away or ban you from meetings if you're cutting down with the intention of stopping. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking - not having stopped!

I haven't had time to read anyone else's responses to your post, so forgive me if I'm contradicting/repeating or generally clouding the issue.

Well done on another day going in the direction you want to go in - you've done so much in the last few days, no matter how it feels, it IS great. xxx

With all due respect, you can't really understand what I'm talking about if you have never been through AA. Likewise you can't have an understanding of alcoholism like a recovering alcoholic. I would have loved to have been a temperate drinker, in fact one of my first attempts at dealing with it was to go to counselling to get back to "social drinking". It just took me further down and prolonged the pain. This is a progressive illness, it strips you of everything, then it kills you eventually.

You are a landlady and are surrounded by drinkers. It works for you but it sounds like hell on earth to me. At the very least you're damaging your health, not something that I'd advocate as a positive lifestyle choice.

Koleshi - if I thought I was encouraging someone down a destructive road I would not say what I said but I know there is a middle way. And BM wants it. She needs help learning how to drink like an adult - you admitted you were only in your early 20's _ I have dealt with this behaviour in myself till my late 40's and I cope well and I love myself still. It is possible - dont write off that possibilty that all I am asking.

why don't you wait until BM posts and if she wants the advice she can ask for more info.

I'm actually in my 30s, not that that has anything to do with it. I've met 19 year olds in the fellowship with amazing self-awareness who could probably teach us all a few things.

And I was responding specifically to a question that BrassicMonkey herself asked me about AA, I wasn't taking away her choices.

Kokeshi

Yes of course health, the holy grail

I will die hopefully before I am old and dribbling and boy will I have had fun because I dont have to do the all or nothing - I have learnt how to manage myself - comes with middle age

Keep smiling

No I don't understand life as a recovering alchoholic as I am still an active alcholic

However that is a state that can be made to work for some or am I in denial?

I don't know Anotherlandlady, I don't know you. If you are happy with your own life then that's fantastic, that's all any of us what really.

BM, I hope you're doing OK. Thinking of you.

I hope nobody minds me jumping in but I have been following this thread. From bitter experience (my sister is an alcoholic) I think 'controlled drinking' is a dangerous game to play for an alcoholic.

Especialy when children are involved

I am very happy with my life but I admit I am the same as the rest of the human race - weak, unsure and very nervous about how I am percieved by others and I drink far too much at the end of a day out there in the world in order to cope with it. But insisting that my ony route to salvation is abstention would be torture, so I manage myself, and I can do a days work after too many units without telling myself that I am an unworthy person for not giving up completely. BM can do that - it doesnt have to be all or nothing.
I am not just a landlady of three pubs (1 mill turnover) I am also a successful business consultant. So you see I don't do black and white, I do coping.

Absolutely not ceolas, I remember you posting about your sister's car crash last year. How is she doing now?

Or am I thinking about someone else? Sorry, I've answered so many of these threads, it's so sad.

Up and down but has been in control for maybe a couple of months.

Scares the shit out of me.

I too have been following your thread BM, and I have enormous respect for your determination to get a grip of your alcohol abuse.

I'm not sure that you need to make any decisions yet as to what the end point for your relationship with alcohol will be. You are very focused at the present time on gradually reducing the amount of alcohol you drink each day and for now I think it is wise just to keep that focus. One day at a time, less each day.

One day you will reach a decision point as to whether to continue to stay on a low level of drinking, or whether to completely withdraw. That decision does not have to be taken yet. The time will come, and when it does you will be stronger emotionally, your dependence on alcohol will be signficantly reduced from where it is now and a life without it will seem an entirely different proposition than it does now.

You have shown enormous strength of character over hte past week and I am sure you will continue to be successful at reducing your alcohol intake night after night and day after day

I hope you are reading even if you do not wish to post!

Again Anotherlandlady, people who really want to experience the true meaning of sobriety (which, as many of my fellow recovering alcoholics will testify to), will only do so if they are really willing to drop their delusions about what drink actually adds to their life.

There is a strong element of denial that will keep people drinking and convincing themselves that drinking is really the best option. It's part of our illness. Only once we give it away can we look back objectively and see how we were conning ourselves all that time.

ceolas, I added a wee bit below about Al-Anon , I wonder if you've every thought about giving them a call? It's for people who are affected by a loved ones drinking.

Kokeshi - I understand your decision and I don't want to dis you at all.

There are those of us that come from families of drinkers that have recognised it and are managing it, my boys are 11 and 9 and there is nothing they won't know about the fact that they have inherited the addictive gene and I will care for them what ever they have to go though in order to live with it, as I have been the bad bitch that gave it to them -(wink) but I suppose what I am saying is that I learnt from my parents and I deal with - every day - one day at a time. So theycan too - its about growing up understanding alchohol. Which I think I have to set an example on. I appreciate your view.

You're not dissing me at all Anotherlandlady, I wouldn't go back to my old life if you paid me. Freedom from the shackles of drink takes hard work, commitment and honesty. I don't have to compromise any more myself any more.

Excuse the typos, getting tired. Good night.