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Original poster

*^*^*^*^COPING WITH CANCER --- <<< SUPPORT THREAD >>> ^*^*^*^*^*

220 replies

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 26/03/2007 20:39

Hi,

i thought it might be a good idea to start one of these as its something that affects so many people and its just devestating. Hopefully we can support each other

This is a thread for anyone who is being affected by this awful disease, whether it is you, a family member or friend that is diagnosed feel free to come her and share how you feel, im sure as in true mumsnet spirit there will always be someone here to listen .

xxx kitty xxx

OP posts:
LilyLoo · 29/03/2007 11:28

Just to reiterate McMillan are fantastic offering support. Also are there any Local Hospices near you. The one near us is fantasticand offers lots of help to both the patients and families Heres a for you all today.

pearshape · 29/03/2007 11:43

shouldbe, i'm in a similar situation. my mum died of breast cancer at the age of 41. I'm now at the age she was when she was diagnosed and am absolutely terrified. I have two little girls and keep imagining them growing up without me, as me and my sister grew up without her.

I had a breast scare last year and saw a consultant who i will be seeing every six months. no scans or anything, he just has a feel but it does leave me feeling reassured. I was told you need a living relative for the gene test so it's no good to me either. My dad, all grandparents and most aunts and uncles have died of one form of cancer or another so i am totally convinced it will strike at some point.

Lets hope they find a cure for this horrible, horrible disease soon. I do know that treatment is so much better now than it was then. Good luck to all those with relatives going through this at the moment. There are loads of positive stories out there. stay strong x

shouldbe · 29/03/2007 14:28

Hi pearshape Thanks for the reassurance - it's always good to know I'm not alone in these worries. I have this awful guilt about having had children and how irresponsible it was considering I may not be around for them as they grow up - the loss of my own mother has left a huge hole in my life and I now feel so sad that my two lo's may experience this same feeling Nothing more I can say - it's a horrible, frightening disease. I do try to think positively about how far treatment has come over the past decade but it's hard sometimes to be strong about it all...

Pimmpom · 29/03/2007 15:12

Hi everyone - sending big hugs to you all.

Shouldbe and Pearshape, just wanted to say that I found the Breastcancer care site really good. Lots of info on genetic counselling etc.

My mum and her sister have had breast cancer and I went through a very low time last year when I found a lump. I convinced myself it must be cancer. I now have annual check ups and that has put my mind at rest a bit.

Thinking of everyone on this thread. xxxxxx

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 29/03/2007 15:18

everytime i come on here i end up crying, lol

you girls are all so brave, we're all so brave!

((((( ))))))

OP posts:
spudmasher · 29/03/2007 15:43

Good ideas Kitty.
Thanks

I have got my much loved aunt onto it. She is going to 'pop' round and take mum out to lunch at a garden centre, just to get mum away from dad for a bit so they can have proper chat.
They have a great nurse as well. I could really do with a chat with her, so I am going to take down the number when I'm there.

Do you think it would be wrong to contact the nurse without telling Dad?

LilyLoo · 29/03/2007 15:49

Spudmasher i don't think you need to tell your dad. Maybe after you have spoken to her you could then tell him if you think it's appropriate. I think it would be easier to chat honestly with her if your dad wasn't there.
I find that when someone close to you has/had cancer it really makes you question your own immortality. It's so hard not to think every symptom you have isn't a signal of the first signs of cancer. I recently had a lump on my head and convinced myself it was the first signs of cancer. I sought advice off three doctors and had time off work. Even know reading Kitty's post about her mum i have wondered could it be that. It is such an awful illness to live in the shadow of.
Kitty how was your day with your sister and mum ?

lostinfrance · 29/03/2007 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 30/03/2007 08:38

Good morning ladies,

Im off out shopping today, my mums going out with her sister and mate for the first time in ages - my grandad is paying for it to cheer her up!

But she has no dressy clothes so im going to town whilst shes at work to get her a surprise outfit

I'm a bit worried about her though, i feel like shes sort of in denial about it all.

For example the growth was on the back of her head and i keep saying 'mum you should get a sunhat' and shes says 'no, I dont need one' -

i asked if she had bought sun creme now its getting sunny - 'no i dont need it'

i told her 'normal' people should wear at least factor 15, and shes got skin cancer-

i love her to bits but she seems genuinly not bothered.

i dont know what to do, i don want to push it too much iykwim

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 30/03/2007 08:39

and how are all you??

OP posts:
LilyLoo · 30/03/2007 09:17

That very thoughtful Kitty i'm sure she will love it. I think that's almost always the first stage for anyone who has been told they have cancer. My MIL works on a cancer ward and says most patients go through a stage of denial to start with. She will come to terms with it it's only early days yet. My MIL says that this is usually followed by a period of anger. Just support her like you are.

spudmasher · 30/03/2007 09:52

Kitty, I know exactly how you feel.
My dad is still drinking quite a lot of alcohol and I am fairly certain he should not be doing this whilst he is having chemo.
We have tried to talk to him about it and suggest that he cuts right back but he becomes very defensive.
He must be thinking - What the hell by now, may as well enjoy myself.
And who are we to make that choice for him.
They have to come to these decisions on their own.
All we can do is give the facts.
Have a good day all!

spudmasher · 30/03/2007 10:30

Kitty, there is something on This Morning about surviving skin cancer.
Video it or sky plus it if you are going out.
I'll look at it and let you know what they say in case you have missed this post and gone out already.

spudmasher · 30/03/2007 11:43

Well, it was a positive story. It was a 23 yr old guy who had used sunbeds a lot.
He had malignant melanoma - 3 of them.
They took them off immediately and then he had to wait three weeks for the results.
After he had found out, he had plastic surgery called a flap which left a 6 inch scar but got rid of all the dodgy cells.

He didn't say if he needed any more treatment so I am guessing it had not spread, so they did not give much information about that and what would happen in that situation.Sounds like you know all of this already and that you are playing the waiting game to find out more, but if you need more info they said there were links on the this morning website for when you know a bit more about your mum's situation.

onlyjoking9329 · 30/03/2007 22:38

my DH seems to alternate between denial and anger and can change by the minute, this is just soooo hard to deal with.

Pimmpom · 31/03/2007 09:27

Onlyjoking - so sorry you are both having to deal with this. How long do you have to wait for the scans - surely not too long? xxxxxxx

spudmasher · 31/03/2007 13:17

Onlyjoking- any news yet?
The wait must be driving you round the twist.

Original poster
KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 31/03/2007 20:24

hi girls,

how are we today? any news from anyone waiting?

spudmasher, i missed your message so didnt see the thing on This Morning, but it sounded like a good positive story,

thanks

OP posts:
PavlovtheBunnyGirl · 31/03/2007 20:36

Hey all.
I just wanted to say what a great thread, its good to know that people are able to share experiences, positive and negative.

My mum died on 26th Jan 2007, aged 66. She had stage 3/4 Ovarian Cancer, diagnosed in April/May 2006. I was 6 months pregnant with my first child when she was diagnosed and lived 300 miles away from mum. I had little support, mainly due to my mum and sister not wanting many health professionals involved (thanks Maggie Thatcher, no help here thank you very much), it meant I was isolated in finding out myself what support might have been available for me.

I found MN shortly after mum passed away, as I needed somwehere to turn that was not my family. I found my friends did not understand/care to understand/lacked empathy/ignored it was happened or had happened/avoided it. My partner has been great but he was close to my mum too and needs his own support too.

People on MN are the most supportive people I know. I have had more kind words, understanding and compassion here than from all of my friends apart from one great person. All the things I wanted from my friends and my family, I have had here, and it had made the last two months easier to manage knowing there are others willing to listen/offer guidance/hug me/share experiences.

I just wanted to say that. And to say, that if I can share my own experiences to help anyone else, or if you, I will be happy to help too. I dont know if I can, but, although my mum is no longer here, I am still living with the effects of cancer, every day.

spudmasher · 31/03/2007 21:43

Pavlov, might need your advice over the next few months

PavlovtheCatthatgottheCremeEgg · 31/03/2007 22:11

Spud - anytime you need to. I just read your post properly. I am sorry to hear about your dad. It is hard being so far away isnt it? My sister became carer for my mum, and whilst I understand/understood the reasons for protecting me, as I was about to have a baby, I felt that excluded a lot. I know for sure that my mum withheld information, and tried to make out it was not as bad as it was, but I do not blame her for that. She is my mum and her role was to protect me. I did attend some consultations which I found not too informative, but I am quite forthright and good at getting info, so got some answers. My mum asked not to know long term timescales etc, but the round about info I got was enough. I did not really need to know much more than I did.

Is there a chance of a good outcome for your dad? I hope so...

PavlovtheCatthatgottheCremeEgg · 31/03/2007 22:20

Spud - anytime you need to. I just read your post properly. I am sorry to hear about your dad. It is hard being so far away isnt it? Sending you lots of positive thoughts. To everyone in fact...

Pimmpom · 01/04/2007 13:31

Pavlov - a great post. Pleased that MN has helped you and I hope this thead helps others. Thinking of everyone xxx

onlyjoking9329 · 01/04/2007 22:01

DH had his DX jan 25th (his birthday)
they said re scan in three month unless big problems before then, so should have scans at the end of this month, althou he is in denial at the moment and is saying he will refuse any treatment.

spudmasher · 02/04/2007 08:52

Onlyjoking - that is such a long time to wait! I hope you are managing to get through each day.
Is he still working or off sick?