EATING DISORDER SUFFERERS.......

[lissielou]

thought id start this thread coz there seem to be a few of us on here. ive been anorexic since i was little, started my first diet aged 6 and have struggled ever since. still have tumbles but getting a bit of control back now.

anyone else?

wow an empowering story Susie, well done for your recovery, you are a strong person inside, thank you for sharing it with us, I'm sure alot of people will take comfort in your words

I'm still in the depths of it, I'm not really fighting at the moment, I know I should be but i'm not, I went into M&S last week with my dd's, it was hot & I was wearing a strap top, jeans and a cardi, a woman two tables opposite nudged her mate looking at me and said "Now thats discusting" No wonder you dont want to leave the house. I feel vial. Most days I just want to sit and cry.

Hugs to you Hillary.

hillary sorry to hear that. Are you feeling any better since the cyanide poisoning? I know last time you posted about it you were still very poorly. Hope you're ok, a very difficult time.
Flightattendant - welcome and thanks for sharing. It;s so great when you read about other people coming out of the other side. Does give me hope and I'm sure it does to the others here who haven't wuite reached it yet!

Thanks Aufish

Hi countTo10, how are you feeling now? I'm alot better now but not 100% still have bad breathing bouts. That may be because I'm excersising all the time though, I'm on the pro-ana sites as much as I'm on MN too. Not good I know but we do it dont we. I'm just going to ride it, have a break and seek therapy soon. I actually need ana at the moment IYKWIM.

Love to everyone

Glad if it helps and thanks for reading that very long post! I still struggle with various aspects, find it hard to eat with anyone, or at anyone's house...haven't bothered going to a restaurant for years, as I'm much slower than everyone else, etc...also I do have issues with feeding DS as well as myself. I hate having to think about or plan meals. But we get by.
I think that you show a lot of insight, Hillary - there were times when I felt I 'needed' it too, and I do believe there is a right time for each of us to fight it, and a time to let things go by...always reasons, sometimes we don't know what they are but they are there for sure.
Didn't mean to sound like I was putting pressure on anyone, or saying 'Hey I can get better, so can you' - that's really unhelpful, I remember hating that sort of thing!
Wishing you all well, when you are ready...something has to change and that can be anytime. But you can't force it, I know that much.
S.

PS that sounds horrible with the woman staring at you. I remember that too, an awful feeling...there were some people who didn't seem to treat me too differently (except for the look in their eyes that said 'worried') but others, like people who worked in a few shops where I would buy food, would be polite, even friendly, then you'd see them whispering to their friends...I used to feel like such a freak. I tried hard to look as 'normal' as I could, but people don't realise that however intelligent you are, or cheerful, you aren't able to control what you're doing.
Most of the doctors I saw about it also seemed to think that because I appeared 'in control' or to know what I was talking about, that they didn't really have anything to add, couldn't help me as they thought I already knew what was wrong and what to do about it, but for some reason wouldn't help myself. Totally wrong.
People always seem to assume you enjoy being so skinny as well, don't they? Well done for surviving that experience the other day

Hi flightattendant, yes totally agree with you about how people look at you, I'm always getting that 'worried' look. I make an effort to take my dd's to lunch often to make myself do the restaurant scene. I went out today, took my dds for a walk along the sea front, it was so busy, I was wearing a long purple top with jeans (the sort of top which covers your bum) its a size 4 It was too hot for extra layers, only lasted 5 mins and ran back to the car, felt like I was on stage, You just feel so embarrased about yourself. People pause and stare at you when you walk past then snigger/wisper behind your back you can blatently see them

Hope everyone is keeping their spirits high

Hello, how are we all? Well finally took the step of arranging counselling and am waiting for the appointment to come through. Hopefully it's going to help as the next few months we've got so much coming up, if I don't get a handle on this soon it's going to get out of control. I just hate the way it's affecting my relationship with ds. I did speak briefly to dp about it but not huge amts. He knows I'm going for counselling but he's not really into all that so he just finds it weird more than anything and a failure on his part that I can't just talk to him. His most helpful idea so far about my unhappiness with my extra weight that's now appearing is just to exercise. I'm not eating proper meals all the time but having no trouble tucking into lots of comfort foods so I am feeling larger. I'm really getting into that depression, hating myself phase now - so it's almost like you punish yourself by eating the wrong foods and more than you should. Problem with that is it sends you into the spiral of loss of control then and if there's one thing I definitely want to avoid is purging. Makes starvation sound like heaven to be honest. Sounds awful doesn't it? Haven't told anyone else about the counselling and not sure I will at the mo. Will see.
Anyway, I hope everyone's getting on ok, Hillary are you feeling any more solid about things?

Hi
Just wanted to wish everyone on here all the best for your recovery, i think it's great you are supporting each other.
Maybe if my sister had found a forum as supportive as mumsnet then she may have survived.

I haven't been here in a while. I hope your all doing as well as can be!
You may think i'm a kook recommending this so many times, but go try nlp. after 13 years of nothing but bulimia and every possible treatment you can imagine (some which i wouldnt write down on a chat), it is the only thing that actually made a difference.
I know its hard to get convinced to try this strangely mystical-sounding treatment, but if you could ignore that aspect and focus on the idea that - all you have to do is sit in a chair for one hour and listen to some guy talk....

Not sure if anyone's still popping in but thought I'd post anyway!! Hope everyone's ok. I've finally started some counselling and the relief I feel having just started it is quite overwhelming. My counsellor is not that conventional which I like. We just started out with some basics and just in one hour I managed to realise some things about myself which have helped me understand where i'm coming from at the moment. It has also made me realise that actually the ed really isn't my issue and it really is a masking thing and now I've finally discovered what my issue is not only can I try to get past it and move on, I can start learning some new ways of dealing with my life that does not involve food. It feels totally different from other sessions I;ve had before, somehow I feel freer, I don't really know how to explain it but I'm looking forward to continuing and for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling positive about something which can only be good!!

If anyone is still reading this thread, i would love some advice. I think i am verging on an eating disorder and i am not sure what to do. I have never suffered from anything like this before (although i have suffered from depression) Just recently (couple of months) I seem to be VERY concerned with my weight (I am a size 12, quite'normal') I am trying to eat only fruit and veg, nothing else except for dinner, then other days i totally binge- Big chocolate bars and cakes within about 20mins. I cant make myself sick, because i have no gag reflex, but have thought about drinking salt water to make myself throw up. The binging only happens about once a week. The rest of the week i exercise until i feel dizzy, everyday if i can. I have been watching the size 0 documentries to get tips, and almost use them as inspiration on how little calories i can eat. What do you think?

hi Sarjane, I'm sorry to hear this, but you are very very clever in recognising it and thinking it strange behaviour. I would go to your gp tomorrow(yes tomorrow) make an emergency appointment and let him/her know how you are feeling, you are on the verge of developing a full blown eating disorder but if you catch it now you can get away from it. Well done for posting on here, it takes guts. Dont leave it, it will get worse.

Your gp should refer you to councelling and keep in regular contact with you, please take the help

{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs for you }}}}}}}}}}}}}

By the way we always keep an eye on this thread and we are all her for each other, please feel free to post on here anytime, you will always get a response. Its best to let your feelings out, we dont know who you are and you dont have to tell us to our face, we will not judge you or tell you off we will support you and guide you.

Hills ..xx

Thank you hiils, i was kinda hoping you would say i was fine, but deep down i know i am not!! It really started as healthy eating and exercise, but as i saw results, i felt like i needed more results, and then seeing louise rednap and co going down a dress size a week, i felt i really wasnt working hard enough. Even though i KNOW that she wasnt happy, and i KNOW its a stupid thing to try and achieve, but i cant help it. I also feel that because i am in my early 20's i see other girls my age wearing shorts and tiny shorts, i think thats how i should look, even though i am not even that big! Infact i know other people would kill for my figure, and have been told by alot of people i have a really nice figure.

Yes its is very difficult especially when they put these programs on, they should be banned really as it just makes people feel fat and horrible even though they are quite the opposite. I bet you are beautiful, I can uderstand it all but I didnt stop & my eating disorder will probably kill me one day as I have been doing it for so long I dont know how to live without it.

It really is no life at all, you think it bad at the moment but you will find a way of throwing up or using laxatives instead.

When you diet then re eat your body will pile on the pounds naturally to stock you back up, the only real way to be fit and healty is to eat a well balanced diet of fresh fruit and veg, with protein too, and excersise, but not excessively - not to burn off more callories than you eat.

It is an addiction, which is why you need the councelling, to talk through why you started it.

Have you had anything difficult happen recently? Does anyone know about this in RL?

I'm glad this thread is here. I'm not sure if I have an ED, but everyone thinks i am too thin. I have never been this thin before and I feel quite ill a lot of the time. I get constant throat infections, feel anxious quite often, and am starting to dislike eating. If I have more than one meal a day I feel horrible. I'm terrified of putting on weight and sometimes when i look in the mirror I think I need to lose bit more.

No-one knows! I am a live-in nanny and live away from family/friends etc. My best friend keeps telling me to cut down on exercise (he knows i was feeling dizzy, but didnt know i was doing until i felt dizzy) But he lives the other side of the country so hasnt seen me for a while. But he thinks it was a good idea that i had started exercising (when i was doing it healthily) and because i asked him to encourage me to not quit he still is encouraging me! He is probably the only person who would really notice, which is why i am avoiding him visiting, but at the same time, i know he would be the best person to help me! (Perhaps another reason i dont let him visit! )
I know what you mean about finding away to make myself sick. Despite knowing i have no gag reflex, and the fact that however far down my throat my fingers go i will not be sick, i have still tried! A couple of times i have eaten until i was sick.

Powder sounds like you need an MOT too!!

It is so common, we are encouraged to be so 'perfect' these days and its so unfair, we spend our lives worrying about how we look and how we will be perseeved(sp?) we dont get chance to live it to be what we 'want' to be.

I wouldnt want anyone to live my life, plesae go and see your gp

oh Sarjane you do need to see a gp, you need to be able to speak to someone in RL too, we are always here, not having people comming is part of it too, you hide yourself away. Its a difficult thing to talk about because its so personal and talking to someone face to face is embarrassing. Its something we all do. You must also consider the fact your employees will be noticing too and may think you an unsuitable influence on thier dc's. You are so young and so beautiful you must fight this or it will ruin the best part of your life. An eating disorder is a drawn out suicide, you are starving your body of nutrients, you will loose the fat but then you will start to loose muscle when the fat has run out, your organs are all muscle including your heart, which is why you will be at risk of a sudden massive fatal heart attack. This is how many die and it doesnt take long.

Powder your body immune system has slowed down due to lack of vital nutrients, you will continue to get thes infections unless you restore your stocks. This is another classic symptom.

sarjane/powder, welcome and well done for posting here cause it takes guts. The fact you're recognised there's an issue means that you're already half way there. It isn't an easy path and recovery is not instant. As I'm sure you can tell from some of these posts, ed's are very complex issues and can be very consuming. I hope you can find your way through it and ringing the GP is defo the first step. Do keep posting and let us know how you're getting on. It can be a very lonely and isolating experience and if this can help ease that for you as it has certainly for me then that's a good thing
big hugs to you both {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}

Hope everone is ok, thinking of you all

hi guys, i am doing much better.
i eat normal meals and i dont find myself thinking about food.
i had a few tough situations to deal with and went through them without usind food to deal with it.
i did have one day last week where i was in some ugly social situation and did resort to food. but the whole rest of the week has been fine.
all in all i have 'done bulimia' about 5 times in the past 5 months (better then i've ever done).
the great thing is - i am quite thin after all this (and truly eating 3 healthy meals each day), and looking good, because my hair looks decent, my face isnt puffy, and i dont look white as a ghost from exhaustion. and i guess because i feel a hell of a lot better about myself.
i have time to play with my kids. its great.

i share the positive energies i have right now with all of you, hope everyone has a good day, and hugs

Well done recoveringmun

You are an inspiration to us all, keep it up

h .x.

I have not overcome my ana, Instead I have let it fully become me again, I restrict, over excersise and am self harming too. My gp prescirbed me anti depressants but wouldnt refer me on until I'd given the pills chance to work. I have fully come to terms with my ana and am at peace with it, I know it is doing me harm but I'm finding it so much better than trying to fight something my body and mind do naturally.

It saddens me to see girls experimenting with ana and wanting to become her as they do not understand the life they will be leading - or the life it will be leading for them. The media have alot to answer for, they portray these images of stick thin girls, society make us all want to be something we will never be, they make children grow up so fast they feel out of control in life, they find their control in food then their life ends.

For those of you who are in the beginings of an eating disorder please seek help, its not worth it, dont learn from your mistakes as it will be too late.