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Original poster

EATING DISORDER SUFFERERS.......

174 replies

lissielou · 08/03/2007 13:52

thought id start this thread coz there seem to be a few of us on here. ive been anorexic since i was little, started my first diet aged 6 and have struggled ever since. still have tumbles but getting a bit of control back now.

anyone else?

OP posts:
recoveringmum · 14/03/2007 20:52

Hillary, happy birthday to your dd2!!

just think of how happy she will be to blow out the candles tomorrow.

i am really sorry to hear about your past, definately your ed has been part of your way of dealing with what has happened to you, something perhaps that started when you didn't or couldn't know of other alternative ways of dealing, or didn't have any help in directing you to other ways. i think steinermum said something that is very important. the person who hurt you, it wouldnt be fair to let them continue to give you a reason to hurt. i hope you realise that inside you are still the same innocent, wonderful and beautiful person that you were before this started, and that if you can help yourself to find other ways of dealing with things, perhaps you can unveil that you, hiding inside.

recoveringmum · 14/03/2007 20:53

steinermum, thanks so much for being here. i have never heard from a person who has recovered from an ed and it really helps.

MerlinsBeard · 14/03/2007 20:54

Happy birthday to your DD2 Hillary x

steinermum · 14/03/2007 21:07

recoveringmum: hello. Have you ever started a thread where you invited recovered ED sufferers to post? It might be an interesting one to try!

steinermum · 14/03/2007 21:08

Hillary, I'm thinking of you and will post again when I have something to offer. Lots of love xx

recoveringmum · 14/03/2007 21:14

thanks steinermum. i may try. but will wait till a little more confident.

by the way, in any of your therapy did you discover things you hadnt remembered about your past that were part of the cause of your ed?

i recently (few years ago) suddenly remembered that my mum used to smack me when she would get really annoyed with me (up and down my body, while i was naked). i know that was part of it. but i am really wondering if there may be other things i'm hiding in my head that may obstruct a full recovery if i don't discover them?

other then that i have put all of the major things that influenced the start of my ed on the table and agreed to put them in the past.

hillary · 14/03/2007 21:19

Thank you for your kind words, means alot. And thank you very much for the Happy Birthday for my Tilly Tot, she's so iddy biddy only looks about 6 months old - very poorly at birth & lucky to be alive so a celibration it is

You sould see me sitting here on my laptop with a wet puppy on my lap.

steinermum · 15/03/2007 20:57

Hello again recoveringmum, hope you didn't get bruised on the SAHM vs WOHM thread today. I can't believe how vicious MN can get - I can see why you need to feel ready to start a thread about personal issues! The biggest shock to me when I started therapy was that I seemed to spend all the time talking about my dad and my parents as a couple, rather than my eating. The light suddenly went on for me about why I'd learned to misuse food to deal with feelings - in my family noone really dealt with anything emotional in a sensitive way. I do think that good therapy, however painful, is priceless if the time is right. How are you anyway?

Littlefish · 15/03/2007 21:17

The same thing happened to me Steinermum. I spent 8 months talking about my relationship with my mother! I think I always knew it was at the root of my issues with food, but the depth of my feelings of hurt, abandonment and mistrust surprised even me.

steinermum · 15/03/2007 22:16

Absolutely, Littlefish. When I was a psychiatric nurse there wasn't a single patient who had had a happy childhood, I always felt we were seeing people too late. Not that I don't believe people can recover, far from it, it's just that you have to reassess so much of what seems normal to you and accept that you were hurt, consciously or not, by those caring for you when you were at your most dependent.

steinermum · 15/03/2007 22:17

Hello Hillary, how are you doing today?

hillary · 16/03/2007 10:24

Hi steinermum

Had a funny turn last night, sorry couldnt reply, I was on the phone to my mum at the same time as on my laptop & passed out. better now though

Took dds to the beach yesterday, went on the train up the pier, & threw dd2 a party too, they had a lovely day

How are you?

steinermum · 16/03/2007 16:04

Hi Hillary
Glad to hear you're OK, do you know why you passed out?
I had a nice day running a food stall in aid of Comic Relief at my sons' school.

Aufish · 16/03/2007 16:54

Hi, I have been reading this thread with great interest and felt like this was the time to post. I suffered from anorexia and bulumia from the age of 16 and finally asked for help 3 years ago, I am now 31 years old. I don't know if anyone has read anything else that I have posted on different threads about eating disorders so I will go through my story again. I was in care from an early age and when I left my foster parents in 1991 I was a normal healthy weight, it was never an issue for me. I then met my first boyfriend and he told me I was fat, I think I was about 9 stone at this time. He totally controlled everything I did and was told that I was fat and ugly and so I stopped eating a normal meal and started with the laxatives and making myself sick. I stayed with this guy for 2 years and by the time he left I was about 6 and half stone. I continued in this way for most of my twenties and through 3 pregnancies. When I was married to my ex husband it was my way of escaping the violence and felt that I was in control of the only thing I could be. I ended up with bulimia when I was pregnant with my 4th child as I was trying to cope with eating normally for my child. I finally went to the doctor after I walked out on my ex husband and felt it was time to get my life under my control and not under the control of food and my ex husband. With alot of support from my partner, doctors and a fantastic CPN, I am now at healthy size and weight for my height, food is not an issue for me at this present time. I do though still say that I am an anorexic/bulimic and will always be one. It will never ever go away but at this present time I'm happy and healthy. I send all my love and support to the girls on here that are still struggling with this awful thing and I do hope that you will, one day, be free. Hugs to you all. If you do want to ask me any questions please feel free to do so. I know what a rough road you are on at the moment.

steinermum · 16/03/2007 18:56

Hello Aufish, that is such a lovely post. As I was reading your post I was thinking 'oh no, how is this going to end?', then to hear that you've come through was so great. I know if I'd had this sort of online chat available when I was at my worst it would have helped me so much, as I could never talk to people about it.
Lots of love xx

Aufish · 16/03/2007 20:50

Hi Steinerman, thank you for the reply. I know how you feel about there not being alot of support, alot of people kind of turn their heads to what is under their noses. Alot of people knew what was happening to me and my struggle but they never ever said it was time for me to get help. When my mother was told about it, she just thought that by putting more on my plate was going to help me. I have to say that it really does help talking to somebody who has been or is in the same situation. I would talk to my dear, dear partner for hours over the fact that I could not eat something for breakfast and he would try and help but he did not fully understand what that small request meant for me. He is still unsure of everything that goes with an eating disorder but he does know what signs to look out for with me when I start having problems. I am here for anybody who just wants to vent off some steam or ask questions of how I got here. It is a long, hard road and not an easy one, but I am free and hopefully one day anyone of you girls on here will break free.

hillary · 16/03/2007 22:48

Hi all,

I used a flea prevention/treatment thingy on our new puppy, I accidently got in on myself & inhailed it toowhoops!

Now have inhalation poisoning, feeling really awful not using that blooming stuff again!

Been from dr to chemist to hospital today, its leathal stuff

steinermum · 17/03/2007 10:16

God Hillary, poor you! Hang in there. Lots of love.

somuchpink · 17/03/2007 16:29

hi steinermum. thanks for asking and thanks for putting in a good word for me over there.

it was a little brutal but i really am over having other people's opinions affect me. on mn people will say what they won't say to your face, so it was kind of like having it out with those sahms in my neighborhood.

i guess i do find myself talking about my mother and how negative her effect was on me. i guess although i know all the reasons my ed started, i dont really know what i would have done instead of an ed.
i always felt like my family doesnt understand me. they also lack a certain emotional sensitivity.

i guess i am in that stage of trying to learn new and healthier ways of dealing with all sorts of things. i try to be as positive as possible.

nice weekend everyone

hellobello · 17/03/2007 17:05

Is it Frontline? I'm not very good at de-fleaing our dogs. There are drops that sound a bit easier. I hope you are feeling better. I was 29 when I could eat normally, but I'm still inclined to drink too much. Why does food have to be so complicated?

steinermum · 18/03/2007 12:27

Hi Hellobello
Food is a tricky one because you have to deal with it every single day and as a mum you have to feed others too. With drugs and alcohol you
renounce them if you want to beat the addiction but you can't renounce food (apart from in anorexia and even then I guess you're still mentally obsessed with it). Also, as children, we would have seen food being imbued with all sorts of different meanings, so when you develop an ED it's very hard to get back to seeing food as just fuel.

hillary · 18/03/2007 19:19

Hi everyone

Really really upset just come back from hospital today, had ECG scan and various other tests and they've come back to say I have cyanide poisoning!

Cyanide! I only used a flea treatment!

Nobody could tell me if I will get better or anything. They says it takes 3 years to come out the atmosphere too, so my dd's are in danger of exposure. What do I do?

steinermum · 18/03/2007 19:51

Oh Hillary you poor thing, so sorry. Why not start a general thread to see if anyone knows anything about this? I don't at all.

steinermum · 18/03/2007 20:28

Whoops - you already have !!

hillary · 18/03/2007 22:46
Wink