**Tamoxigang counting down to Easter eggs- thread 48**

[BetsyBoop]

throws some hot cross buns on the trolley

Just wanted to say Thank You for your words of support - It really did help, two more to go

I hope all went well for you bish and you manage any SE's.

Best wishes to everyone x

Hello, not been on in a while as have been away on holiday, hurrah! Sorry to see some new faces on here - apologies as I haven't read all the thread, but I'm sure you're getting lots of fantastic advice and support from the lovely ladies here.

I'm doing great, feel really well - nearly three months post chemo (one month post rads) and I feel very normal again. I have my first follow-up appointment with my consultant this Friday (slightly nervous), then I'm back to work on 6th May (yikes). Am going to have a t-shirt made up saying 'yes I realise my hair is very, very short' as no doubt I shall get everyone saying 'gosh your hair is short'. Last time most of my colleagues saw me I had shoulder length blond hair; it is now very short and dark brown. Oh, the other comment I get a lot is that I have a 'nice-shaped head', which is also code for 'gosh your hair is short'.

Mummywheel glad your 4th FEC went fine :)

honeybeer your poor DF . How tough for you all!

foofoo thinking of you at your scan tomorrow.

1st chemo down, 5 to go (hopefully), 2nd cycle in a fortnight. Currently at home have chemo infused from a fetching little bumbag for a further 48 hour. It all went fine and I needn't have worried so much. My DH stayed with me and next time my DM will be with me. No side effects yet aside from food tasting slightly strange. Have anti-nausea tabs plus start steroid tabs tomorrow which I've been advised to take at breakfast and lunch so as to minimise night time insomnia.

Will keep you posted on side effects over next few days.

Bishb glad to hear that first chemo went ok did you get anything to help you sleep.
Got wig yesterday and have not worn it today but felt happy enough in a cap.Cardiac scan tomorrow and second FEC-T on friday.
Good to hear about others on holiday and getting back to normal again.
Hope everyone having a restful evening.

Good luck with the scan and FEC-T mildmay. No, they didn't give me anything for sleep. I'll see how taking the steroids earlier on in the day affect me tomorrow night then will ask on Friday when they take the chemo can off.

mummywheel and bish congratulations on ticking one off the list! hope you don't suffer too much from SEs. honey sorry your DF is feeling low I hope he rallies soon. handbags it is great to hear someone sounding so positive having come out the other side - something to aspire to. foofoo good luck with the scan tomorrow, I had a bone scan a couple of weeks ago. I was lucky in that the hospital is near where I work so I went into the office between the injection and the scan. It was all painless and a bit boring I wish I had had some music to listen to. The worst bit was when they put an elastic band (very high tech but then this is the West Country) around my ankles to keep my hips open. I found that a bit uncomfortable and couldn't really relax at that point. I was hoping to get my results from that today but they weren't ready. Did get my BMX results - all as good as could be hoped for (I think). Grade 2 lobular invasive, clear margins, oestrogen +ive, HER2 -ive, 3 of 13 lymph nodes infected. Signed off by consultant and expecting a 6 week wait for oncology appt, so they can't be too worried about me.
I enjoy (not really the correct term) hearing about your hair/wig/scarf experiences, I am possibly over focussing in this future aspect. Anyway, onwards and upwards, hello to you all.

Thanks everyone for your good wishes.DF is happier today but still abit wobbly.it would seem he had a panic attack worrying about not being able to eat I hate to say it but he suddenly looks older,
Im jealous your still there maltes the weather was fab, but spent a lot of my sunbathing worrying about DF

Rads #11 for me tomorrow. One third way through.
Eyebrows are coming back, yay. Eyelashes a bit slower, can't wait to wear mascara again.

foofoo good luck with scan tomorrow.

bishb it is good to be started chemo. Now you can countdown to be finished.

handbags great to hear you are doing so well. I feel almost back to normal also.

malt your photos look lovely. I hope you had a great time.

greeneyed I'm on Folfox, Avastin & 5-FU for colon cancer. The oncologist told me he didn't expect me to suffer from hair loss but I know thinning is a possibility so I like to be prepared. I dye my hair dark brown for vanity reasons. But I'm 43 and Indian (so with dark skin) and I would love to see how I look with my natural grey hair against my skin colour. It will be interesting to see what I do as chemo and hair thinning progresses. Watch this space!

Where did you stay honey, were at Puerto calero. It is hard, you still bring your worries on holiday but I have managed to have a good time too

Thanks mom, probably put too many pics on but have been waiting for this holiday for months and months !

My hair came back grey but have dyed it, I wasn't ready for it at 42.

I've dyed my hair too. I've used Daniel Field Watercolours stuff as it doesn't contain any ammonia or peroxide, and it's just activated with water, so is deemed safe for post-chemo hair. It covers the greys very well indeed, provided you leave it on for the max time. I'm 43 and I was starting to look like my mum too with grey hair. Also not ready for that!

mom I had total mascara withdrawal symptoms and eyelash envy. I am loving being able to wear mascara again. I found my lashes and eyebrows grew back really fast once they started, so you'll be layering on that mascara very soon! Such a small pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.

My hair is snow white! I can see some brown hair starting to grow underneath. It makes me look at least 10 years older. It is really short yet, so I'm keeping the wig on until I can colour it.

malt not too many photos at all!

malt we stayed near Playa Blanca, the gardens were beautiful and was so nice to feel some warmth!
Talking of looking old, the man in the opposite hospital bed to dad was very proud to tell everyone he was 92, then proceeded to tell me I was the spitting image of his sister, I'm not even 50 yet! gave us a laugh tho!

We drive through there on the way back from a day out honey it looked nice. We went to see the volcano and went on a camel which was a bit scary ! Home now,need to get up and start the washing

Hi all

So yesterday I totally embarrassed myself and had a complete meltdown while waiting to go in for my Radiotherapy I had just said goodbye to one of the ladies who I met during treatment. She had just had her last treatment. I was so pleased for her, but then just blubbed!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of Rads. I have been going to the hospital everyday excluding wknds and Bank hol's, for the last 5wks and I still have 2/3 wks to go It just seems never-ending.

So I was taken into the nurses room and given a cup of tea (apparently that solves everything) Then I announced that I didn't feel like having anymore Radiotherapy so could I stop my treatment now?! Clearly that isn't an option that they are keen on, so the nurse went through the usual, 'you're doing so we'll, 'you have come so far', 'you can do this', 'blah blah blah'! I'm sure we have all heard it before!

Then the radiologist that I get on well with came in to see if I was ready to be zapped! She chatted with me and told me that I was entitled to feel fed up and totally pissed off, as it's been a long long road. BUT maybe I should finish this weeks Rads, and then we could discuss again on Monday! So I pulled myself together, and went in!

Obviously I know that there isn't really an option, I NEED to have all the sessions, but I think I just needed 'someone', 'anyone' to understand how I felt, and that people telling you the end is in sight, doesn't help when you have been on this journey for the last 8.5months! Especially when they still don't seem to know how many boosts they are going to give me

Anyway today is another day, children are safely at nursery and school, and I have made lunch/tea and done the washing! So a nice productive start to my day! Rads are at 5 today, so I'm guessing that could be a late one! We shall see! Just hoping to get through today without the tears!!

Sending ((((((((big hugs)))))))))) to anyone who needs them today! Good luck to anyone having treatment or results today.

It's almost the weekend xx

Welcome Back Malt sounds like you had a great time I'm so pleased for you. Xxx

Big hugs really. I don't think you have embarrassed yourself at all, I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It's a bloody pain having to go to hospital every day, you've had awful delays too and you're still working. Lots of stress and worry. I'm sure they've seen it all before at the hospital. Well done for going in
Have you got anything nice planned at the weekend, or can you treat yourself to something to cheer you up a bit, some nice food and treats maybe ?
Wish there was something I could do to help but always here to listen xx

Really- also sending you a big hug. It must be so rubbish having to go in for so long. Admire your strength. I have no experience of radiotherapy yet so can only imagine what it is like.
I have spent 10 mins crying when the copy of the letter from oncologist landed on doorstep; just seeing it all in black and white after having had to hoover up more of my hair. Is it normal to have a lump under the scar from sentinel node op? also found out that I may have more chemo sessions and surgery earlier depending on how I respond. I know it is a movable picture but find it hard to get head round it. I also thought I wouldn't have radiotherapy after mastectomy but now they say I might.

Malt- glad you had a lovely holiday. Hope you get all your washing done.

Off to buy myself a big garden umbrella with vouchers from work to cheer myself up. Hope everyone has a good day.

Oh really poor you! I hope there is someone in RL to give you all the hugs we are sending. Hope you regain some strength over the weekend. speedy I asked the very same thing on here a few days ago about the lump from the SNC. mine is a long ridge and also completely numb. I had some reassurance on here from some of the lovely ladies and my consultant confirmed on Wednesday that this is Normal. Could be like if for some time. Bought a mastectomy bra yesterday, would have been a more positive experience without my DM's comments about my weight and (inaccurate) negative comments about previous bra size. Bra is very comfy, didn't think I would be able to bear anything under my armpit yet, but felt okay. Also gives me a good shape with the softies inserted so I don't scare my colleagues when I go to work after the bank holiday.
I remember one of you mentioning about being given multiple scarves for their birthday - well that has started with me already - 4 this week so far, I don't even start chemo for a couple of months! - and it's not my birthday!
Garden vouchers from work, speedy what a clever and thoughtful idea.
Hope there is a little sunshine wherever you all are. I have DD's 15th birthday bash this evening. 12 teenage girls for a sleepover, before you certify me insane, I should explain that this was planned before my DX and didn't want to disappoint. They are a nice bunch and it is only 1 night, but suspect my BMX might seem like a walk in the park in comparison!

Really another hug from me too! You are doing so well and I think we all get a bit of a wobble at some point.

DS1 18th Birthday today and he has gone off to Carlisle to spend the day with his girlfriend, feel a bit sad he is not spending it at home but what can I expect when I am not much fun to be around due to chemo on Wednesday. It really wasn't the celebration I had hoped for but he seems happy so I guess that's the main thing.

Glad you have had a good holiday Malt

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

really, big, big ((((hugs)))). I hope this doesn't sound wrong, but I find it oddly reassuring when I hear you beng so frank about how fed up you are with the endless treatment. I'm way behind you (2/3 thro' chemo), but have been totting up when I might finish rads and how much of the children's summer holidays I might get, and have been very very cast down by the length of it all - just exhausted now.

speedy, there really is something horrible about seeing this stuff written down, isn't there? I had to get DH to hide a bunch of my letters as I couldn't bear coming across them.

Glad you had a nice holiday, malt. And mummywheel, I'm glad that
your ds is happy on his birthday, but you must be missing his company. Chemo definitely does not make one fun. My ds1 is 16 and I suddenly realised that 18 isn't so far away. Help!

reallyreally big hugs from me too. I'm just at the beginning of this journey and, remembering the three long years of cancer treatment I went through 15 years ago, I broke down yesterday in anticipation of the tedium of it all: I still have chemo, two surgeries and more chemo to get through and the prospect is daunting! Even knowing I got through it first time round doesn't help. The boredom, relentlessness, constant uncertainty and downright fear of cancer and cancer treatment is a real shit .