Tamoxigang New Year, New Thread, *46*

[BetsyBoop]

Hands round a for everyone.

[foofooyeah]

Hooray for your very own caseworker!

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

Good luck tomorrow Kitkat!!

Feeling SE from tax last night and today. Got bone ache going on, mostly in legs and feet. Otherwise feeling not too bad. I have slept better than expected except for first night. I self medicated last night and took a lorazepam to help me relax and go back to sleep. I had some left over from my AC meds. It worked a treat.

[weebarra]

Sounds like a positive day for everyone! Really - your BCN sounds great and you seem to be being looked after now.
Goodness - glad you've got your own worker, it does make a difference.
Kitkat - best of luck tomorrow!
My surgeon said they would leave any reconstruction till after my rads too.

[trice]

Up all night with poorly Dd last night (nasty cough), hope she sleeps tonight.

Good luck tomorrow Really, I hope they are kinder to you.

[GoodnessKnows]

Bold-faced butting in again (please forgive):
Went to school (thank gd for make up) to pick up DS from new chess club. He had his first class today. He's a bit ... autistic. Having second part of his assessment day before my op. Looking forward to that - but not to op so feel torn about the passage of time but relieved to be having that BEFORE I won't be able to ...
Anyway, I digress...
Teacher came up to us and told us we needed to change to Tuesday next week. Blah blah blah.
Then turned to me and told me in front of everyone else (they prob. didn't notice but I was SO taken aback): "I'm aware that DS needs a bit of special attention at the moment."
WTF
WT bloody F
Because he's special or because the teacher has blabbed to other teachers whose care he is in (as, maybe not coincidentially, he's been a right pain in the arse since going back to school & my results). I'v tried to hide it well but he's VERY astute and sensitive.
I'm now wondering whether the whole flaming school knows. And how much. Surprised he didn't say 'about your tumour'!
FFS
Or is he talking about the fact that my DS is a pain and needs special attention. I think not.
While I'm grateful that the staff are clearly taking him under their wing - which I DID ask them to do, when I go in - I'm not so comfortable with this. Hmmm.
Tempted to ask his teacher what the comment might have been referring to and that I felt uncomfortable - but my gratitude towards them for being caring is, thankfully, far stronger than my discomfort.
Starting to get 'pity looks' in the playground. Just from a couple I've told. All the same.
And there are those who are cliquey and never say hello, turn their back rather than do so. Want to shake them and tell them to get over themselves and their petty crap, say hello and be ... pleasant. I'm caring less than I did but it drives me mad and I'm sensitive.
Eurch... Rant over. Please continue. Apologies again.

[reallyreallyworried]

So I can't sleep! Stress or steroids? Who knows.

goodness have a (((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))

I had a head tilting moment at school pick up the other day! Another nanny (odd girl) came up to me and looked at my head scarf and said "so what's happened? Have you had surgery!"

I said, "I have Breast Cancer and this is the joys of Chemo, but I'm doing okay"

Immediate head tilt, sad eyes and the sorry. Followed by her picking her paper out her bag and reading her horoscope! She didn't know what to say!?

I think it's strange that in this day and age where soooooo many people are being diagnosed and surviving, that people still find it such a taboo subject!

Anyway goodness just thought I would share that with you!

Thanks again for all the support and offers of virtual hand holding. I will be thinking of you all tomorrow. If around 10ish you all suddenly get a sore hand, that'll be me squeezing it! So I'll apologise now, and don't think I'll let it go until I'm safely out of that place! Xx

Right I NEED too sleep! I've been awake since 4.30am yesterday!!!

[BetsyBoop]

Really I hope you are asleep now.the mega dose of steroids before tax won't be helping. I'm awake as my shoulder is hurting again... (surgery after effects exacerbated by rads apparently!) I'll be here to hold your hand in the morning, but you will have to sit very still because I'll be lying on the rads table

Goodness and really, try you best to ignore the head tilters, concentrate on the support from real friends. :)

Goodness - unless you specifically asked them not to, it's normal practice for school to let all teachers working with your DS know what's happening, so they can keep a kindly eye on him. It honestly isn't gossiping and in a class of thirty over the course of a year you would be surprised how many kids have something going on at home, so it's a very "normal" thing for school (I work as a TA) though it is about as far removed from normal as you can get for you!

Kitkat -good Luck for later, new boobs here you come!

[GoodnessKnows]

You asleep, Really? I hope so!
Just read your post about the sad-faced head tilter. Can relate.
Will wear padded gloves in the morning, so you go ahead and squeeze as hard as you like!
Can you borrow some play dough from your charges?

[GoodnessKnows]

Betsy, I ask the teacher, Principal's wife and Head (the three I've told) to keep it to themselves - not to legit leak out to all staff. I specifically voiced my concerns about all staff knowing as one teacher there has THe biggest mouth, a daughter in our class and is the sort to ignore you at the school gate but talk about you in her 4x4 while the kids are in the back. Very cliquey-snubby.
Don't want that lot knowing and looking my way (for the first time) with pity-gossip stares/ comments.

I've been a teacher for over 20 years and senior management for 12. I know that we (teachers) are and need to be privy to the many difficult circumstances that a large number of pupils are in. My worry is that, because of the word 'tumour', my DS will be asked/ told by another 5/6 year old that I have cancer. Mums gossip in front of children. Children listen. Mums don't always get their facts right. Children repeat. He already has associations with the word. I'm worried.

[BetsyBoop]

Goodness then I'd go and speak to school again, as i said in my post they shouldn't have passed on the info if you told then not to.

I understand your concern over the C word. My DB died of bowel cancer 18 months before I was diagnosed and we were very honest with the kids about it all. (too honest with the hindsight of my diagnosis!) Due to this we haven't used the C word about me ( and school know this and have supported us brilliantly) as DB's and my prognosis are very different (he was stage 4 at diagnosis and was given a 5% chance of making 5 years, he survived 20months) and we didnt want them to worry about me dying soon too.

[weebarra]

Goodness - I also have a very sensitive astue/annoying 6 year old. While the dynamics at his school are different, I chose to tell his depute head and the senior teacher in the school nursery where my 3 year old goes. Mostly I wanted him to have another adult to talk to if he needed to, and he has used her. The school staff have been nothing but sensitive - the school secretary even brought DS1 home last week when he had an upset tummy.
DS1 also announced in front of his whole class that I was wearing a wig because of the cancer.

[malteserzz]

Don't you just hate it when you write a long message and lose it especially this early in the morning !!

Morning all and good luck really

[reallyreallyworried]

Morning! goodness and Betsy I managed about 3hrs sleep!!

With the children I look after we avoided using the 'C' word. As far as they know I needed surgery, then am currently having medicine so hopefully I won't need surgery again!

They are 6 and 3 at school and nursery, and our concern was that IF someone else in the class has lost someone to Cancer you can bet that's what they would be told!! IF that had happened we would of talked more about it, but so far so good.

I answer any questions that 'they' ask, and in all honesty they haven't asked much since the hair loss! I'm old news now You just need to be honest with young children, explain things at their level and only give them info that they ask for, or that will be visible to them.

Betsy I hope you managed to get back to sleep. Yes I promise to stay still, don't want to get you in trouble! Think positively the pain in your shoulder will disappear as soon as the pain in your hand begins

I'm just debating how long I can stay in bed pretending that today isn't happening!! Maybe I could forget to take my steroids??! Then I can't have the Chemo!!! Hmmmmm it's a thought!! But then I'll make the staff cross maybe not the best plan.

Hope everyone has a good day, and all treatment and surgery goes drama free!!!! Xxxxx

[kitkat1967]

Good luck really - I have nothing on this morning so am available for hand holding at any time.

Strangely i have had the opposite experience to the rest of you as DS's TA got remission from Hodgkin's lymphoma the week before my diagnosis. His school had been very honest with the kids and he knew her prognosis had not been good so consequently he has quite a positive view of 'beating' cancer and rather than scaring him he finds it very interesting. He was also very ready for the treatment and hair loss etc. Very different matter with 13 yr old DD though.

[malteserzz]

Good luck Kitkat too what time are you going in ? Are you nil by mouth now or can you have a cup of tea ?

[kitkat1967]

Hi

[kitkat1967]

Hi

[kitkat1967]

malt - am nil by mouth from 8 but I've already had my breakfast so think i'm done now. Have to be in by 11 - I forgot to ask where I am on his list but am probably first so Op should be about 1pm. Yippee.

Sorry about the posts again.....

[malteserzz]

That's not too bad then I had to stop eating at midnight for my ops and then didn't go down till 3pm it was torture !

[kitkat1967]

Yes, it's fine. Have had exactly the same pattern for my other 2 ops so know the drill. (My surgeon only operates at this hospital on a Friday afternoon).

[GoodnessKnows]

Malt, aaaaargh. Frustrated (post losing) for you
Kit kat, thinking of you
Really, really good advice and I'm thinking of you/ 'with' you today!

[GoodnessKnows]

Rota Mum just knocked on and offered to help with lifts, come visit
When I'm home. How lovely and unexpected.

[Wren48]

Goodness, I'm really glad that Rota Mum has offered more support. It is really lovely and unexpected when people do that extra thing that makes a difference. I've found it impossible to predict who will be the most supportive. Because we're so bad at being in touch with friends, I find that the more tactful people just melt away as they don't want to bother me, but in fact I need someone to persist a bit.

Kitkat, it's great that you're so comfortable with the hospital and pacing of the operation. Nothing worse than sitting waiting and waiting and getting hungrier and thirstier (know how it feels, Malt, but midnight to 3pm is really really tough).

Thinking of you, Really.

My nephew is on his 6th (?) round of chemo today for Hodgkin's lymphoma. Fingers crossed for all.

[foofooyeah]

Just popping in to wish kitkat and really good luck x x

And anyone else who needs it.