Tamoxigang New Year, New Thread, *46*

[BetsyBoop]

Hands round a for everyone.

[malteserzz]

Yes Betsy it's good to see so many finishing or nearly coming to the end of treatment :) did I say that my planning appointment has come through for Wednesday so I expect I'll be starting the week after eek !

Amber I just have a bit of a flat bit from my lumpectomy too and the scar is just a faint red line now

It sounds daft but because I didn't have a mx I didn't really think about the lack of a nipple after reconstruction, tattooing sounds a great idea though

[Marshy]

malt don't you remember my mil asking me if my nipple would grow back?! I'm still waiting

Not sure what I'll be doing about a nipple. There doesn't seem to be much spare skin for bunching and the skin is a bit delicate too though much better than it was pre-MX. I wouldn't want a skin graft for similar reasons to you kitkat. Will add it to my list of questions at my next appt. Maybe I'll stay nippleless!

Yes Betsy I'm pleased re the tamoxifen.

So pleased to see so many with an end in sight.

Hugs for all

[kitkat1967]

Marshy - you can just have a 3D tattoo as an non-invasive option. (If yours doesn't grow by itself of course).

Yes it's fab that we are all finishing up - Malt would be finishing with us if her hospital wasn't so hopeless - even so another 3 or 4 weeks is nothing after all we have been through.

[reallyreallyworried]

kitkat pleased to hear things went well for you! Well done! Xxxx

[BetsyBoop]

I watched a programme on the TV a few weeks ago about a tattoo artist who specialises in nipples it was really interesting. Bit of a long way to go though, I'm sure there will be people in the UK that do it.

malt - your planning appointment will be fine, honestly :)

I'd forgotten about your MIL's question marshy

[BetsyBoop]

ah the programme was on the BBC He has a website too - the results are pretty amazing. :)

[malteserzz]

I do remember that now marshy

Betsy you know I will worry about everything !

[weebarra]

Glad it all went well kitkat and very glad for all of you who look like you are nearing the end of your journey.
A friend of a friend does nipple tattoos if any of you fancy coming to Edinburgh to get it done . She's had bc herself too.

[BetsyBoop]

I know malt and I'm here for hand holding :) - But people prodding you and drawing on you with a pen, you're a Reception teacher you're well used to that Then it's just a bit of a lie down on a "sunbed"

[BetsyBoop]

and malt - top tip for your planning appointment (and through treatment to a lesser extent, as they tend to use a pen to emphasis the tattoo dots) - don't wear your best white bra...unless you want pen all over it. Dark coloured or old is good :)

[Marshy]

The 3D nipple tattoos do look good, however the BCN in this area who does tattoos is nowhere near as cool as Vinnie

[malteserzz]

I'll remember that Betsy thanks been wearing an old black one mostly recently anyway !

[GoodnessKnows]

Betsy, that's a fabulous high-tech solution. Like it! I'm a technophobe but ...
Marsh, it's tough but emotionally rather than physically. As ever, I still have no pain at all. V strange. Becoming more real though. I've a lovely bunch of RL friends. I'm scared of boring them and being too negative. This is sad and scary for most people. Sorry for running, dumping and running away. Definitely can't read anything on radiotherapy, chemo, etc. after they told me things today. I feel like I barge in here with my eyes tightly squeezed shut, am sick on the floor and bolt out of the room you're all in. I feel better but am sorry to be in such a desperately scared place as it's making me selfish as he'll and I'm not usually like that.

[foofooyeah]

weebarra hmmm a trip to Edinburgh is always nice!

[weebarra]

Goodness - be kind to yourself. Of course it's fucking scary, and more so for you because of the unknowns. None of us expected to be here - I'd been diagnosed with a breast abcess/blocked duct ffs. So don't worry about how you feel. This thread is for all the stuff you can't say irl.

[BetsyBoop]

Goodness ditto what weebarra said - this IS the place to dump all those things you can't say irl. You are in a scary place ATM, it's totally normal to feel as you do. Btw I can't remember who said scary physios are good, but ime that's true. :)

[reallyreallyworried]

Morning all

Can I officially say that if I get told once more to "KEEP MY CHIN UP" I will seriously need to smack someone!!!!!

I like to think that I have coped pretty well, in the real world! I know I'm a mess most of the time on here! Sorry!!! BUT why when I say actually I'm struggling a bit and feeling a bit down, do I just get a response like that?! Am I not allowed an off day now and again! Isn't having a disease that changes your life considerably, a reasonably understandable reason to be feeling a bit low at times. I don't mean in constant tears, or looking grumpy all the time. I just mean feeling low and needing someone just to say, "is there anything I can do" and you know what there isn't much they can do, but they can let me know that it's okay to feel scared and upset sometimes!

I've had all the you are so brave, and you are doing so well, I would never be able to deal with what you are going through! I don't know how you do it?? Ummmmmm not sure I have alot of choice in the matter!

Why can't 'friends' understand that I'm still the same person inside, I still need to talk about everyday stuff, my whole life ISN'T just about Cancer! I think the further I go into this journey, the more I can see that you really do have to choose your friends wisely! I seem to be down to 2 friends who I've only known for 3years, who are the only ones who seem to understand and who let me talk honestly. All my other friends are slowly distancing themselves

Anyway I am very grateful that I have the friends that I do, I enjoyed a 4 hour chat over coffee and cake, with one of them yesterday! She made me laugh, she listened, she talked and for a whole 4hours I felt like 'me'!

Sorry if none of that made much sense. I just needed to sound off a bit. I suppose I am still getting used to the effects that a Cancer diagnosis has on the people around you!

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend. Xxxxx

[kitkat1967]

morning all - I had a lovely sleep even though I had to sleep on my back (which I hate) as I took some codine phosphate and paracetamol before bed - wonder combination for me!!

I'm happy today as I can stop taking Amlodipine (for high BP) and switch back to my pre-chemo meds instead. I have hated the Amlodipine because it makes my wrists and ankles swell up but the nurse at my surgery would not consider me changing. Fortunatley when I went to the dentist last week he said it was giving me gum disease and I had to stop taking it. And guess what she said that was a known SE (I have been religiously flossing and using mouth wash as gums started bleeding) and I can go back onto original meds which i know cause no SEs for me - yippee - no more old lady cankles!!

[Marshy]

goodness it is terrifying to be facing these things and ok to be selfish, maybe even necessary to be.
I hope you get some relief soon from feeling so ghastly and im glad to hear that you have real life support as well as this fantastic thread

[Marshy]

More progress kitkat! And yay for your two good friends really They are gold dust.

I'm off to see mil for the day and will be giving her a nipple update Lots of other family will be there that I haven't seen since before the MX so im expecting some curious sideways looks.

Have a good day everyone. Gloriously sunny here

[malteserzz]

Morning all, still in bed here dh brought me up some cereal and tea, he's a good un !

Kitkat glad you're doing ok and good news about the changing meds. If I tell you how long it is since I've been to the dentist you'd be shocked !

Really I'm sure we all agree the chin up, you're so strong etc comments are so annoying ! I get told a lot oh you're doing so well you're so positive etc, I think only because on my bad days I stay in and no one sees me ! I'm glad you had a good catch up with your friend yesterday

Morning Betsy, goodness, Weebarra, foo foo and everyone else

Harriet are you still reading hope you're ok

[malteserzz]

Morning marshy x posted with you enjoy your day at mils I'm sure she'll be disappointed that your nipple hasn't grown back yet though !

[harrietv]

Morning everyone - had a good nights sleep last night (unlike the night before when i was up with terrible tummy ache, stress i'm sure) - i actually slept in until 9 and saw my brothers last night to discuss all with them (both younger and completely freaked out) but turned out to be really nice and we could all laugh about it a bit.
have now told both DSs an operation is in the offing. and have opened a couple of the insane amounts of leaflets given to me by the nurse on Friday. My big to and fro at the moment is lumpectomy vs mx which both apparently have the same end outcome in terms of longevity but there is a 'slight' increase in risk of cancer returning with a lumpectomy. Surgeon said in that case we'd just take the breast and be done with it. Know I never want to be here again....so that's sort of niggling.
Also have any of you had genetics testing? They think genetics might want to see me as i'm only 38 but mum and both grandparents have no history of breast cancer. Paternal aunt died in 50s of stomach cancer but that's it.
if they do want to do that then results take 3 weeks and dr will be in favour of waiting until results before any ops....another kind of unkown. oh well....
interesting reading about your implants Marshy and Kitkat. been looking at pics of reconstruction in my booklets. they're mindblowing really. and the tummy tuck option is pretty amazing too but not sure i want to put my body through any extra scars....
thanks again guys youv'e been so welcoming.

[Updatingmywill]

Hi everybody, another newbie here. Thank you malteserzz for pointing me in the direction of this thread after I posted about how to tell the children that I have breast cancer. I have been reading and lurking for a couple of days!

I did tell the children, on Friday, without mentioning cancer just that I have a lump that needs to be removed, and they were completely unfazed. My dd (13) is developmentally delayed but seems to be putting all together better than my ds (11) who is bright and articulate! I'm sure they will both have more questions but I feel a big relief having managed to tell them.

I am worrying about one thing at a time. Right now I'm worrying about what to pack to go into hospital for surgery (lumpectomy) tomorrow. I'll worry about the rest of it, all in good time!

I'm British but live in Belgium. The medical system here may not be the same as the UK although it sounds very similar - never had anything seriously wrong with me whilst living in the UK! Even my kids were born abroad.

Fortunately, the doctors have very good levels of English. I've been doing my best in French speaking to other members of staff and learning new words on every visit! After the mammogram and biopsy, I've had a string of tests - blood tests, chest MRI, bone scan, another mammogram and ultrasound, ultrasound of the liver and so on. Initial results are that it is stage 2, c. 3cm, but there is no evidence that it has spread. Phew. They will be taking out the sentinel node for further analysis tomorrow but I won't get the results for another 10 days. I hate waiting!!

I perfectly understand harrietv not wanting to tell anyone. I didn't either! I had to let some people at work know in the end, because I'm having to cancel a business trip. I emailed them and then ran out on Friday evening and felt a bit cowardly about that, but surprisingly happier that they knew.

Oops, this has turned into a bit of a long post. Sorry!

[harrietv]

Hi Updating - good to have a fellow newbie (though obviously sorry you're here too!) Thinking of you tomorrow I hope it all goes smoothly and quickly. How long are you in?
Also think emails will be the way to go. I'm tired of and also slightly bored or repeating all the info that I feel I need to repeat to make the people I tell not freak out entirely!