Tamoxigang New Year, New Thread, *46*

[BetsyBoop]

Hands round a for everyone.

[BetsyBoop]

Also in a strange way being half way through is the worst place to be sometimes. It's that long ago since you started you can't remember what "feeling normal" is any more and the end still seems miles and miles away. After number four you are two thirds done, and suddenly the end looks just a bit nearer, then you tick another one off and only have one more left and then the final cycle and you are done before you know it. Hang in there my lovely. :)

[foofooyeah]

really I had that feeling once. Remember being adamant I wasn't going to go to chemo, think it was my 4th one too. Of course I did go. And it was ok.

I have appt with surgeon today to run through what's going to happen. Worried about the massive infected cyst on my back will delay surgery but have another 3 weeks for it to clear up. Got 2 types of anti biotic so fingers crossed.

jchoc stay here with us and ignore the frothing berserkers

[GoodnessKnows]

6 more. Wow. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel then ;) how long will that take? Are they daily, weekly, ?

[BetsyBoop]

daily (m-f) goodness, so this time next week I'll be done as my last one is 10:15 (1pm today) :)

I hope your cyst clears up quickly foofoo, are you a bit more settled on your surgery options now?

[GoodnessKnows]

Gd, Really, you're so not being silly and I'm not kicking you up the bum!
I'd be scared too. Can you call them in advance to let them know what happened last time, how you are feeling (scared) and ask them how this will be avoided tomorrow.

[GoodnessKnows]

Really, is anyone going with you tomorrow? They can be your backbone.

[smee]

really, you don't need a kick you need a ((((hug)))). I'd bet we've all felt like that. It's so tough to slog through. Do you go with anyone? I used to take dh or my best mate. They were great at distracting me and getting me through. xx

Just nipping in fast to say good luck to Kitkat for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you. Soon be done and home.

Waving to all. Sorry, not to post more but I have to run..

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

Ah really, that's tough. You'll be grand on the day. I had my first Tax on Monday. I was nervous all weekend about it. I comfort ate dreadfully!
My last cycle was not the best in terms of friendliness or feeling looked after. It was day before Christmas Eve, my nurse just didn't want to be there, there was no nice chat while she was working on me etc.. No preparation information for my first Tax (wasn't advised to take steroids day prior), no goodie bag of mouthwash, etc. not as bad as your experience at all, I know.

But this cycle was fine, I had a lovely nurse who took great care of me, and now I am past halfway point with only 3 more to go.

Sending hugs to you, and wishing you best of luck tomorrow.

[amberlight]

Marking my place and waving. for all feeling yuk/eek.

[jchocchip]

Aw you are all lovely! "Frothing berserkers" on the other board! Good name for them. Hugs for really.
I'm on a course this pm and then down to brum as Mum isn't well and have arranged gp. I think it is only constipation but friend has mentioned bowel cancer. :(
Grabs from amber thanks.

[Wren48]

Big hugs, really. It sounds like you have done all you can to protect yourself from a further bad experience, but that doesn't mean your mind responds rationally. And it's nothing to do with being strong or not; this stuff is really arduous at the best of times, let alone when an additional bad experience happens. A sedative sounds very appealing, I must say.

So sorry you're so poorly, tiny. Take care of yourself.

[malteserzz]

Thanks Betsy :)

Really you've had lots of good advice already so I'll just send you a hug. You don't have to be strong all of the time and it's normal to be scared. I hope you have a much better experience tomorrow and think of us all virtually holding your hand

Jchoc hope your mum is ok and that it's just constipation

[foofooyeah]

Good luck for tomorrow. Kitkat

Saw surgeon, she cut out my cyst! Ouch.
Surgery booked in for 10/2. After discussion we agreed on BMX with immediate implants.

[kitkat1967]

oo Foo that's exciting. I'll let you know how I get on with my implants. Remind me why you are having a BMX?
Glad your cyst is gone .

[Wren48]

Good luck tomorrow, Kitkat! I hope it goes really well and they're just what you want.

[foofooyeah]

I'm having bmx as slightly higher chance of getting it in other breast, and as have huge droopy boobs would ave been impossible to match it.
I very seriously thought about not having recon but decided I needed something there.

Luckily my surgeon is brilliant and very well regarded

[malteserzz]

Foo foo ouch ! Glad it's gone though

Kitkat best of luck for tomorrow I'm sure it will all go well x

[malteserzz]

Meant to say it's funny what you notice, today I realised I have nasal hair again

[reallyreallyworried]

Evening ladies.

A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU for all the support and much needed hugs.

I had a voicemail left on my phone from the manager of the Chemo unit! She wanted me to call her back for a chat. But impossible to do when you are working, looking after other people's children and the small fact that just the mention of Chemo makes me cry!! Ridiculous!!

So I did email my BCN she is lovely and I knew she would understand and not make me feel more pathetic than I already do! I asked if they were allowed to give patients a virtual kick, and she actually emailed back a picture of someone doing a kick and said yes she could! If nothing else it made me smile, my first genuine smile of the day!

She then called as I was on school run, and left a message telling me she totally understood and she was angry that silly, errors had made me feel the way I do. So she has spoken to the Chemo manager and told them how much I am struggling. She has told them to PLEASE try and do things at my pace and communicate every step of the way.

She also told me that she will call me in the morning to check I am on my way, oh and ended with 'I know where you live'!!

Bless her she has been amazing. I wish I could say it has made me relax, and that I am ready to go! But honestly I just don't want tomorrow to come! In fact roll on Saturday!!

I think the hardest thing is going back to the unit, I'm sure IF I can get that far I will be okay! Well okay ish! I'm just hoping the PICC line still works! Because after heavy handed nurse last week I am sure she has pulled it out slightly! Was hoping to find out yesterday when I went to have bloods taken, but because they were so busy, I ended up having blood taken with a needle! Actually two needles!

In answer to the question about anyone going with me! My parents are two far away and up until now I was coping okay! Most of my friends are nannies and are working! And of course the one person who would of been by my side throughout all this is no longer here So I go along with my Gruffalo Mouse! (a present from my 2 little monsters) At least I can look at that and think about them, and how I need to get through this so I can get back to being a 'proper' nanny to them.

Sorry for the very long post, and sorry I haven't kept up with what else is happening.

But good luck to those having treatment or surgery tomorrow. Xxxxxxxx

[BetsyBoop]

good luck for tomorrow kitkat :)

foofoo - are you not having rads then? (as my surgeon won't do implants straight away if you are getting rads, he does an expander first and then swaps 6+ months after rads, a bit like kitkat is having done tomorrow)

Well two weeks of rads done, one to go :) I asked radiographer about how good/bad was my pinkiness and he seems to think I'm doing quite well for ten rads in, so that is good. :)

[foofooyeah]

Yes am having rads, she said a lot about how they would inflate / deflate for it but damned if I can remember it all. And yes its expander thing, sorry didn't get terminology right.

really where do you have your chemo?

Your bcn sounds lovely.

[GoodnessKnows]

Really, I'm Having my pre op tomorrow. But will have my iPhone with me and will be having your hand - virtually.
Sounds like they're going to take good care of you this time and I hope that the pic line works. I know how anxious and teary you're feeling. I would be too. Post before you leave/ on the way and we will all be thinking of you.

[BetsyBoop]

x-post really - what a great update and well done you for asking for help, that's not always easy. I'm sure you'll do okay tomorrow :) (I won't say "fine" as I don't think anyone does "fine" on chemo, it's just something that has to be endured!)

[kitkat1967]

glad your radiographer is pleased with you Betsy

Really - it sounds like you have a great BCN but I'm shocked they didn't use your picc for bloods - honestly what are they like. Hopefully they will be bending over backwards to look after you tomorrow and you will get the gold star treatment.
You have been amazing going for chemo by yourself and carrying on with your job so please don't think you are in any way pathetic - qute the reverse in fact.

foo - it sounds like you will have 2 lovely new boobs then - have you choosen a size? Are you gong smaller? You will be able to go without a bra if you want to .

thanks to everyone wishing me good luck. My BCN told me on Tuesday that my surgeon is very good at making matching breasts - which is good news as that is the most challening part of only having had a single mx. I'm still excited .

[GoodnessKnows]

I've got my own case worker! Yay. One person to call, hopefully, when I have to liaise (frequent times on a daily basis) with the health company.
I've my pre op tomorrow - preparing to be teary when I get my head out of my arse / sand for an hour or so. They want to discuss everythjng including how things will be after op.
Saturday is the urinary consultation. Nice!