Yesterday, I found out that ... and I'm scared.

[GoodnessKnows]

I will be brief as I feel like I've entered a time warp where my brain has frozen, incapable of long sentences:
Had hip pain and have been waking at 3am most nights with back pain (not terrible) for about 1-2 years.
Thought I needed a firmer mattress.
Finally went to consultant.
Two MRIs and an X-ray later, I was ushered into a private room having just been told that a large tumor is at the base of my spine.
They called me back in within one working day of the second MRI.
I'm now waiting for a biopsy which will be on Wednesday or Saturday of next week - to determine its 'nature'.
Scared
Shocked
There was talk of chronic bone erosion in the lower back as a result of this thing. Also discussion of nerve paths and tumors, rare cases and cups of tea.
Now, lying awake as usual in mild discomfort, I'm in utter shock and disbelief.

Just read your entire thread, and I'm hoping for the best possible biopsy result for you. Really hope you're not left in limbo for much longer.

By getting in with things, does she mean getting on with the op. and, please gd, recovery or 'keeping busy'? I'm managing to keep busy (6 and 3 year old help. But when all is done, and in the 'in between moments(more frequent than before cos of my underlying low mood) I come right down. :(I'm sooooo happy to hear that she's ok - if not terribly bendy. Natural labour is overrated. That's my message for her ;) lol

I Have Seen, thank you. I'm putting my head totally and utterly in the sand where chances if the Big C are concerned. I've just had a 'moment' though. Thought, it's almost Monday. What if they call me on Monday with Bad News? Shit
What I do know is that I'll be having a very estrous and scary operation on my spine. At the base. They've yet to establish whether the tumour gas eaten its way into the nerve sheaths. Tripple shit. Want to cry or run away. I'm soooooo in limbo and it reeks so wrong on so many levels:
Firstly, I actually feel fine (just the usual very minor a get bits.
Secondly, this can't be happening. Doesn't the Workd know that I've a 3 and a 6 year old, an just getting myself together, (trying it find other excuses for being ... What's the weird? Can't think.
Thirdly, how can I go fir a follow up to gear this'news', be shunted into the room of a surgeon and be turfed out, head reeling, without even helpline number. Thankfully, Macmillan were very kind when I called a day or two later.
Fourthly (and I'll stop there), when does the wiry and waiting stop? When I have The Results, wage I know when my op is, when I can please gd walk properly again.... No. Stop. I'm sitting on my bloody bed feeling absolutely FINE. This is insane!

Estrous= serious

Has nit gas
Feels not reeks
Lolling
At least my terrible this are making me laugh

A hey not get

Word not weird.
It's like I have my very own typo-language. Lol

Another one following this and holding your hand

And at your own typo language

Thanks K. Isn't it hilarious! You wouldn't know I'm a dyslexia assessor, would you! I'd be struck off! Lol

I blame the iPhone/ iPad keyboards. Bumming technology.

Lol goodness at all the typos, don't worry I am used to deciphering dds phonetic spellings.
But seriously I can't begin to think what it must be like to feel fine if a bit achy but have such a big op ahead. It is too quick but too slow in a weird way. Try to do things to take your mind off it sometimes, like puzzles or something you can get into and not think about anything else. I am wishing you all the luck in the world x

Goodness

By getting on with things, she meant the prep for surgery, surgery, recovery and physio. It kept her occupied in a more productive manner. She could make plans, order us all about and not hang about waiting for something to happen.

I totally get that. Just hope my fledglings and DH follow my orders. Lol

Thank you, R. Puzzles are a no. But I've been given my Christmas pressie early (iPad) - hence the MN splurge.

Hi Goodness Sorry that you've had such an awful shock :(
I've no advice to give but just wanted to offer another hand to hold.

Yes goodness I find mumsnet easy to read when feeling too tired to read a book or something, I recommend the thread on aibu about a mil who wanted her suppositories changed when she came for Christmas if you want cheering up!

No waaaay. Suppository link pleeeease!

I neeeed a suppository (link ). Lol

Thank you, Stitch. I'm a big wimp, so will gladly hold your hand ;)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1944307-82y-old-MIL-expects-me-or-DH-to-put-in-her-suppositories-when-she-comes-for-xmas happy reading x

Thank you. So happy. A funny distraction has just been delivered. Better than a pizza!

Goodness. I can't offer any nuggets of wisdom but am just offering virtual support. What a shocking thing. I hope your world is gradually tipped the right way up for you soon

Thank you! Xx

My DM attempted to tell me that if need to 'moderate the children's activities'. WTF. She lives 15 mins away. I'll not, never ever not, live to see the day that their activities cease cos I'm at home unable to take them. I'd presumed she'd get her arse into gear (for once) and want to provide them with the same stability that they're used to. It'll be hard enough. I'm worried for them. I'm the one who softens the blow. When DH is tired and they cry cos he's not having any shenanigans n sends them to bed with a shout (6&3), it's me who supports him but with cuddly toys and a cuddle on the way. Who'll be there to do that while I'm unable to get around? Also, I don't think it's too much to ask of them. The children will be taken to and brought home by other people most of the time. It'd just be activities. Can't she see the importance of keeping things as normal as possible - and also that keeling them at home with me (as she suggested) might be a shit idea if I'm recovering from spinal surgery. Ffs