Yesterday, I found out that ... and I'm scared.

[GoodnessKnows]

I will be brief as I feel like I've entered a time warp where my brain has frozen, incapable of long sentences:
Had hip pain and have been waking at 3am most nights with back pain (not terrible) for about 1-2 years.
Thought I needed a firmer mattress.
Finally went to consultant.
Two MRIs and an X-ray later, I was ushered into a private room having just been told that a large tumor is at the base of my spine.
They called me back in within one working day of the second MRI.
I'm now waiting for a biopsy which will be on Wednesday or Saturday of next week - to determine its 'nature'.
Scared
Shocked
There was talk of chronic bone erosion in the lower back as a result of this thing. Also discussion of nerve paths and tumors, rare cases and cups of tea.
Now, lying awake as usual in mild discomfort, I'm in utter shock and disbelief.

Mine are in July. Helza, I was obviously veeeerry tired when I posted that comment. Yours tomorrow? How you feeling?

Oh, okay! I know the results of my last mammogram, was fine, so it's just a formality, but will be glad when it's over!

Last appointment over, and the miraculous part was I was in and out so quickly I didn't even have to pay the hospital parking!
I was prepared for a wait of hours!
The dear doctor realised it was my five year " sign off", and said I can come off the medication now.
I took myself off for tea and a big piece of chocolate cake, and felt a bit tearful as it's the end of a long journey. But, Hooray anyway!

Oh hooray indeed!!!!!!! It's wonderful news but ... must also come almost as a surprise. I had a molar pregnant and when I was given the all clear (about two years later), I remember actually feeling a weight lift from both shoulders. I honestly know where that saying must come from now. Do you feel elated but ... strange. Like it's the absence if something you're so accustomed to - even if that thing is the worry backdrop?

Yes! Moving forward, one of the best things I've found to do is to chuck out anything that reminds you of the bad and scary times, then you don't have to keep uncovering and reliving old memories. Works for me!

Good advice. Took hospital clothes I'd bought or worn to charity shop, yesterday. Still in slouchy trousers, mostly. But they'll be next!