38th tamoxifen - waiting for summer in the bus shelter

[Gigondas]

New thread.

Morning
Mini malt having a lovely birthday so far thank you
I do need to cope better other newbies seem far more dignified than I am !

Malt, going to a party is hard when dealing with cancer. I went to a wedding and ended up crying at my cousin who was just about to go to Afghanistan. He made the mistake of telling me I was brave! I told him my odds were a hell of a lot worse than his and I hadn't chosen it. It was not my finest hour, I am ashamed of myself . It was the first time I had drunk wine in public since dx.

He is out in Afghanistan now on his third tour and loves it. I am still dealing with this shitty disease and I still hate it.

Hope you manage to keep a happy face on for little Malts birthday. I know it is hard. I had tears streaming down my face singing happy birthday to my ds because of the bad wobbly thoughts. I had to pretend the smoke from the candles had got in my eyes. Just hold on tight and keep swimming.

Thanks trice that's exactly how it is, I feel right back to square 1 when I was first dx I think it's because of the node and being scared of chemo
Mas what did they say about bravery I hate all the be brave oh you're so strong comments
Ned hope ds enjoys his match
Jchoc and NotJ thank you for listening to my ramblings last night
Off to buy lots of junk food for the sleepover tonight !
Hope everyone else is ok

kitkat - bummer about the sickness, there's no need to put up with it, there are a whole raft of anti nausea meds - emmend is supposed to be very good.

kk hugs, if there is anything we can help with... Well I know you know where to come.

lily, hugs to you too, it's rubbish news, but you can do this and these girls will hold your hand all the way.

malt, go easy on your self, I think we all felt as you do right now. It's very very hard in the early days when your world has been shattered, to listen to peeps moaning about trivia or carrying on with their lives as normal. Even now, and I'm 14 months post chemo, it can still annoy me to see peeps sweating the small stuff... I could rant all day about the annoying comments so called friends made to me - but here's a classic that one close friend said to me when I was bald - 'oh I know how you feel, I've just had mine cut short' - I mean????? Yeh right, ok... Lots of lip biting goes on!
And Happy Birthday young Malt!

Oh, I'd love it if someone could let me have the fb link - I'm better at fb than mn.

Don't worry malt we have all been there. I was dx just before Xmas so imaging how shit that was when everyone else was all merry and happy new yearing all over the place. I think that is why I turned into a hermit and did not speak to anyone. I spent NYE crying in bed.

kurri hope you are ok.

Waving to everyone else. I am off out to lunch by the sea today with a friend and may have some vodka lemonade.

ned yes lunch soon would be great. A Monday or tues would be ok if you could head over near where I work or I will take a secret day off and not tell anyone so I don't get lumbered with the school run. Will text you !

What are we all up to this weekend ?

snails pm me your name in RL and I'll find you on fb
jchoc meant to wish your poor mum better xxxx
malt I only caught the end- about a young man recently diagnosed - might be worth trying Listen again.
My boys off to watch rugby on telly at dad's..

Thanks mas - will do!
Will be watching the rugby here soon - oh always starts watching late so he can fast forward half time - I know, think its grumpy old man syndrome:)

dad had done something weird to the television yesterday which caused huge consternation in case it couldn't be restored in time- fortunately it was...got your pm snails just need to know which one is you !

Am glad you all understand I'm so glad I found you all if anyone else wants to add me on fb message me

I think I've found you snails ! (I hope that's you otherwise it's a pickle)

Happy birthday to mini malt :)

Just returned from hairdressers and I am now sporting a rather daring short cut and I actually quite like it Hairdresser was really lovely (been going to her for about 15 years I think, so we've shared lots of ups and downs in both our lives. )

Malt would love to add you on FB, will pm you in a mo. don't beat yourself up about how you are feeling . I'm trying my best to " go with the flow" at the moment, but it is so hard to be "normal" and even harder not to scream at folks making a fuss about something that really doesn't matter (I was always like that anyway, I'm even less tolerant now)
People just don't think before they speak sometimes, like when chatting with friends then other day and they were all talking about holiday plans - one turned to me and asked if we had plans to go away, then gasped and looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her up. I just laughed and said I might be otherwise engaged this summer, she didn't mean to upset me, she just didn't think. I don't think anyone can really appreciate how it takes over your entire life when you are I going through treatment unless you've been through it or supported someone close through it.

Kitkat hope you are doing better today.

Gigs how's the back today? I hope the pain has improved.

to anyone who is needing them.

Winging in, sorry I've been awol. Sorry to see so many struggling atm.

Waving to Lily, though sorry you're officially one of us now. keep busy until Monday and remember you can ask us anything, doesn't matter how trivial. xx

Bugger about the sickness, Kitkat. I was hit badly too, so am sending massive hugs. Definitely talk it up with your team, if anything over-tell them, that way you get the top rung of anti-nausea. My team told me there are about four levels of drugs they can offer, so they tend to start you on the bottom rung and move you up the more you're affected. Emend is gold in anti-nausea drugs. I had a rare reaction to it, so couldn't take it (oh-how-I-laughed..). It's 1:1000 who react though, so v.good chance it could sort you next time. Emend is US name, so if they look blankly at you, it's more widely called 'Aprepitant' here.
Also, are you keeping a day by day diary. That's really helpful as it means next time, even if you are sick you know when you're going to start feeling better again. Not sure why that helps, but it does somehow.

Malt, it would be v. weird if you were just okay and not wobbling. It does get easier, I promise. Happy Birthday to mini-Malt. Hope it's cheery and and luck for the sleepover later..!

at that friend, Snails, though it's v.funny too. Seem to remember one of my friends doing similar, so she told me that I'd be okay as I always am, then spent an hour moaning about how hard it was not to be in a relationship.

Gig, hope the pain's a bit better today? What are you taking for it?? Co-codamol's v.good I think. There's some v.strong anti-anflammatories that I had too - can find the name if you want.

I love David Harewood, Jane. Hope he was a nice student. Is your mum any better now?

Yay Betsy on your short hair. Bet it's fab.

Any news from Earth?? Are you okay out there, Earth. Hope chemo hasn't knocked you too much. xx

Hope you're okay, MAS and taking the tablets again isn't too tough. xx

Epic post, so am signing off, waving to you Trice. Hope you're okay. Also hoping lovely Kurri's having a better day today too. Have missed, Gracie, Topsy, HND, Ruby, Amber, Sparkle.. so many of us now. Will try and do better at keeping up.

waving to smee - yep,taking my tablets !
betsy have sent a friend request...
Here is the blog of the man I heard on R4 this morning,talking about 'fighting' and 'bravery'
www.theoneeyeddog.com/i-have-cancer-but-dont-call-me-brave/

I have managed to farm out both kids so am having a lazy day. Greek salad for lunch, yum.

Nice to put a few more faces to names on FB
Betsy glad you are pleased with your hair, you're not doing the cold cap are you from memory? I must get mine cut
Mas interesting reading

I'm absolutely shattered today and with ds birthday sleepover this is not a good combination! Dh is taking them out for a bit to hopefully wear them out. We asked them to come at 5, one came at 2 ! So trice if you are bored without children I can send you some ?

Hi folks - was up in the night with nausea but not sick - I do feel like I am starting to pick up a bit now though. I currently have the 'bone ache' reaction to yesterdays injection but that should only last 24 - 48 hrs so hoping to generally feel much better by Monday
I clearly underestimated the effects of chemo - had assumed I would breeze through so I'm feeling rather pathetic now - hats off to you ladies who have completed your cycles!
Have made an appointment to look at wigs on Tuesday - I know I am trying the cold cap but it may not work (or I may pack it in as it is a major faff) so I feel lke I need to be prepared - do you think I should take a mate with me to avoid any wild decisions????

Malt - don't worry about feeling down - I have been very positive until now but honestly I wish I could say no more at this point and I've only just started out on the chemo

Betsy - I also liked having my hair cut short as well - I have had lots of compliments on the cut and colour.

Agree Malt, putting faces to names is one of the best bits about fb isn't it, makes it friendlier somehow.

Talking about short hair, I always had long hair and for years resisted going shorter than shoulder length despite oh nagging away because he thought I'd suit it short.
And yes, you've guessed, I really love it short! Who knew?

Kitkat you are not selling chemo to me very well ! Seriously sorry it's so awful for you I hope things improve and could they give you something for the next cycle so it's not so bad
Keep posting as I'm sure some of the others can help more x

kitkat - sorry you are still feeling rough :( Definitely write everything down (if you are like me and have a sieve for a brain that is!) and go through it with your onc before the next cycle. Mine said that the first cycle was a bit hit and miss how you feel, but they would work hard to fix any problems in the following ones.

malt - no not doing cold cap, hate ice cream headaches, it makes treatment twice as long and it might not work anyway, can't be bothered with the faff tbh

MAS - I heard the guy this morning on R4 - he was good. It always drives me mad when people say we are "fighting cancer", as if my DB is dead because he obviously didn't fight hard enough. No he's dead because we don't yet have medicines to cure cancer and he's one of the unlucky ones... That's the bit I find most scary, we can do our best to stay positive and keep going but we have no control over what happens next (I guess we never did anyway, but cancer slaps this fact right in your face!)

if anyone wants to join up with me on FB then PM me your name or I'm the MH that malt, MAS and notJ have befriended today ;)

betsy -did you accept my friend request ?

btw I tweeted Luke Allnutt (the guy on R4) and he's now following me I read a bit of his blog,and have linked to it on your page ruby as he has bowel cancer. Hope that was ok...

MAS - yes I did, thanks :)

Betsy I think I have sent you a friend request on Facebook .
Feel free to tell me to bugger off

I'm drinking fizzy Pinot , special offer at tesco today .
It's very nice .
I think I may nearly have finished the bottle ....

Kitkat I had a syringe driver for my anti sickness meds , it was fan-tast-tic !
Best part of it was , you can get hammered have a glass or 2 of wine and wake up the next day with no hang over !

Evening all

I had a short haircut when I knew I was definitely in for chemo, and then went and had a number 2 crewcut when it started falling out, as v short hair much easier to deal with. After a couple of vigorous rubs in the shower/bath it was all gone. It started to go about day 15/16 of my first cycle of FEC, and was very uncomfortable for a few days - it felt like I had awful sunburn on my scalp and it was very sensitive to the touch. Once it was all gone it was a relief in a way, and was much more comfortable. I didn'lt bother with wigs but went for these headscarves which were so easy to wear and really comfortable. Would recommend!

topsy how was the lack-of-sleep-over? All went OK, I hope!

gig how's the pain today? Hope your oncy sorted you out with some better drugs. Thinking of you lots at the moment x x x

kitkat Emend is ace - get some for next cycle, I would suggest. I had metoclopromide for my first cycle, and then complained that I felt shit in the first cycle and my oncy said they try on the basic first and see how you get on. he was happy for me to have Emend for all subsequent cycles. I found that day 5/6 I felt like I was coming out the other side of feeling nauseous, and regained my appetite. Thinking of you x x

snails seen you on FB - will friend you - its me, not a stalker! Anyone else want to friend me, PM me.

malt how'ls things today? Hope DS has had a nice day and that the lack-of-sleep-over goes OK. Make sure you get some rest tomorrow and give yourself a chance to catch up with yourself x x

lily sorry you have to sign up properly. There'ls worse places to hang out though - ask anything that occurs to you - honestly, we've seen it all x

This is a very good place to hang out while you're being brave and fighting a good battle

Hope everyone has had a good day. DS disappointed that the opposition for his first ever football match didn't come He perked up when he got a medal anyway

Waves to all you lovely ladies - I luffs you all x x x x x