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********The 37th Tamoxifen Thread, Fun and Tears in "Cancerland" *****

997 replies

Copthallresident · 29/05/2013 14:06

Trolley Rolled over and "Its a small small world" playing on the ipod on repeat.

OP posts:
malteserzz · 29/05/2013 16:56

Coorong how old are you I've forgotten ? I've been told from the start that as I'm 41 I'll need chemo to make sure there are no stray cells anywhere
I've not told my 9 year old it's cancer either, if he asks directly ill tell him but I've just said I have a lump which seems to be enough for now
There is a book which was recommended to me called something like mummy's got a lump but I haven't looked into it as I think it's for younger ones than mine

BetsyBoop · 29/05/2013 16:58

So, assume everything will be delayed and that you will be in there forever, then you'll be pleasantly surprised by their relative efficiency.

Oh yes, been there with my eye appts at Manchester Eye Hospital (had to have some of my treatment at the regional specialist centre) They seemed to book everyone's appt for between 1330 & 1400 and then see you in some random order over the afternoon, the latest I was seen for a 1330 appt was 1620 Grin Folks used to moan at my local hospital eye clinic if they were running behind (never more than half an hour at most!) not realising how lucky they were!

Gigondas · 29/05/2013 17:10

Marking place . The will to live has left me after Disney. Back later after gone thru the posting marathon.

coorong · 29/05/2013 17:16

49 malt but I'm pretty sure it's pathology rather than age dictating treatment - including tamoxifen, the pathology then related to your stage of menopause (pre or post).

I was told pre-op, I may or may not have to have chemo, it would depend on the surgery pathology. They were able to get a very clear margin and remove all the tumour and then some. My tumour was also pretty pathetic - grade 1, stage 1, ER+, and very slow growth rate - piss poor really. It doesn't preclude the cancer having spread to other parts of my body, it could be lurking, but hopefully not. It's really a judgement call based on the best possible advice at the time. Hopefully the tamoxifen will stop any any itinerant cells from misbehaving.

And malt I realise you are very anxious about it all, but remember cancer is a disease, it doesn't define you as a person. I feel like a freak with my one real breast, and one pretend breast, my libido seems to have flattened with tamoxifen (should I visit the disney shaggin waggin copt), but I'm much more than that. It's was a very small part of me, well 1.9cm to be precise. Day to day, I'm much more worried about the size of my bottom (vain emoticon!) and what on earth to cook for dinner!

KurriKurri · 29/05/2013 17:28

Betsy - would you (if it comes to that) be treated at the Christie? - my friend was treated there for BC and has nothing but praise for the care she got.

BetsyBoop · 29/05/2013 17:30

gosh yes talking to school, I hadn't even thought about that yet :(

There are going to be so many people to tell aren't there....

BetsyBoop · 29/05/2013 17:34

Kurri at a push yes, but I'd rather avoid it if possible - Manchester is an hour+ drive away (more like two if you hit rush hour) or two trains taking about 2hrs door to door (I used to go on the train to MREH as I wouldn't have been able to drive home if they had dilated my pupils, it was basically a "day out with a picnic" every time I had an appt Grin)

KurriKurri · 29/05/2013 17:44

Ah - my friend was much closer, - you don't want to add to journey time if you can avoid it.
I believe in some places people are given chemo at home, or in units attached to local surgery - which of course is massively more convenient. (I was lucky in being only a 20 min drive from the hospital, but it's a big hospital which serves a large area and some people were having to travel 50 miles or so for treatment).

I think you just have to factor in waiting and hold ups - there's no point in getting stressed about it, it doesn't help - go prepared to camp out for the day and anything else is a bonus I once read a whole novel whilst waiting for radio therapy Grin

A friend of mines DH is currently undergoing treatment for detached retina - it is scary stuff, - like you I think it is a question of them trying to save some sight in that eye (his happened when he and my friend were on holiday in Martinique -so a bit traumatic being in a foreign hospital, and not speaking much French). Hope yours is OK now.

malteserzz · 29/05/2013 18:15

Thanks Coorong and hope you didn't think I was meaning that you should have had chemo as obviously were all different. At the moment it is taking over my life but hopefully won't for ever.

Seeing a single magpie is not a sign is it? I've seen lots on their own this week, I have saluted them but only discreetly when ive been with others or they'd think I'd gone mad !

Homeward bound tonight, m25 and m1 fingers crossed for no traffic jams ! Will be nice to be home though inlaws are lovely and it's been a nice break.

malteserzz · 29/05/2013 18:18

Betsy tell who you want to tell. I did the big dramatic woe is me Facebook announcement as I couldn't face telling everyone face to face but that's not for everyone and some are far more discreet and just get on with things quietly lol

EarthMotherImNot · 29/05/2013 18:26

Oh and KK, what you said about not hesitating to go through it again if you had to, that warms me no end.

trice · 29/05/2013 18:33

I couldn't drive after infusion, I started being sick the minute I smelled the hospital smell. I still have a pavlovian response to that beeping noise from the infusion pumps. Beep-beep-beep...... Hurl!

I am of course weak and feeble though.

My ds best friends dad died of blood cancer six months after I was diagnosed. Then his reception teacher died and they put up a plaque in the playground. Then one of the classroom assistants was diagnosed (thankfully she is still ok). So my dcs appear in the middle of the night after having nightmares begging me not to die. It is bloody hard.

God I am a miserable sod these days. I used to be quite chirpy.

trice · 29/05/2013 18:35

Emin - I am doing it again. I am not happy about it but I know I can get through it.

malteserzz · 29/05/2013 20:08

Trice I'll be miserable with you it's crap isn't it. Wonder I'd they'd put up a plaque for me though think I'd rather have a nice climbing frame in the playground or something
On our way home now don't worry I'm not driving Grin

GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 29/05/2013 20:22

Hello all, we got through that last thread quickly didn't we?! Grin

Another evening of knitting here :) my eyes are a bit crappy today so reading is hurting my eyes, I will post later or tomorrow when I can see! Grin

Just quickly though, chemo isn't as bad as I thought it would be, the fear was much worse than the reality, like everything in the cancer experience actually.

Hugs to all those who need them x

GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 29/05/2013 20:24

PS Toblerone Tinys for the trolley :)

KurriKurri · 29/05/2013 20:33

Ruby - have you got some of that artificial tears stuff for your eyes? - it helps a bit.

Ooh toblerone yum! (now I want one of those giant ones you can get at airports Grin)

graciesmall09 · 29/05/2013 20:36

Marking my place - my goodness you have been busy. Off to find the old thread to try and catch up.

Onc appointment tonight. heart function has dropped to 55% so hoping my next echo is ok. Back later x

Gigondas · 29/05/2013 20:53

When is next echo gracie? Didn't you have a worry on heart before?

I had inpatient chemo- the hospital food/timing/general sense of being in jail made things hard but se (except for picc line infections ) were ok. I have to say that I would take chemo over my recent surgery. It's not nice but it is doable.

I have had beer , choclit and watched apprentice so now feel de -disneyed. And I walked for hours so am not knackered yet GrinGrinGrin.

Yes we did small world . Very popular here. I escaped the princesses. And even sneaked a roller coaster ride in as fingers up at spinal surgeonWink. Kids loved it (ESP mini gig who met her favourite character duffy bear and was so happy).

Gigondas · 29/05/2013 20:54

And a Disney baby - dh stayed in that place and was very uncomplimentary.

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/05/2013 20:56

hope eyes feel better soon ruby and am glad you have recovered from Disney gig - I have It's a Small World on cd btw...
gracie much love to you xx
Blood tomorrow then Friday for onc.

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/05/2013 20:57

think my brother and family stayed in the Davy Crockett place - T and I went to Sequoia Lodge which was ok.

Gigondas · 29/05/2013 21:00

There is a small world app that big gig likes...

graciesmall09 · 29/05/2013 21:36

Glad you are de-disneyed gigs I am a bit of a saddo as I love Disney although having spent a couple of hours going on small world and then rejoining the queue as it was DS's favourite ride (he was 5) Grin - yes did have a query about my heart with my last chemo. They thought I had a very small heart attack but most of my tests were normal. Onc doesn't seem too concerned he said they would let it drop by another 5% and then give me some medication and if that doesn't work they will have to stop Herceptin. I have 2 more before next echo so at least that will be 12.

goodbye glad the transfusion has perked you up.

malt my chemo experience was a bit mixed. I was violently sick but like Topsy I was given a syringe driver after chemo 2 which was great. I had a couple of infections, a couple of admissions and a picc line which constantly blocked but I got through it all. Probably my worst experience was horrendous constipation which caused anal fissures Blush extremely painful and embarrassing but 8 months post chemo and I feel relatively normal.

Welcome to betsy sorry you find yourself here. Good luck on Friday for your results.

How are the exams going *mas? DS has only sat 3 papers so far - none this week but 5 next and 8 the next.

malteserzz · 29/05/2013 22:23

Gigs glad the girls had a good day and you too. I love Disney we had 2 great holidays in Florida
Gracie thanks for sharing your experiences and hope your heart is ok
Ruby hope you get a good nights sleep and your eyes feel better tomorrow
MAS good luck with your appointments
Night to everyone else x

We're home, traffic wasn't too bad. Was awful saying goodbye to my in laws who are like my 2nd parents really. Held it together for the kids though. Feel like if I cry I won't stop so going to bed soon.
Hope everyone sleeps well

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