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Original poster

Alcoholics or Dependant Drinkers Club

791 replies

Rhubarb · 24/04/2006 12:43

For SoftStuff, tyedye and anyone else who wants to join.

The rules are that you HAVE to sign in every night to let us know TRUTHFULLY how much you have drunk. You need to let us know your triggers too. So if you resisted for 12 hours but then cracked and had a beer - what finally snapped?

We'll be here to give you encouragement, support, advice and opinions.

OP posts:
kokeshi · 14/05/2006 02:29

Hi there,

Sorry I've been a bit quiet, my uncle was found dead yesterday (friday actually) after being missing for a couple of weeks. He was only 49.

My mum's really upset and I guess I feel quite wobbly at the moment. You know it was strange...the first time in a while that I had a real urge to drink, you know, just to numb those feelings.

It's all so sad, he had a really serious drink problem for such a long time (20 years I guess) and when my Granny died 6 years ago he finally got, and stayed, sober. There was no obvious indication of the cause of death initially, so the police had to take his body away for an autopsy. I hope you all don't mind me off-loading a little, I know it's a bit of a tangent.

Thinking of you all xxx

butty · 14/05/2006 10:52

Hi all, hope you are all ok??

Anyway, just to let you know that i went out friday, drunk probably far too much, but even so, it is the only night that i have been outSmile

I mamaged to stay in last night, which is great for me, so all in all, one night in one week.

My plan is to go out again next friday and there after on a friday only.

I dont actually recall how much i drunk on friday, but it was a lot, and my friend that i have grown up with came round to mine after the night out and we drank a bottle of white before he left at 9.30 in the morningShock

DP came down at 8am and was pretty shocked to find another bloke in our house, but good thing is he knows him and knows that we are inseparable when we get together, definately know sexual thing, just a major mate thing and i must say i had a great night.

Hope everyone is ok, speak soon.

Butty.xxx

tyedye · 14/05/2006 13:57

things just keep getting worse,will come back when feeling less shaky,kokeshi,i will email you very soon,sorry to hear your news!Sad

themoon66 · 14/05/2006 17:10

kokeshi and tyedye - sorry to hear you are both having a hard time at the moment. Am thinking of you. x

kokeshi · 14/05/2006 17:53

Thanks so much. I guess these are the things that are out of our control. It's been making me think though, which can't be a bad thing.

Tyedye, (((((hugs))))) to you and to all those who are feeling low at the moment. Well done to those guys who continue to make progress xxxx

blueteddy · 14/05/2006 20:39

Kokeshi, I am really sorry to hear about your uncle. How awful for you.Sad
Tyedye, hope you are okay.
I went to my sisters last night & did drink more than I should have (we had around a bottle each) & I have had a couple today too. I am not doing very well am I?

blueteddy · 14/05/2006 20:39

When I say a couple today, I mean drinks, not bottles!

dandycandyjellybean · 14/05/2006 20:40

Well done Butty. Kokeshi and Tyedye, sorry things are so hard for you both at the moment, hang in there and don't give yourselves a hard time if you struggle.

Martian, I echo what you said. I found it pretty hard, plucking up the courage after quite a few weeks of watching this thread to post on here, to get the message that I should 'drink something non-alcoholic and enjoy it' and that 'having rules is indicative of a deeper problem.' I guess I wouldn't be posting on an 'alcoholics and dependant drinkers' thread if I wasn't aware that I had a 'deeper problem'. And having thought long and hard about it, I don't think that it's having rules that is indicative of deeper problems, but the inability to keep them. I know a lot of 'healthy' drinkers who have rules (i.e. only drink at weekends, or stick to wine in the week and allow themselves a few G&T's at the weekend or whatever) but who stick to them and don't have any problem with that. And I guess if any of us who are 'problem drinkers' get to the point where we can stick to whatever rules we set ourselves, then we don't have quite the problem we thought we did. I guess it can be hard for those who (and truly, truly well done to them SmileEnvyEnvyEnvy) have conquered the monster 'drink' to remember just how hard it can be for those of us who are still battling it. Hang in there everyone... tomorrow is another day, as they say......Grin

dandycandyjellybean · 14/05/2006 20:54

blueteddy, you sound as though you're doing okay to me!!!! but then perhaps my standards are low Grin Grin You're doing better than me at the moment, so well done!

blueteddy · 14/05/2006 21:31

Am having a G&T right now, cubby.Blush
My Mum has got my back up. Will try to be good again tomorrow!

noddyholder · 14/05/2006 21:37

cubby I have not conquered anything as you put it but my dp is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 14 yrs and I was only passing on what he has told me.I didn't say drink something non alcoholic and enjoy it you are putting your own spin on it.

Adorabelle · 14/05/2006 21:54

I've been reading this thread since it started & hope you won't mind if I share something with you
My Dad was an alcoholic, had been since the age

of 15. Was in/out my life all through my childhood, which has had a devestating effect on
me as I have grown up. One night while in a pub
he upset the wrong person (nice drunk begining
of night - Abusive at end) he was stabbed with a
screwdriver. Went to hospital but discharged himself next day, so desperate for a drink. His
landlord found him unconcious in his room after
a binge. He was on a life support machine for 6
days, had 3 heart attacks & died. Alcohol dependancy is an illness, I send all of you struggling out there a BIG hug & you are all in
my prayers. AA is a Godsend & I wish my Daddy could have realised that.
have realised that

martian · 14/05/2006 22:26

kokeshi, sorry to hear your news. I just emailed you but didn't read your post on here before I mailed.

OneDayAtATime · 14/05/2006 22:33

Hi.. I too have been watching and reading this thread, although only recently.
My sympathies to those who have lost loved ones. It makes you sit up and think.
I cleared out my empties today!! Must have been at least 30 wine bottles, and a couple of vodka bottles!! Was pretty shocked to realise just how much I have been drinking in the last few weeks!! Let alone all the money wasted in doing it! But then I go and buy another one.
Things have been so depressing in the last 4 years. I can totally relate to tyedye! I hope things are ok for you all. Having a form of support is all important. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

martian · 14/05/2006 22:42

OneDay, what's your story?

tyedye, I meant to post you a message to say let us know what's happening with you? Much love to you at the moment.

OneDayAtATime · 14/05/2006 23:16

Well it all started 19 years ago when I had my son! I had PND and the relationship with me and his father was turbulent to say the least. After years of depression I met and fell in love with a guy, we got engaged, I then found out I was pregnant. We were over the moon. But his family was not! Although he was brought up in London he was still very much heavily influenced by his culture and his family ended up forcing him to leave me! I have never seen him since, but have had communication with him and heard how depressed he was in the years after our seperation! This added to my dispair. Having gone through the pregnancy and birth and first 6 years of my daughters life a single mum again, I went abroad with my 2 children. During my time away I met my now ex husband! He was an absolute darling until we were married and I was pregnant again! Then he turned into a complete arsehole!
As I was abroad I had no choice but to put up with his behaviour. He would go out on benders, not come home for days sometimes. Turned out he was having an affair! I was totally gutted. When I confronted him about it he would get angry with me. Obviously his guilt was eating him up to such an extent that he was turning the tables on me, like it was my fault and I was the one in the wrong. One night after a bender he beat me up, I was 8 months pregnant at the time too!
My son had gone to stay with a friend for a while by this point as he was angry at my husband but was powerless to do anything. Because I was not a resident dispite being married to a citizen, I was unable to claim a benefit so had no choice but to work until 2 weeks before I had my baby, then back 3 weeks after even though I had a ceasar! I had even had to call ex up to come home on the morning I went into labour, only to find out later that after witnessing me being rushed off for an emergency ceasar, he went back left my kids home alone and stayed at his floozies!!
I finally kicked him out when bubs was 2 months old, and had to carry on working. We were sposed to be on a break to see if we could sort things out. I guess I kept making excuses for him. I then find out he has been seeing someone else and she was expecting a baby.
Since coming back though I have put on an awful lot of weight and been drinking heavily to dull the heartache! I suppressed it for so long over there as I had little choice but to work fulltime. He didn't even pay childsupport! But expected me to stay there so he could see his daughter! Now to be a single mum yet again. I am so lonely its unreal. I then become quite reclusive due to lack of confidence ! Becomes a vicious cycle!

I came back to UK last year after having a battle to take my baby out of the country. She has just turned 3!

dandycandyjellybean · 15/05/2006 07:25

Really sorry noddy if I offended you, not my intention at all. Glad your dp has done so well. Not a very good start to me posting on this thread to have upset someone already. Blush. Perhaps I better stay away. Apologies again. Hang in there everyone.

dandycandyjellybean · 15/05/2006 08:11

Sorry, one last thing, just wanted to say Onedayatatime, sorry things have been so terrible for you, your story is quite incredible. I can totally relate to the drinking to dull the heartache thing. Joining this thread is definitely the right thing to do, as you said, this kind of support is extremely important. Well done for clearing out your empties, and I hope you continue to make progress. {{{hugs}}} Smile

themoon66 · 15/05/2006 10:25

OneDayAtATime..... What a dreadful time you have had. Which country were you in that wanted you to leave your 3 year old?? Unbelievable!

I feel a bit of a fraud on this thread now. I don't have half the problems the rest of you have and feel I have no excuse for drinking the amount I do.

I got totally hammered last night and am now at work with a dreadful hangover. I sipped my way through a bottle of cava and not much food. I'm going to grit my teeth and not drink for the rest of this week, including Friday. I've volunteered for some well-paid overtime on Saturday and I really need the money. Its 8am to 8pm, so there is no way I can do that with a hangover!

OneDayAtATime · 15/05/2006 10:29

Hi Cubby.. thanks you for kind words... I wouldn't worry to much if you feel you may have upset someone. I know myself it is too easy to get defensive when you feel depressed! I get like it and over sensitive. When you write something down it can be misconstrewd, as you can't put the tone in along with the words.

Well anyway on a lighter note, after having cleared the empties.. and reading through this thread I resisted the urge to buy a bottle last night! That is a break through.

Together we can go it girls {{{{HUGS TO ALL}}}}

butty · 15/05/2006 10:36

Hi everyone,

it sounds like evryone is much more positive and even if you have a had a drink or 3, please don't bully yourself about it.

We have all had our strenghs shine through during the period of this thread and together inkeeping the thread alive, we will reach our goals.

There are so many different stories on here to turn us all to the same thing "DRINK"

But however we do things, and the obstacles that we all face, we have to remember that we have jumped the first hurdle by admitting that we have a problem, and yes, some of us suffer worse than others, and other peoples stories are sad, but yet harrowing and with this in mind, it should and will ventually make us stronger.

Hope everyone is doing well, i am still on a better road than i was 3 weeks ago, and i have you guys on here to thank for it.

I will weigh myself tomorrow to let you know if i have lost any weight and that should hopefully be another achievment.

Keep strong.

Butty.xxx

OneDayAtATime · 15/05/2006 10:42

Hi TheMoon66... I was in New Zealand!! And considering the Brits made the place I was disgusted how hard it was to survive there when I was treated so badly by my ex. I even went to victim support but couldnt get a benefit so I could stay at home recovering and looking after my baby! I had to apply for full custody, and even then there was a possiblity that my ex could stop me taking LO out of the country! I would have had to go to court for week to fight it. I did however manage to keep my ex sweet until I left to stop him from enforcing the removal prevention order! I had to sleep with him and pretend he could follow over to be together!
I hate him for what he put me through, and for making me go back to working so soon after having my baby!
And by the way.. whatever problems you face they are still problems which affect how you function your life, no matter how big or small, the end result is the same! Depression hits and we dull it in one way or another. You have as much right to be on here as anyone else.

OneDayAtATime · 15/05/2006 10:51

well done Butty.. keep up the good work. You are so right. My post echoed your words too.

Admitting there is a problem is the biggest battle, so yes we all deserve a pat on the back, and can support each other. At least we can understand what we are going through. Some people can be so judgemental!

It is so much easier to confess our sins when it isn't face to face. Typing away our feelings then we hit the enter button and there is no turning back... then it just gets easier the more you talk to people.

I want to be able to drink sociably again, and start to have a life. I am 4 stone overweight now too which is no doubt a result of drinking too much. Then I feel ashamed of the way I look so stay at home. Like I said before a vicious cycle!

themoon66 · 15/05/2006 11:04

OneDay.... Am gobsmacked it was New Zealand!! I thought you MUST be talking about an arab country or something. I had no idea they could treat a woman so badly... disgusting.

I understand exactly what you say about people being judgemental. I once entered a similar thread called 'how much do you drink' on a BBC website and when I confessed I just got loads of abuse and telling off from others on there. One person even put 'get a life you saddo'.

This thread has been wonderful for me... real motivation from people who really know what is going through my head when I pop that can or bottle open.

You are all wonderful.... lets keep this thread going for everyone who needs it. xxx

tyedye · 15/05/2006 14:23

Im still here,thanks all,i will get time tomorrow to post.welcome you newbies,stop worrying about causing offence!Smilethis thread is so positive,even though i havent conquered my drinking,i know why,as we are heading for a split-up.not the best of times.