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Original poster

Alcoholics or Dependant Drinkers Club

791 replies

Rhubarb · 24/04/2006 12:43

For SoftStuff, tyedye and anyone else who wants to join.

The rules are that you HAVE to sign in every night to let us know TRUTHFULLY how much you have drunk. You need to let us know your triggers too. So if you resisted for 12 hours but then cracked and had a beer - what finally snapped?

We'll be here to give you encouragement, support, advice and opinions.

OP posts:
butty · 28/04/2006 11:21

It's bloody hard work, i wish someone invented happy pills that were herbal, didn't involve alcohol or drugs.

And when i say herbal, i mean herbal that actually works.

I mean, everyday i have a crisis of somesort, which is always my trigger for going out and getting lashed, forgetting about my day and half the time my lifeSad

Themoon, i am pretty much regarded as the life and soul of the party also, i am usually the last one standing or should i say wobbling, i frequently have the doormen escorting me to the taxi rank.

I seem to be very well known in my town, and everyone seems to know me, but not for the right reasons.

i am also such a flirt and tease when i go out, just for the fact that i like the attention as i dont get it at home, which has put me in some pretty tricky situations IYKWIM.

I think it would be hard for to go out and not drink as would be difficult for people to take on board the real me.

Butty.xxx

tyedye · 28/04/2006 11:27

i wonder if there would be this many of us if it wasnt socially acceptable like in the fifties,what did they do?scrabble!

themoon66 · 28/04/2006 11:30

Butty. What are we to do? I just dispair of myself. I'm not a stupid kid. I'm grown woman who isn't even what you could call a spring chicken anymore. I have two kids (one at uni) a mortgage, a responsible job in the NHS, a clean driving licence - so why can i not say 'no thanx' if someone says 'drink?' I could cry at my own stupidity.

themoon66 · 28/04/2006 11:31

Tyedye - in the 50s mummies drank gin in secret.

tyedye · 28/04/2006 11:32

Its FUN,thats the problem!

tyedye · 28/04/2006 11:36

but gin stinks!Shock

kokeshi · 28/04/2006 11:40

I was devastated to find out later that I was the life and soul of the party because I made everyone else feel better about their drinking. I was always the one doing daft, idiotic and downright dangerous things.

I can't control drink, it controls me. The end. I'm by no means old, but it took me a few years of drinking myself into oblivion everytime I picked one up just to prove that I was OK with drink. I'm not, never will be.

I agree, going out to pubs and not drinking is pure torture. So, I just don't go. It probably seems a long way off from where most of you are at the moment...and I can almost hear "that's not me"! However, the things I put myself through were just awful and I hope none of you never reach that stage.

Tyedye, have you ever thought about AA?

butty · 28/04/2006 11:45

I dont know the reason, i am kinda a spring chicken, only turned 25 on monday, but i too have 2 children with SN.

I am a manager for an insurance company, and also have to pay a mortgage and so forth, my dp is a total arse, who contributes roughly £30.00 a week to the household as he knows i earn good money and takes the piss out of me.

At the end of the day, i think it ia a way out, a way to put aside the commitment and hard work of life and family in general.

Without my nights out, i would be so alone and depressed. i hate to admit it, but my life on a whole (after the kids) revolves on my next night outSad

It gives me something to look forward to and i enjoy it.

I've been classed as clinically depressed for 7 years, have councilling once a month, take 3 prozac per day etc... Everyone tells me how proud i should be of myself and how well i handle life and don't let it get me down, but it so does get me down.

The reason i want to stop drinking is because of my children, dylan will probably need me all his life due to his disabilities, and what good would i be dead from drinking, but not even that stops me.

I keep telling myself that i'm still young and that it wont matter for another few years, but i think i'm just kidding myself.

The reality is that i cant go a few days without going to the pub and getting lashed.

I really think i have a problem, but many laugh when i say that except my mum who is deeply concerned about my drinking, but she never fails to come out at least one night a week with me, but she doesn't drink, so its easy for her to be concerned, but she cant really put herself in my shoes, or can she????

Butty.xxx

Original poster
Rhubarb · 28/04/2006 11:47

Now that I've got kids I find that if I do go on a bender, they suffer for it afterwards. I can't play with them the next day, I'm short tempered, irritable, why should they have to pay for my drinking? That's why I'm cutting back, right back.

It's no longer fun when you have a family depending on you and you can't even get out of bed. It's no longer fun when you can't even remember getting home.

If drinking was such fun, we wouldn't all be here trying to cut down would we?

Yeah, I can still have a good time with alcohol, but under my control. You have to stay on top of it before the fun starts getting dangerous.

OP posts:
dinosaure · 28/04/2006 11:50

I'm lucky in that most of our friends have cut down their drinking too, so even when I do go out now it is easier to only drink a reasonable amount and not get totalled.

tyedye, life with your partner sounds very tough Sad

tyedye · 28/04/2006 11:51

Kokeshi,i am amazed i am still here after the stupid things i did when younger,since i had kids i have SOME control.notalot.

themoon66 · 28/04/2006 11:52

I wonder how i'd manage in a muslim country where no drink is allowed. Wonder what the mummies do there for fun/escapism/relaxation.

butty · 28/04/2006 11:53

I don't actually have a problem dealing with my kids after a night out, i'm used to the effect of the day after the night before.

If i ever felt that i was being a bad mother towards my children from the drinking, then maybe things would change, but my ability as a mother is fine, yeah i have the odd days when the children do my head in more so because of the alcohol, but i dont let it affect my parenting skills and my obligation and duty as a mother to them.

I get up at 7am every morning, get them ready, go to work, do the housework, shopping, cooking, getting them to bed etc.........

I go out when they are in bed and i make sure i am up with them the next day and that i am able to handle them as a normal mother would.

dinosaure · 28/04/2006 11:53

Yes, same here tyedye, I've been better since I had kids, not perfect by a long chalk, but not quite so dead-set on destruction either.

tyedye · 28/04/2006 11:55

Kokeshi,i am amazed i am still here after the stupid things i did when younger,since i had kids i have SOME control.notalot.I dont need AA,I need to end my relationship.I am fine when he isnt about.

themoon66 · 28/04/2006 11:55

I must admit i wasnt so bad when the kids were small (pre-school) as it was the thought of coping with whingey kids with a hangover that kept me on the straight and narrow. Now I have one just moved out to uni and the DS is at GCSE level and gets himself up and out of a morning, it doesnt seem to matter if I want to get hammered whilst watching Desperate Housewives or something.

butty · 28/04/2006 11:57

How many of us on this thread can hold their hands up and say that their relationship is by far one of the worst aspects and inclines to drink?????

I know i can, and i bet many more of you can.

It sounds as though their are a few of us with arsehole partners/husbands.

tyedye · 28/04/2006 11:57

We all function i think,dont we?!.Kids need us and they come first.A collective cyber-pat on the back!xx

tyedye · 28/04/2006 12:00

BBLxxxxxx

dinosaure · 28/04/2006 12:04

Well, mine is not perfect, by any manner of means, but in my own circumstances (not saying this applies to anyone else, at all) it would be a cop-out if I put all the blame on DH.

But I know that sometimes we both drink, and drink more than we should, because we get on better together when we're having a drink together, and chatting and reminiscing and all that. And that's quite dangerous, and a real obstacle to me stopping completely.

themoon66 · 28/04/2006 12:06

I can honestly say my partner is lovely bloke. Not an arsehole at all. Its just he has to spend a massive amount of time at work, leaving at 5am and sometimes not getting back till 10pm. Some weeks he is away for 2 or 3 nights at a time. Even when he is at home he is what my DD calls 'a stress-head'. He never seems that happy in himself, always stressing and worrying about work, what the kids are doing/not doing etc. He is unable to chill. Its hard to admit, and i've never told anyone before, but I think I don't actually fancy him anymore. My God, ive just realised... I have to drink to shag him!!! Shock

butty · 28/04/2006 12:14

Sorry if i've brought up a silly subject, but a few on here have mentioned dp/dh as problems associationg with their drinking!!!

I didn't want to offend anyone, personally, my relationship is awful and moon, i can totally relate to the sex thing, i havn't slept with my dp in 12 months and cant ever imagine myself doing so againSad

I don't even sleep in the same bed as him, i just use the couch for my bed.

In all honesty, the only real reason i am with him is that i am scared of being on my own, i cant carry my son to bed of which is one of the only things he does do and the other major thing is that i wouldn't have a sitter for my nights outBlush

we don't get on what so ever, and havn't done for a long time.

it's just easy to stay with something i know as it is what my mates say is "habbit"

So maybe i am selfish in my own rights, but i've had a rough 6 years with him and cant even count on one hand many good points apart from ds as dd is not his, he got with me when i was 4 months pregnant with her.

Butty.xxx

7up · 28/04/2006 12:18

hi butty, you sound really down today. my alchohol intolerance is v.low now thankfully as i could drink heaps before and not get pissed. but last night i had 3large brandies coz id had a shit day and im paying for it today. ds has just gone to sleep so im gona have a doze and hopefully wake up a bit happier.

what health probs does your ds have butty?if i dont reply till later its coz ive logged off.xx

kokeshi · 28/04/2006 12:19

My late husband was a chronic alcoholic, so we facilitated each other's drinking. I lived in Australia where drinking is cheaper and generally more accepted for women, and I was away from family who could realise how bad I was. I was 25. I HAD to leave because there was no way I could have stopped while I was there. IT's was a really huge step for me, but I knew that we were killing ourselves, and in a way, each other. I sought help with the support of my family in this country. He wasn't so lucky...he killed himself after going further down that path of drinking and depression. I have no doubt I would have met a similar untimely end.

He wasn't your typical idea of a hopeless alcoholic: he was a talented, creative, award winning professional. But, it got him. Alcohol has no respect for class, gender or intelligence. It is indiscriminate and non-selective. I learned the hard way.

themoon66 · 28/04/2006 12:24

Butty - perhaps we should start another thread on shagged other halves we dont fancy anymore!