**TAMOXIFEN 29**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

crikey !

about huffy dog. Poor wee thing.

Yay for your last chemo gigs am sure there will be huge cheers when the dreaded picc comes out. Good to see biggigs has her priorities right.

About an hour until I head off for no. 4 rads. I am assuming the tiredness is coming from the cold and not the rads yet. Started my Tamoxifen on Monday as well so wondering if I can escape the dreaded side effects.

Hope your throat is feeling a bit better mas.

invicta glad your rads are going well.

Waves to everyone else. Back later. Still no sign of pink hope she is ok and topsy where are you hiding?

x-posted with Gig. YAY FOR LAST CHEMO. And for playmobil peacock of course.

Sometimes, poor dog. Why the restricted diet? Can't imagine what would stop a dog having a few bits of left over chicken.

Waving to Gracie. You're right, where's Topsy? Not like her to be so quiet.

And yes, Pink if you're eaves dropping we're still thinking of you xx

Smee - I'd agree. If she were mine I'd get her sorted properly and find a diet she could enjoy, but we've got her for a week and we've been warned of the dire consequences for carpets etc if we sneak in alternatives. And, if there's one thing worse than dog vomit, it's the vomit of a dog that belongs to someone else - this is something my carpets are keen to avoid

It does make me cross though, she's been getting steadily worse for years, and they just keep her on the same old crappy food that she hates and that is clearly not helping her at all.

oh poor dog sometimes
Hooray for last chemo gig and home in time for your birthday - yay !! Love the thought of the peacock (I escaped the usual visit to toyshop with S to look at Playmobil )
Well done rads girls- I quite liked the routine of going in a way, being driven was nice and everyone was v friendly and kind (except for 1 rather off hand radiologist)

T will be going to Italy all half term for a geography trip so in theory I could go somewhere with dh,though I don't think he has time off. We are planning to nip up to Notts. to see MIL for a very quick 2 nights at the end of the holiday - obv. depending how i feel (it's in the middle of another cycle).
Throat still a bit sore but definitely have T's cold. Feeling ok today, despite sleeping badly (snuffly) as have done the drawing for a picture (the tricky bit) and my snuggly new Emu boots are here and on my feet ! BCN is ringing later.

One of the things I wrestle with is not trusting my judgement on how I feel - I find myself questioning everything,probably doesn't make any sense,think it's an OCD thing- and coping with the lovely kindness of people -I struggle with feeling deserving of it and feel there must be some payback. Sorry,sounds a bit weird.

Lots of luck with deadlines - will bring some cookies back from the shops later. Am currently obsessed with Cheddars.

yes, where is topsy ?

Wasn't topsy on some slave rota cooking for her party tomorrow? If she doesn't resurface soon I will post an orange man.

Although I think idea of break is nice, I too appreciated being at home when on chemo. Maybe a lunch or trip out on one of your good days when t away ( about Italy- is this a choir trip?).

mas I know exactly what you mean about not trusting your body. I think you have to take time- I now separate what I feel (and focus on that) like I am sick, tired and zone out of the bigger picture stuff (that's for the dr and dh). As I have said before , what is most important is how you feel and are doing. If you can function ok isn't the scary stuff to some extent irrelevant?

sometimes couldn't agree more about not clearing up after other dogs- but diet sounds rubbish* kurri how is old lady dog?

Need to chase up nurses or will be sat here all day- smee is right that getting out always the tricky bit (need my drugs and line out).

I always feel better when I'm doing some work because i have a purpose and am being creative and it's kind of my identity.
Hope they hurry up and set you free gig
Yes, you're right- topsy must be immersed in curry

Hello !
I'm here and alive

Have just been keeping a low profile this week .
Between the curry slave duties and general tiredness , I've been sleeping loads

Think I hit my post post post treatment low spot

Going to read back a bit now and catch up

Hmm, Miss Topsy was wondering if you were having a low. ((((hugs)))) Maybe when Gig gets home she can find you someone orange to give you a lift.

I am free and wolfing beans on toast and marmite on toast at home now. Mini gig got over her usual "who are you" wobble and was very pleased to have someone else to play with.

mas glad work helps .

Just for topsy - take it easy if aren't feeling up to much.

orange man with dogs

smee are you topsy hunting as deadline is looming and it seems a better idea to be here?

another hug for topsy xxx
and yay for the return of gig !
Went to town and back and am totally wiped out- will have a rest and then do some work-am just scoffing a sandwich to replenish vital things...

Peanut butter I hope mas and don't look at that link I posted if you are still queasy

Oh my eyes gigs. I shall have to lie down to recover. Glad you are home and hopefully picc-less.

mas try to take it easy. I learnt the hard way about overdoing it on chemo and then feeling rubbish.

Saw onc this morning and came out none the wiser. He has not had a discharge letter from cardiology as it was a different hospital. Said he wasn't overly concerned about liver as different machines can show up different things (which sounds a bit of a cop out to me) but he hasn't seen CT only the report. He said he would probably organise an ultrasound or MRI of liver as he thinks I have had enough radiation but he isn't going to organise this until after my rads are finished. He said unlikely that anything sinister would show up whilst on active treatment but that is not what I am reading on the Macmillan forum.

Glad you have re-surfaced topsy. Your body is probably wanting a rest after all the stress of the last few months.

Right must do school pick up and then a mountain of ironing. What joy!!

those poor dogs !

hurray gig you are free! and last chemo, huge hugs with jealous feelings too.

mas I know exatly what you mean about your body - having been a poorly child, teen and adult I never ever trust it and it always seems to let me down. i ate all this anal watching of my body for symptoms rubbish i have to do now but dh just tells me to get over it! and dangles images of future grandchildren in front of me...

i am still smiling and actually went out, in the car today and dove 12 miles each way to the wool shop (which didn't have the circular needles i need...). also checking out prices of flights to philadelphia cos i am thinking of post treatment stay with big sister who lives there!

Sweet Holy Mother Of God Gigs !!!
Where do you find these pictures ?
I would hate to have a nosy through your computer history ...

arf @ gig's browsing history of orange men...
otm Philadelphia- how exciting ! I went there as a teen and had a wild time,touring the city at 3am with my chum and a bunch of my cousin's friends who were letting us stay with them (and also nice cultural things done too...)

Why is that chap not wearing any clothes? He'll catch his death of cold!

Topsy, hope you're having a nice rest???

Glad to see the chemo drugs are having their usual effect on Gig. Though why on earth has anyone taken that picture? I mean genuinely, why??

OTM, definitely book that flight. Trip to see your big sis would be a fantastic tonic.

Got 3 kids here wrecking the place playing. They're playing spies and have booby-trapped the entire upstairs. I think I'll stay safe by the computer.

Hello all - trying to catch up with everything. Hooray for last chemo Gig

That picture is hideous though - what are you typing in to google to get them? not 'naked men with dogs' I hope. Lucky amber has her blanket on standby

topsy - hugs, sorry you are a bit low, it hits you every so often - usually when you least expect it. But you've got your Indian night to look forward to - we would all like some spicy FBS on the trolley please.

Ned - new Nedmobile is very exciting, - you will be finding excuses to drive everywhere for weeks so you can show it off

MAS - hope BCN phoned you and you managed to have a chat. Not trusting your judgement and not knowing how you feel is very normal I think, you are in unknown territory, and whatever any one advises people react individually to chemo, but as you go on, you will get to know how you react, and what is a s/e and 'normal' for you.

As for not deserving kindness, - well kindness begets kindness, - and because you are a lovely person, everyone wants you to know how much they care about you xx

gracie - sounds like your onc. is not concerned, which is good, but hard for you having to wait for ultrasound. xx

OTM - Phildelphia would be lovely, definitely go if you can - it will be a great thing to look forward to once your treatment is finished

I went to yoga and art club today, and am pooped, early night for me I think (after Gareth of course).

Love to everyone x

Am in my bed with ipad - Vick on my chest and stout drunk with supper !
New Ned mobile v exciting
Thanks all for being so kind while I fuss about the chemo- am longing for the week off.
Bcn did ring and was great - she has suggested I might like to go to the secondary bc support group which she and the senior bc nurse run.
Hope you are feeling more Topsy-like topsy. Xxxx

Gracie, somehow missed your earlier post. I'd say Onc not worrying is a good sign. They're pretty blunt and honest from all I've seen. Must be hard to have that niggling doubt though.

MAS, glad BCN rang. She always sounds lovely. I hope the vic/stout combo works. Sleep well xx

Have just fled the sofa, as Janet Street Porter's on Question Time. Heading to bed. Night all, zzz

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS to dear topsy and gig !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you!!! And big thanks to mas as she made me a beautiful pic from dh and girls- mas have you got photo as if not will post on fb later.

Also am so pleased your Bcn called - I like the idea of the support group. I am being recommended to one locally .

Happy birthday to topsy

Big hugs to all- will make cake for fbs later.

gracie I too would take comfort from onc being relaxed- ime that is not their style if in doubt. And stay away from Macmillan boards - that is the very definition of why you don't google ime. The saddest and most desperate people posting (it's exactly same on other medical forums) so it is bound to feed the paranoia.