**TAMOXIFEN** 26 !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Here we go !

am sure it's nothing but dh is anxious
I saw the knitted dollies on fb - how cute !

Morning - where has the sunshine gone?

gig, you are spot on with your comment that once you have had a bad diagnosis, you expect the worse. Every twinge or ache I get, I tend to think automatically that it's something horrible, that the cancer has come back or spread. That way madness lies, so I have to talk myself out of it. Does this feeling go away?

amber, please look after yourself. I know from FB how busy you always are but you need to take care of you.

smee, you were asking about my eye op. It was local anaesthetic and sedation (weird sensation - like that stage when you've had one drink too many and the room starts to spin) so was conscious throughout but talking gibberish!

Did anyone else hear bells ringing this morning to mark the start of the Olympics? Our local church bells were pealing away - 'twas rather lovely :-)

Hugs and strength to all who need it today.

Didn't hear them locally sweetest but big gig and me banged some saucepans alon with tv (no doorbell as mini was asleep).

My mum reckons that it gets a bit easier after a couple of Years but never truly leaves you.

Loads of good vibes for your scan today Gig and for yours tomorrow jane xx

I'm sorry you've been having a bad time jane - lots of hugs and FBS for you.

amber - don't run yourself into the ground, - I hope you can relax over the weekend

MAS - hope doc can give you more info when you ring. When do you go away is it this weekend? (By the way I have your book ready to return but won't send it yet if you are going to be away - thank you so much for the loan xx)

Sweetest - well done for coping with the eye op. - must have been a very strange feeling, - I would have been hopeless, I'm a bit squeamish when it comes to eyes.

I didn't hear the bells this morning, but I'm looking forward to the opening ceremony, I hope the rumours are correct and sheep are involved (although poor things will probably be terrified, so maybe not a good thing!)

Ned - when do you set off for your fishing weekend - is it today or tomorrow? - Have a wonderful relaxing time, - and come back with lots of tall tales about 'the one that got away'

Sun is hiding here - but still warm and humid. I need to do some cleaning and gardening, but I seem to be sitting at my computer with a cup of coffee. Oh dear!

eyes are a bit squeamish making I must say- well done to sweetest
We go tomorrow hence Dh's fretting
Don't worry about the book yet kk - did you find it helpful/interesting ?
No bells here

Gig, really hope scan goes well. Am assuming no results today? Sending clear/ brilliant vibes.

Sweetness, I still think you're hugely brave to have that op. Am relatively gung-ho about medical things, but there's something about eyes which makes me wince. Paranoia never goes. We have a virtual Paranoia Box on here, that you can put things in and we take turns to sit on it. At least we all get it here. That helps a lot I reckon.

Ned, do you get to wear waders as you fish?? Have always wanted to do that though am not at all sure why.

Topsy and Gracie are you both feeling okay today?

No bells here. Was asleep! Most unlike me, but I slept until 8.30, as did DH (then was v.grumpy as 'I've missed half of the day' and DS as we let him watch tv on holiday mornings from 7.30 - 8.30 and he'd slept through it. I however feel great.!

Still no news from Bollocks?? And where's Snoopy? She's been MIA for a while. Come say hi if you're out there.

No it's just routine to do it at this point in treatment - they dont really expect to see
A lot as only had 2 of 6 but think as so delicate the more they have to compare the better (Never mind my stress !) .

Nice to have a lie in though smee. snoopy was around last week but think said she was finding chemo v tough hence lack of posts .

And also think you are brave sweetest - dh can still make me wince talking about his cataract op.

Yes MAS it is a very good book, very helpful, thank you I will send it when you get back from your holiday.

Smee -I've always liked the idea of waders too - think it's the idea of being able to walk about in water without getting wet - quite surreal I feel the same about wet suits.

Extending another hand hold for scans, Gig and Jane - am sure all will be fine, and am willing it to be so.

MAS - you too. I imagine the last thing you need is DH having a wobble - it's definitely not just us that feel the effects of a bad diagnosis long term, is it? But in answer to your question, Sweetest - yes, I think it does get easier not to fear the worst on a day-to-day basis, at least.

For those of you who remember that dd and I had some caterpillars to raise into butterflies - all five transformed beautifully, and we have just let them go, on a beautiful, sunny day. The last two wouldn't go willingly so dd and I put our hands into the environment thingy, got one each onto our hands, where they sat fanning their wings for a bit and then lifted peacefully off. I was quite emotional, but dd's spirits held up better than I had feared

wet suits always look so tight and clingy !
I was full of admiration for my dad having his cataracts done- I'd've been wriggling around I'm sure. I can cope with contact lenses though.

That's lovely Sometimes - what sort of butterflies did they turn into?

DD raised ladybirds from larvae once, and I remember feeling quite sad when we had to release them all (kept worrying something would eat them, or they just would cope in the big outside world )

oh sometimes - the butterflies flying away sounds very moving and beautiful

They are painted ladies. And I like to think that our five were particularly beautiful specimens

It is sad letting them go, KK (great name change) - I feel your pain. I was convinced a dirty great bird would fly past and take one on the wing . Ladybirds sound a bit more complicated though: not sure why.

Wetsuits are NOT advisable when you look like me. I'm not sure they'd make one my shape

But waders, now

Wetsuits are very unforgiving....not a good look unless you are stick-thin!

I am watching a programme about obsessive compulsive hoarding - did anyone see it last night? It makes my house look positively empty!

In the absence of sunshine, I might do some baking - what do people fancy?

Oh anything stodgy (might do some later myself ) sweetest

Yes saw that -dh kept making the (not inaccurate ) comment that it looked like my
Mums house.

Oh no - I could never actually wear a wet suit, - I be terrified someone would harpoon me

The ladybirds were fairly simple IIRC - we had to send away for them and they arrived as tiny larvae, then you just feed them (some sort of sugary stuff), - shamefully I can't even remember what they do, - I think they go into a sort of pupa, then hatch, - anyway its quite a quick process.

Painted ladies do sound beautiful (and I'm sure yours were particularly fine specimens ).

Baking - yum - can you do rock cakes Sweetest (I have a great weakness for rock cakes)

I meant to ask did anyone see Horizon the other night (Monday I think) on skin aging? - It wasn't an especially rivetting documentary, but the plastic surgeon presenting it is the lady who is going to do my reconstruction. She is absolutely stunning, and a lovely person

Ooh is that her? Excited! I didn't see the whole programme but I saw the end where she was looking all beautiful and wistful into a sunset. She looks very lovely. Trust you to have only the best - as, indeed, you deserve

I've never made rock cakes, but today's as good a day as any to try them!

Kurri, how exciting to see your surgeon on tv!!When will you have your reconstruction?

I'm hoping it will be in the first quarter of next year Sweetest. First I have to lose some weight - so I may only be able to sniff your rock cakes.

I have been good with my eating since I got back from holiday, - I had a bit of a greedy time down at mum's - she has a lot of cakes biscuits and sweets around, and I have zero will power. At home I just don't buy them, or I know I'd eat the lot

Good luck with losing weight, Kurri - the only thing that worked for me was exercise along with a sensible diet (although I achieved my lowest weight as an adult by following the radiotherapy diet - don't recommend it, though ).

Can't wait to get back to running - have to wait till after my check-up for my eye on 8th August. I am feeling antsy already and can feel my mood changing because of the lack of endorphins.

oh wow, will try to take a peek at your surgeon kk !
sweetest or gig - can you do scones for me- cheese if poss.
Watched a bit of the compulsive hoarder, he seemed a very sweet man. I can understand his inability to do anything because how would you make a start in such a mess ?
I lived for a few years in a shared house in Kew -the owner was a very kind,nice man but he tended to keep everything - not on such a massive scale, but stacks of old motor racing magazines and bits of racing cars. The house was a big Victorian thing which was never cleaned by anyone (the communal bits) (I cleaned my room and anything I used) There was a jar of wild flowers in the house when we moved in which remained there all the time I loved there

oh my-she is seriously glam...
ibuprofen has kicked in pretty well and eased things,which is excellent..

Ooh, sometimes we're doing the painted lady butterflies as well! Our Caterpillers arrived on Wednesday, so some way to go yet. They're moving around quite a lot, so at least they're alive!

smee don't know about waders, but I'll let you know! I am off in a little while, my DSis is driving me there on her way home. Quite excited!

MAS glad pain eased. When do you get the results of the tests?

kurriots great name! I feel that I made you eat a pudding. . . Will insist on fruit salad next time, promise!

Must be off and finish packing, will check in later with a fishing update

happy fishing ned !