***TAMOXIFEN number 19***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

ta daa !

Forgive me, anonymity but I'm not sure how your unexplained/ un-introduced comment is helpful or supportive? Do you not think we don't know the dangers? Have you read any of the rest of this thread?

Sorry, that should have read anonymosity - just in case you wondered whether I was talking to you. . .

Sorry to hear of your Mum's suffering, anonymosity. Some of us have been told tamoxifen is our best shot. We have read of the side effects and don't particularly enjoy them when they happen and I for one am logging my mood and won't continue if I hit depression (there are alternatives) The whole point of this thread is mutual support ...

Morning all dh has made a with mini marshmallows, and I could find some tunnocks teacakes if the kids haven't snaffled them!

Mas- I am so sorry about your news. I am only just starting to appreciate that this is something that you have to live with long term and face this kind of news ESP when you think that the other person has walked same path as you. Lots of sympathy here

Mas- it's early days yet (you are still raw in lots of ways) but I think this wouldn't matter to the right man. Am an old romantic (dh would fail a lot of the tests in here on relationships but I can honestly say I have never been happier). I would trust in him and see what happens- i know that I would not have been out off dh early on If had serious illness so don't see why your man would be put off you.

It sounds like it was an evening/night for wobbles as I was very down/tearful last night. Tiredness and hormones don't help but dd1 asking me if I would play in snow when my hip (this is how she talks about lump) .

Better go - dd1 up and the snow is quite exciting for her so no peace here now

O

Choc of that hot choc

holsten am sure your lovely man will understand how things are - and am sure your team will discuss sex and whatnot once you are healed up .
anonymosity very sorry about your mum but as ned has said, not particularly helpful to drop that in so randomly.

I barely know my friend's friend but I think it's the connection with our being under the same team that is a shock. She had kept it from everyone at the bc charity she started (I have done cards for them)
Had the most awful anxiety dream which combined all the elements of anxt in one blockbuster so feel a bit disturbed this morning.

Oh Mas - thinking of you.

I know I am a beginner at all this but I had 3mc and lost my son to abnormalities at 21 weeks so I do know about latching onto people/ideas/stats and then scaring yourself that you will go the same way when something bad happens.

Is there any icing left over you can eat as a distraction?

ah bless you Gigondas - I feel most upset for my friend because she has another friend also in the hospice
Am going to make butter icing for my mum's cupcakes and have party foods to prepare,so that'll keep me busy!

Hugs for everyone this morning - hope sun shining with you, and not too much snow!?
Thinking of all those feeling a bit down this morning- MAS and Gigondas especially x x

Any cupcakes for the fbs trolley MAS ?! I have choc fingers to offer, and more cinnamon bagels. . .

holsten you sound lovely, and sure your DP feels the same! As you say, it's early days, so hang on in there. Big hugs x x x

lots of cupcakes ned !

Thank you all for the support x
Gigondas, your Dd1 sounds like a little sweetie, my dd who is 4, asks me why I can't go out too 'is it your sore bottom mummy?' She's probably told all her classmates!
Hope we are all snug in this weather, let's eat cupcakes, thanks MAS

Lots of snow here brrr. Just making a nice and some porridge to warm things up, plenty to go round.
MAS - so sorry to hear about your friend's friend - it is very upsetting to hear of these things even if you don't know the person very well. It brings everything closer and of course once you have been down the same road you have much more idea of what someone has been through. xx

Glad you are feeling a bit calmer today Lemonaide.

Holsten - I'm sure your new man will help you through all this, he sounds a good chap, and people who love you do pull through for you. AS far as sex is concerned, MacMillan might be the place to go for help, I think they do a leaflet about sex and relationships, which I'll try to find a link for so you can download it, - may be helpful.

The physical changes, especially when it is part of your body so closely connected with sex and your feeling of womanhood, is a big thing to cope with, - I know some of us on here have struggled too, I think it really is a question of being able to talk it through frankly and carefully with the person you love and any experts.

I've just remembered I went to a Breast cancer care talk about this subject. Obviously it was directed at BC, but a lot of what the nurse said might be helpful. I'm sure there were book recommendations and a fact sheet she gave out, which I'll look out for you today. I do remember her saying look at yourself naked in the mirror (a full length one if poss) have a really good look, get used to your new body, focus on the things you like about your body, on what you have not what you don't have. She said if you are nervous about looking in this way, do it with soft lighting or candle light to start with. She also suggested treating yourself to some underwear or nightwear that makes you feel good about yourself and sexy and feminine. -

I don't know if any of that is useful, - its a difficult thing to deal with, but I believe you and your partner will be able to work through it together, just give yourself time

Gigondas - your little girl sound so sweet, I'm sorry you've had a tearful night, - it is so hard waiting for things to happen, especially when you have been through so much already. Are you at the hospital again tomorrow? - perhaps there will be a chance to talk through how you are feeling, in my experience, consultants in oncology are just as concerned with your emotional well being, and everything that a DX entails, and can offer reassurance and tips on how to cope.

I'm doing another huge screed so will wave to everyone else and stop now

anonymosity I am sos orry to hear of your mother's suffering, - what a difficult time for you all to go through.

But I hope you understand that this is a thread where those of us going through cancer are trying to support each other. Your comment carries no background details,no explanations and is entirely out of the blue, and frankly condemns a drug that many of us on here have been told will help save our lives, with no evidence other than anecdotal. It is inappropriate here.

So I hope you'll forgive me if I report your post. Perhaps you can find another place to post your comment.

Holsten MacMIllan leaflets here

page 1 there's one on Cancer, you and your partner
page 2 - Body changes after cancer
page 4 - sexuality and cancer, and talking about your cancer.

any of those might have helpful stuff in I imagine.

I'll try to find the book recommendations - I may be some time, I know they are somewhere in an untidy heap of papers neatly and alphabetically filed.

Well said KK.

So sorry Gigondas and others are feeling so low - hang on in there.

MAS - your shock sounds a bit like mine when my friend died - she had same medical team as me. In fact I saw the onc the next week for one of my check-ups - he agreed she'd had rotten luck. (She had no symptoms or lumps or anything until she already had several secondaries. Even so, she had some sudden problems - she should really have had longer than she did)

Have cheered up here today after rather gllomy day yesterday - just tired really after having hosted 4 parties within a month, ad also cooked a New Year meal for some of DH's relations mid-Jan. Anyway I grumped about it being me always organsigin everything (and therefore the one who has to try reconcile differing requirements for family holiday). DH has now booked us into a nice cottage for a few days in Somerset - not by the sea but that would be more difficult if I'd tried to make the case for it - and its run by friendfs so that's all fine and something to look forward to.

PS My drugs are keeping me just fine - thanks.

x

Gigondas - I've just read your other thread and I do apologise if I've been a bit unfeeling. I hadn't realised how very recent your Dx was.

So its not surprising you're feeling so tearful - its all so new, and you've got baby to be dealing with too, with all the related hormonal swoops.

But all I can repeat is that in two or three weeks you honestly will find you've found a way to cope better - and for me the critical thing was dealing with what I knew and training my mind not to run away with all the other scenarios. Its hard but I promise you will find you can do this in a while.

Its the first few weeks that I found the worst - trying to take it in,needing to howl, waiting for diagnoses, waiting for any treatment to start and not feeling I was able to do anything - as someone else said, once you get a treatment plan, you can treat it like a project and focus on dealing with each step.

Finally - I'm not sure if you can walk at this stage - probably not very well., I fear. But later, when you can, walking helps calm the mind. I found it very helpful to walk every day that I could , even if just for 10-15 minutes if that was all I could manage. The fresh air helped me keep things in perspective, and as the spring comes along, you can focus on seeing new flowers/buds each day. On certain days after ops I couldn't do this but I did try as much as possible.

When I couldn't do much at all I used to get into bed and just say to myslef 'I don't have to do anything at all, except rest and get better' which I foudn strangely helpful as I'm a bit over-busy generally and tend not to rest/relax enough. You'll need friends/family who take the strain for you for a few hours so that you can rest - have you got these people?

Have you got a team around you? Quite useful to think in terms of a team because you'll need it. As you tell people (which I know is another of the really difficult things) they'll ask what they can do to help. I had to think about this but in the end asked people to have a walk with me, or come onto a rota for taking me for treatment. Some people spontaneously did lovely things (eg just bringing round a home-made soup and great bread, unasked). As you have such young DCs, I'm sure you should accept any offers to look after one or both of them.

As KK has mentioned some people get so emotional you feel you have to look after them - its not very helpful! Some people also seem to catastrophise for you! I rather avoided these people, as I found it better to get practical help with stuff, even if itwas just having a coffee and talking about OTHER things!

I'm not sure how I would have hanlded it all if my DCs had been very young. But I suspect you'll just want to focus on them as much as possible, and do nice stuff together. (Cooking was another therapy for me - so cooking together would seem attractibe when you've got the enregy for it)

Better stop rambling - but thinking of you. x

Sandripples not sure where you were unfeeling at all - I just appeciate all views on here as it is all so new to me .

Thank you for taking the time to post- I really do like your ideas on coping . I am generally quite active so Your ideas are good (ESP cooking). Also the relying on a team - I have lots of offers of good help and need to take them up .

I think hormones and tiredness donr help with fear of leaving dds but it must be something everyone feels . The poignancy here is it took 2 years , 1 mc and a pretty traumatic pregnancy/birth to have dd2 . This was after similar complexities having dd1 (including finding out that a son due before dd1 had fatal abnormalities at 21 weeks). Therefore I know I have a very rose coloured view of my family that is tainted with a superstition of something going wrong (ie being really scared dd2 would die etc and instead of that find this out). So I guess I know I have a tendency to be scared and negative which is over and above what is natural given circumstances.

I have been seeing a therapist for a while to help cope with all this and she is helping me here.

Hi Gigondas - I'm glad to hear you have a therapist as I'm sure that will be good support for you.
I need to lose weight again so have been for a swim and a walk today - the trouble with my enjoyment of cooking is that I tend to overfeed everyone, esp me! BUt we've had healthy soup and fruit salad today so hope I'm getting back in the groove of careful eating.

Just a quick catch up to say Hi to everyone. Glad to see some old regulars and welcome to the new members.

recovering well but extremely tired. Leg muscles have wasted away and find walking difficult, seem to be getting weaker rather than stronger but other than that I am doing really well.

I am being spoilt by my family and not doing much but still manage to waste the day away.

Love and hugs to you all

Iamseeingstars - glad to hear you are being spoilt by family, fingers crossed that you will feel strengthened soon. Early days, I remember you having gone through a great deal of treatment.

sand I'm really boring on the weightloss front at the moment, logging everything I eat and all exercise on myfitnesspal.com - its free and has helped me take control of my eating. I've also started running with the c25k support group on here which I can't really believe, but I ran for 31 minutes yesterday. The whole breast cancer thing made me take a look at my weight, I'd lost about 1.5 stone over about 18 months but I was still morbidly obese and although I was quite active, decided that I needed to do something more quickly. I now feel much fitter and healthier than when I was diagnosed and went back to work about a stone lighter and merely obese rather than morbidly so.

Hi stars. Don't try and push yourself too hard, you have had a traumatic time of it. Its early days and I'm sure you will feel stronger in time. Good to hear that your family are spoiling you.

hi stars really lovely to see you- I should take it very easy and allow yourself to be spoiled- am sure your strength will return as you recover.
I have many party foods for the trolley - my friend Sarah made a fabulous gingercake,still warm from the oven...

Mmm ginger cake- made tea loaf today so can add that.

Better day as had long nap and chat to therapist and being at home just nice.
My dad just rang and left answer phone message ... Think I will let dh deal with it as not sure I can be "brave" enough .

Stars I am sorry you are feeling so rough (saw your other thread too on meds side effect). My mum found acupuncture very helpful when she was low/not able to eat properly after treatment. I have also found its good as aid to relaxation and perking you up. Re other issue the brat (banana rice apple toast ) diet they suggest for kids any use? Also dairy tends to make diarrhoea much worse.

Just a quick post < rushes in dispensing hugs and fbs >
My mobile has suffered a catastrophic blue screen of death , so my posting will be erratic as I have just had to wrestle the laptop out of my DS hands !
He is standing over me waiting for it back .

Shall be speaking to my mobile provider tomorrow , but I think it may be fatal . And my upgrade isn't due till the end of this month .

That's what I get for being unfaithful to my poor old Crackberry and suggesting that I might be going over to the Apple darkside