***TAMOXIFEN number 19***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

ta daa !

Meant to say that is a lot to take on so be kind to yourself Topsy.

I know what you mean, Topsy. It's really hard work staying positive all the time, exhausting even. I think we've all had days where we admit to feeling low but, for me, here is the only place I can express myself. I don't tell DH or my best friends how I really feel when I'm having a wobble. It isn't that I want them to think how well I'm doing. It's more because I don't want to put them in the position of not knowing what to say to me or have them worry about me.

Night night all, hope everyone gets a restful nights sleep.

aw topsy - yes,it is brought home when it's someone you know,or know of. I 've been thinking of the lady from the bc charity a lot- I know it has been a blow for my friend K who knew her well (this is the K on the Tamoxifen 10 group page) Sending you a hug.

Figgy, I totally agree about wobbling on here. dh doesn't usually know how to deal with emotions, with friends usually its easier for me to have moved on from bc and I try to stay focused at work. At work they know I can be emotional. I managed to cry during a job interview about 4 years ago, and my new manager was on that panel... certain triggers can set me off and tbh I try to avoid them at work. Not slept very well last night, so risk being tired and emo today.
Trouble is with my bipolar tendencies I can go from mildly manic to weepy and depressed then back again in the space of an afternoon...

Hope you slept well Topsy and wake up feeling refreshed.

good morning - hope you've all slept well,esp. topsy - phone upgrade is a cheering thought
I have the order of service for funeral- am on towards the end. One of the sons is reading that lovely bit from Winnie the Pooh which is tear-making - I hope i am composed at my turn. I have made loo break arrangement as that is worrying me-am going to stop off at my friend Juliet's house in W London (she is also going with another friend) I'm sure there's one at the church but...

Hey gig - ace news about clear margins - you must be so thrilled! BIg hugs and hope you had a bit of a celebrate last night!

I can't really type very well at the moment - slightly shaky hands, so will keep this short. . . .

topsy sorry for your wobble. I definitely feel it too. A well meaning friend (who doesn't know about dx) forwarded round an email about dioxins in bottled water causing breast cancer. felt like mailing back "too late for me though". . .

Hope everyone else is OK this morning. Big hugs all round x x

Good luck for today mas , deep breaths and you will get through it all .

Didn't sleep too well last night . But put the time to good use by ordering my shiney new iphone online
Should arrive tomorrow , so that will give me something to play with .

Also volunteered for wubblys blanket project . Any knitters on here can volunteer if they wish . They are after 6 inch squares . I have a donor who can't knit , sending me some wool . Such a beautiful idea these blankets . they are what inspired me to make them for my own children .

Jane you are absolutely right about this being the place to wibble . I can't put this on my family , they worry enough already . So all my Canceritis Madness can flood out here

Am defrosting some crumpets if anyone fancies them ? Feel the need for buttery brekkie today .

Anyone got any appointments today ?
Amber how are you doing ? How's the BP versus Herceptin battle going ?

X-post Ned , good morning to you .
Hope the shakyness settles down , remember to call your unit if you are suffering .

I think I fancy some pancakes , with lemon and sugar . Anyone feel like popping over to my house to make me some ? It's only an hours flight from most UK airports ...

topsy it's tomorrow,but thank you for thoughts !
I can't knit sadly- I could send wool !
Hope shakiness passes soon ned

Doh !
Was convinced today was Friday .

Seems to be a week for wibbling then - I am too, though not too sure why really, though Wubbly's death is I'm sure part of it. On one hand I'm feeling fit and healthy for the first time really since diagnosis (2 years in March). I haven't had so much as a cold all winter, but then I still worry about every ache and twinge. This 'new normal' definitely takes some getting used to.

Topsy, I'll have a crumpet ta. Bloody bastard cancer I so wish you weren't where you are. Distractions like phones sound like the way to go - what is it then?? Is it one of those iPhone thinggimies? If so

Ned, I got the shakes too. Not nice. , though it did settle quite quickly from memory. Can you go for a gentle walk if it's a nice day - somehow that always helped me. It's sunny here, so hope it is there too.

Gig, did cot tilting help? Hope it did. Long winter nights with a grumpy baby are far from fun..

On this feet thing, can I ask Lime and Figgy? Mine is both feet across the bottom, though mostly under the ball of the foot. They're incredibly sore especially when I haven't walked on them for a while, so I have to hobble through like an old lady. Does that sound familiar??

Topsy, we're having pancakes again tonight, as we had so much fun last night and DH missed out. DS managed nowhere near 99 tosses of pancake and failed to hit the ceiling. We have v.high ceilings so I let him stand on the table, but we were giggling too much, so he still missed.

Smee, you are a lovely mum...letting him stand on the table to try to reach the ceiling. I aspire to be as good as you. Next year you should come and stay with us, our celings are so low he is bound to get serveral stuck up there!

Topsy - big hugs, sometimes these dark days really hit us and it is so hard. You are doing so well though. Wish you were closer.

Ned - hope the shakes calm down a bit. I used to get them with an inhaler I had and I found them quite disconcerting. Hope you do have some of this lovely sun to venture out in if you are up to it.

Gig - how is the windy baby doing, and the exhausted mum?

Ds at hospital this pm. Dd1 had dental appointment this am, she had an accident as a baby and broke her jaw and knocked out her two lower front inscisors. 5 1/2 years later an adult one is growing thorugh, but is brown not white, possibly hypoplasia as a reslu of the trauma of the accident apparently. All go here! [exhausted emoticon needed]

On way back from surgeon appt (and
Having coffee with friend in town) - clips out and wound healing well.

I have biopsy report folded in my bag- it has the name of my sub type of cancer but I don't want to know so dh and my dad can look if they like. To be fair lovely surgeon said I didn't have to look and could bin it . He reiterated about needing radio but chemo not definite (although they are ok with lung nodules not being cancerous i suppose as part of new normal i will always need to be watchful and fully anticipate needing a
New scan). I just need to work on Feeling as comfortable talking to oncologist as to surgeon.
So yes can appreciate wobbly feelings as I certainly had them (night feeds being a bugger for thinking worst) and even when given good news, pandoras box is open as part of me thinks what if...

Ned - hope walk or fresh air makes you feel bit better. I am thinking of you lots and hoping se ease.

Smee- at standing on table. How old
Is ds? Also re wobbles my mum thinks dx anniversary particularly shit for that (hers is right before Xmas). I guess dd2 birthday will always be bitter sweet for me.

The cot tilting did help and she slept better but still ended up in bed with me at 4 as I didn't want her waking anyone else with her snuffles and I wanted a baby snuggle. May set her cot up to see if that helps- dd1 was far better in cot than Moses basket.

Gigs, phew really well done on getting through appointment. Sounds like your Surgeon reckons they've got it all, which is all that matters and Radio's okay really it is. It's a chore of appointments and hopefully none or low level side effects. You are v.brave. DS is 7 btw. There's a pic on my profile.

Link for Topsy. I reckon you need to up your game.
www.buzzfeed.com/melismashable/25-amazing-yarn-bombs

Gig - baby snuggles are the best! It is really good news about the surgeons appt, well done you. Enjoy your coffee with your friend, enjoy the sunshine today, and you can tackle tomorrow, tomorrow. ig hugs.

excellent news from your appointment gig glad dd2 slept a bit better
xxx

Fab site smee .

Gig good surgeons appointment . I firmly have my head buried in the sand too . Just ask the things I need to know about day to day ...

Beautiful sunshine here which is cheering me up and all the crocuses coming up in the garden. Thanks for all the well wishes yesterday and loved the sentiment in that print MAS. Definitely recommend a walk to help chase the blues - it usually works for me anyway. Topsy - I am not surprised you had a wobble this week - it wobbled me too! Gig I am glad your appointment went well - it is good news if they think chemotherapy is not necessary. Ned - it is only a few more days until you will start to feel better honestly but do expect some major tiredness over the weekend - I usually feel normal by about Wednesday - such a relief.

I don't have a good thing to say about drs. Am in a frustrated grump rage about ds' rheumatologist. basically too arrogant to admit he doesn't know what it is, if it is significant or what to do about it, except it is vascular not inflamatory in origin. So it is ok to leave an 8yr old boy in so much pain sometimes he can't walk, this being a child who has a high pain threshold becuase he lives in pain anyway. Arghhh, as you were thank you for listening

Sparkle you were right about Smee being a fab mum, letting ds stand on the table to be nearer the ceiling but can't you see what a fab mum you are too? It just shines through all your posts about your trials in trying to get the right treatment for your lovely boy x

grrrrr on your behalf sparkle

Sparkle - want me to hold your coat while you have a scrap? You are right

I am in middle of trying to complain about what is a minor thing but i think is not on. As you may remember I had issues with my wound and arranged for local district nurse to come to check/change dressing. They didn't- no phone call no nothing.

Now I am mega lucky to be covered Privately so went to dr in end . This is sort of beside the point tho as why have I had no explanation , apology etc . I know I am ok but what If I hadnt been and had no way to go elsewhere .

Also Make me think quite wtf I have to do/have wrong to get any help. I know Nhs is resource constrained but I genuinely couldn't leave house on Monday (and I would have preferred to avoid long trip to hospital I had to take).

Sorry my rant was on back of feeling for your ds sparkle- just because both you and he are heroes in coping with this doesn't make it ok to be treated like that.