***TAMOXIFEN number 19***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

ta daa !

jchocchip so sorry to hear about your cousin's husband. . . Hope you are Ok x x

kurri am most definitely not a Studland naturist - don't see the point myself DS and I both had thermals on against the biting wind light Dorset breeze

DH making mushroom and Parma ham lasagne this evening for a treat, plus a fishy starter with the trout he caught this afternoon

eight you lurking? hope you're Ok and all set for tomorrow x

Hope everyone else doing OK this evening. Big hugs all round x x x

X post- MAS sorry you're feeling grotty this evening- sofa definitely best place for you. . . Hope you can get some rest and will feel a bit brighter tomorrow x x

am being dense here,but LJ did you pm me ? can't find it !

gosh such a lot goes on here when i nip away! sorry to miss everything, but I have read all posts if that counts!
good luck, hugs and positive vibes for the three musketeers tomorrow LJ, Ned and Onein8 i believe. will be thinking of you all.
Gigs. glad to hear you are resting. hope wound is not being naughty. i am taking mega strength antibi's and hoping to get rid of this infection pronto. i do feel better already.
went to see a film last night with 'mrholsten' ;) woman in black yikes, it was scary. so fab to get out though and to have a strong shoulder to hide in!
jchoc so sorry to hear about your relative, must be very hard news to take in.
kk, yuk to dh's tooth, i cannot abide toothache, poor him and you
mas, sounds like you need to chill a bit there and rest as much as poss.
hope topsy had fun (stories please!)
and how is amber doing?

Holsten that sounds a lovely night- glad that you have something to help wound heal. of cinema trip as its just Barbie mermaid on loop here.

topsy have sent you a fb friend request - its me, not some mad stalker! Thanks for tip off, MAS !

Going to keep this short because my internet connection keeps dying.

Goodluck Ned for your chemo tomorrow. The first is the worst because its the unknown but you sound really well prepared.

LimeJelly - hope your checkout goes well - I must be about where you were when you stopped posting and I can see why - the smallest things like logging in here just sometimes seem to much effort.

Smee -glad your Dads operation went well and hope he continues to make a good recovery.

Topsy - I need to see a photograph of that purple hair!!

Jane - so sorry to hear about your cousin.

Holsten - hope those antibiotics sort your infection out and Gigondas - hope your O.K too.

Apologies to everyone I've missed but hope all is going well with you too.

Hello my friends. I'm back from my self-imposed exile while I took stock and got my head together. I didn't want to post while I was struggling, which is silly I know because you would all be so supportive.

I have read and tried to catch up but a lot's gone on here so apologies for missing out anyone.

Hello to all the new ladies, first of all.

I will be thinking of our Three Muskateers tomorrow too. (love the name). Good luck and positive vibes coming your way.

Jane, sorry about your mum's cousin's hubby. Sad news. Condolences to you all.

MAS, sorry you're not feeling well tonight. I hope it goes soon. Is your hip a bit better? I showed DH your son's lovely photo on FB of the buildings and he is inspired to go up one Sunday and do the same as T - take lots of architectural photos. He is fascinated with buildings so will thoroughly enjoy himself. I will tag along and make interested noises.

Topsy, love the plum hair and am dead jealous at how straight yours is growing back. Not a curl in sight. Am interested to hear more about the onesie.

KK, nephew sounds a delight!! I hope you get to the bottom of the phone bill. Poor DH and his tooth. I hope the pain gets better real soon. Fancy having to wait so long for the appointment - that's a long wait. I hate toothache and he has my total sympathies.

Nice to hear from you again, Lime. I love your Billy Bargain at the cinema. DH and I went to see Woman in Black on Friday afternoon (not even peak time) and it cost just over £20. Premium seats mind you but even so.

Holsten and Gig, you sound like you've been through the wars. Hope everything is a bit more comfortably for you tomorrow.

So jealous of you at Studland Beach, Ned. It's gorgeous there. I'm very fond of Dorset and have many happy holiday memories. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I remember my first chemo - I was very emotional as the nurse put the lines in which is completely normal. I'm sure it was because the reality of it all finally hit me. But it got easier as the treatments went on. I had 3 Taxotere - side effects were mild to begin with but on days 8 to 10 my temp raised and I ended up in A&E then on the ward for 7 days in isolation while they treated me with IV antibees. I don't want to scare you, just let you know how important it is to monitor your temp. The last 3 sessions were FEC which made me very sick for the first 8 days which wasn't very nice but I got through it with the love and support of family and friends. It's all very doable and I look back on it now as a distant memory and you will too in a few months time.

Apologies for length of post and for missing anyone out. I have to say, the calibre of the fbs trolley has improved of late - some yummy treats on there these last few days. I haven't got anything to put on there today but .... wait till tomorrow. DS1's girlfriend has given me a recipe for the most divine chocolate brownies so I shall be sharing them out.

Oh, forgot to say - saw surgeon on Friday - he's very pleased with how everything's healed. He also confirmed what the BC nurse had already told me about inflammatory BC, nodes, stages etc. so I am going to do what he told me - to go away and live my life to the full. Lovely man he is. I have a huge crush on him.

Figgy hello and thanks for nice hello to a newbie.

Can someone help me with a question dh is fretting on (he has been clearly bothered about this). When do you usually find out about the biopsy/report post removal of lump? I assumed it was part of follow up oncologist report as it is part of all the various tests/scans that dictates the treatment protocol.

I know surgeon was confident he had got good margins but lump was in for testing but didn't actually say when/what this meant .

My view on all this is to trust him and also that I would need more treatment so this is just one more factor that goes into what oncologist and team decide treatment is.

Gig, I had a biopsy at my initial appointment at Breast Clinic and, as they were 99% sure of results there and then from mammo and scan, the surgeon more or less told me my treatment plan - which was chemo, mx then rads. I got the biopsy results when I went to see the oncologist a week or so later and she just confirmed type/stage of BC and what the surgeon had told me re treatment.

It's good if you can put your trust/faith in your surgeon and oncologist. I did completely. If DH or you are uncertain about anything you've been told, or think of a question you need answering, then the best person to ring is either one of the support nurses or the surgeon or oncologist's secretaries, who can pass the message on then get back to you.

Thanks Figgy dh is going to ring surgeon tomorrow (we are still at the dh as spokesmen stage). The interesting thing is that I think we are still at different stages on the fear scale after dx- today he is scared whereas I am feeling a bit more brave .

I have been a bit naughty and broken my google ban to look at sarcoma site. I think that is probably a mistake tho as you say it's better to talk to your actual carers about dx risk etc .

Hi Gig, i waited about 2 weeks after surgery then got called in for results, i would second figgy that you can ring onc's secretary or clinical nurse specialist (have you got one of those?) with any questions. in my experience they are most helpful and nice. the waiting bits always feed the anxiety dont they. how are you feeling?

Step away from doing the Googles, Gig!!!!!!!

I agree about the fear scale. It's almost exactly a year since my dx and I said to DH today that, this time last year, we were doing everything in a state of perpetual shock and fear but not at the same time. He knew exactly what I meant but said it was better that way. We sort of 'shared' the fear iykwim.

Thanks Figgy and Holsten- I promise I will go back to chocolate digestives and top gear and not go near google.

Running in to say I'll be thinking of Ned, OneinEight and now Limejelly tomorrow too. Huge amounts of positive vibes to you all.

Lime, just scanned the posts v.quickly and spotted you mentioned your ribs. You had Rads didn't you?? The pain could well be due to that. It can come on many months after you've finished and is v.common. I have it too. Really annoying and Miss P most definitely doesn't help!

Holstein, MrH sounds rather lovely. Good to hear you're getting out and about a bit more now.

Gig, Barbie Mermaid's enough to drive anyone insane. When's your next appointment? I'd say they'll tell you then. It takes a while for them to gather all the results, but clear margins is a fantastic result, so hold onto that.

Waving to Figgy. Sorry you've been struggling. I honestly think a year on is a dodgy emotional place. I know I struggled then as treatment's still fresh, but there's a void of 'what's next'. Don't disappear again or we'll pursue you.

Sorry not to post more. Waving to all, but mad bits of juggling what with work, half term and all the rest of it. Got to finish a piece of work tonight, then have to leave the house at 6.30 tomorrow for an all day schlep to a meeting, then won't be back 'til stupid o'clock, so might be awol all day. Hope everyone's okay out there. xx

yep, well done Gig, the bloody google has a lot to answer for! i nearly wore it out :) dropping in some toasted hot x buns with butter for fbs.

Promise not to disappear again. Hope you get everything done that needs doing and meeting goes brilliantly for you tomorrow.

thank you smee, its wonderful being able to get out after nearly 3 weeks exile! and yes MrH is rather lovely!

Hey figgy good to see you back. Big hugs x x x thanks for good wishes for tomorrow - just want to get going now. Phase 2 here we come - just one step closer to the end . . .

gig I got results from the pathology re margins etc when I saw my surgeon two weeks after surgery. Definitely worth a call to surgeons secretary or specialist nurse to set your mind at rest and see a clearer view of the picture. Hope you can get the answers you want x x

Thanks smee I am definitely feeling all the positive vibes x x

Figgy! Welcome back. What a fantastic post - says everything I wanted to say to everyone! And especially: "I didn't want to post while I was struggling, which is silly I know because you would all be so supportive."

Gig - I certainly think the nurse should be coming out to you under the circumstances. If you need to, beg - lay it on thick, don't hold back or be heroic!

Just like Ned, I got my path results 2 weeks after my op, at followup meeting with surgeon.

Dashing in before I go to bed, to say loads of luck Ned, LJ and OneInEight for tomorrow.

Gig - path results two weeks after surgery here too at my follow up.

Figgy - lovely to see you back, but sorry you've been struggling too a year on is a tough time - especially for you because you were having such a sad time anyway - so all sorts of memories to work through. Lots of love and hugs to you .

jane - so sorry to hear about your cousin's husband - condolences to you all, - it sounds a as if it was sudden and unexpected, - very tough to cope with.

Night night all xx.

Just a quickie as I am knackered after looooong journey home , will update you all with tales of my hideous behaviour over the weekend tomorrow .
Have managed to post a pic of my purple hair on my profile for anyone who wants to see it .

Good luck to ned , LJ , and 1in8 for tomorrow .

I have my consultants appointment tomorrow afternoon to get the results of my 3 monthly CT scan .

Quickly wishing Ned, LJ and Onein8 great big good luck today and Topsy for results too
I'm up early to do school run , have (brew) and buns at the ready