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Original poster

News about spacecadet

364 replies

spacecadetshusband · 09/01/2006 09:21

Spacecadet has asked me to get everyone who was concerned about her know, that she was admitted to hospital last night. she is currently in MAU, where she will be for up 48 hours depending on how she responds to treatment. She had another chest x-ray and is on IV antibiotics and also a drip as she was dehydrated.She has asked me to say thankyou to everyone who was concerned about her.

OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 12/01/2006 12:21

He's a GARDEN CENTRE MANAGER? And he thinks he can't take a few days off in the last 2 weeks of his job to look after a wife with pneumonia? In January, the LEAST busy month in a garden centre's year? What does he think will happen, the daffodil bulbs will explode? The bottom will fall out of the winter pansy market?????

Sorry Spacey, he is a complete fuckwit. I assumed he was in IT closing some last minute deals that would go towards his bonus, or an ambulance driver who couldn't let people down, or practically ANYTHING other than a garden centre manager. Nice job and all that, but not exactly time critical and high stress, let's face it.

Grrrrr

Hurrah for NannyK!

PrincessPeaHead · 12/01/2006 12:22

snap ljg.

sympathy for spaceyshusband, previously at 0.25%, has now descended to a round 0.

catsmother · 12/01/2006 15:29

Never mind the ins and outs of his job ....... he actually disappeared on his day off. So not only does he refuse to take time out, when he does (presumably this is a scheduled day off), he doesn't use it to be at home contributing to the 101 things that must need doing !

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 15:34

i know, i know lgj and pph, not exactly high powered is it?
nannyk must feel a bit awkward actualy, you can cut the atmosphere with a knife between me and dh
CQ has just very kindly delivered us a spag bol meal complete with afters, chocolate and roses, i dont know what to say, im so touched by everyones kindness..and embarrassed that it should have been my dh doing it, he still hasnt even bought me a bunch of flowers, dont be surprised if you see my thread entitled, am divorcing dh.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 12/01/2006 15:35

totally agree - MR SC is SHITE..... my DH wouldnt DARE do that.... he is an absolute star if im ill and need him - he's in the Army as well so not the easiest job to get out of, but he does!

When i had my appendix out in may last year (17 weeks pg at the time) he took 3 weeks off to help me out!

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 15:35

he did come home at lunchtime though and get cracking on the garden, which admittedly needs tidying up so the house can go on the market.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 12/01/2006 16:55

Home but not home....

he's avoiding you.

MarsOnLife · 12/01/2006 16:58

Hurrah for NannyK and CaribbeanQueen.

Mr SpaceCadet... nil point!

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 16:59

dont forget gizmo too!

Merlin · 12/01/2006 17:00

SC - glad to hear you've got your feet up - NannyK you are brill! Hope you start feeling better day by day.

Am gobsmacked at Dh disappearing on his day off - my DH wouldn't dare - he knows what the consequences would be .

MarsOnLife · 12/01/2006 17:06

Hurrah for Gizmo

Mr SpaceCadet... still a resounding nil point!

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 17:08

i really have to question whether my dh loves me still, we talked before xmas and he said he loved me but wasnt happy being married to me.he said he had been depressed and when this job came up we thought it would be a new start, obviously not...he cant love me can he? also i wish i hadnt told him my talk nickname as im worried hes been checking out my posts, he came to bed late last night and was on the internet when i left the room, i might change my talk name.

Merlin · 12/01/2006 17:13

Oh SC, I feel really sad for you. Sending big hugs ........ not sure what to say really. Perhaps when you are better and DH has started new job, you've moved house etc it could be a fresh start for you all. Then again - the way he's been behaving is not that of a loving, caring husband is it?

sunchowder · 12/01/2006 17:15

SpaceCadet, I have been following this, but not posted yet. I am so sorry you are ill and then have to face this at the same time. I don't have any answers, nor would I pretend to know enough about your situation. What I do know is that your DH just might not know how to deal with you being ill or out of sorts. It might help to find out how his parents treated him when he was ill, was he left alone? Did his parents both work at something and left him to fend for himself when ill? Was he nutured and taken care of--did he have anyone to model after to know how to nuture?

None of our partners are perfect, he might have many other redeeming qualities that you can't even focus on right now. None of these thoughts can be helping you to get well. Thank goodness for the support of Mumsnet. Just get yourself well, with our without his support right now. Sending you some healing thoughts to get well soon.

Elibean · 12/01/2006 17:18

Another cheer for NannyK, CQ and Gizmo: make that three, loud ones (each).

SC, sounds as though your DH needs to sort himself out, whatever that means ...he may be depressed, he may be scared about you being ill, he may be all sorts of things which are fair enough; but unless and until he can talk about them, that doesn't help much. And to be honest, even if I was angry with DH, didn't want to be married to him, or even didn't love him anymore, I'd STILL look after him if he was as ill as you have been/are

I'm so glad you're taking care of yourself by letting other people help!

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 17:20

sunchowder, dh lost his mum and sister in acar accident whewn he was a baby and he spent the first 5 years of his life with relatives.

Elibean · 12/01/2006 17:22

Ah....
Just guessing then, but I bet DH is terrified of letting himself believe/feel the reality of your illness. He must be hot on defenses when it comes to the possibility of losing loved ones.
Though that doesn't make it all better, of course.

Elibean · 12/01/2006 17:25

Reason I said that was because DH lost his brother to cancer a few years before we met. I went through some potentially life-threatening illness a bit later, and he was crap around it - until he had some therapy, and sorted himself out a bit. Eg I left a hospital room carrying my own overnight bag after a painful liver biopsy and he virtually ran ahead of me to the car. Looking back, he was in a sort of post-traumatic shock which was triggered by being in a hospital environment.

I don't know your DH, or enough to do more than guess, of course - it just occurred to me there might be something similar going on.

sunchowder · 12/01/2006 17:28

How awful Spacecadet--I had no idea. I can only imagine how difficult that was for him and of course, for you in terms of coping with him at times like these. The fact that he left on his day off is showing you that he just can't manage with you being ill on top of all of the other changes he is trying to make to get some "relief". You know in yourself that you have to focus on getting better and nuturing yourself right now. You probably will not get the support that you "should" get from him, but focusing on that right now will not help with your healing. I wish I could say something that would be of more comfort to you. I would like to say anything to deflect your feelings that he doesn't love you. He does what he is comfortable doing, and I don't think this has anything to do with his love and affection for you, does that make sense?

BudaBabe · 12/01/2006 17:46

Hi SC - glad you are feeling a bit better.

3 cheers for Nannyk! And everyone who has dropped off food etc. It does make you feel better about the world doesn't it?

I must admit that knowing your DH is still being a pain made me a bit on your behalf but maybe his background explains a bit.

And with everything else you have been through this year, it is no wonder he is depressed - and that is waht it sounds like.

Would he go and see someone? Maybe you could go together? I know it's a crap time with moving etc but hopefully you will get through it.

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 17:48

he tells me that he doesnt "do" sympathy and that he cant allow himself to crack.

Merlin · 12/01/2006 17:50

Sorry to hear that about your DH. As others have said, maybe that goes someway to explaining his behaviour - but he will need to sort himself out if you are going to stay together. Have you discussed how he feels about losing his parents so young and what impact it had or does he not like to talk much about it? Feeling slightly bad now about what I said about him before (but only slightly!!!)Take care.

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 17:50

hes only opened up to me once and that was when ds2 was born and nearly died, he said everything ive ever loved has been taken away from me, he assumed that ds would die too.
he lost most of his family, them when he was 7 his dad re married, but his new step mum left too, leaving him to act as a parent to his young half brother.
also his first wife left him too.

BudaBabe · 12/01/2006 17:52

Sounds like someone who is very in control and hates any thought of losing that control. So it's all buttoned up. My DH is a bit like that - he lost his Mum at age 11 (and he was adopted).

spacecadet · 12/01/2006 17:52

he didnt lose his dad, but his dad is even worse, he never mentioned his dead wife and child again and dissassociated himseklf from his wifes side of the family, he doesnt posses any pics of his lost family and never told dh about them

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