**the 7th Tamoxifen Thread **

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are...

Just realised I didn't put the title of the book, it's called 'Of Mutability'

Sounds worth a look!

Smee I am of your accountant, my business isn't big enough to warrant one.

I have just finished the return and can just about pay the bill. It's going to be a frugal couple of months chez cakes, though.

Strangely, I picked up the Jo Shapcott in Waterstones only yesterday. Mum and Dad gave me a book token for my birthday, so I was looking for something special. I knew she'd written them after going through Breast Cancer, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to buy it. Maybe it's all still a bit close for me. It does look good though.

I can't really warrant an Accountant Cakes - it's my treat to myself, but it's really not warranted. I close my eyes when I write a cheque for him every year.

Is there a smug emoticon?? I cycled to the pool and went for a swim.

Ooh, well done. There certainly should be one!

TMI I am already suffering with constipation from the drugs, am going to send dh to the supermarket on his way home for prunes and apricots etc.....thanks

The dressings are off, all except some tape covering the stitches, think I will tackle that tomorrow. Top of my breast looks quite normal really, the nipple area and below the nipple shows where they have removed a lot of tissue, but I reckon one of those chicken fillets in my bra will hide the concave nature of the breast, and give me a fairly normal outline. Was a bit shocked at first, but actually feel quite all right about my new look already, and it is all out now, so that is very good.

Cakes have you tried the which tax calc, it costs about £30 and you just fill in the info from your spreadsheets, and it fills in the forms for you, and does all the calculatons, you just have to print it out. When I used to have to fill in a self assessment thingy I used that,and it was easy. No need now, no job... well not one that pays anything other than kisses and cuddles.....and they can't tax that yet! [bgrin]

Smee, very impressed about cycling and swimming...... should be a proud emoticon not a smug one [bgrin]

As for giving up chocolate for lent, I was thinking of joining you, but having seen my boob, I think only FBS can be relied on to fill it out! [bwink]

Sparkle - I think you might well be entitled to a free partial prosthesis to fill out your affected breast - might be worth asking your breast care nurse about it.

That is a possibility, thank you Kurri.

Bugger bugger bugger

They sampled 2 lymph nodes and one had 2.5mm cancer in it so need another op to have the whole lot taken out. Waiting for a date for this.

On Friday I am to have bone scan and CT scan of vital organs. Are there any other tests they should be doing or I should ask about?

Chemo is looking a lot more likely now.

Margins were clear at least.

Feel free to swear for me.

How I wiah the news was different xx

Sparkles - glad you are feeling better. The tax calculator sounds fab: I'll remember for next time, thanks!

LJ - Not the news you wanted to hear. Sorry I am not sure about what tests you should have, but I just wanted to say you may well find that this is just a teeny tiny bit of spread and all the other nodes come up clear. I certainly hope so. If they do, you still may be recommended some chemo, but if so, it will be doable. Genuinely. One day at a time. It still may not come to that. They are moving admirably quickly aren't they? They sound very good.

Don't want to cut and run but have to go out now.

This may well not be the big setback you think. Stay calm.

oh arse- that's a bugger to be sure - am so sorry limejelly, but you're in good hands I'm sure and everything will be checked. We're here for you,especially the girls who have had chemo-they will be able to advise and reassure. A huge hug from me xxxxxx

smee - you are right to be smug- I do nothing.

I have an accountant who just sorts it into things the IR might understand-I do all the adding up and organising of receipts/expenses - I reckon the have a big laugh when they look at my sorry papers.

More hugs lime-you strike me as a strong person and am sure you will take it all in your stride.

Oh LJ that is shit - I am so sorry. But if it's any help at all, the same thing happened to me, I had mastectomy followed by lymph node clear out 2 months later, it's horrible but doable.

I had CT and bone scan, no other tests - apart from the usual bloods.

I'm sorry, but I think chemo is very likely. But try not to panic, a good percentage of women have spread to nodes and chemo, (several of us on here have) and go on to make a good recovery - I'm still here . The job of the lymph nodes is to catch the fall out as it were.

It is all a bitch and a bugger at times this bloody illness , I know how I felt when I had the news you had today, - give yourself a little time to get used to it, - head spins for a few days.

Anything you can think of you want to ask over the next few days - just shout out.

We're all here for hand holding and proxy swearing for you One day at a time -yes? you will get there xxxxx

Oh Bugger, I am so sorry LJ, not what you wanted to hear. I hope that Kurri's experience gives you some positives to hold on to. I am thinking of you, sending big hugs, hand holding, and lots of virtual swearing!

One day at a time...... xxx

Bugger LJ, what a sod. I'm so sorry it wasn't better news. Hope this helps, but I had spread to lymph nodes too and look, I'm still here and okay and actually feeling quite good now.

Bone and CT scans are all I had - I think they only do MRI if they're concerned or don't get a clear picture from the other scans. All more than scary in that you dread the results, but mine were clear and odds are that yours will be too. Honestly it will make you feel a lot better once you know that.

I will have a think and see if I can think of anything useful, but please come here and vent and be scared. If anybody understands we do. You're at the very worst part of all this, but it does get easier once you learn what you're facing. Huge hugs from me. xxx

Thank you all so much - feel better already: Yes Yes there is a chance they will find no more in the other nodes isn't there? Had already forgotten that, must think only of that for now. You all know how your mind and emotions race ahead to the worst.

Thank you also for reminding me lymph nodes are there to catch stuff - to act as 'sieve' I suppose - again, consultant did say this, but I of course forgot.

Yes they seem to be moving as fast as they can for me don't they? - think being 'only' 47 with two young kids helps (or not bugger again).

And thank you for the lovely swearing - it deserves it - Bugger is obviously favourite

OK guys,tell me how long post GA depression lasts? This is a side effect I was not expecting.

Morning all!

Sparkles - a few days, I think. It is the effect of the GA but also the shock of the surgery and stuff. It has to have an effect. Take lots of rest, drink loads of fluid, and do some things that you really enjoy: don't think about things too deeply while you are in this frame of mind. Wait for the mood to lift and things to be clearer - those would be my tips.

LJ - how are you feeling today? The lymph nodes are a bit like a catchers mitt for all things nasty: they sample the nearest few as they are the most likely to have been affected. if they have, they take the next level, which is what you are going to have now, and is also what I had. Every case is different, but all my second lot were clear. Even so, I was recommended to have chemo as a precaution and I agree with KK, it is quite likely you'd be offered the same in the same circumstances. Just wait and see what happens, and don't think too much until then. If you do need it, many of us here have had it, and while it's a yukky few months, you get through. We all feel OK now: look at smee cycling and swimming - she hasn't been out of treatment for long at all!

But still, I reiterate what everyone else said so eloquently - BUGGER! And the very best of luck with all the tests. x

Oh Sparkle you poor thing. Here, let us (very gingerly, one sore boob each) give each other a gentle unMN hug.....feel it?
Don't know how long the depression lasts - up and down thing I presume - further up the thread Smee said she'd heard can take 10 days for GA to clear out? But if we didn't get a bit depressed about what we are going through physically, mentally and emotionally, we would be zombies, no?
Hope the physical pain is less for you today - so sorry you can only take bung-you-up codeine, I hate it. Had to have it for my arm and insisted on being prescribed laxative with it, but didn't seem to make any difference.
I was amazed (and a bit appalled!) that they took your dressings off only after two days!? I found my dressings were giving me much needed support underneath, although the glue was irritating me.
You (and I) have had a major shock and a change to your body. Let yourself wallow a bit then rise up is always my advice. xx

My ds got turned down yesterday for dla, for the most idiotic reason ever, he is distressed about me being unwell at the moment, and that combined with this has pushed me over the edge, can't stop crying.

LJ I hope you are feeling ok today. Thinking of you.

Thanks LJ. I was a bit surprised they took the dressings off too, got much more internal pain now than I had before, the area around the stitches doesn't hurt now, as long as I don't knock them. I am wearing a new bra I sent dh to get for me, which is helping quite a lot actually, guess it is replacing the support the dressings gave me. I hadn't really thought about shock, but I guess you are right. Just feeling rubbish, crap mum, pathetic patient.....sorry thank you for my hug, needed that!

OMG Sparkle how can they do that to you!! I am FURIOUS. I know that 'refusal first' is par for the course - part of the jumping through hoops rigmarole - but just now.... and
DS2 (who will also be distressed when events unfold with me) gets DLA. Lovely Paed warned me it's almost automatic to be refused first. Apparently underlings are given about 3 mins to assess each application. Ask for 'reconsideration' - then someone higher up has to actually READ the thing. Don't think this is the same as 'appeal' - think that comes later - sorry, long time since I did this. Hope this helps.

We are all holding your hand and thinking of you.

Hi all.

Sparkles you will feel pretty knocked out by the GA for a good few days,and as Cakes says - the whole thing with stress of having an op. etc. will be catching up with you. Take it very easy, everything Cakes suggests, and once you feel up to it a little bit of fresh air to clear you head helps - even if its just a potter to the end of the garden.

How are you doing today LJ? lots of luck with your tests. Take plenty to read because there is a bit of waiting around to do, (with the CT you have to drink a certain amount of stuff they give you over about an hour and a half IIRC) so do everything to make sure you are comfortable while you are hanging about
We'll all be thinking of you xx

Thank you, I have already requested copies of the supporting reports they requested. I am worried that I don't have long to get a reconsideration and appeal in. Have to get started on it today really and I just can't. You know they said the reason they were turning him down was that he was not a risk of falls, the dc who has been hospitalised 10 times in last 12 months from falls, spent hours of his life strapped to a back board in an ambulance, who falls several times a week at school, which means I have to rush to school to check him out, or provide pain relief. Just this week so far we have had three calls from school because of falls or pain, but don't worry he isn't at risk of falls! It just feels like an uphill battle all the way. No-one cares, and he is my precious boy. sorry very low.

Sparkles - no wonder you are upset. They are truly bastards. Good advice on the system from LJ though. Just such a shame that you always have to fight so hard.

oh sparkle- I'm sorry about the buggering DLA - that is rotten and wrong and am not surprised you are feeling crap - I can't remember depression specifically after my GA - I think my mode for coping was to push myself along as normal which in retrospect isn't such a good idea -but i think I was just in a daze anyway afterwards.
Huge hugs to you and to limejelly.