Hi everyone, im quite frustrated and am losing track of how to deal with things.
sorry for the extremely long message, i had to give a lot of examples so you guys can clearly understand the situation and give relevant advice.
I am originally from switzerland and moved here to london to be with my husband. we are both very young, me being 23 and him being 25 so we did get married quite young which obviously did come with some consequences (not being the most financially stable.) his family offered us to live with them for the first few years of being married so we could save up to buy a house early on in our lives which we totally appreciate and thanks to them we are now able to buy a house in London, which otherwise we could have never dreamed of at this age. The only problem with that is that my husband is the eldest of 4 so the house is quite busy. I do get along with my in laws really well, 3 of his siblings are really nice. but he also has a sister which also happens to be my age (23). ever since i moved here, she never ever did an effort to introduce me to people, to not make me feel so lonely as obviously moving to a different country can be. in fact, most of her friends reached out to get to know me, to the point where they would host dinners for example, and tell my sister in law to tell me to come as well, and i would never receive the invitation. i only happen to find out a day before or after, quite funnily, when the host asks me oh, dont forget about tomorrow, or why did you not come?
she would also invite all the girls over to our house and i would literally be upstairs and could hear them, but she would never call me. at first i used to think that maybe they dont want to get to know me, or they are having private conversations which understandably they wouldnt like to share with a person they do not yet know, but after introducing myself and hanging out with them i can only say they really like me and want to get to know me.
there has been countless incidents where for example we would both be at home bored (for example before i started work) and my husband would be at work, and she would just dress up and leave the house, and then a few hours later post on her social media that she is out with her friends. again i tried to justify why she never asked me to come, by saying that maybe again they want to have private time and it is understandable. however one time she dressed up and got all ready, and then the door bell rang when she was in the toilet so i had to open it and met her friend and sat down with her until my sister in law came down. when i wanted to leave, her friend was like where are you going, i came here to meet you, go on dress quickly and come with us,, really pushing it. clearly my siter in law did not want that to happen, otherwise she would have told me to get ready. there are countless other incidents .
i have approached her multiple times and asked her why she as acting this way, and she would always say, oh i forgot to tell you, oh i didnt know you wanted to get to know them, oh i didnt think about it. countless excuses and every time i would believe her and forgive her.
after approaching her multiple times, she found new tricks of getting ready and dressed up, and on her way out of the door ask me "do you want to come with us" well obviuosly not because it would take me at least 30 minutes to get ready and you guys are leaving now... but just so she can say "i asked you"
now even during corona virus, she came to my door saying hi do you want to go for a walk again dressed up and everything, to which i said no because i had work. 30 minutes later i found out on social media that she went on a walk with 2 of our friends. she clearly never mentioned it because she knew i would come. the problem is my friends always assume that she told me to come but i said no. they rely on her telling me because we live together. other than that we have a group chat where we invite everyone diretly.
anyway after speaking to my husband about it all he came up with is treat her the way she treats you. before you head out say, hi do you want to come with us.
the problem is she has now also started to insult my relationship. if my husband and i would have the smallest discussion, she would say "gosh you guys keep arguing, so annoying" or just rude things like that. or for example the other day she was cooking and my husband went to her, jokingly saying " is this how you make curry, RIP" and she came up with "gosh i feel so sorry for your wife" and i was in the kitchen.... what do i have to do with this?
if my husband and i were in the heat of an argument, she would stirr it and say, you guys keep arguing bla bla, instead of saying something like "calm down guys, its okay" and maybe try to make us laugh like a normal human would.
my husband and i dont argue too much btw, it just seems like she is looking for an excuse to annoy me.
if i was preparing something for dinner like vegetable rolls, she would walk up to her mom saying mom look theyre still empty here... well why did you not tell me? why does she love to make me look bad?
if they make a dish that i dont like, she would be the first one to comment to my husband " what are you going to eat in your house, pasta all day every day" " what are ur kids gonna eat" infront of the whole house.
there is just so many things that i could say but i assume you guys get the point. i just dont know how to handle her anymore.
i dont like to speak to my in laws about it and show her that i care, as i fear it would only make her feel that she is winning and things would get worse.
My husband and i are soon moving out so hopefully things wont be as bad, but what is your opinion on her behaviour?
to those asking, she is single and has never had a partner, dont know if it is relevant.