Overheard a rant on the bus.What ‘bastard’ things will you not have in your garden.

[florentina1]

A man behind me yesterday was ranting to his friend about “bastard lupins”Apparently his wife loves them, he hate them, and they are coming up everywhere. He was really funny, almost worthy of his own stand up routine.

For me it is fuchsia. Gladioli, hanging baskets and anything with slogans.

I agree about Heucheras. They never thrive and always just look a bit shit.

A stranger in my sister's garden.. can anyone identify please?

@mamabear715 That looks like a type of mint. The square stem is typical

Please tell me how you managed to kill crocosmia, we can't shift the stuff!

Euphorbia. FUCK YOU, euphorbia. But I admit that I really enjoy pulling it out with its bastard roots intact. They plant loads of it in newbuild show home gardens because it grows really quickly and then you spend the next ten years de-spurging the garden every year.

The lemon balm is nearly as bad as the euphorbia, but I forgive it because it is delicious and also I planted it so refuse to categorise it as a weed.

Unpopular things that I controversially like: speedwell, celandines, those little blue and purple wallflowers that turn up everywhere at this time of year, bindweed (but it is a BASTARD so I still weed it out), snails.

Pendulous sedge!!

With you on the pendulous sedge. My neighbour has a huge one and I’m forever cutting my hands yanking the seedlings out.

@TheNoodlesIncident Thanks! I will pass that on.

I love all these plants, apart from mint, mint can fuck off.

Unless you plan on eating them they're fine.

Crocosmia, hate the little bastards! They creep through under the hedge from next door, every bastard year I pull shit loads up, they can eff off!!

Oh and muscari, one persists on growing up through another plant, I can't seem to get the bulb, it's just keeps sprouting. Anything else would give up and die, but nooooo, not this little tuff nut 🖕

@CarterBeatsTheDevil I like those unpopular things too. And shepherd's purse and rosebay willowherb.

In spite of its reputation I can hardly get mint to grow enough (maybe should cut down on the mohitos, eh?) Sage on the other hand. If I ever need to cook Christmas dinner for an army, I'm sorted.

Scrophularia nodosa. Figwort

It’s not in the mint family!

I did reply when you first posted but it didn’t show. Undoubtedly my fault but I prefer to blame MN

@IHeartGeneHunt Me too! My philosophy is that they're only weeds if both I and the bees don't like them.

@Catspyjamas17 Try lemon balm. I use it instead of mint in lots of things, and it grows very well in our terrible knackered newbuild garden soil.

@MereDintofPandiculation No, my sister's looked & says it's not mint. She's been wondering for years, she digs it out, & back it comes!

I wasn't saying it's mint!

It Scrophularia nodosa, Figwort.

@MereDintofPandiculation I know you didn't, I was agreeing with you, lol!
Thank you so much for identifying it, I will whizz it straight off to my sister, she'll be thrilled! :-)

I hate the smell of bastard

Geraniums. I suppose you'll all say bastard Geraniums don't smell. That's what my mum said but I can smell the bustard things.