Overheard a rant on the bus.What ‘bastard’ things will you not have in your garden.

[florentina1]

A man behind me yesterday was ranting to his friend about “bastard lupins”Apparently his wife loves them, he hate them, and they are coming up everywhere. He was really funny, almost worthy of his own stand up routine.

For me it is fuchsia. Gladioli, hanging baskets and anything with slogans.

Hellebores, can't bear them, don't know why but the give me the creeps.

I don’t like pansies or tulips but unfortunately I have the latter in my garden from the previous owner - and they’re in red, my least favourite colour!
I feel bad about the prospect of digging them up though.

@Lightninginabox I inherited Nasturtiums in my garden from previous owners. They do exactly that, cover an area, and tend to appear later in the Summer and are flowering into October/November. No idea if they reseed or are perennials but they turn up every year. I love them.

horrible hebes
my dm bought me one

I love foxgloves, pulmonaria and nasturtiums. I suppose I have bad taste.

Bastard fuchsias - especially those pink and purple ones. The colours are so jarring, and they look like they’re made of plastic 😬

Begonias - they are just so bloody up themselves 'oh look at me I'm a begonia' horrible plasticky artificial looking creatures 😂

Begonias, urgh! The fibrous rooted ones. Huge ugly leaves with pathetic flowers-horrible

Leyland cypress, ivy, cleavers, bindweed. Hardy geraniums that take over if you ignore them for a few days, sumac, gnomes, garden screens with patterned breeze lock things, those fence panels with thin horizontal bits of wood. Plastic box balls. Lots of garden statuary, what's with Buddhas and Japanese shaped stuff or little girls with skirts fulll of flowers. Cuckoo pint, no matter how much you dig up it's back there next month next doors wild bramble a d rugosa roses. Fine in car parks, along with ceanothus

Bastard cosmos! Never had a problem with aphids until we planted some cosmos in the garden (dds choice as they were pretty). Such a severe aphid infestation that I couldn’t get rid of (I think partly because we just had too many). Also some that we planted were dwarf cosmos and there was absolutely nothing small about them! Never again.

Last year we had a mild spring and then the hot dry summer put the trees under stress, so they produced a bumper crop of seeds - it’s called a mast year.

So glad you haven't planted them but what a shame they're ready to go outside. I'd give them away to a pet free house.

Why the swearing? Am I missing something?

Yes nasturtiums will come back. Keep the seeds, they are really lovely flowers. In my humble opinion 😂😂

Nasturtium petals can also be sprinkled over a green salad to jazz it up a bit, both visually and flavour…ally… IMO they have a pleasant, mildly peppery taste, a little like rocket but without the sourness and bitterness.

How can anyone not like bluebells (native ones) and forget me nots. They are charming little flowers.

Photinia Red Robin. Tacky and garish.

Yes! I’ve often thought this. I’d love to design a Chelsea garden like that. It would have an immaculate stripey square lawn, cut to bowling green height and looking like velvet. Edged with alternating blue and white lobelia. Bright pink Pelargoniums and assorted Begonias in a neat line along the crazy paved path, and sweet peas on wigwams.

An old cast iron garden roller parked in the corner. A small greenhouse filled with tomatoes, with pots of marigolds by the door. Everything neat, regimented and ablaze with colour. I would call it ‘Grandpa’s Garden’ and it would make me feel safe, secure and want to suck my thumb.

Rock Rose - bloody unkillable, big blousy flowers that disappear off the plant at the merest hint of a breeze.
Whatever the bloody stupid ornamental grass is that my youngest loves the seed heads of - it's now spread liberally around my small garden and choking the lovely plants I want to keep.
Plastic grass - we inherited it when we bought the house. I want rid of it and it to be replaced with a non grass lawn but DH who isn't a gardener in the slightest is loathe to 🙄
The fucking huge bastardy bay tree - I'm sure when the previous owners bought it it was a lovely little ball topped tree, it's now nearly as tall as the house 😒
The silver birch at the end of our not very big garden too - again I imagine when purchased and planted a small, delicate thing...... Now bloody huge!
Camellias, they're beautiful but so bloody temperamental - hint of frost? Brown flowers that all drop off. Cut it back so we can get past it to the end of the garden? No flowers for a year! Dry summer? All the leaves going brown and dropping despite it having been watered throughout!
Ooooooooh hadn't realised how cathartic this would be 😂

My DM really despised fuchsias. She had some by the gate at the bottom of the front path and would hit them with her walking stick each time she passed. I seem to remember we cut them back from time to time, but they just returned with a vengeance!

I have both and I love them! I have a little corner at the bottom of my garden next to the shed that you can't really do anything with (other than create a flower bed and I am definitely not a gardener), so I have created a lovely little gnome garden!

You can absolutely do that - in miniature 😂

Go onto Ebay, look up 'Britains Floral Garden' and spend spend spend to your heart's delight!!
(I still have mine from when I was a kid)

Oh I know! I’ve wanted one of those for YEARS. Why wasn’t I bought one as a child? Why? Why?

Definitely lysemachia. It's so persistent it has, in places, drowned out the ground elder. I didn't think that was possible.

Also cobbles. My soil is very, very stoney - big cobbles, averaging football-sized. They are the bastard to get out, and then you have to figure out how to get rid of your enormous stone pile.

And my neighbour. She's not in my garden but her opinions sure are. She's lived in her house for Many Many Years and believes she has the right to dictate what I do. When we first moved in she couldn't believe we had the temerity to be outside in our garden, ruining her privacy while she wanted to be outside in her garden. She's actually suggested we refrain from using part of it because it makes her feel overlooked. This is slightly outing (because how many people can be this batshit?), but she likes making enormous garden bonfires at the end of her garden, and when we put a compost bin at the end of ours, she told us we ought to move it because the heat from her fire might burn it. And that'd be our fault.

Bastard morning glory.