Thread 22 Covid Cohort - Creeping towards the Future - Personal Statements and Interviews

[OrangeCinnamonCocktail]

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.

Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/4370509-Thread-21-Corona-Cohort-Nervous-waiting-so-frustrating
Role Call below
@20newnames / DS / Engineering
@Alsoplayspiccolo / DD / English + Film
@AnneofCleavage / DD / gap year? Primary Education
@BlueMarigold / DD / Biology
@crazycrofter / DD / Child (?) + Mental Health Nursing
@Decorhate / DS / Economics + Politics
@Delphigirl / DS / Oceanography
@DoggerelBank / DS / tbc sciencey
@ealingwestmum / DD / Middle Eastern and European Studies
@EerilyDisembodied / DS / History or Environmental Management
@estherfrewen / DS / History
@EwwSprouts / DS / Biology
@Fiddlersgreen / DS / Journalism
@Fruitygal / DD / Biology
@Hattifatteners / DD / Vet Med
@Heifer / DD / Biology
@Hopeful201 / DS / Medicine
@Horace123 / DS / Classics
@icanbewhatiwant / DS / History + Philosophy
@Isthisjustnormal / DS / Comp Sci
@KingscoteStaff / DD / Medicine
@mummabear74 / DD / Environmental Science
@mummyinbeds / DS / Law + French Law
@Nard75 / DS / Maths
@NCTDN / DD / Liberal Arts
@Oblomov21 / DS / Accountancy
@OrangeCinnamonCocktail / DD / Music (uni)
@PaddingtonPaddington / DD / Music (cons)
@Piggywaspushed / DS / Social sciences combo
@ProggyMat / DD / Classics
@SandyBayley / DD / Medicine
@Seeline / DD / Liberal Arts
@singingstones / DS / Neuroscience
@Wheresthebeach / DD / gap year? Marine Biology
@whoamitojudge / DD / Cabin crew training
@Zebracat / DD / Liberal Arts or Anthropology
@ZittiEBuoni / DD / applying next year

Yes, but I'm the same with my mum

Do others find their teenagers can be turned off something that would be perfect for them by parental enthusiasm?

Absolutely! The more I say DD will like something the more she says she dislikes it! I've learnt to try to play it down and say I thought you might like this but I'm not sure...

I don’t think I was the same with my Mum, altho she would have said that I was. She used to turn up with hideous clothes, convinced I was only saying no for badness. Ohdear, I hope I’m not the same ...

Do others find their teenagers can be turned off something that would be perfect for them by parental enthusiasm?

Yes, this was DD! We were discussing tattoos once and she was showing me picture she thought were nice and I was saying I still didn’t like them. She suddenly said could we stop the conversation as she didn’t actually want one but the more I said I didn’t like them the more she started to want one. I quickly shut up,

She has grown out of it now, and DS doesn’t do it. I did it a bit with my Dad.

There’s a fair bit of they don’t want to go to university as they don’t want the debt amongst some people I know here. I did used to say it is more like a graduate tax but found once set on this nothing anyone says make a difference . One lad refused to tell his Mum where he was applying, got good offers then she talked him out of it onto a trainee program where he is clearly miserable.

For those of us who invest time and energy supporting our charges with uni : a study was done by (I think) the Education Endowment Foundation a few years ago that showed that the biggest single contributor to whether a young person went on to HE and the quality of the choices they made was the involvement of parents.

It's one of the reasons why I 'play mummy' to so many sixth formers at school who get little to zero input from parents! So many parents seem to wash their hands of their children at 16 as if they are the finished product.

Same here @Piggywaspushed I volunteered to help mentor UCAS applicants at my school as I felt some were turning down really good uni offers in favour of local or less prestigious places often because of lack of knowledge about the bursaries available etc.

Though I am a big supporter of going to local unis if that suits your circumstances

Yeah, the EEF definitely have a RG agenda! Nonetheless, I think a LOT of schools stop involving parents the minute kids enter year 12. The difference between communication with parents at my own school and DS's is stark (DS's is not perfect but way better).

I know a lot of parents also step back and don’t think it’s their place to be involved in their dc’s Education beyond 16yrs, (even before that), that’s why I said ‘sometimes’. There is a Prevalent attitude on MN in particular to be ‘cool’ and as hands off as possible , wether it’s education, toxic teenage relationships, etc. Thankfully, my teens like asking our advice and discussing options available to them they don’t know about. There’s a time to sit back and let them learn from their own mistakes and there’s a time to guide and help. Education is not an area where I want to sit back and just watch.

I’m so glad to see I’m not the only parent who is like this re education and UCAS etc. School provide little help and although DS s reasonably academic he would never be proactive in looking at Unis and courses etc etc. He is always pretty grateful for help. He is an only child as we couldn’t have any more so I do sometimes think we over invest but then my parents were totally uninvolved in my education- best parents ever but they both left school at 16 and pulled themselves up from there. My grandmother who came from an extremely poor background was the cleverest woman I’ve known and could have done so much so I almost feel as though I owe previous generations to give DS the opportunities they didn’t have, if that makes sense, and I will do anything to get him through those university gates! I did an Open University degree at 40 and it was amazing.

Nonetheless, I think a LOT of schools stop involving parents the minute kids enter year 12.

Definitely my experience! Of course in an ideal world the DC are handling everything beautifully and chatting away with their parents about all their concerns, but if not - if you have a 16 yr old who is struggling and too ashamed to say so, and you only find out when they are given a U months later, and are then not allowed to talk to the subject teacher, only the year tutor, and there isn't a parents evening for the whole of Y12, it can all be a bit of a nightmare.

To be fair to DDs school, we are kept involved more than most it seems when they get to 6th form. Once there the students are sent emails but so are we (just as well as DD rarely looks at hers)...

I recently found a UCAS information document that I had forgotten we had received (end of Yr 11).. I was moaning to myself quite recently that school hasn't told us anything about the process, but they had.

I have to laugh that DD never seems to think it was me that gave her information. I know it was me that found out about Psychology being accepted when she was trying to decide what A Levels to take, but the other day she mentioned that the careers adviser had told her - same women who told her not to apply for any course above her predicted grades! Thankfully the school have told them many times since to have some above , on and below.

I know that she does appreciate it (mostly) as she has thanked me for my help and does think it strange when other parents don't seem to be involved at all - and not just schooling, their childens life really one they get to 16. They seem to think that parents don't need to know what their children are up to any more. I have backed off massively from DDs private life in a lot of ways. I don't press her to find out what is happening but I do want to know where she is going, who with and how is she getting home (and what time).

I was under the impression that schools generally wanted more parental involvement and not less.

Covid has had a massive impact on the communication we get re UCAS from school. DS1 was 3 years above at the same school and there were information evenings about UCAS and student loans. I think there are some on line presentations now but it has a very different feel.

I am active on TSR for people navigating medicine applications without much help from schools and parents, I am more appreciated by the applicants there than by my own children!

@Monkey2001 "A prophet is without honour in his own land".

@Shimy

I was under the impression that schools generally wanted more parental involvement and not less.

Varies, but our school has a college approach, so most communication is directly with the student. I only have DS's report about his predictions, parents get the newsletter but very little direct communication. We had 1 on line parents evening last year and I don't recall getting a report at all, just a grade sheet at the end of the year.

[quote Shimy]@Monkey2001 "A prophet is without honour in his own land".[/quote]
😆😆

That's very interesting. Ds's school does communicate directly with the students but they always bling copy in parents. Predictions were sent by email directly to parents although they had told students verbally.

As a parent I 100% agree shimy and as a teacher, the ideal is somewhere in between lawnmower parenting (I got a very angry email the other day just because I had gently let a parent know her very lazy 'conscientious' year 12 DS wasn't doing any homework : I was apparently destroying-singlehandedly it seems- fragile mental health in the wake of Covid...) and completely laissez faire. We have a lot of both at my place. In some ways I have more time for the lawnmower parent.

DS had parents' evening this week. It has belatedly occurred to me that that is our last ever parents' evening

I do think some people on WIWIKAU would like uni parents' evenings!!

@Monkey2001I am pretty sure you will have helped friends of DD if you are on TSR for medicine so thanks !

We have a DD who is open about school stuff and we have a close relationship with but 50% of her friends tell parents nothing and only come downstairs for meals. DH was shocked when she told him but I was not surprised. Many are still struggling with choosing unis and courses as its a lot for them to process and there is little support from the school - which is surprising as it is a Grammar (I think they assume all parents have been to uni and are supporting). The DSs sixth form college was much more proactive.

@Piggywaspushed - what is a lawnmower parent?

DS's school has only shared one grades sheet with parents since the start of year 13. That was interesting as school told parents the definitions of the grades had changed in exam years from 'working at' to 'exam grade projection on current performance' but had not told the teachers!

I like 'lawnmower parenting', haven't heard that term before. It's push and step back, push again and repeat the process. I get so irritated whenever I see a post from someone asking for genuine help re: a problem with their teen or at 6th form etc and there's always that one idiot that chips in, 'It's nothing to do with you!' a few months ago, someone was asking about universities for a particular subject and someone chipped in, 'It is not for you to influence their choices' .

Lawnmower parents are even more involved than helicopters! Helicopters hover a bit anxiously , helping out and intervening with school and life when there are issues. lawnmowers literally will not let any obstacles get in their child's way (so the parent I got the email form the other day essentially didn't want me ever to chase up homework form her DS as that is apparently unkind : a helicopter parent might do the homework for the child, or negotiate longer deadlines...) and tend to be more aggressive!

From internet:

Lawnmower parents are the newest breed of overbearing parents who are excessively involved in their children's lives. They plough ahead—micromanaging, interfering, and arranging. Their goal is to protect them from failure, disappointment, discomfort, and adversity

This kind of sums it up! (and there are lots of these on MN!)

www.healthline.com/health/parenting/lawnmower-parents#meeting-with-teachers

According to this lawnmowers do the homework for the children, so I should change my example above!