Half way through Year 13 and the last school year.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

eep.

derek It is hard to watch them shatter rather than bounce but there is nothing that you can do to change that, they are the person that they are. Exams are looming, I'd go for avoidance in the short term. If she needs the attention then maybe that needs to be actively managed through the exam period maybe along the lines of "try to do something nice for X every day". As I'm old fashioned I'd go for sending a card and buy him a book of stamps.

It is easier to prompt them when you see them for breakfast, harder for you because of boarding.

Starfleet ours are about the same age then, DS had his birthday a few weeks ago. This week he managed to organise a small group to go bowling and out for lunch and all I had to do was to pay.

knitting thanks, I think you've confirmed my feelings in the matter, in fact I suggested that he wrote her a letter yesterday! I will send him back to School with stamps though

I confess it hadn't really occurred to me to be getting practical things together for DD going in to halls! I'm sure our kitchen was fully stocked with crockery and utensils when I went, but can see that isn't the case now. Surely it is chaotic when everyone brings a set of saucepans and dinner plates. I'm guessing no one uses serving dishes...but a pan big enough to boil some pasta will take up a fair amount of space. How on earth do you decide on a happy medium?

I am sick to the gills of bloody coursework. And really cross with school that they have left it so late in the day. I finally read DD's English coursework and made a few grammatical alterations but then asked a couple of big questions which seemed to send her into a tail spin. And then I was not complimentary enough about it apparently.

And the history tutor has really dragged his feet so she still has 2000 words to write for that - all of which is taking away from revision time.

English went in some time ago, composition was done "ages ago" so here the list of things to panic about is hopefully restricted to the music performance which should play itself.

I could be cynical and think that the stocking of kitchens is another money grab. The accommodation page sells kitchen packs, bathroom packs and bedroom packs so you could easily have a kitchen with eight bottle openers, frying pans and colanders. When I went away you started off with the family cast offs, mismatched plates, an assortment of glasses and mugs that had seen better days.

nightmare Ursula :(

I've been trying to drag out dd for a walk in the sunshine, but to no avail. I'd like her to get a bit of fresh air.

knitting you are right and that's what we will be doing for most of dds stuff. It doesn't matter then if it vanishes. It's also less likely to vanish. I've got a couple of bits left from my uni days that will be going with her.

oooh I feel a spring clear out coming on!

I intend to send DD off with all my parents' stuff, but not all at once. I'm sure she can live off pot noodles and vodka for the first few days

DS1's insurance is an unconditional offer, so the chances are that he'll be going somewhere. I'm gradually buying bits and pieces that he'll hopefully find useful wherever he goes.

We don't have much in the way of spare things because we only upgrade when the old stuff has fallen apart or become unusable. We're still using items I bought when I was 22 to furnish my first flat! Our towels & pans (and more) are the ones we were given when we got married 20 years ago.

If DS1 ends up staying at home, he has three younger siblings. One of them will end up using the stuff.

Surely it is chaotic when everyone brings a set of saucepans and dinner plates.

Once they get their results and the university confirms their accommodation, it's sometimes possible to get in touch with their imminent flatmates via social media, which would be an opportunity to decide who is bringing what (if they are organised enough).

When I went away you started off with the family cast offs

We might have something to spare by the time the fourth one leaves. At the moment all of our kitchenware, bedding etc. is in regular use. If DS1 has to rely on family cast-offs then his box of stuff would be small and mostly empty.

For crockery, pans etc, I plan to send him to the local charity shops (after exams) to see if he can buy someone else's family cast-offs.

Abcesses are all removed and packed with seaweed, has to go back Tuesday to the hospital for check up
Gp appointment booked to see how we manage these health issues during exams to help dd
Oh derek hugs building resilience is hard and takes time, it’s good if he doesn’t engage with the phone and shows maturity to step away from a trigger that he knows will cause him harm, you will get throuh this I promise you as a parent of a dd who has suffered with poor MH it’s hard but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
ursula
Fully agree with you on behalf of coursework

ds is enjoying the holidays. Every day I wake him with lunch but he is very cheery, and in heaven because I actually watched an episode of the Assassination of Versace, and could discuss it with him (he has been nagging me to watch this for ages)

Ursula in mitigation, your dd will probably get a very good grade for the coursework now that she has the benefit of maturity/wider reading, and that will offset any slight dip with the revision. Whereas ds has not banked a sufficiently good grade to allow him any leeway on exams day. And of course the exams are the dicey bit, you really cannot predict how you are going to do On The Day.

Ds's life at uni is not on my radar atm. I'm hoping I can get him into a catered hall, as otherwise he will eat rubbish what he is eating at the moment, the remains of which litter around his desk-
I remember moving into a student house and having a massive argument about buying a colander with the other people there, they thought it quite unnecessary (what are pan lids for?) And that was in year 3. In the end I remember buying a blue plastic colander from the charity shop and feeling frightfully smug. Our standards were incredibly low, the idea of having a proper Pasta saucepan, my word, it was all aluminum bedsit saucepans with wonky handles. I cooked very elaborate things in spite of this, odd, now I have all I desire in the form of kitchen ware and seem to cook fry ups most of the time, whereas then I was attempting things like salmon mousse and meringues. so I must have had an eggbeater!

derek I don't think you can do anything except to wait, and if there are any safeguarding issues with her mental health, remind him that he is not responsible but another person may be? School, GP? It is a terrible burden that she is placing on him, but at the same time if he is very attached to her and genuinely cares for her, it is not suprising that he would want the best for her, but that might be (the best I mean) thinking that he is not going to be able to shoulder her problems alone. My theory is that neediness becomes less appealing as time goes on, if you can stay calm and not say anything negative about her, he will probably work it out for himself that she is bad for him.

Dd is now saying she is tired all the time (despite sleeping normal hours in hols), and I'm pondering again whether these teenage vitamin deficiencies are the cause. I need to pour B12 and B6 down her (not literally) and get some iron into her; I know she gets plenty of vit D because I dose her with that, but it has suddenly occurred to me that dd is quite fussy and possibly missing some B vitamins. She loves marmite and choc, perhaps a warning that some trace vitamins and elements ar emissing.

I'm glad it went ok Fantasy. I hope they heal quickly.

derek it sounds like your ds really is being manipulated even if unintentionally. Poor lad.

There are saucepans for Pasta?

I am very much hoping for good grades in her coursework and it is true that even 12 months brings greater maturity of thought.

Another week of half term to go. I find it quite stressful watching her revise.

DD has had a few very productive days.
French presentation completed and learned, thank goodness.
Her speaking exam is only a couple of weeks away so that has taken priority.

She's also cracked on with maths, many many past papers later and she's feeling far more confident with the dreaded core 3!
Mechanics paper is causing her timing issues - she can "do" every question and answer correctly but she's yet to finish one within the time allowed. Although she's improving each time so hopefully practise will help.
They have a mock for that paper next week and she's determined to do well in that after her core 3 disaster in January.

For history she has covered her room with posters and time lines - she knows the content extremely well, just gets the occasional date mixed up so she's making flash cards of important dates today.

I think she's looking forward to getting back to school on Monday and really cracking on with revision in lessons.

That sounds great Lobster :) She sounds on top of things.

I can't seem to get DS to learn facts. He has good knowledge on 2 of the subjects but when I ask him about things he just needs to know (dates, names, etc) he is very vague. His issue is that he has never learned how to revise. He's currently at a football match so still getting his downtime.

Hope those doing coursework get it completed soon, and those struggling with health improve soon. Such a stressful time for them.
And a pasta pan? Nope, never heard of one! Although with DS recent foray into cooking himself egg fried rice with veg, and stir fry veg with prawns and noodles, I think he can have a wok for his bday to take to uni!

flatmouse DS1 has a limited working memory and finds it hard to retain any facts or figures. He can write a good essay, but finds it difficult to memorise the necessary facts to back up his points.

DD still struggling too Ursula. I think English just needs polishing, but History is a huge problem and do is the teacher. She has written about 8,000 words so far, which is too many.

She's started looking at Maths while her brother is here to help, especially with Mechanics!

DS1 didn't do any joint cooking with his flatmates last year, nor really this year with his housemates. They have their own sets of everything. He had lots of mugs but only 2 plates, bowls etc.

He did come back from Christmas holidays to find no crockery/cutlery in his cupboard. It reappeared a few hours later

Ds1 is writing chapter summaries for his English, and flash cards for his music on key terms. I think it keeps him working but it is not really much use when it comes to tackling essays where you have to start drawing themes together, not tell "the story". Today he woke at 4pm we have given up trying to reset his clock - it makes us too bad tempered, on Tuesday he has an exam so that will be a rude awakening to "normal" hours. I suspect he will follow the clock round and stay awake until the school day starts. (just exam days)No school till the following week though, thank goodness, I am loving holidays and civilised 9am starts.
He said his Othello exam last week was the best essay he had ever written on Othello...we'll see if that is borne out by the grade

ursula pasta saucepans are very large, and have two handles. And not too heavy...ie not casserole weight.. fancy ones have internal colanders - that you can lift out...not that I have one of those, but impressive thought!

DS1: "Mum, can you quiz me on constitutional compromises? Just think of a few pertinent questions."

TheSecond I'm suddenly appreciating how lucky I am that the only help I'm being asked for is from DD2 for her Child Development course. I can do that.

chocolateworshipper DS1 very nearly did a Level 3 CACHE Diploma instead of A-levels. I've supervised two CACHE students on placements, so might actually have been able to help him.

He just asked me which I think has the most power under the US constitution: the executive, the legislature or the judiciary.