Can anybody tell me what a DO is meant to do?

[tinytotmummy]

Having a major situation here with DH, which has just ended up with him being sacked from his job.

Thanks lapin. He is Navy and he is PO. His boss is a WO. I just feel the last 5 months have been awful with one thing and another, and the next are 5 are going to be even worse when we all should be really happy. We are moving in three weeks. I know this is going to destroy dh and it will take him a long time to recover.

Where abouts is your DH?

I'm not saying that he shouldn't make a complaint. All I'm saying is be wary of taking him on alone. You said earlier he has contacts. Take some time for everyone to calm down. Sit back for a bit and see if you can get and build enough evidence to know you can get the bastard! If he's humilating others than it sounds like he's got a 'god like' complex. Will other people back up your DH? Not so sure if they will if they are scared of him. Which could leave DH high and dry.

Keep in mind giving him this crap job is a different issue to shouting at him in front of a class or will be in DO's eyes. If the DO can demonstrate a valid reason for giving him crap job, eg. saying he's not up to scrach or not pulling his weight. It could just loko like bad feeling on your DH's part. Mud sticks and all that crap.

This is a crap situation to be in. Please don't think I'm sticking up for DO as I'm not. He shouldn't be able to get away with this but am just concerned your DH may end up in the shit.

Really hope it works out good for your family in the end. x

Thanks catzy. It is kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. I don't think anyone will back dh up. Apparently the padre is well aware if the DO's "ways", as are NPFS. Seems like nobody can touch him.

See I don't think he has a valid reason for taking him out of his job, not one that he can prove. But it is how to tackle that.

Thankyou Lapin. Yes, we are lowly ratings
I can tell you his actual job and what he has been sent to do, if it would help.
at Afghanistan. Has he got much longer out there?

Absolutely!

You're right, never know who may be spying reading MN

He's AWW

I quite like it when they go away - I get so much more done, am far more organised and best of all can watch what I want on telly with no complaints. Or even better can do that and MN at the same time!

Just spoke to my DH.

Did you realise that your DH is within his rights to request another DO?

DH says it is easy to do. Your DO is meant to be someone you feel comfortable with and able to approach as this is not the case your DH could easily request.

Thanks catzy, I'll let him know. He is home now.
He said that the DO is using this week dh has had off as an excuse to get rid of him. If he hadn't have been stood down then he would have had no reason to take his job away. His DO tried to get out of the DCMO why DH had been stood down, but she told him it was confidential!!!

TTM _ there is no way that your DHs boss can sack him - he just ain't senior enough and doesn't have the clout. As long as the pay arrives in the bank each month, your DH is still employed by the RN. Is this WO your DHs boss AND his Divisional Officer, or just his boss? If the former, your DH needs to take this higher, and if the latter, then he needs to go and see his DO PDQ to get it sorted. If the DO then doesn't do his job - go higher again. The WO still takes a dump like the rest of us, and is only a WO - not God.

If the WO is doing this to to other people as well, then those who run the department will be aware, and biding their time, and writing their reports to boot. They will also want to be aware of both sides of the story. The WO is NOT untouchable, quite the reverse, and should be aware of that.

Don't quite understand the comment about your DH having a family being the root cause of the problem. They are paid to do a job, and have to do it irrespective of family commitments most of the time. I think they try to help where they can, but it isn't always possible. Don't stress yourself worrying about it, your DH only has 5 months to go...will he be doing resettlement courses first? If so, then he won't have much longer to go with this guy. If he lets the WO see that he is wound up, it will get worse, so he needs to say 'Yes WO, no WO, 3 bags full WO' and ensure that he is present, correct, and doing his job to perfection, then the WO can't pick on him; play him at his own game, which will really p**s him off.

We all get crap bosses, irrespective of rank, job, Armed Forces or Civvy Street and sometimes unfortunately, you just have to suck it up and learn the lessons of how not to treat other people.

Hi scaryteacher, thanks for your post. I was posting yesterday as things were happening, so was a bit emotional! The family comment was just me being a bit irrational. In fact, I am amazed at some of the support DH has received from other areas(the DCMO especially) because of my PND.
The WO is dh's boss and his DO. He is this morning trying to change his DO. The padre spoke to the Lt Cdr yesterday (WO's boss) and he in so many words said that if the WO was unsatisfied with DH's performance then he was fine with dh being removed from his job. Thing is, if DH hadn't have been stood down for last week he would still be instructing. There was nothing prior to this to suggest that DH's performance wasn't up to scratch. DH is trying to arrange a meeting with the WO and either NPFS or the padre so he can formally ask why he has been taken out as an instructor and sent to do this menial job. He is also going to ask for eveidence to back up whatever the DO claims.
You're absolute right, he has very little time left actually working. 2 weeks easter leave from next week, then he has a 4 week resettlement course starting end of April. Then a months summer leave before his months terminal leave means that he leaves beginning on July.
I think its sad that after spending 24 years in the Navy, this is how he gets to spend his final months. The job he loves being taken away from him, being sent to do a job that is embarrassingly below his skills and having to put up with it.

TTm. It sounds like your dh is doing the right thing...he has every right to know what evidence there is to remove him from his role like this. In addition, even if he is getting towards the end of his time, this WO is clearly out of order from what you have said, and should not be allowed to get away with this kind of behaviour on an ongoing basis. In my time in the forces there was a certain breed of WO who did seem to see themselves as untouchable because it takes a pretty senior commissioned officer to be able to discipline them formally, and most people shy away from that. The majority of WOs are excellent people and hugely experienced and hence able to advise/guide and manage very effectively. It sounds like you have one of the bad apples.

TTM - your DH needs to go and see the Lt Cdr himself....at the moment, the Lt Cdr is getting all this second hand via the Padre, and will think more of your DH fronting up and trying to sort it for himself, rather than faffing around with third parties. (Also, perhaps your DH would have been moved away from instructing by now if he is going on resettlement/leave etc, as the students need someone to teach them.) The last thing the Lt Cdr wants is to be seen as not listening/unable to run his dept/unreasonable as he is also being reported on, and all his reports will be going into the mix for promotion to Cdr, which is by selection (not automatic). If he is being a lazy git, he will not be promoted, simple.

Have had a look at my calendar, and from the look of it your DH is away from his post for leave, then back for 4 weeks, then the rest is resettlement, summer leave and terminal leave and then outside. If he is only going to be back at work for 4 weeks, then can he grin and bear it? Yes it's a shame after 24 years, but you can't let one grumpy WO spoil 24 years worth of a good career. Maybe he's jealous that your DH can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and he can't.

NY, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it, but I think he will. It is just terrible bad luck. His old boss was great, but unfortunately was posted to Afghanistan.

ST, DH did speak to the Lt Cdr yesterday, was a three way with the Padre. Sorry, didn't make myself very clear. Apparently the Lt Cdr gave the impression that if DH made a formal complaint then it wouldn't get very far, as he would be backing the WO. Despite the fact that he "supposedly" first heard of the situation from DH/Padre. They do have extra intsructors in place as DH, plus two other instructors are all going outside between now and July. When you look at it that way, it doesn't seem half as bad does it? Perhaps if the WO had chosen his words with a bit more thought we wouldn't be having this conversation!
I think he has four weeks after leave(but has a couple of two day courses during this time), then resettlement, and is then back to work for month of June? DH is a lot happier with the situation today, he's just glad he doesn't have to work with him anymore! Once he's changed DO's after leave then he won't have to see him anymore either.
He is very sad and angry man

If your DH wants to push it, he could ask for reasons in writing why he has been moved and what he is supposed to have done.

The Lt Cdr sounds a wuss - he isn't supposed to 'give impressions', he is supposed to give leadership and be clear and decisive about his actions, and what will happen with your DH and the WO. It may be that he has a word on the quiet though, as this can be very effective.

I thought you said, Easter leave, work, resettlement, summer leave and then terminal leave? Your DH just needs to go in, do the job and then come home again. He isn't chasing promotion and just needs to keep it ticking until July.

Mine leaves in 7 years unless he gets an extension. I am busy planning his retirement for him, so that we don't drive each other mad!

LL, I could tell you...

ST, sorry, just reread my prev post. I wasn't very clear. My brain works faster than my fingers, particularly as I'm typing one handed and trying to keep my 4 yo, 3 yo and 5 mo from posting for me!!!

Tis not long, and we are moving house soon too, so by the time everything is settled it will be summer before you know it! Can't wait.

LOL at you planning his retirement! Well you've got plenty of time to get it organised. I'm trying to think of things to keep DH occupied for the three months he has off before starting MPGS

Btw, you're lot are very lovely and friendly over here. I'll have to come and post on the forces board more often

That's a very bizarre situation TTM. As far as I know a DO can't demote anyone, Drafty places people in jobs and even a WO can't just override that. He could only move your DH out of an instructing post if his performance was poor but he would have been warned about that and his reports would have picked up on that long before.

Sounds personal to me and the Lt Cdr should have some more balls and be a bit more impartial, not just side with the WO.

Hope it gets sorted soon.

I agree with Sidge but from what you've said it doesn't sound like he's been demoted just given a crap job, is that right?

Glad things are looking a bit better. Few months from now and this will all be is distant memory.

Good luck x

That's right catzy, hasn't lost his rate or anything, just been sent to do a job my 4 yo could do.

Sidge, tis very personal. DH has said that the Lt Cdr has been to see the WO this afternoon. Probably to warn him about what's been happening.

NPFS are going to see if they can get a compassionate draft for DH closer to where are new house is.

Thank you all, you've all been so helpful and supportive. I love MN

Are you moving to anywhere nice? Good luck with the move!

Sorry our. Another lapse of concentration.

We are going to Cornwall. Very near one of the bases there. Lovely village about 1/2 mile from the beach.

Which one? Raleigh, or further down at Culdrose? Cornwall is where my house is, and where we'll be coming back to when the appointer sends us back to the UK.

Enjoy the relaxed pace of life, the clotted cream, the ice cream and the fact that the Cornish do it 'dreckly'. You'll understand when you get there! Do NOT eat Ginsters pasties, they are NOT pasites, they are an abomination!

If you are near Torpoint, then shout if you need advice on where things are etc. Best place on the planet to live is Cornwall, closely followed by Devon.