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Original poster

What is the worst food you ever made?

187 replies

NotQuiteCockney · 25/04/2007 21:14

Mine: banana guacomole. When I was first making guacomole, before I'd learned that you always open the avocadoes first, to be sure they're usable, I'd prepped up everything, got ready to add avos, and they were rock hard.

So I tried subsituting banana. On the basis that bananas are a bit like avocadoes. (They are high cal, and ripen off the vine.)

It was gross.

OP posts:
DaisyMOO · 27/04/2007 14:57

I spent all morning making fresh pasta and then made a spinach and cream cheese sauce with pine nuts to go with it. I like all those ingredients separately but together they were the most disgusting thing I'd ever tasted

casbie · 27/04/2007 15:28

daisy moo - sauce needs garlic to make it taste better!

oh and don't forget to squeeze the water out of the spinich.

DaisyMOO · 27/04/2007 15:32

I'll ahve to take your word for it because I have no intention of trying it again

CristinaTheAstonishing · 27/04/2007 15:35

Chinese spring rolls. That was about 15 years ago and I totally lost my cooking confidence for years afterwards. Understandable as eating the paper wasn't much fun.

margoandjerry · 27/04/2007 15:35

Am having to do a weird muttley style laugh-smother while reading this thread. Am at work and SUPPOSED to be reading about pensions....

My grandma once made a yorkshire pudding but had no flour so used Horlicks powder instead - we had a strangely malty roast dinner

I recently tried to make the almond soup with garlic and grapes that I had in Spain. It's a chilled soup, like gazpacho. It was so delicious when I was sitting in the sun drinking lovely chilled wine and looking at the view. It was so disgusting in my small flat in rainy London

CristinaTheAstonishing · 27/04/2007 15:38

Some of the concoctions on this thread sound awful. I loved Astrophe's dinner for friends

Astrophe · 27/04/2007 15:47

glad it was good for something then christina! I meant to say, I had mixed up the bicarb and icing sugar jars (in case it wasn't obvious) and that DH got the job!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 27/04/2007 15:50

Astrophe - have you invited them since? More to the point, have they accepted another invitation?

schneebly · 27/04/2007 15:52

When I was about 10 I wanted to try making pizzas so my mum bought me a pizza base and said I could put whatever I liked on it (for my dad) I spread the top with tomato puree and lots of garlic puree sprinkled a little bit of cheddar on and added some stringy pork from the fridge that I later found out my mum had kept for the dog.

My dad has never eaten another pizza!

MrsSpoon · 27/04/2007 15:52

splutter< (literally I'm drinking tea) @ the plaster of paris pie, that's fantastic!

When DH and I were going out with each other he was at my parents house and my Mum was having a friend over for dinner so was not cooking for us she said "just make something for the two of you quickly", I asked what I should make and she said "there's some fresh tagliatelli and some sausages in the fridge" so that's exactly what I made, boiled the tagliatelli and grilled the sausages, it was a vile combination.

edam · 27/04/2007 18:41

When I went to university, I couldn't cook. When it was my turn to feed my housemates, I looked in a cookery book, followed all the instructions for veggie curry. Then my hand shook as I tipped in cornflower. Cue wallpaper paste curry. Looked horrendous, tasted even worse. AND blocked the drains even though I took the pan outside to avoid blocking the sink!

Dh once tried to make tagliatelle Alfredo with cream cheese and walnuts (a dish I had learnt how to cook) for some friends. No soured cream so the daft so and so used whipping cream and Pure Lemon Juice stuff (a bit like Jif but more concentrated). Oh God, that was the worst thing I've ever tried to eat. What made it particularly painful was that the friends were Parisien...

lazycat · 27/04/2007 18:53

I once tried to bake a cake and forgot the eggs

Moomin · 27/04/2007 19:09

at uni we invited one of the lecturers round for dinner and tried ti impress him. My house-mate made boiled potatoes mixed with peanuts served with toast (a drier meal has never been tasted - it was stuck to the roof of our mouths like cement) and I was sat there all smug because I'd made a faaaaaaaabulous pudding; one of my own inventions, dontcha know: sweet lasagne, made with fruit, layers of lasagne, spread with apricot jam, and custard instead of the white sauce. Was preening as we served it. Doesn't even bear thinking about what our lecturer must have been thinking.

OMG

Anonymama · 27/04/2007 19:12

Sardine curry (tinned sardines & curry sauce).

Straight to the bin...

yomellamoHelly · 27/04/2007 19:23

Organic food box inspired this one.
Had sprout tops and were stuck what to do with them so found recipe on 'net for tops with polish sausage and mustard. Was a total assault on the taste buds and we barely touched it. Worst thing was there was loads left and in a fit of self-delusion we stuck it in the fridge. Went mouldy in there before we finally chucked it.

stleger · 27/04/2007 20:08

If anyone has seen the duck drowning part of About a Boy - that's my brown bread!

stripeybumpsmum · 27/04/2007 20:10

Very expensive whole fish cooked in sauce for which I had to buy every specialist ingredient at some cost. Great, except I forgot to scale the fish first. Or gut it. Hmm, crunchy. Hmm, sloshy. Hmm vomit.

Original poster
NotQuiteCockney · 27/04/2007 21:49

Sweet lasagne sounds like a good idea to me ...

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 27/04/2007 23:30

"If anyone has seen the duck drowning part of About a Boy - that's my brown bread!"

I haven't read the book, but isn't that the case with all home-made brown bread? I took my latest attempt to the ducks last week and the poor things couldn't swim fast enough before it sank straight to the bottom of the lake. I gave up in shame after a couple of throws. My DD couldn't understand why we had to make a hasty retreat and throw the rest in the bin.

HarrassedDad · 28/04/2007 09:43

Egg soup was not a success.

tjacksonpfc · 28/04/2007 10:33

a friend of ours couldnt cook at al and tried to make a shepards pie i dont know what he done but when we went round another friends ds who was 4 said mummy i dont like mash with soup on it

TheArmadillo · 28/04/2007 10:35

when me and dp were about 18 and first living together he decided to cook me a surprise breakfast. I got up when I heard the smoke alarms to see what had happened.

He was in the kitchen with a frying pan that had a black mass at the bottom. Apparently they were eggs. God knows how long he'd been cooking them for - they were completely unrecognisable.

I told him I appreciated the effort, but I wasn't going to eat them.

TheArmadillo · 28/04/2007 10:38

Remembered some more - pork chops with pear and blue cheese.

Don't the combination of cooked pear and blue cheese tastes rank. It makes it all taste gone off.

Bleurgh.

Dp made a lovely fish dish with rice once, but for a dressing he decided to add fresh mint - a garden full! It was like eating toothpaste and of course he had covered everything in it so it was completely inedible to me at least.

Dp is not a very good cook - I keep encouraging him and its fine as long as he doesn't get too erm 'creative'.

SelfishMoo · 28/04/2007 18:05

Love some of these (or rather - not, IYSWIM!)
I remember years ago making some chocolate and nut brownies - no funny ingredients, followed the recipe carefully. The smell as they cooked was v. encouraging, and they looked great. Carefully turned them out to cool. Unfortunately, turned them onto the chopping board....... by the time we tried them, they were completely impregnated with the additional flavours of onion and garlic....
Ooooh, and made a 'key lime pie' thing in a hurry once as an old college frined was coming for supper. Didn't have time to chill the biscuit base properly, so that it went a bit peculair when I poured the slightly warm topping onto it - turned into a sort of 'key lime porridge' thing. Tasted OK, but looked foul. Bless him, our friend ate loads....

pelvicflawed · 28/04/2007 19:31

My delicious (?) student receipe for cabbage with grated cheese was pretty horrible (a veggie main meal). To this day any meal that involves a tin of tomatoes as its base is called slop - DH comes home what we having for tea - slop!mmmm (of course there is pasta slop, curry slop, chilli slop - the list goes on)